


A Lion in the Winter

by AliKat7



Series: The Lion and the Wolves [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Family Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-08 13:02:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 148,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliKat7/pseuds/AliKat7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deirdre is a Lannister, Jon is part of House Stark. They weren't supposed to be together but love has a mind of its own. When things fall apart, Robb has to protect the honor of their house no matter who it hurts. Can a woman truly love two men? Jon/OFC, Robb/OFC AU story - TV based.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N This is definitely 100% show, not book based, and its an AU at that. Please don't flame me! This is my first Game of Thrones fic and its been awhile since I written anything at all. If you're one of my Leverage fic readers, don't worry, I'll be updating those stories soon too! (welcome back Muse!) I hope you enjoy and please review :)
> 
> In later chapters (during the war a bit) the 100% show shifts a bit to 50/50 show/books since I have to do bookverse for S3.

 

Truth be told, Deirdre reveled in the fact that they were away from King’s Landing.  She had once thought coming to the capital would be exciting but it proved to be just like life in Casterly Rock, except now there were more people of noble houses to treat her with disregard or flat out hostility, behind the veil of good manners. So when King Robert decided to travel to Winterfell, Deirdre asked to accompany them as she had frequently wished she could travel to the other realms.

 

A Lannister by birth, Deirdre always felt like she belonged to a different house due to the way she was treated by her family, except Tyrion. If it weren’t for Tywin’s deep affection for his cousin’s widow, her mother of House Brax, she was quite sure Cersei would have murdered her upon her arrival in King’s Landing or at least have sent her away. The Queen looked at her like she was the bastard child of a low born. Jaime was kind enough to her. Well, as kind as Jaime was capable of being. Deirdre grew very fond of Tyrion in her time in the capital though. He treated her like a lady in front of others but would frequently forget himself when they were alone and tell her stories unfit for a high born lady to hear. But they also talked of the books he had read and the history of the Westeros. Tyrion and she shared the outcast feeling, since his father treated him so badly and her mother wished she had not existed.

 

Recently widowed by her much older husband, Deirdre had been sent to court to hopefully find a suitable match for her. She was still young, only a few years older than the prince, her marriage not lasting a full year before her husband fell ill and succumbed to a fever. Deirdre hadn’t wanted to marry her husband. He was a vile man but it was a political move on Tywin’s part. Her skin crawled when he touched her, which he did too often for her liking. He had bedded her like a whore, filth and profanities pouring from his lips and she learned to pretend she was elsewhere until he was finished. Her mother’s dislike for her had shown in allowing that marriage.

 

Cersei seemed more short-tempered than normal on the journey so Deirdre tried to stay on her good side by helping out with Princess Myrcella and Prince Tommen. Their arrival in Winterfell was a relief as she could finally escape such close quarters with the queen.

 

The Starks greeted them in the courtyard as a light snow began to fall. Deirdre noted Winterfell’s sturdy structure was older than anything she’d ever seen, literally thousands of years old. Despite the cold the trees still had their leaves and even some flowers bloomed. Everyone in Winterfell gathered to receive them, bowing low when King Robert rode in. Deirdre watched the king greet Lord Stark not as one of his lords but as his oldest friend. While they talked, she observed the Stark family with interest.  Lady Catelyn Stark smiled at her children with affection as the king went down the line. Deirdre couldn’t help noticing the Stark’s handsome oldest son. Though, unlike her cousin Joffrey, she didn’t openly stare at them as he was doing to the oldest daughter.

 

Deirdre accepted a hand from one of the Kingsguard and dismounted, walking up as Cersei introduced her children to Lady Stark. Princess Myrcella smiled up at her, saying, “And this is one of my cousins, Lady Deirdre of Casterly Rock.” Cersei and her maids rushed to usher the children in the hall, where it was warmer.

 

“Lady Stark, thank you for your hospitality,” Deirdre bowed her head. “The North is beautiful country. I’ve never seen snow falling so early in the year.”

 

Chuckling, Lady Stark nodded. “Snow falls year round here, even in the summer. But at least the sun is shining.” She gestured to her oldest children and their ward from the Iron Island. “Robb, Theon, Sansa, this is Lady Deirdre of House Lannister.” Robb and Theon appeared to be the same age as her and while Robb behaved honorably, Theon openly stared at her to the point it made her blush. What made it even more uncomfortable was the fact that Deirdre’s father died during Theon’s father’s rebellion. She did not blame Theon, of course, but it was difficult to not feel strange towards him. Thankfully, Robb noticed and quickly introduced her to his younger siblings, Arya, Bran, and Rickon, as a distraction.

 

“Sansa, why don’t show Deirdre to her chambers?” their mother requested, while rushing off to attend to the queen after the king and Lord Stark disappeared into the crypts.

 

“Where’s the Imp?” Arya blurted out when her mother left. Sansa promptly shot her sister a look of annoyance, causing Deirdre to laugh.

 

“My cousin, Tyrion, is…” Deirdre knew Tyrion visited the brothel outside of Winterfell but knew it would be unladylike to be honest. “He’ll be along shortly I’m sure.” She bent down to speak softly to Arya. “I wouldn’t call him the Imp to his face though. He’s a little sensitive about that.” The girl smirked when Deirdre winked at her.  Suddenly realizing that Theon and Robb were still standing there waiting, along with another man their age, Deirdre turned to find Sansa making funny faces at Robb.

 

“Lady Deirdre, this is our brother, Jon. Jon Snow,” Robb said with a nod to Jon. Half-brother, she remembered, Ned Stark had a bastard son named Jon.

 

He was taller than her but not as tall as Robb and a more solid build. His curly hair was dark but it was his gray eyes that captivated her: such pain and gentleness in them despite his shy smile. “It’s an honor,” he said with a bowed head.

 

“My lord,” Deirdre smiled. “You’re all such gracious hosts. And Winterfell is so beautiful. It’s nice to be away from the capital and the court.”

 

“I’d love to live in the capital,” Sansa said, dreamily.

 

“It seems more fun than it is. I grew up in Casterly Rock and it’s very different. So many people in King’s Landing and it seems like everything is too close together, sometimes it feels hard to breathe.”

 

“Winterfell is glad to welcome you,” Robb said. After a moment he pulled on Theon’s arm, saying, “We’ll see you at dinner, my lady.” Arya and Jon followed them and Sansa led her inside. Deirdre couldn’t help glancing back at Jon and was pleased when she caught him watching her as well.

 

“I love your hair,” the younger girl blurted out after a few moments of quiet. “And your dress.”

 

Deirdre smiled, glancing down at her deep red velvet gown with gold trim, and said, “It’s styled like it is in the South. As I said, Kings Landing is very different from here, I mean, the clothes and the hair styles. They’re different from Casterly Rock as well. I wish I was blessed with hair such a unique color as you and Lady Stark.”

 

Sansa blushed prettily, pulling on a lock of hair. Deirdre isn’t versed much in hairstyles or clothing for that matter. She wore what she was given to wear by others who knew such things and handmaids did her hair in fancy designs. When she came to Kings Landing, the queen sent a tailor to make her clothing fitting of the capitol, saying she looked like a lesser house and was an embarrassment to the name Lannister. Cersei made certain that her wardrobe showed off the extent of their riches, not willing to have a relative in her care be mistaken for a commoner or of a lower house.

 

Apparently Deirdre had no sense when it came to fashion or what makes a woman more attractive. Anything that required someone to help her put on seemed a ridiculous waste of time. But when she told her mother her opinion, it had earned her a slap so she kept her opinion to herself about fashion after that. She knew she was pretty by the way men stared at her but frankly she didn’t really care about most things ladylike.

 

Realizing that Sansa was still talking about clothing and hair, she forced herself to pay attention and nod with interest as the girl led her to her room in the guest quarters.

 

~*~

 

Dinner was a rowdy affair as was typical when King Robert was present. He was his normal self and had serving wenches on either side much to Lady Stark’s clear discomfort. Deirdre had been seated beside Robb Stark, who continued to pour her more wine than she she knew she should drink, while telling her stories.

 

“We found the dead direwolf returning to Winterfell.  It had been killed by the antlers of its prey apparently. But it was a huge creature, I’ve never seen anything like it, bigger than even our horses,” Robb told her, explaining finding his wolf pup.

 

“That’s not possible,” Deridre laughed. “Wolves aren’t that big, even in the north.”

 

“It was a direwolf, my lady, not just any wolf.” Theon interjected, from the other side of Robb where he gazed at her while nursing more cups of wine than even she had. She had tried to ignore his eyes on her all night as if she stood naked before him. He also gave her creepy smiles that she was sure he thought made himself irresistible.

 

“Direwolves aren’t found south of the wall so, as you can imagine, it was a surprise. Then we found the pups. There were six of them, one for each of us. Grey Wind is smart, already half trained and he’s the biggest of them all. Perhaps tomorrow you can see him.” Robb smiled warmly at her and she nodded.

 

At one point in the night, the queen motioned Deirdre to her table. “Excuse me, my lord,” Deirdre said to Robb with a smile. He returned her smile and she struck by how handsome he was: perhaps not as handsome as Jon Snow, but very handsome indeed. The wine had gone to her head and her cheeks flushed at her thoughts. Turning, she made her way to the Queen’s table quickly and bowed her head to her cousin. “Yes, Your Grace?”

 

“Find my brother,” Cersei demanded and when Deirdre asked which one, she snapped, “Jaime, of course.”

 

Quickly scanning the busy hall, Deirdre saw that Jaime was not amongst the Kingsguard there. Unlike Kings Landing, the atmosphere in Winterfell was relaxed and the Kingsguard wasn’t as cautious as normal, which explained Jaime’s absence.

 

Assuming he went after Tyrion, Deirdre walked towards the doors leading outside. The cold wind hit her flushed cheeks and she realized how warm the hall was. She took a deep breath, enjoying the clean and crisp fresh air. Kings Landing’s air was a mix of the sea and too many people. Hearing men talking she walked in that direction and found her cousin talking to Jon Snow, who stood at the practice dummy, lowered sword in hand. Judging from the look on Jon’s face, Jaime was being his normal charming self.

 

“Cousin,” she called out as she continued to walk to the two men. When Jaime turned to her, she explained, “The queen requests your presence in the great hall.”

 

“Such demanding women, Lannisters are,” Jaime teased and squeezed her shoulder as he strode past her.

 

Jon said nothing and, after a moment, looked away nervously. She could tell Jaime had upset him and felt the overwhelming urge to comfort him. Something in his eyes called out to her and she found herself stepping close to him, the wine making her more bold than normal. “Forgive my cousin’s manners. He is rather cold and cruel at times.” When Jon’s eyes met hers she smiled. “He thinks anyone who isn’t a Lannister is beneath him.”

 

“I’m used to it. I’ve always been considered beneath everyone.” Jon shrugged.

 

“I do not think what family you come from or the manner of your parentage is determines who you are. Great men have brought fools into the world or had fools for parents. It’s not determined by where you come from but by your actions.”

 

Jon shrugged again and, after a moment, said, “I wish others thought as you do, my lady.”

 

“Please, call me Deirdre,” she said softly placing her fingers on his hand and causing a chill to run through her which made her shiver slightly. Coming straight from the great hall to outside, she hadn’t grabbed a cloak or a fur.

 

“Are you cold?” Jon asked, hastily removing his cloak and when she nodded, he placed it around her shoulders. She watched him as he fastened it. His movements brought them very close together and she felt an overwhelming desire to touch him. She briefly wondered if his lips would be cold on hers. That thought led to wondering if he tasted like snow falling softly around them. Her thoughts caused her to blush deeply.

 

“Thank you. I hope you won’t be too cold. But I think you’re more used to this weather than I am. And I’ve had far too much wine, thanks to your brother.” She glanced around before asking, “Perhaps we could go for a walk. The hall is so loud and I’m enjoying the peace and quiet out here. It will probably clear some of my wine-muddled thoughts.”

 

“Won’t you be missed inside?”

 

“Doubtful,” she shook her head and out of the corner of her eye saw a flash of white fur.

 

“Ghost,” Jon said sharply, startling her as something brushed against her. “He won’t hurt you. He’s just protective.”

 

Deirdre held out her hand for the direwolf pup to smell and, after a moment, gently pet his head. Smiling, she ran her hand over his thick fur. “He’s beautiful.”

 

“So are you,” Jon said, clearly without thinking, because he looked surprised that he said it aloud, then blushed furiously and looked away. They stood silently for a few minutes, Deirdre petting Ghost and Jon probably trying to think of something to say to lessen his embarrassment. He cleared his throat and said, “I’m not sure if it’s proper for us to walk alone, at night…”

 

“I don’t see any harm in it. Ghost will protect us,” Deirdre said with a laugh. “Besides, I don’t want to go back inside yet, and I would love to see the Godswood.”

 

Jon sheathed his sword and nodded. “I supposed Ghost could be considered a proper chaperone. If you’re sure you won’t be missed?”

 

“I’m sure. Besides, your Lord Stark’s son. No one will question your honor.”

 

Jon laughed out loud at that. “Your view of the world is optimistic.”

 

They walked with Ghost trailing them and she finally asked, “Why weren’t you at dinner?”

 

“Lady Stark feared it would offend the King and Queen were the bastard son to join them.”

 

“That’s ridiculous,” she blurted out. “If someone like Theon Greyjoy can sit at the table, I don’t see how you could be offensive.” Jon just looked at her for a long time then shook his head.  “I did not mean to be rude, my lord,” she added quickly.

 

“You weren’t and, if you wish me to call you Deirdre, you must call me Jon.” 

 

“Jon,” she said with a smile.

 

He took her to the Godswood and Deirdre walked toward the heart-tree. Her fingers traced the outline of the face carved in the wood of the weirwood tree.

 

“Do you know the history of the Old Gods?” Jon asked.

 

Deirdre shook her head. “Only some. My tutoring didn’t include much of the other faiths and lands. I learned some, on the journey here, from my cousin Tyrion. He explained to me what the faces in the trees were.”

 

“The Old Gods were worshipped by the Children of the Forest before the First Men arrived. They were here long before the Faith of the Seven. The heart trees allow the Old Gods to see their worshipers.” A light breeze was blowing and he pointed to the leaves above. “And the winds are the Gods speaking back.”

 

“And what do they say?” she asked, fascinated.

 

“It depends on the person,” he replied. “Each follower would hear a different thing.”

 

Deirdre didn’t ask what he heard, fearing offending him. When he knelt before the heart tree, she walked toward the pool of water nearby. The moonlight reflected on the water and gave the area of the grove nearest the heart tree a warm glow. Deirdre stood watching Jon though lowered lashes, not wishing to intrude on his prayers. When he turned to her, she lifted her gaze and found his so intense, she couldn’t look away. She’d never felt this feeling and was unsure if it was real or just the wine. Her heart sped up when he walked to her, his gaze never faltering. Without thinking, Deirdre reached out and touched his lips with her fingertips when he was close enough and smiled at their warmth. She then moved her hand to his cheek. His skin felt warm under her fingertips.

 

Jon placed his hand on her waist, drawing her close to him. After a moment he lowered his eyes and started to step away. “Forgive me. I shouldn’t have…”

 

Deirdre raised her other hand to his shoulder, keeping him close to her.  “You have done nothing to forgive,” she whispered, a smile teasing the corners of her mouth. “Unless you don’t wish me to touch you, then it is I who should apologize.”

 

They gazed into each other’s eyes for a long time in silence. Deirdre took a shaky breath and whispered with blunt honesty, “I suddenly feel like I’ve walked into a dream. I do not understand these feelings and desires for a man who is practically a stranger.”

 

“I’ve often prayed to the Gods to find someone who understood me, who saw me for who I was not who my name said I was.”

 

“I see you as a beautiful man with eyes that show your true nature: caring, brave, and honorable. You will always be better than what anyone thinks you are, Jon. You are bound for greatness.”

 

“You see all of that in my eyes?” Jon leaned his face into her palm, returning his hand to her waist.

 

Her heart racing, Deirdre leaned forward as he bent down to kiss her. At first he was tentative, unsure, but when her hands moved around his neck and her mouth opened to his, his kiss grew more passionate. Despite the cold, Deirdre felt warmth spread throughout her as Jon gathered her in his arms. His tongue slid into her mouth, searching for hers and he moaned when she rubbed her tongue against his. He tasted like winter but his mouth was scorching hot.

 

It felt like the world melted away and it was just the two of them. Deirdre didn’t care if it was proper, nor did she care if she appeared brazen or unladylike. She felt alive for the first time in a long time. And this was the first time she had ever felt passion in her life. Her fingers buried in his dark curls as he kissed her until she couldn’t breathe. When the kiss ended, the only sound was them breathing deeply. A moment passed and Deirdre smiled, kissing him lightly before saying, “So you’re not opposed to me touching you, I assume.”

 

Chuckling, Jon trailed his hands up and down her back. “I feel wicked. If we were seen, well, I don’t think either my family or yours would approve of this.”

 

“Then it is a good thing they are not here.” Deirdre kissed him again, unwilling to let the spell be broken. Jon’s lips were eager against hers and he buried his hands in her hair, crushing her against his hard muscular chest. Her thoughts whirled and made no sense, causing her to feel dizzy. She leaned into Jon, allowing him to steady her. His lips moved down her neck and she moaned, tugging his hair.

 

Ghost growled, startling her and Jon turned away, following the wolf’s gaze. It wasn’t until then that Deirdre heard men’s voices and loud laughter a short distance away. They couldn’t see the men so it was unlikely they had been seen but Jon pulled her into the shadows anyway.

 

“We should return before we’re caught,” he whispered, still holding her close to him.

 

Deirdre nodded and mentally cursed the men intruding on them. “Meet me here later tonight,” she whispered and kissed him again. Jon’s tongue massaged hers as they kissed urgently.

 

Breaking away, Jon shook his head. “It’d be too difficult for you to leave your room without being seen. Servants frequently walk the guest halls in case anyone needs them.” He was quiet a moment before saying, “Tomorrow there’s a hunt.”

 

“Aren’t you going?”

 

“No. But all the other men are. We could go riding, if you wish.”

 

“I wish it,” she smiled pulling him close for a quick kiss. “I suppose I should return. It sounds like people are starting to leave the great hall.” But she couldn’t pull herself away from him though and Jon kissed her again. The men’s voices sounded closer so Jon broke the kiss reluctantly. Deirdre quickly smoothed her hair back into place before they stepped out of the shadows, walking some distance apart. Jon kept glancing at her, making her flush hot again.

 

“You need to stop looking at me like that if you do not want anyone to know what we were just doing,” she said under her breath then giggled.

 

“I’m trying to convince myself it was real and not just a dream.”

 

Deirdre reached over and pinched his arm. When he flinched, she laughed and said, “Not a dream.” Walking faster to avoid retribution, she put more distance between them. She wasn’t prepared to come face-to-face with Theon Greyjoy and stopped suddenly, causing Jon to almost run into her.

 

“There you are. Robb and I were beginning to worry about you.” Theon looked at Jon suspiciously.

 

“Jon was showing me the Godswood. I heard about it and wanted to see it,” Deirdre said a little too quickly. Turning to Jon, she added with a smile, “Thank you for accompanying me. It is a magical place.”

 

“I’ll take you back to the hall,” Theon said, holding out his arm to her.

 

Deirdre didn’t want to be rude but she most definitely didn’t want to take his arm. Unfastening Jon’s cloak, she pulled it from her shoulders and handed it to Jon. “And thank you for helping to keep me warm.”

 

Jon smirked, barely restraining a laugh at her not so subtle remark, as he took the cloak back. “It was my pleasure, Lady Deirdre, to spend time in your company.”

 

Turning from him at last, Deirdre winked at Jon, who Theon was now studying curiously, before she walked swiftly into the hall. The hall felt too warm with so many people in there.

 

Jaime walked up beside her and placed his hand on her elbow and pulling her aside away from prying ears. “Dearest cousin, you best be careful not to disappear too often.”

 

“The wine went to my head and it was too hot in here. I needed some fresh air…”

 

Jaime studied her long and hard, causing Deirdre to look down, knowing that he’d see the guilt on her face. “Fix your hair,” he said and waited while she did, then handed her a cup of something cold. “Press this to your lips. They’re swollen.” He stood there a moment before shaking his head.

 

“It’s not what you think,” she began but his look made it clear that he was not amused and she dared not continue that sentence.

 

“A Lannister does not _lie_ with a _bastard_ from the North,” he whispered sternly. “Do not even let it cross your mind.”

 

“I didn’t!  I wouldn’t…it was just a walk and Jon behaved honorably.” Deirdre insisted and Jaime raised an eyebrow. She noticed Cersei studying them intently from across the room and tears filled her eyes, worrying that Jaime would say or do something to Jon. Raising her gaze to his, she pleaded, “We did nothing wrong. _Please_ , Jaime.”

 

He watched her for a moment, then sighed.  Placing his hands on her shoulders, he said in a low voice, “You’re young, beautiful, no longer innocent, and from the richest house in Westeros. That puts you in a vulnerable place, dear cousin, so have a care lest you make a mistake you cannot undo.”

 

Deirdre nodded and he placed a kiss on her forehead before returning to the head table. Cersei glared at her with complete loathing. Deirdre lowered her eyes and blinked back the tears that burned her eyes. After taking a moment to regain her composure, she headed toward her table. The music and drink combined had caused many to rise to dance and Tyrion caught her on the way by, pleading she dance with him, knowing she wouldn't refuse him.

 

After Tyrion, Robb asked her to dance. The next couple of hours were spent dancing and talking with the Stark children and their friends. Deirdre even danced with Theon Greyjoy but only once. She much preferred talking to Arya and Robb than Theon or even Sansa and her friends since they had nothing in common.

 

But her mind was really on the one Stark child that wasn’t there.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Deirdre couldn’t help but smile about last night as she lingered in bed. She knew it was later than she normally rose, but the feast hadn’t ended until the early morning hours. The furs on her bed reminded her of Ghost’s soft coat, which further reminded her of Jon. Her handmaiden, Caron, peeked in the room quietly.  
  
“Oh, you’re awake, my lady. I didn’t want to disturb you. You seemed exhausted after the feast last night.”  
  
“Between the long journey and the feast, I was more tired than I realized. But I have plans today so I should rise. I’m going riding so I’ll need one of my warmer dresses, please.” Caron nodded and began looking through her trunks. When Deirdre saw her put aside a rich deep purple one, she said, “That one.”  
  
“This one? It’s not really suitable for riding my lady.”  
  
Caron held it up and Deirdre nodded again. Even with the little bit she knew about fashion, she knew it was rather flattering on her, form fitting through the bodice with a scooped neck that showed just enough skin without being inappropriate. Today, she felt like taking special care on her appearance.  
  
After her bath, she dressed but when Caron when to fix her hair, she shook her head. “I prefer it loose today, except pulling up the sides.” She considered her hair one of her best features, long and thick golden tresses.  
  
“Normally you do not care about such things.” Caron smiled as she followed her bidding. “Perhaps it is Lord Stark’s handsome son that you wish to look beautiful for?”  
  
“Perhaps.” Deirdre smirked, mischievously. She knew Caron meant Robb but she didn’t specify which son she referred to so Deirdre’s didn’t correct her.  
  
When Caron brought her leather gloves and a thick, hooded cloak trimmed with fur, Deirdre hoped it would be warm enough for riding. She draped them over her arm and went downstairs to the great hall. The room was mostly empty except a few women of the house. One of them told her the men were preparing for the hunt and the children of the house were with Septa Mordane, so she went outside.  
  
The courtyard was full of men in various stages of preparation.  Seeing Tyrion, dressed for the hunt, and standing with The Hound, she walked in his direction. She smiled at the slightly nauseous look on his face.  “Good morning, Ser.” She nodded her head in the directly of the Hound, a gesture he returned. Bending down, she kissed Tyrion on the cheek. “Cousin, do you intend to go with them? You do not appear well.”  
  
“I’ll be fine. Or I’ll fall off my horse and be trampled to death. Don’t worry,” Tyrion muttered.  
  
With a smile, she said, “Please don’t do that. I’m rather fond of you at times.”  
  
“At times?? I thought I was always your favorite!” Tyrion exclaimed indignantly.  
  
“Just because you’re always my favorite, does not mean that I’m _always_ fond of you. Some of your less charming traits are, well, less charming.”  
  
Theon appeared at her side and took her hand, bringing it to his lips. “Good morning. You’re looking quite lovely this beautiful day, my lady.” The action surprised Deirdre and she was dumbfounded at first, before she snatched her hand away.  
  
“It must be uncomfortable for you to receive such attention of the son whose father's rebellion led to your father’s death,” Tyrion said, sliding off the bench on which he had been lounging on and coming to stand beside Deirdre.  
  
“It could have been his father or his brother’s orders that led to the death of your father. Yet he stands before you as if it were nothing,” Sandor said. His response, while true, was a cruel jab that caused Theon to flush red in anger and embarrassment.  
  
“I do not blame Theon for my father’s death. I just felt…” Deirdre began but trailed off realizing there wasn’t a polite way to discourage him from any future attention to her. Even if his father wasn’t Lord Greyjoy, she’d have a problem with Theon, but she didn’t want to be cruel, especially in front of The Hound and his cousin.  
  
“I didn’t know, my lady,” Theon muttered, his voice tight with anger. His gaze didn’t meet hers.  
  
“Is something wrong?” Robb came up behind her, his eyes moving between her face and Theon's.  Neither of them spoke for a moment, and Deirdre could feel the tension filling the air.  
  
“No, it’s nothing. Just a misunderstanding,” Deirdre replied to avoid giving either her cousin or Sandor the opportunity to answer for her. “Forgive me if I was rude, Theon.”  
  
“It is not you who should ask forgiveness, cousin.” Tyrion’s gaze shot daggers at Theon. “ _You_ did nothing wrong.”  
  
Just wanting an end to the conversation, Deirdre glared at her cousin to silence him. Tyrion glared back before he stormed off, whereupon Sandor nodded to her and followed Tyrion. Understandably, the Lannisters held no love for the Ironborn, but Deirdre was surprised by Tyrion’s anger being directed at Theon so cruelly. As much as she didn’t like Theon, she didn’t feel it was warranted for him to be blamed for the actions of Balon Greyjoy. Before she could say anything, Theon stalked off as well leaving Robb watching her in confusion.  
  
“My apologies for my cousin’s behavior. He took offense to Theon speaking to me. It’s nothing personal against him. It’s just the Lannisters are still bitter about The Greyjoy Rebellion,” Deirdre explained. “And my father died defending Lannisport.”  
  
Robb’s gaze softened and he reached out and grasped her elbow. “I’m sorry. I know that must be hard for you. I will tell Theon to keep his distance from you.”  
  
“No, that’s not necessary. It’s been many years and we were all only children when it happened. We cannot hold each other at fault for our fathers’ actions years ago. If that were true, Theon would hate you and your siblings.”  
  
Robb nodded and then, probably in an effort to lighten the mood, he smiled. “Would you like to meet Grey Wind before we leave?”  
  
“Yes, I would very much so.”  
  
Robb led her to two wolf pups chained near the stables. He bent down and, looking up at her, stroked the smaller wolf’s fur. “This is Lady, Sansa’s wolf, and this big beast is Grey Wind.” Grey Wind studied her for a long time before smelling her outstretched hand. At last he seemed to accept her, but she didn’t attempt to pet him. Lady nuzzled her hand instantly, less hesitant of Deirdre. Robb continued to rub Grey Wind until he lay down at his feet. “Father doesn’t think it's wise to bring them on the hunt with us. The hounds and horses are wary around the direwolves, especially Grey Wind.”  
  
“I can see why. He’s beautiful, but don’t you worry having wild animals as pets, especially around Bran and Rickon?”  
  
“No, they’re trained to protect us and to follow our commands. None of them would show aggression towards my brothers and sisters because they know they are guarded by their littermates,” Robb explained, reaching out to pet Lady and demonstrating his point. “And they’re not really pets. They’re….companions, I suppose. I do not think you can actually tame a wild beast completely. And I wouldn’t want to. I like their independence, and I know none of them would hurt any of my family.”  
  
Deirdre smiled at Robb’s clear devotion to the animal. She silently watched as Robb took her hand and placed it on the back of Grey Wind’s neck. The wolf did not tense when she came closer, watching her with silent and accepting eyes.  
  
“See? He knows you are my friend and I trust you, so he will accept you as well.” Robb looked up at her, still holding her hand, and smiled at her. Deirdre blushed under his gaze but didn’t look away.  
  
Grey Wind’s ears perked up and Deirdre felt something brush against her. Turning, she saw Ghost come bounding up to his littermates. He nuzzled Lady before lying down. Robb stood, helping her rise as well. Deirdre saw Jon and smiled briefly, but his gaze focused on Robb’s hand still holding hers.  
  
“Deirdre, you remember my brother, Jon?”  
  
“Yes, of course,” Deirdre replied and lightly pulled her hand from Robb’s. If he thought it strange he said nothing, but there was a flash of something in Jon’s eyes.  
  
“Jon, are you sure you don’t want to go with us? I’m sure father won’t mind…”  
  
“No. The last thing I want to do is be surrounded by the king’s party,” Jon’s replied sullenly before turning to look towards the courtyard. “But you need to hurry because everyone is ready to leave.”  
  
“Although it grieves me to leave you, I must go,” Robb teased Deirdre. “If you need someone to help you find the other ladies, I’m sure that Jon can help.” Walking by Jon, he grabbed his shoulder with a quick squeeze and walked to join the others.  
  
The silence between them growing tenser, Deirdre finally said, “Good morning. I came outside looking for you. Are we still going riding?”  
  
“Do you still want to?” He watched her strangely and Deirdre noticed how quickly his moods changed when he was around others. Or perhaps last night was unusual and he was always this…dark.  
  
“Yes, of course,” she replied with a smile. She made certain that no one was close enough to hear her and said, “I woke up smiling, thinking about it, thinking about you.”  
  
His mood lifting, Jon smiled and nodded. “I did, as well. But I didn’t know if the wine made you feel differently last night and today you wouldn’t feel the same.” When he smiled, she felt a flutter in her stomach. While Robb’s attention made her feel nice, Jon’s attention made her feel something else. She always thought that the love stories in songs were just fantasies. But she wondered now if it was possible to feel so strongly about someone.  
  
After the hunting party left, Jon brought out both of their horses and lifted her up onto hers. She followed him to a different gate than she had seen the others leave through. As soon as they were outside Winterfell, he rode a little faster towards the wooded area. Deirdre followed him closely and Ghost ran ahead of them.  
  
When they were under the cover of the trees, Jon slowed down and waited until she came up beside him. “I don’t think it would do either of us any good to be seen by Lady Stark or the Queen. Or Maester Lewin.”  
  
“Basically anyone in either of our houses,” Deirdre added and they laughed together.  
  
Jon reached over and, taking the reins, pulled her horse closer to his. His hand caressed her cheek, causing a shiver to run through her body and not just because he wore no gloves and his hands were cold. “You look even more beautiful than last night and I didn’t think that was possible.” Deirdre fell silent but she turned her face to kiss his palm. Jon shifted uncomfortably before releasing her and sliding from his horse. “Why don’t we walk for awhile?”  
  
When he helped her off her horse, he did not release her, his dark eyes looking deep into hers.  “I know I have no right to ask this, but I must. Earlier, when I interrupted you and Robb…”  
  
“You didn’t interrupt anything,” Deirdre interjected. “Grey Wind was unsure of me and Robb took my hand to show the wolf to accept me.”  
  
“But you…” Jon struggled to find the words he wanted to say. “He’s fond of you. And the Lannisters or the King would accept the legitimate heir to Winterfell as a good match for you.”  
  
Deirdre smiled gently as she removed her gloves. Placing her hands on his cheeks, she said, “My family is not here looking for a match for me, nor do they care unless it will bring them some political gain or an allegiance they need. Robb has been kind to me. That’s all. If he’s attentive, it’s simply because I’m the only one in our party that’s close to his age except Joffrey and obviously, that makes it an easy choice considering.”  
  
“Perhaps. But I know my brother is what a woman wants... “  
  
Unable to help herself, Deirdre laughed aloud. “How can you possibly know what a woman wants? Are you a woman? Jon, please do not worry about Robb and I. Besides, do you honestly think Lord Eddard Stark would want any of his children marrying a Lannister?”  
  
“But…” Jon attempted to continue and Deirdre put her arms around his neck, pulling him to her and kissing him to silence his arguing. His arms wrapped tightly around her and he lifted her off her feet, causing her to giggle and nuzzle her face into his neck.  
  
“Now do you intend to spend the day talking about our families? Because I would rather know more about you,” she whispered then kissed him gently below his ear.  
  
Jon lowered her back to her feet with a smile and a quick kiss. “Today, we’re going to play and talk and eat and drink and pretend that we’re small-folk.” He released her and tied her horse to his saddle, then grabbed his reins in one hand and her hand in the other, leading her along a small path. After a while he smiled again and turned down another path that went deeper into the forest.  
  
“Don’t you worry about Wildlings?” she worried, thinking for the first time about the fact that no one knew where they were.  
  
“Ghost would let us know. Don’t worry, you’re safe with me.” He stopped and tied the horses to a low hanging branch. She watched as he dug around in a saddle bag before pulling a small package and a blanket out.    
  
Deirdre trusted him for some reason. They had not known each other a full day yet. She just sensed he would protect her. Perhaps it was naïve of her to assume so, but she generally was a good judge of character. She knew which of the guards and knights at home were the bravest ones and learned quickly about the ones in Kings Landing. Jon seemed like the type of man who would lie down his life to protect another, even if he did not know them.  
  
She followed him to a clearing that had a small pond in it that with steam floating across it, making it seem alive and magical. “What is this place?” she asked, walking towards the pond. She could feel the heat from a few feet away. “Is this a hot spring? Like the one under Winterfell?”  
  
“Yes but much smaller.” He smiled and crouched down, spreading the blanket out close to the edge of the hot springs, then opened the package to show that it contained some fruits, cheeses, dried meats, and bread. Deirdre sat down while Jon pulled a flagon from his belt and unfastened his sword so he could sit comfortably.  
  
“It’s so quiet here. Not even the sounds of birds or small creatures in the leaves,” Deirdre whispered. “I don’t think I’ve ever been some place so quiet.”  
  
“The winter is coming. Most creatures go further south or hibernate for the long months. Does the quiet frighten you?”  
  
“No, I don’t mind the quiet here. I think it would frighten me in the city. Or perhaps I feel safer here with you.” Suddenly she felt sad and glanced away.  
  
“What is it?” Jon asked, reaching out and taking her hand.  
  
“I can’t explain. For once in my life things feel like I’m supposed to be exactly where I am. I never felt that way at home or the capital. I don’t mean that my life has always been dreadful. It’s just been very lonely. I followed the rules, I did what I was told to do, I just felt, I guess I felt empty. But I didn’t know what was wrong and why I felt so strange. I didn’t realize what that ache was in my heart until now.”  
  
“But you were married. Did you not love your husband?”  
  
Jon’s gentle voice made the ache so much stronger. Deirdre suddenly felt overwhelmed and tears filled her eyes as she shook her head, angry at herself for allowing her emotions to show. “No. I know the gods would not approve of me speaking ill of the dead, of my husband. But he treated me like an idiot child one moment and a whore the next. He never allowed me to leave his sight for long so there was no escape from his cruel jabs at me. His touch made me want to recoil but I couldn’t. And night after night it was… Knowing every day that the following day would be the same just made me feel dead inside. There was no place else for me to go. My family isn’t like your family. The women are treated like possessions to be traded or sold for the right price. Tywin didn’t care if I was happy and my mother most certainly didn’t; she was just happy to not have to endure my presence any longer.”  
  
“I cannot imagine why anyone would treat you cruelly.”  
  
“I would say the same of you,” she replied with a sad smile.  
  
“But I had my brothers, sisters and father,” he pointed out. “I was not lonely even if I didn’t always feel welcomed by others. Arya, Bran and Robb treated me like their brother. Sansa did in our younger years until she was old enough to understand what a bastard was, and then she changed towards me. She was never outright cruel to me but I could see it in her eyes that she hated what I represented. She treated me decently, like any member of the household but no longer her brother. Do you not have brothers and sisters?”  
  
“My mother had two children before me, both boys. One died at birth and the other died when he was not even twelve moons old. I think my mother resented me because I lived and her sons did not.” Deirdre shook her head, wiping her eyes angrily. “Let’s stop talking about this. I do not wish to ruin our time together with sad memories and tears over things I cannot change.”  
  
“Do you want to take off our boots and put our feet in the hot springs? It feels lovely.” Jon reached down to take off his boots.  
  
Unsure about how wise it was to remove anything in this cold, Deirdre decided to try it. She removed her boots and began removing her stockings, pulling her skirts up to her knees to do so. Jon grew silent as he watched her, and she realized he probably had not seen a woman so revealed. He said nothing, just stared at the creamy white skin of her legs, before blushing and looking straight ahead. “Are you uncomfortable? I did not mean to…I didn’t know you…” Deirdre trailed off, unsure if she made him more uncomfortable by saying something.  
  
“I’ve never seen a woman unclothed; and here in the north, they wear lots of clothes, never revealing much skin so they do not freeze.”  
  
Deirdre scooted forward, putting her legs in the hot springs and turning to him with a smile. “Now you don’t have to see.” Jon’s gaze rose to hers and once again, she felt a flutter in her stomach. The way he looked at her made her feel hot and flustered. “You’re right. This does feel lovely.”     
  
He sat closer beside her, putting his feet into the hot springs.  They both stared at the water in silence for a long time. Deirdre tried to think of something to say, but she was afraid she’d say something completely improper if she spoke. Her thoughts weren’t proper, not at all ladylike. Suddenly the cold seemed to melt away. and she grew hot in her cloak. She unfastened it and slipped it off her shoulders. Jon glanced at her sideways, and she could sense his unease as well.  
  
“Perhaps this wasn’t a good idea,” he said so softly that she barely heard him and she wasn’t sure if he referred to them coming to the hot spring or being alone together.  
  
“How deep is it?” she asked, leaning forward and putting her hand in the water.  
  
Jon furrowed his brow as he studied her face. “I can touch the bottom but it comes up to nearly my shoulder at the deepest point. Why?”  
  
“Because I want to get in,” Deirdre said boldly and began untying her dress. She had a corset and smallclothes on beneath her gown so she wouldn’t be bare but she knew this was improper. She just didn’t care.  
  
Jon’s curiosity turned to shock as she stood to remove her gown. The cold air caused goosebumps to rise on her back and her arms, so she quickly stepped into the springs, her underskirt getting wet as she walked towards the middle. Her swell of breasts over her corset was definitely indecent and she couldn’t help but smirk at her boldness, so uncharacteristic of her. When the water level was higher than her waist, she turned back to Jon.  
  
“Are you not going to join me?” she teased, walking backwards in the water. “It’s so warm you can barely feel the cold air.”  
  
“This is madness. If we are caught, do you know what they would do to us?” Jon replied but she could tell he was more tempted to join her instead of asking her to get dressed again.  
  
“You can stay there if you wish, but it feels too good to leave here now.” Seeing some boulders near the other side, she walked toward them and lay back on one, most of her body still covered by the  water. Her hair was getting wet now but she didn’t care. She felt so relaxed. Hearing the water splashing, she glanced up to find Jon in the water up to his knees. He still wore his breeches but was shirtless. The muscles in his stomach and chest made her ache to touch him, and she swallowed hard. “Do you intend to ride back to Winterfell in wet breeches?”  
  
“All I have on underneath them is my smallclothes…”  
  
“You’ll be underwater. I won’t see anything. If you prefer, I’ll close my eyes.”  
  
Jon stopped and seemed torn for a few moments before returning to the side. He glanced back at her and smirked, “Well? Stop watching and close your eyes.”  
  
Deirdre smiled back at him while making a big production of closing her eyes and covering them as well. She didn’t even peek…much. He returned to the water, and she waited until he had enough time to get submerged quite a bit. When at last she uncovered his eyes, he was almost waist deep and walking through the water towards her.  
  
Watching him through lowered lashes, she thought how beautiful he was. She knew men weren’t supposed to be considered beautiful, but Jon was. The steam from the hot springs made his hair damp and curl even more, and the water glistened on his pale skin. His muscles were hard from his arms to his abdomen. A sigh escaped her lips when he reached her, and she smiled. Jaime could ride up right now and she would not regret this moment.  
  
“You’re beguiling, tempting me to do things I know are wrong,” he whispered, his hand lowering to her bare leg. His eyes drifted slowly up her body to her face. Hooking his hand behind her knee, he pulled her forward so she barely rested on the rock. The action made her underskirt slide further up her legs. Jon moved between her legs and. wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her into his embrace, his lips teasing hers.  
  
“Should I beg your forgiveness?” she whispered in reply. Her hands drifted down his chest before she let her fingers trail his side. He flinched with a chuckle, causing her to smile as she repeated the action. “Have I discovered a ticklish spot my lord?”  
  
“You are a temptress and a tease.” Jon kissed her, his lips hot and hungry on hers. He pulled her closer to him, causing her to slide off the rock completely but Jon pressed her against it as he lifted her in his arms.  
  
Deirdre moaned into his mouth then raised her hands to grip his arms. Their kisses intensified, and they were pressed so close together she could barely tell where she ended and he began. He could take her right there and she would not object, despite knowing how wrong it would be. He lowered his mouth, leaving scorching hot trails on her neck and the swells of her breasts. Her nails dug into his biceps, and she arched further up to him, offering herself to him with a whimper. She could feel him hard and ready against her and couldn’t resist squirming against him.  
  
He groaned, gasping for breath and tried to pull away from her. “We should stop this before we cannot.”  Even as he said it, she felt him grinding his hips against her.  
  
“We should…” she whispered. But then she kissed along his jawline before moving to his neck. She couldn’t keep her hands or mouth off him, and soon Jon seemed to forget his own words, burying his hand in her hair and pulling her lips back to his own. He nibbled gently on her lips before snaking his tongue into her mouth. Lifting her higher on the rock, Jon dug his fingers into her thigh and Deirdre wrapped her legs around him.  
  
Deirdre felt like she was going to burst into flames at any moment, and all of her thoughts other than their bodies merging together seemed to have gone from her mind. She wanted him, right or wrong, honorable or not; she wanted Jon to take her right there, to bury his aching cock into her over and over again until both of them were sated.  
  
“This is killing me,” Jon moaned, and she quickly looked at his pained face. “I do not want to dishonor you.”  
  
“Even if that is what I want?” she whispered in reply. “Is it a dishonor if I ask it of you?”  
  
“Don’t. Please don’t,” he pleaded, breathing heavy, pressing his forehead against hers.  “I could not refuse such a request.”  
  
Deirdre remained silent for fear of what would come out of her mouth. She would not ask it of him. It had to be a decision each made themselves, and she would not push Jon to do anything that he would regret. He feared that she’d regret it, but deep in her heart she knew she wouldn’t.  His hands seemed unaware of his resolve and moved further between her legs. Her body ached for him. Jon moved so slow, like he was waiting for her to refuse him, yet the delay only served to frustrate her more. She licked his lips, teasing him and not allowing him to capture her mouth. He moved his hand into the heat of her sex, and when she let out a gasp, he kissed her hard and fiercely. His fingers explored her while his tongue explored her mouth. When he slipped a finger into her, her hips thrust up to his hand.  
  
Waves of dizziness crashed over her; and she reached for him, covering his hard length with her hand, thin wet cloth of his smallclothes the only thing separating them. Jon growled and pressed himself against her more while sliding another finger into her. They were breathing so hard now, it sounded like the panting of dogs. Tightness coiled in her loins, and her hand moved faster along his hardness.  
  
“Stop,” he pleaded, even as his body moved faster against her. She wasn’t sure who he pleaded with, her or himself.  
  
When his thumb brushed against her swollen nub she jolted and, with a moan, threw her head back. Jon wrapped his other arm around her back as he buried his face into her cleavage. His movements were more aggressive, and she could sense he grew close to climaxing. She moved her hand, slipping it under the fabric and grasping his cock, lightly moving her hand. Jon attacked her mouth savagely with animalistic passion, his thumb moving faster as his fingers continued to thrust into her. They were both moaning so loud, she worried they could be heard in Winterfell.  
  
“Jon,my love…” she whispered in between hot kisses before suddenly the tightness became unbearable and she almost wept. Not understanding what was happening, she almost begged him to stop, despite the pleasure until suddenly she felt like a wave crested within her and a feeling of release exploded. She cried out, biting down on his shoulder. Jon continued to thrust his fingers into her until she collapsed in his arms. Soon his own climax hit him, and once again he growled low, his mouth seeking hers even as his seed spilled into her hand and the water of the hot-springs.  
  
Afterwards, they clung to each other for a few moments, trying to regain their senses.  Deirdre watched worry creep into Jon’s eyes. and she said, “Don’t do that.”  
  
“Don’t do what?”  
  
“Don’t regret what just happened.”  
   
“I dishonored you. I should never have touched you like that.”  
  
“Please, Jon. Don’t,” she whispered, almost in tears. She knew it was wrong, but it felt so beautiful and natural between the two of them that she didn’t want him to regret it.  
  
Seeing he’d upset her, Jon gently cupped her face and explained. “I do not regret it was you. You make me feel things I have never felt before and your touch sets me on fire. I just don’t want you to think badly of me.”  
  
“I never would.”  
  
“I don’t do this…I’ve never done this with another woman. You were the first woman to touch me…”  
  
Deirdre chewed her lip nervously. She had never cared about pleasing her husband, nor had he tried to please her, but she had wanted to please Jon and hoped she had. She thought so but she had to ask. “And did it, I mean, did I please you?”  
  
“Gods, yes! More than I thought possible and not what I expected,” he grinned shyly. “I mean…Theon and some of the other men have told me about things that they’ve done with women and that have been done to them. But hearing them from someone else and feeling it myself…I thought I was dying at first.” He paused and glanced at her, unsure. “Was I too clumsy? Did I please you?”  
  
Blushing furiously, Deirdre nodded. She could hardly believe that after what they had just done either of them was nervous with each other. But once again she felt unsure and she didn’t know what would happen next.  
  
“Are you cold?” he asked casually, and she realized he felt tense too.  Unable to help herself, she giggled nervously. Jon looked confused at first; but as her giggles got worse, he began to chuckle with her. “I am not sure what to say now,” he admitted. “But we should get out of the water, I suppose, if we want our clothes to dry before we go back to Winterfell.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thanks to Vlad for the beta!

**Chapter 3**  
  
Deirdre felt as though a thousand needles hit her as she got out of the water. She shivered uncontrollably in the cold air. Jon grabbed his cloak and held it around her, concerned. “You need to remove your wet clothes or you’ll freeze.”  
  
Nodding, she faced away from him and began to undress but, after removing her skirt, found her fingers were numb. Jon wrapped the cloak around most of her and she grasped it to her chest as he fumbled with untying her corset. As soon as it was loose, he pulled the cloak up around her shoulders, wrapping it tightly around her. Her teeth were chattering by then. Jon left her sitting on the blanket while he removed his wet smallclothes and dressed again in what was still dry.  
  
“I'll gather some wood and build a fire.”  He wrapped her own cloak around her too and then gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. Looking around, he called out for Ghost and fastened his sword on. The wolf came padding over to them after Jon called him twice. “He’ll watch over you.”  
  
Jon returned quickly and built the fire close to the blanket then sat down behind Deirdre, wrapping his arms around her. “You’ll get warm soon.” Deirdre nodded, feeling sleepy, and snuggled into his chest.  He shook her slightly. “Don’t fall asleep. That’s the worst thing to do. Your body temperature will drop.”  
  
When she finally assured him that she felt warmer, Jon held her cloak up so Deirdre could put her dress and hose back on. She’d have to let her corset and skirt dry, but it felt good to be clothed again. Jon gave her the flagon and she sipped the strong wine a few times.  
  
“I’m sorry. It was foolish to get in the water when it’s so cold,” she said, handing him back the wine.  
  
“I’m fine,” he smirked. “This is nothing to me. But are you sure you’re well?”  
  
“I am now.” Turning in his arms, she smiled and touched his face. “In fact, I’m wonderful.”  
  
“You’re perfect,” he whispered.  
  
She laughed.  “I am horribly flawed. A noblewoman should behave better and appreciate what she has instead of longing for a different life. According to my mother, I don’t do enough to honor the Lannister name, and Cersei says I’m an embarrassment with my lack of courtly manners. I can barely sew or cook, and only barely keep my own handmaids in order, much less run a household.” Shaking her head, she added, “I feel sorry for the next lord they force to marry me.”  
  
Jon lost all humor at her last comment, anger flaring up in his eyes, and looked away from her. Silence grew between them and she tried to think of something to take back what she had said, but nothing came to her beyond frustration at his many mood swings.  “Gods, Jon, are you ever happy?  Must you doubt every moment of contentment you are given and take every offense? Especially when you know I meant none.”  
  
He had the nerve to glare at her.  Deirdre’s normally agreeable nature exhausted, she gave up any attempt to try to sooth his temper. She stood up and threw his cloak at his face, and said, “Turn away. I have to get dressed.”  
  
Jerking the cloak off his face, he turned away from her. She could sense his fury brewing even as she dressed. She didn’t care. _‘Let him sulk,’_ she thought, struggling with her corset.  The wretched garment only made her angrier, so she spent little time tying it, pulled her dress back on, and wrapped her cloak around her shoulders.  
  
“Take me back to Winterfell, my lord,” she said, her tone icy and walked to her horse and untied it.  
  
As Jon gathered the remains of their picnic and shoved items haphazardly into a saddlebag, he reminded Deirdre of nothing so much as a child throwing a tantrum. “Yes, _Lady Lannister_. After all, I am only here to serve.”  
  
Deirdre scoffed. “How dare you?  What grants you the right to behave like a spoiled child when I say something that displeases you?   My deepest apologies, _Lord Snow_ , for mentioning the sorry fact that I will no doubt be married off again to some old lord with either land or money that Lord Tywin wants. I’m sure it will be so much harder on you than I that I’m to be traded and sold like a horse.  I know being a bastard of the high lord of the North is a burden only the strongest can bear, but living life as goods to barter is not terribly pleasant, either.”  
  
Realizing she was yelling, Deirdre took a deep breath and stormed away, pulling her horse behind her. Jon started to say something, but she ignored him. It didn’t take long, though, for her to realize that she had no idea where she was going, and she was forced to stop.  
  
Jon caught up to her, looking ashamed. “Forgive me. I…just…” He tried to cup her face but she stepped back, not willing to accept an apology without a reason. “The thought of you with someone else just makes me…furious. And sad. I know that I’ll never be your husband and, one day, someone else will be. I didn’t mean to ruin our day.”  
  
“I think we should just go back to Winterfell,” she said after a few moments. His words and the realization of what their futures held made her sad as well. “Soon, I’ll be returning to King’s Landing and perhaps it’s best if we stop spending time together like this. I don’t want to make things worse for you.” Glancing down, she added, “It will make it harder on both of us if we grow closer.”  
  
Jon said nothing, but after a moment, he began walking down the path again and Deirdre followed him. At the edge of the trees, he turned to help her onto her horse. She felt horrible now and unshed tears burned her eyes. Jon cupped her face and gently kissed her lips. “I know you’re right but I wish this wasn’t goodbye.”  
  
She let him lift her onto the horse and turned away from him. She knew if she looked in his eyes, her heart would shatter. They rode back to Winterfell in silence. After they returned the horses to the stables, Deirdre walked towards her chambers without a word to Jon. A sob escaped her lips and she swallowed hard to force back all emotion before someone saw her. She rounded the corner and saw a body lying on the ground, not moving. Her gaze swept the courtyard quickly, before she rushed over to the person. When she was close enough, she realized it was a child and ran towards him. A direwolf pup came tearing out of nowhere directly to her, growling and snarling, so she stopped short, taking a step back quickly. No one seemed to be around so she screamed for Jon, realizing the boy was his little brother, Bran.  
  
Ghost reached her before Jon did and the other direwolf backed down, retreating to Bran’s side and licking his face.  
  
“What happened?” Jon exclaimed as he ran to her. Seeing Bran, he rushed forward crouching down beside him. “Bran!”  
  
Ghost backed away so Deirdre carefully moved forward, attempting not to startle the other wolf pup. “Is he…” Her voice died on her lips as she saw the boy. His legs were twisted at odd angles. Jon was about to pick him up and she cried out, “No! Don’t move him! You might hurt him worse.” She knelt beside Bran and lowered her face close to his mouth, relieved when she heard his shallow breath. “He’s still breathing, Jon. You need to go Maester Luwin.” When Jon started to argue, she shook her head. “You’ll be able to find him faster than I will. Hurry!”  
  
Jon ran off and Deirdre watched Bran helplessly. His direwolf eyed her with apprehension, but seemed to sense that she was trying to help. She glanced around again, trying to figure out what had happened to Bran, but nothing seemed unusual, at least to her. Knowing there was little else she could do, she prayed to The Mother while stroking Bran’s hair from his face. He seemed terribly small and broken.  
  
 Before Jon could make it back, a few men from the king’s party saw her and came to her aid, but the direwolf snarled at them, keeping them too far away to be of much use. The wolf tolerated Deirdre touching Bran well enough, but she doubted she could change its mind about allowing the same from the onlookers. At last, Jon ran back, and Maester Luwin followed at a surprising pace for a man of his age. Arya also ran over to see what was happening, and gasped, seeing Bran.  
  
“Arya, he’s going to be fine,” Jon said quickly, turning his half sister around. “Go find your mother, quickly.”  
  
The direwolf started pacing back and forth, baring his teeth as more people gathered. Maester Luwin hesitated, then said, “Jon, take the wolves and tie them up.”  
  
“But…”  
  
“Jon, do it before they bite someone,” Maester Luwin snapped, and waited until Jon grabbed Bran’s wolf and led it and Ghost away. Deirdre reached up and helped the old man sink to his knees. Everyone was quiet while he checked Bran’s injuries. Jon returned and waited anxiously by, chewing on his thumb.  
  
Suddenly the crowd parted and Lady Stark pushed her way through with Sansa by her side. Catelyn cried out in shock. “Bran!” Jon tried to grasp her shoulders but she pushed him away, sinking to her knees beside Maester Luwin. She glanced at Deirdre sharply. “What happened?”  
  
“I don’t know, my lady. I found him like this.”  
  
“He must have been climbing and fallen,” Maester Luwin said.  
  
Deirdre looked at the building nearest them and wondered how far he’d fallen. At the edge of the growing crowd, Jaime appeared. He saw Bran and attempted to settle the crowd. “Leave them be. Give them some room.” He turned to Maester Luwin and asked, “Is there anything I can do? Lady Stark should not be forced to see her son’s body like this...”  
  
“He’s not dead,” Jon retorted and Deirdre saw a flash of surprise and something else she couldn’t identify pass across Jaime’s face. “And if Lady Stark needs anything for Bran, I’m here.”  
  
“Of course, of course,” Jaime replied, holding his hands up. “Come folks, leave them be.” The people from the king’s party followed him away, leaving only a couple of people from Winterfell, Jon, and his half sisters still lingering. Both the girls were silent but Deirdre could see the fear in their faces.  
  
Two men came forward with a board and Maester Luwin directed, “Let’s take him to his room.” Deirdre rose and helped him up. Jon and another man carefully placed Bran on the board, carrying and carried it into the castle. Sansa and Arya helped their mother up and followed quickly after Bran. The maester seemed to be walking stiffly so Deirdre continued to hold onto his arm, helping him inside.    
  
“Will he be all right?” she asked quietly.  
  
“Only the Gods can say. I will do all that I can, but…” his voice trailed off and she nodded her understanding.  
  
 **xOxOx**  
  
Lady Stark stayed by Bran’s bedside, but ordered Jon and her daughters from the room while Maester Luwin worked. Jon paced back and forth like a caged animal while Sansa cried softly, leaning against a wall. Arya was quiet, sitting on the floor with her wolf pup Nymeria's head in her lap. Deirdre felt as though she was intruding, so she went down to find Caron to help her organize dinner with the kitchen staff. She knew the Stark family would care little about it, but everyone else would expect it. Afterwards, she and Caron carried clean linens and bandages to Bran’s room.  
  
“Jon?” she asked quietly while Caron took the linens and bandages into the room.  “Should we send someone after your father?”  
  
Shaken from his thoughts, Jon stared at her for a moment before answering. “I’ll go.”  
  
“No, you should stay here. For the girls,” she whispered, placing her hand gently on his arm. She gestured with her eyes to Sansa and Arya and he nodded.  “Just tell me who to send and we’ll find him.”  
  
There was a lot of commotion coming from the courtyard and Arya jumped up, running downstairs.  “I think they’ve returned,” Sansa spoke quietly. “I’ll go tell Father.”  
  
Caron went downstairs as well, leaving Jon and Deirdre alone. She reached out and squeezed his hand. “He’ll be fine. He’s young and strong, he’ll recover.”  
  
“You don’t know that,” Jon replied, pressing his head against the wall. “You’re just saying that because the truth would be cruel to say aloud.” His grief was heartbreaking to see.  
  
Deirdre didn’t argue; she didn’t want to upset him further.  She squeezed his hand and they stood in silence until the sound of a crowd of people coming up the stairs made her withdraw her hand.  Lord Stark and his brother, Benjen, rushed past them, trailed by Robb, Theon, and Sansa.  Not wishing to intrude on them, Deirdre slipped away and headed towards the Godswood. It had been a long day and she needed to be alone for a while.  
  
xOxOx  
  
Long after finally making her way to bed, Deirdre lay awake thinking about Jon’s grief-stricken face. Every time she closed her eyes, it haunted her so she gave up any attempts to sleep and instead worried about Jon. If Lord Stark and the others had not interrupted them, perhaps she would feel surer that he was all right now. The castle was quiet, but her mind was not, and once she had run out of convincing reasons to stay where she was, she slipped quietly out of her bed, throwing on a simple gown and forgoing anything that required a corset or a maid to help her.  She left her room and, after assuring that no one was in the hall, ran quickly through the castle to the hall where Jon’s bedroom was and paused, seeing Ghost lying outside his door. The wolf raised his eyes to look at her but when she came closer, he didn’t raise his head. Cautiously she reached out and stroked his fur and when he didn’t growl, she knocked softly and after a moment, Jon opened the door with a look of surprise. He wore only breeches but grabbed for a shirt upon seeing her.  
  
“Forgive me, I thought you were Robb,” Jon whispered. Glancing around the hall, she squeezed past him and he shut the door behind her. “You shouldn’t be here. It’s not proper…”  
  
“I was worried about you,” she explained, reaching out to caress his cheek. “You were so upset about Bran, and then your family came, and I didn’t want to intrude.” Jon was silent, watching her, holding his shirt at his side, forgotten. Deirdre ached to touch him and, throwing caution and logic to the wind, she moved her hand to his shoulder as she stepped closer.  
  
Her hand trailed down his arm before she brought him into her embrace. Jon clung to her fiercely and buried his face in her shoulder. “He’s so young…” Jon whispered, and she could hear the restrained tears in his voice. Deirdre didn’t care if it was wise to be here; he clearly needed comfort. She stroked his hair and held him tightly; placing light kisses on his face.  
  
“I heard that Maester Luwin said he would live,” she said with as much conviction as she could. It wasn’t actually the truth. Maester Luwin had said that Bran seemed to be out of danger, but it was too soon to know if he would wake.  
  
 She took Jon's hand and led him to his bed, then sat down and put her arms back around him. Jon was silent as she rubbed his back. She felt his breath on her neck as he pulled her dress aside.  
  
“You shouldn’t be here,” he whispered again, his mouth close to her ear. “Your cousin would run me through.”  
  
Deirdre had no sensible argument; it was true. But she didn’t want to leave Jon, not now. Perhaps not ever. Despite his words, Jon continued his exploration of her neck and throat. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding him to her as she arched her neck, encouraging the rain of kisses that grew more urgent. Her fingers dug into his muscles and her breathing grew erratic.    
  
Reluctantly, Jon pulled away from her and said, “You should go…”  
  
Deirdre swallowed hard, trying to hide her disappointment, and rose.  But before she could leave his side, he grabbed her arm, his fingers coming to rest gently on her wrist. He wouldn’t face her; his eyes remained downcast and she sensed his conflicted desire. It would be up to her, then. Her heart raced as she pulled away and walked to the door and slid the lock into place. After that, it took a moment to gather her courage. When she turned around, Jon’s face was a mixture of surprise and nervousness.  
  
Deirdre moved to stand before him, placing her hands on his shoulders. His eyes met hers and she whispered, “Just for tonight…let’s forget everything else. Don’t worry about your honor, your brother, anything...” She kissed him lightly as she began unlacing her dress. “Forget everything but us.”  
  
Jon wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her to him as he stood up, his lips eager on hers. He moved his fingers to help her undress, clumsily pulling at the laces.  Jon paused at the sound of tearing fabric, and then leaned down to kiss the skin of her shoulder again. He gripped her ruined dress and tugged, letting it fall the rest of the way to her ankles. Silently, he took in the sight of her body, completely exposed to him in the firelight. Deirdre resisted the unwelcome urge to cover herself.  
  
“You’re so beautiful.” His eyes met hers and he licked his lips. “I...I’ve never done this before.” Deirdre nodded, realizing he was as nervous as she was.  “I don’t want to disappoint you.”  
  
“You won’t,” she whispered, shaking her head. She spoke from her heart, not her past experience. Wanting him as she did could only make the lovemaking that much sweeter. After a moment she admitted, “This is the first time I’ve felt this way.”  
  
“What way?”  
  
She wasn’t sure if he wanted reassurance or truly didn’t know. “I never wanted a man to make love to me and I do with you.”  
  
The look in his eyes was heart wrenching. “No one has ever wanted me… at all,” he said in a low voice.    
  
After a moment, Jon closed the distance between them and his lips were on hers, hot and needy, his tongue plunging into the depths of her mouth. Their heated skin touched and Jon groaned, reaching down and cupping her buttocks as his mouth kissed lower along her breasts.  He lifted her and placed her on the bed, then began unlacing his breeches, standing between her legs and continuing to kiss her until they were both gasping for breath. Her hands roamed his chest and she leaned forward to kiss his stomach, lightly biting it and causing him to flinch. She ran her tongue over the reddening skin, then gripped his waist, pulling him to her. Her palms ran over his chest and abdomen, tracing the ripples and indentation with her mouth when he flexed his muscles, in reaction to her touch.  
  
At last, Jon eased out of his breeches. Deirdre felt a heat of desire rush to her cheeks. It coursed through her body and she felt a surge of it at the apex of her thighs. Once again she thought how beautiful he was; all sleek muscle and smooth skin. Jon was utterly unlike her husband, whose body had been such an unsightly mass of saggy, aging flesh. Even the old lord's manhood had repulsed her, short and stubby as it was, peeking up from a graying tangle of hair. Jon's was nothing like that; it strained proudly out from his body, hard and ready for her.  
  
Her eyes rose to his for a moment and she saw a hint of insecurity, but the longer she gazed at him with desire, the more it faded.  She reached out and carefully wrapped her hand around his hardened length, noticing how soft his skin was. He was larger than her husband had been and a little fear crept in as she worried how much more it would hurt.  It always had before.  But her doubts were no match for the aching need throbbing inside her.  
  
“It’s not too late to stop,” Jon whispered and she raised her face, shaking her head quickly.  
  
“I don’t want to stop.” She reached for his hands and pulled him onto the bed, lying back beneath him. “I just don’t want to disappoint you either.”  
  
“You could never disappoint me.” He shifted so he was propped up on his side, trailing his fingers down the sides of her breast before cupping one, gently running his thumb over the nipple. A shiver ran through her body but she felt like a fire burned within her. At first his touch was so gentle, like he feared he’d bruise her flesh. Seeing her nipples harden and how her breathing quickened, he grew bolder and dipped his head to suck the other nipple in between his lips, flicking his tongue against it.  
  
Her hands shaking, she reached for him and he gasped and pulled away from her breast. He moved her hand away as he bit his lip, trying to regain his composure. “Careful. I don’t want to spend. Not like this.”  
  
Deirdre needed to touch him, somewhere.  When he lowered his mouth to tease her breasts again, she stroked his shoulders and back, running her lips along his throat.  A sweet madness gripped her; she moved against him, desperate to feel his skin on hers.  
  
“Jon,” she pleaded urgently before his lips returned to hers. He hooked his hands under her knees to spread her legs further apart, then shifted his weight to move between her legs.  
  
Deirdre braced herself when she felt him nudge her entrance, but he slid into her slowly and gently despite his eagerness. It was nothing like when her husband had bedded her. Surprising, there was no pain as he filled her, just a dull ache of need as her body welcomed his invasion. When he fully sank into her, he lowered his hands to her hips to still them as he gasped for breath.  
  
“Just a moment,” he breathed, clearly fighting the sensations of being inside her. She tried to remain still, but her body seemed to have a mind of its own, and she tightened around him while lowering her hands to his sides.  He withdrew slightly before pushing back in a little harder. His head fell forward to rest on her shoulder and he moaned her name.  She scarcely breathed, forgetting how for a moment.  
  
After he collected himself, Jon propped himself up with his hands on each side of her head and withdrew before thrusting back into her. Deirdre felt her lungs burning and she reminded herself to breathe again before raising her hips to meet his. Her body moved instinctively with her need to feel him; to connect with him. Soon they both began moving rapidly against each other as they kissed. As he moved within her, she felt that delicious pressure knotting inside her again. Jon lowered his mouth to her breasts, his body snapping to hers in short, hard strokes now. He grasped her hips, tilting her upward and sinking deeper inside her than anyone had ever been. At first she felt the sensation of painfully being spread open, but the pain didn’t last long and a fire coursed through her body, consuming her. She pulled Jon’s head up, sucking hard on his throat.  
  
Her release came on suddenly and when she cried out, Jon quickly covered her mouth with his own, muffling all sound from her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and Jon lowered his hand to hook it under her knee again, spreading her open further. As she convulsed around him, Jon moved with short jerks inside her, digging his fingers into her thigh. She felt his seed spill into her, filling her, and he let out a deep, primal moan that reminded her of a wolf’s growl.  
  
Jon collapsed on her, his skin slick with sweat. She could feel his heart beating hard in time with hers.  At last he caught his breath and rolled off of her, pulling her into his arms as he lay back against the furs of his bed. Deirdre put her head on his chest, quietly thanking the gods for bringing her to him.  
  
After a few moments, Jon asked if he had hurt her and she shook her head. “No. It was nice. I mean, it was more than nice - it was beautiful.” She lifted her head to look at him. “I’ve never felt like this before. I feel like…I feel…” She shook her head because she didn’t know how to put into words the way she felt.  Something in his eyes told her he understood.  
  
A low growl from outside his door startled her. Jon looked concerned and slid out of the bed. A firm knock on the door sent her into a moment of sheer terror.  
  
“Jon,” a voice said as the knocking continued. Jon looked around the room for a moment before grabbing his shirt from the floor and coming back to the bed to hide Deirdre within the furs.  
  
 She heard him open the door and his voice mingled with that of another man for a few minutes before he shut the door and moved the lock back into place. The bed shifted under his weight as he slid in beside her, naked again.  
  
“Theon wanted me to come and drink with him and some of my father's men,” Jon explained, wrapping his arms around her again. “We’ll have to be very careful when you leave.” He nuzzled his chin into her neck before adding, “Much later. I don’t want to let go of you now.”  
  
 He ran his hands along her body, as if he wished to memorize every inch of her. He watched her face to see her reactions as he explored. Soon he was ready again and Deirdre boldly rose to straddle him. She rode him carefully at first, growing more confident as she saw the pleasure in his face. He lasted longer the second time and after she peaked, he rolled her onto her stomach, pulled her to her knees and entered her from behind.  
  
 Some long-buried instinct guided her hand between her legs, seeking the spot that ached for him; his hand followed and took over. The sensation became almost too intense for her and she tried to still his fingers but he held her firm, driving her along almost painfully towards release. Tears welled in her eyes and she almost pleaded with him to stop, but then the wave of ecstasy crashed over her and she stiffened. Jon pushed her down into the furs and fell on top of her when her cries escalated. His short thrusts made her wild with pleasure as she pushed herself back against him. It was too much for Jon to bear; she heard him whispering her name over and over again as he spent himself inside her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thanks to Vlad and Aearwen for the beta!

Chapter 4  
  
Jon woke slowly, Deirdre’s scent surrounding him, and he pulled her closer. Dawn was only hours away and he knew he had to wake her but, he let himself watch her sleep for a few moments. Last night’s lovemaking still fresh in his mind, he hardened against her hip. He moved her golden hair away from her face and kissed her gently, and she curled into his arms, reminding him of a cat. And she was a cat, he thought. His lioness.  
  
“Love,” he whispered. “It’s almost dawn.” He kissed her as she made mumbling sounds.  
  
 “No. It’s warm here with you. I don’t want to leave this spot.”  
  
Jon decided the better way of waking her up was his mouth on her body, his tongue blazing hot trails on her breasts. Soon she was fully awake and urged him to enter her again. They made love slowly, dreamily enjoying each other’s bodies, each trying to give the other more pleasure. Afterwards she lay with her body draped over his and murmured that she didn’t want to leave his bed ever again.  
  
“It’ll become my deathbed if your cousin or the king finds you here,” he chuckled. She opened her eyes finally, looking heartbroken. It twisted his heart, realizing what the dawn would bring. “It’ll be fine. We’ll find a way…”  
  
“They won’t ever let us be together. Unless we run away,” she said, resigned. “Jaime has already warned me that Lannisters don’t marry Starks.”  
  
“I’m not even a Stark,” Jon reminded her. “But I can’t run. I can’t do that to my father or my brothers and sisters. I don’t know what would happen to them if I did.”  
  
“I know. I wouldn’t let you,” she admitted. They kissed a few moments and he felt her tears falling and running down his cheeks.  
  
Before the sun broke, they had dressed and he checked the hallway and the stairs to make sure no one was awake yet.  He kissed her one last time, then closed the door behind her and leaned back against it.  
  
xOxOx  
  
Deirdre tried not to appear agitated during breakfast, and avoided making eye contact with Jon as much as possible. She was terrified that everyone would be able to tell what they had done. When their eyes did meet occasionally, she felt a flutter in her stomach and her cheeks grew hot, and she looked away quickly.  
  
Lady Stark didn’t join them, staying by Bran’s bedside still, and breakfast was mostly a silent affair other than the king and Lord Stark's conversation about some political affairs in the capital. She could see that Lord Stark hadn’t slept much; his weariness showed in the dark circles under his eyes. Even Arya and Sansa were withdrawn. After breakfast, Rob invited Deirdre to watch him, Theon, and Jon train in the yard. Arya went along with them and Sansa disappeared with her septa. Deirdre felt uneasy when she noticed Jaime watching her leave with the men, and knew it was only a matter of time before she received another lecture. Joffrey decided to join them at the last moment, much to everyone's silent dismay. The Hound followed them into the yard as well, keeping the prince in his eyesight at all times and casting his own unwelcome shadow on the morning.  Joffrey, oblivious to the tension, challenged Robb to a match. Deirdre intervened.  
  
“Cousin, I do not think that wise,” she said, placing her hand on his arm. “The match would be most unfair as he would be unwilling to strike his prince.”  
  
“Are you afraid to fight me, Stark?” Joffrey taunted. Robb glared at him, his gaze hot with suppressed rage, but he said nothing.  
  
“Joffrey!” Deirdre hissed under her breath. “The Starks are our hosts and, after what happened to Bran yesterday, perhaps it is best if we allow them some time alone.”  
  
Stepping closer, Joffrey said in a low voice, “Cousin, remember your tone with your prince. It won’t matter what your family name is; if you disrespect me again, I will have you punished. And you know very well that my mother will allow it.”  
  
“Of course, my prince,” Deirdre consented with a curt nod.  She narrowly resisted the urge to slap his smug face.  
  
As he walked away, Joffrey laughed, “I’m sure that even a female Lannister could beat a Stark anyway, so I’ll leave you in my cousin’s company.”  
  
Deirdre lowered her eyes. Her family never ceased to be a source of humiliation. She said to Robb, “My apologies, my lord. I know that a confrontation with the prince is the last thing you should suffer through now.”  
  
“Mere words,” Robb assured her, his anger seeming to fade quickly. “I’ve suffered much worse from my sisters, I assure you.” He reached out and squeezed her hand.  
  
 If it weren’t for Jon, she would have been thrilled at Robb's kind attention to her, but she worried now about allowing it, lest it be seen as encouragement.  
  
“Let me hold your sword,” Arya demanded of Robb, pulling Deirdre from her own thoughts.  
  
“It’s not a toy, Arya.”  
  
“It’s just wood. Please Robb? I won’t hurt myself,” she begged. Her brother sighed and handed her the wooden practice sword.  
  
“Just use the training dummy, Arya,” he warned as she headed towards Jon and Theon. She scowled before stomping in the direction of the dummy. Robb looked at her for a moment and shook his head.  “Arya is more enthusiastic about training than most of the men here.”  
  
“Looks like it’s you and me, Snow,” Theon announced, and Robb led her away from where the two dueled, Grey Wind following them closely.  
  
“She does seem to have you twisted around her finger,” Deirdre couldn’t resist teasing Robb.  
  
“I cannot deny a request from a lady.” He glanced down at her. “Ask it of me, and you shall have it.”  
  
“I will not take advantage of your generosity, since you have admitted you have this weakness.”  
  
Robb divided his attention between talking to her and watching Arya. She enjoyed his humor and intellect. And gods, he was charming! But not in a dishonest way, like so many men at court. His was genuine and she couldn’t help feeling that one day he’d make a good leader. He had the personality to make people believe in him and follow him. And it was a quality that couldn’t be forced. Unlike her cousin Joffrey, who used charm like a lure to draw in an innocent victim, Robb seemed completely open and natural, unaware of his affect.  
  
Soon Jon and Theon’s sparring escalated into something else and drew both her and Robb’s attention; even Arya stood watching with surprise. They were too far away to hear clearly, but Deirdre noted something about a woman never choosing a bastard over the true heir of Winterfell - just before Jon tackled Theon and knocked him sideways.  Now they used fists instead of swords and Robb rushed to separate them. Before he could get there, Jon had Theon pinned on the ground. Robb pulled them apart and shoved Jon away.  
  
“What in seven hells are you doing?” he yelled. Jon glared at him, breathing heavily and nursing a hurt jaw. “If Father were to see this, he’d have both your hides.” Theon got cautiously to his feet, watching Jon through narrowed eyes.    
  
Jon glanced at Deirdre for a moment before dropping his sword and storming off.  Perhaps Robb hadn’t heard Theon’s insult. But Deirdre had and wondered what had prompted him to say such things, no doubt about her. How he knew it would hurt Jon, she had no idea.  But only Theon was there to ask, now.  She stalked over to him. “Why would you say something like that?”  
  
“I don’t know what you mean,” Theon replied, his gaze daring her to challenge him further. Deirdre realized Robb must not have heard anything, and Theon knew it. “Besides, Jon’s always ill tempered and moody. It’s best he is taking the black. I think he'll find himself in good company with the wildlings.”  
  
Deirdre felt sick. When Robb tried to apologize for their behavior, she barely nodded before excusing herself. She all but ran to her room. As she bolted the door behind her, a terrible realization washed over her – she had believed it would all work it.  Some part of her, however small, had honestly thought that these nights with Jon would be more than just a fleeting joy in an otherwise bleak future.  But now she knew otherwise.  And he did, too – he had all the while.  He had taken her into his bed, knowing he would not be there long himself.  
  
When she saw Jon at dinner that night, she didn’t look at him, or at any of the Starks, instead focusing her attention on her younger cousins and Tyrion. The mood in the hall had been uneasy since Bran’s fall and showed no signs of improving. She excused herself as soon as was respectable, and only as she left did she notice Robb heading in her direction.  She pretended not to see him and fled.  
  
For several days, she stayed either in her room or with Myrcella and Tommen, staying far away from anyone even remotely connected to Jon.   It helped, a little. But her strategy was short-lived - eventually Robb came looking for her, on the pretext of finding a playmate for Rickon, and she was unable to avoid joining him and the children.  He seemed to be trying to ease the tension, but he didn’t understand what had happened and was too polite to ask. Obviously Jon hadn’t told him anything, and whatever had prompted Theon's taunts went unmentioned.   Later, she was unable to manage an excuse not to allow him to escort her to dinner, but like a coward, she made certain to sit far away from Jon and Theon, and gathered the children around her as guards.  
  
xOxOx  
  
After dinner, Lord Stark watched Deirdre approach the high table. Ned smiled wearily and nodded as she curtsied to the king.  
  
“How’s Bran?” she asked, with honest concern.  
  
“He hasn’t woken.”  
  
“He will,” the king assured him. “He’s a strong lad.”  
  
Deirdre nodded before offering, “I’ll pray to the Mother to protect him.”  
  
“Thank you.” Ned took a good look at the girl in front of him for the first time. He’d seen her many times with Robb and knew she’d been the one who found Bran. She had the Lannister look, but lacked the edge of arrogance and coldness.  He wouldn't have expected anyone so gentle from the same stock as the queen and the Kingslayer.  “The King told me of the loss of your husband before you came to Kings Landing. My sympathies. I knew some of the knights of House Lorch, but I didn’t know your husband.”  
  
“He was a vile man, much like Amory Lorch,” Robert said, the wine slurring his voice a touch; Ned knew he was well on his way to being drunk again. It didn’t escape his notice how often this happened, or how rarely Cersei and Jaime joined them for dinner.  The king continued, “I don’t know what Tywin was thinking when he married one of his cousins to such a man. Deirdre deserved better. She’s one of the few Lannisters I actually like.” The king smiled and winked at the girl. Ned said nothing as Deirdre blushed and looked away. The King had no love for Tywin or the rest of Lannisters; he had made that clear, despite his marriage to Cersei.  
  
“Thank you for your sympathies, Lord Stark. And please let me know if there is anything I might do for Bran or Lady Stark. I could take her some supper and watch Bran so she can rest, if you like.”  
  
“You’re very kind, but Lady Stark has made it clear she won’t leave his bedside. But I do appreciate the time you’ve spent with Rickon.”.”  
  
“He’s a sweet child, my lord. No trouble at all.”  
  
Ned signaled Robb over. “Robb, why don’t you and Lady Deirdre take Prince Tommen and Rickon outside? They’re restless and I think Rickon needs fresh air and a distraction. Ask Sansa to take Myrcella with her.”  
  
“Yes, father.” Robb nodded and Deirdre said her farewells.  
  
“She’s a lovely girl,” Robert said to Ned after she left. “Looks like Cersei did when I first wed her, before she became the hateful thing she is now.” He took another drink. “Your oldest son seems rather fond of her as well.”  
  
“The boy isn't blind.”  
  
 Robert laughed, shaking his head.  “Ah, the poor girl.  Ser Thomas treated her horribly, if the rumors are true. Her mother all but threw her into House Lorch, with Tywin's help, and now that that's over Cersei has it in her head to foist her off on some dried-up old man with one foot in the grave.  I don’t want to do that to her again.”  Another drink.  “Seven hells, I'm the king!  I won't do it.”    
  
“What about Renly?” Ned suggested.  The king's brother was quite notoriously unwed.  
  
Robert waved it off.  “He's too busy wenching his way through the southlands.”  
  
“Does she want to marry again?” Ned watched the girl leave with Robb, children in tow.  His son obviously had affection for her; he could see it in Robb’s adoring gaze.  But he had not thought to marry his heir to either a Lannister or a widow, even a young, beautiful one.     
  
 “Hard to say. When men her age are anywhere near her, Jaime Lannister is never far away. You should have seen how quickly he put distance between her and Loras Tyrell when they were introduced. Not that I’d want to join those two houses. Too much money and power in one place. If she wasn’t Cersei’s cousin, I’d likely take her to my bed and…”  
  
“But she is,” Ned reminded him with a slight smirk.  Robert laughed aloud.  
  
Ned noticed Jon watching Deirdre leave as well, but she did not even glance at in his direction. The way Jon’s gaze followed her out of the room spoke of bitterness, as if the two had crossed paths and she had rebuked him or said something cruel. That gave Ned pause.  Robb did not need to be married to a woman who would treat Jon unkindly.  Jon did not deserve it, and Robb would not tolerate it. Ned resolved to keep his observations of Robb's feelings to himself.  
  
xOxOx  
  
Later that evening, Robb said his farewells to Deirdre just outside the guest chambers, and Deirdre turned to walk up the stairs. She was exhausted after spending the last few hours trying to keep up with two energetic young boys. Rickon was wild as always, and Tommen was able to enjoy being a child for once, instead of worrying about being the prince and on his best behavior.  
  
“Deirdre.” She heard a whisper and turned to find Jon waiting for her.  
  
Quickly, she ran over and pulled him down the short hallway to the servants’ quarters. “What are you doing here? If we’re seen together, my cousin will gut you.”  
  
“You’ve been avoiding me, I had no choice,” he whispered and attempted to hold her hand, but she quickly withdrew from him. “Have I done something wrong?”  
  
“We can’t talk here. Meet me in the Godswood in an hour.” Without waiting for his response, Deirdre walked back to the stairs and rushed to her room. She told Caron she was going to bed, so she was left alone with only her muddled thoughts and emotions to keep her company. Finally, when an hour had passed, she went to the Godswood, making certain that no one saw her.  
  
Jon sat alone beside the weirwood tree. He stood when she walked over and she saw how drawn with worry his face was. “Why have you avoided me? I thought after that night…”  
  
“What did you think? That I’d continue to risk both our honor for a future man of the Night’s Watch?” she replied, her voice edged with pain and anger.  “Your sins will be forgiven when you take your vows, but I will not have the same escape. And you knew that all along.”  
  
Jon was taken aback for a moment and was silent. Deirdre wanted to run away - from him, from Winterfell, but mostly from the truth. It hurt too badly to keep saying goodbye to him only to fall back into his arms and deeper in love. And to realize, to put into words, that he’d betrayed her cut her deeply.  
  
“That was before… before I fell in love with you. Now, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I considered going to Father, telling him the truth about my feelings for you. And then you stopped speaking to me and I thought maybe you didn’t feel the same,” he answered quietly. “I know my father will probably not allow it, but…”  
  
Deirdre walked to him, pulling his face to hers, and kissed him deeply. Tears fell on her face but for once, they were happy tears. Her happiness overflowed and she found herself laughing like a child in between kisses. Jon held her tightly, returning each kiss with an equally loving one.  
  
“I love you,” he whispered, kissing the tears on her cheek. “I feel like you’re part of me and these last few days I’ve felt lost without you. Even though we only spent one night together, my bed feels empty.”  
  
“I’ve missed you too,” she whispered.  
  
“Do you think you can come to my room tonight? I need you,” he whispered. His hot breath on her ear sent shivers down her back. Despite the inner voice warning what a dangerous a game she played, she nodded, and they kissed goodbye until later.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N Thanks to Vlad for the beta! And thanks so much for the reviews. You guys are awesome!_   
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**Chapter 5**

 

They spent the next six nights together, making love and then sleeping until just before dawn. Deirdre loved waking up with Jon beside her almost as much as she loved the passion he drove her to the night before.

 

During the days, she had continued to spend time with the children, but her friendship with Robb grew as well. She enjoyed his company, despite her earlier misgivings, and they developed a friendly rapport, sharing their interests in an endless variety of topics. He especially loved telling her the history of the north. She knew the time she spent with Robb made Jon jealous, but he kept it in check, aware as he was that she couldn't give him attention while others were around or people would start asking difficult questions.

 

Robb asked her to go for a walk one night after dinner, and Deirdre assumed others would be joining. She was genuinely surprised to find that they were alone. "Are Arya, Tommen, and Rickon inside?" she asked.

 

Robb nodded and smiled sheepishly at her. "To be honest, I was tired of sharing your attention with my younger siblings and the prince. It's hard to compete against a boy as charming as Rickon."

 

Deirdre laughed and glanced over at him. "And what shall we talk about tonight? Will you tell me more tales of the horrors beyond The Wall?"

 

"You never believe me, so what is the point?" he laughed. "One day I'll take you to Castle Black and we'll stand on The Wall together. Then you'll see with your own eyes. Or after Jon joins the Night's Watch, maybe you'll believe him." Robb hand lowered to rest on her back and Deirdre stiffened slightly. His gesture was tender, but seemed subtly different from any before. And he was talking about future events with the two of them together and Jon at The Wall; both thoughts made her uncomfortable. "Actually, I had other intentions in mind. I was hoping I could convince you to stay in Winterfell a little longer. Rickon has grown rather attached to you and, with Bran being hurt and my mother not being as attentive, he's just lost. Soon father, Sansa, Arya, and Jon are leaving and he'll only have me to occupy his time. I'm certain your family would allow it. Lord Tyrion is going to The Wall with Uncle Benjen and Jon, so when he returns to Winterfell, Theon and I could escort both of you to King's Landing."

 

He stopped and turned to her, lowering his voice to add, "Actually, it's not just Rickon who has grown fond of you."

 

The way he looked at her, his blue eyes seemed to stare right into her soul and left her speechless for a moment. When she regained her voice, she smiled nervously and said, "I don't know if the queen would allow me to stay behind. Does your father think this wise?"

 

"I wanted to ask you first. To see if you had any interest in staying longer." A flash of doubt crossed his face. "Did I misunderstand your feelings? I thought you enjoyed your time here, and you said you dreaded returning to King's Landing. Or is it… I mean… do you not enjoy spending time with me?"

 

"No, I do!" Deirdre insisted, trying to find a way to resolve this new complication without hurting Robb or betraying Jon. "I just don't know how our families would feel about an extended visit."

 

Robb stepped closer to her and placed his hands gently on the sides of her face. Before she realized what he was doing, he kissed her, his lips softly brushing against hers. She was too surprised to think rationally, so he managed to kiss her a second time before she raised her hands to his chest and pulled away.

 

"Robb, if my cousin saw us…" Taking a deep breath, she shook her head and stepped back from him. "I _do_ enjoy spending time with you, very much. I just… it's just… too soon." She saw the rejection in his eyes and it made her feel sick. She hated herself for making him feel badly.

 

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to be so forward." He cleared his throat, nervously. "Well, please consider staying longer, if only while Lord Tyrion is at The Wall."

 

Deirdre smiled and they walked in silence back to the guest halls. Before he left her, she kissed him chastely on the cheek. "Until tomorrow," she whispered with a smile. She hoped his pride was only mildly hurt and he'd not hold it against her, but she knew she was responsible for the misunderstanding. She's spent so much time with him partially to hide her relationship with Jon. Yet part of her wondered if it was more. She looked forward to seeing him more than she should, she realized. With Jon, there was little conversation and she felt she still barely knew him even though she had been more intimate with him than any other. Her thoughts made her head ache, but the doubt in her heart wouldn't go away. Her body yearned for Jon, but Robb had won her over slowly as well. How could she truly love Jon if one kiss from Robb made her doubt her feelings? But if it was Robb she wished to be with, why did she eagerly climb into Jon's bed every night?

 

Tyrion found her there, leaning against the wall, deep in thought. "Cousin, you look as if your mind is far away. Are you well?"

 

"I was just thinking," she said dismissively, and began to climb the stairs. Suddenly she asked, "Have you ever been in love, Tyrion?"

 

"Many times. Each night, in fact. I don't always remember their names, but that doesn't mean I love them any less," he smirked, but seeing her face, he grew serious. "What is it? Have you fallen in love with the Stark boy? What's his name? Robb?"

 

She shook her head, realizing how dangerous her question had been when Tyrion studied her hard. "I was just curious. We've never talked about it before. It seems so complicated."

 

"It is complicated, and sometimes it's best to guard your heart rather than give it. Love can destroy you, if you let it."

 

**xOxOx**

 

Later in Jon's room, Deirdre sat straddling his stomach, lazily moving her mouth up his throat as her unbound hair fell forward and tickled his face. She moved her mouth to his and placed teasing, light kisses on his lips, but every time he'd try to deepen the kiss, she'd pull away with a coy smile. She loved his mouth; his plump full lips that tasted like winter yet felt so very hot against her skin. And his hands, with their long fingers and rough calluses from working with a sword - hands knew her so well that he set her on fire with the lightest touch. His muscles flexed and shifted under her as he sat up, wrapping his arms around her. She smiled and then let him capture her mouth with his own.

 

He broke away and smiled. "I missed you. Why did you come so late?"

 

"I had been walking with Robb, then Tyrion and I spent some time talking. I had to wait until I knew he was asleep or he might have come out of his room when I was leaving."

 

"You were with Robb?" His voice was flat and she felt a twinge of guilt.

 

"Yes. I need to tell you something," she admitted. "Robb kissed me tonight. I wasn't expecting it, but I stopped him when he kissed me the second time."

 

"He did what?" Jon's voice rose in anger and Deirdre shushed him.

 

"Robb's your brother. How could you not have known of his feelings? Don't brothers talk about these things?"

 

"We will now," he snarled, pushing her off his lap and stalking toward the door.

 

Realizing what he intended, Deirdre rushed to stop him, sliding in between him and the door. "Jon, you can't! Robb didn't know about us and you can't say anything to him. I don't want him to think I misled him on purpose and I certainly don't want him to know the truth."

 

"Why? Are you ashamed that you've chosen the bastard son over him?"

 

"I'm not going to even dignify that remark with an answer," she shot back, now as angry as he was. "One day you'll grow up and stop blaming everyone else for you being a bastard. It's not my fault, nor is it Robb's. He could hate you like his mother does, but instead he loves you as much as he loves Bran or Rickon, his true brothers. You _are_ a true brother to him. So I won't let you say anything to him out of petty jealousy over something he's not to blame for. He doesn't know about us, so he did nothing wrong."

 

Deirdre could feel the rage coming off Jon in waves. She wasn't sure if he was madder at Robb or her now.

 

"You defend him so sweetly. It's heartwarming. Did you enjoy it?" he asked, through clenched teeth.

 

"Did I enjoy what?" she asked. Almost immediately, she realized he meant the kiss, and she slammed her hands into his chest and shoved him. "Don't you dare! I'm risking everything to be here with you…"

 

Jon grabbed her hands and pressed her into the door, his dark eyes intense. "You're not denying it. So I'll ask again. _Did you enjoy his kiss?_ Did it make you want him in your bed? You said you stopped him after the _second_ kiss. I wonder if you did want it."

 

Even though he wasn't hurting her, she struggled to get away from him, because of her anger, and because his words hit way too close to the mark. She bit her lip so hard it bled, just to avoid screaming at the top of her lungs how much she hated him. But a little part of her did want to hurt him for treating her like his property. "I told you because I thought I owed you the truth. Next time, I won't tell you. _Next time_ , I might not stop him."

 

"There won't be a next time," Jon warned her, kissing her hard, and she felt a flicker a fear. "You are mine. I am yours. There won't be a next time."

 

"Jon, you're scaring me." She tried to say it calmly.

 

"You're mine," he said again, like he needed her to reassure him. But something held her back from actually saying the words, so she nodded. "Say it."

 

"Let me go," she said, close to tears.

 

Something in him pulled Jon back from whatever madness had overcome him, and guilt and regret filled his face. He let her go quickly and took a step away from her.

 

"I'm sorry…did I hurt you? I don't know what's gotten into me."

 

"I'm fine." Her voice quivered and she was sure she didn't sound very convincing. Jon had never treated her like most men did so it was hard not to hate the part of him that made him do that, even if she loved him. She took a deep breath before adding, "There's so much anger burning in you, Jon. You're untamed, like a dire wolf. And sometimes it's beautiful and passionate, but others…I'm afraid of your bite."

 

"I'm sorry. I just... I don't want to even _think_ about another man touching you, even my brother. Sometimes it scares me too, this feeling. Because I know how dangerous anger can be and I don't want to ever hurt you or cause you to fear me. We all know what madness and jealousy love can cause. Look at Robert's rebellion. A war started because of Rhaegar kidnapping Lyanna when he couldn't resist her beauty. Then my grandfather and uncle racing to reclaim her; it's in my blood to be foolish and rash."

 

Realizing how horrible he felt, her anger subsided somewhat and she said, "You didn't hurt me. Lord Stark doesn't seem to share this impetuous streak that his father and brother had. And I know you wouldn't hurt anyone."

 

"But I wanted to. I wanted to hurt Robb, to make him pay for desiring you. I wanted to _hurt_ him and instead I could have hurt you. And I see your anger, something I don't think is in your nature. I worry that…we're bad for each other. We drive each other to such extremes."

 

"Maybe with love, the feeling is so strong it causes all feelings to be powerful."

 

"I don't want us to destroy each other," he whispered. He stepped further away, turning his back on her.

 

Deirdre was quiet as she realized he couldn't face her for a reason. "Are you…ending this?"

 

He swallowed hard and nodded. "I don't want to, but this... this is madness. We'll never be allowed to be together. This will eventually destroy us."

 

She was cold now. Not the cold of winter that filled every inch of Winterfell, but a cold that pervaded her soul, and made her feel utterly lost. She turned around and, with a calm sadness, said, "How many times have you said we couldn't be together? Then you say that I am yours and you are mine, and out of jealousy because you don't want me to be with Robb. You're acting like a child who breaks something so no one else can play with it."

 

Jon turned and reached for her. "Deirdre…"

 

"No. There's nothing else to say. Except goodbye..." She rushed out of the room before the tears could fall. Her heart hurt; she felt as if someone had embedded a sword in it. She ran to escape the feeling, but it drove itself deeper with each step away from Jon. Mindlessly, she ran down the hallway, needing to put as much distance between herself and him as possible, before she broke down and mourned what had just happened.

 

Deirdre had just reached the second level when Bran's bedroom door opened, but by the time she saw it, it was too late to hide. She stopped suddenly, breathing heavily and praying that he wouldn't look up and see her. But even as she thought it, Lord Stark glanced up at her in surprise. The two silently stared at each other for a few moments before Deirdre bolted past him and through the rest of the hallways to her room, tears streaming down her face. Her heart was racing and she slid to the floor with her back to the door, sobbing and trying to catch her breath.

 

**xOxOx**

 

Ned attempted to follow Deirdre after the realization of where she'd been sunk in. But she moved quickly through the halls and he didn't think it would bode well if he ran down the guest hall past the Kingslayer's door to confront her about sleeping with his son. He heard Robert's laughter coming down the hall from the small solar. Ned took a deep breath and greeted Robert, who had a kitchen wench on his arm and two of his kingsguard following behind him.

 

"Ned! Come drink with me," Robert bellowed as Ned approached him. It was apparent that the king had had more than his share of drink already.

 

"I need to speak to you alone, Your Grace," Ned said. The last thing he needed was Deirdre being caught by one of the Lannisters and brought before Robert without Ned having a chance to talk to him first.

 

Robert reluctantly bid the wench on her way and returned to the solar, dropping into the chair heavily. Ned closed the door behind them, leaving the kingsguard on the other side. Ned Stark was a man of few words. He didn't make small talk and, when he had something to say, he got directly to his point so he did exactly that.

 

"I caught Deirdre leaving Robb's room in the early morning hours." Robert raised his eyebrows, but he remained silent, so Ned continued. "I raised my son to be more honorable than that but..."

 

"Your son bedded a girl in my care. A girl, I might add, that is Tywin Lannister's kin, my _wife's_ kin! And you're standing here acting like he was caught drinking too much wine," Robert slammed his hand down on the table, causing the plates and glasses to clatter. "And if she's with child?"

 

"Robert, we were both young once. Young men make stupid mistakes. Neither of us can judge sins that we've both committed."

 

"I can judge! I'm the king!" Robert stood up suddenly, knocking the chair over as he did. Anger burned in his eyes as he stared at Ned. "He'll marry her before we leave, in three days time. And you'll refuse to ask any dowry from the Lannisters. Seven hells, you will also keep her from his bed until they are married. I don't care if you have to guard him all night personally."

 

Ned nodded, knowing he had no choice in the matter. He had not expected Robert to react so poorly, and though Robb had done this to himself, it seemed unfair to humiliate him. Bad enough he would be forced to wed. "I would not ask it, but in an effort to avoid a conflict with the Lannisters, perhaps we should say that they wished to marry and we approved." That, at least, would grant Robb some dignity.

 

"If you were not my oldest friend, I'd have that boy castrated," Robert replied as he grabbed a cup of wine. "No one can know about last night. _No one._ If Cersei or Jaime find out, I will castrate Robb myself. The last thing I need is any of the Lannisters screaming in my ear about dishonorable Northerners. They're already irate that I'm choosing you and not Tywin or even the damn Kingslayer as Hand of the King."

 

Ned stiffened, but said nothing. The Lannisters were the last ones to talk about dishonor. "With your leave, I'll inform my son."

 

"Yes, and then I want to see both of you down here. I'll send for Deirdre."

 

**xOxOx**

 

Robb answered the knock on his door to find his father standing there, looking angry, yet resigned and exhausted. Robb stepped back when Ned came into the room. He was silent a long time before he turned to his oldest son and said, "I raised honorable sons, not fools who would act on impulsive whims and desires."

 

Remembering the kiss he had shared with Deirdre, Robb lowered his eyes and said, "Forgive me father. I meant no…"

 

"You will marry her. I have discussed it with Robert and you're lucky he's allowing both of you to spare your honor by accepting this marriage. With your sisters and myself leaving for King's Landing, I had hoped I could count on you to rule Winterfell in my place, but I am disappointed. I thought you more honorable than this. And judging her tears and her state of dishevel, she's realized what she's done and has her regrets as well. If she is with child…."

 

"Wait!" Robb exclaimed, and Ned looked shocked at Robb interrupting him. "Father, I only kissed her. I did nothing more than that."

 

"But I saw her leaving your chambers, her clothing in disarray, this morning." Ned's brow wrinkled in confusion, then a flicker of realization crossed his eyes and he rubbed his temples. "No, I saw her leaving this _hall_ , the same hall that both Jon and Theon sleep on. I assumed since you two spent so much time together that it was you. If it's Theon, I'll…"

 

"Jon," Robb said, swallowing back his anger and regret. "It's Jon. She cannot stand Theon and would never be alone with him long enough for him to do _anything_ to her. But Jon has been angry with me ever since she and I began spending time together. Now I know why."

 

Ned paced for a moment, thoughtful, and Robb tried to take everything in. "I never would have thought Jon would be so careless or risky, but nor would I have thought it of you. Forgive me. I was stunned, but I should have come to you first. I followed her, but I could not catch her and I feared she'd been seen, so I rushed to talk to Robert before he found out another way. Robert was furious and insisted you wed her before we leave for King's Landing. As a favor to me, he agreed to make this seem as though he suggested this arrangement." Shaking his head, he added, "He'll never let Jon marry her."

 

"If she's with child, then it would be a bastard," Robb whispered, knowing how much Jon suffered from his parentage."How could he be so foolish?" He nodded after a moment. "I'll marry her."

 

Robb knew his father had no choice but to agree. It had been ordered by the king, and the truth could mean war with the Lannisters, or death for Jon.

 

Attempting a smile, his father said, "She'll make a good wife once she gets used to our ways and the north. Arya and Sansa speak well of her, and you know Rickon adores her. She was very helpful after Bran fell, according to Maester Luwin. And you were already fond of her."

 

"She would be a good wife if she weren't already in love with my brother," Robb replied in a dull voice.

 

"Your mother was supposed to wed your uncle Brandon. Yet we found love and have been happy for many years." Ned put his hand on his son's shoulder and continued, "I'm proud of you. You're doing an honorable thing. Forgive me for doubting you. The King expects us downstairs to tell Deirdre. I'll tell Jon later."

 

"Please let me tell Jon. He'll take it better from me."

 

"Fine, but I'll speak to him tonight. This is not how I raised my sons."


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N Thanks to my super fabulous beta - Vlad._

 

Chapter 6  
  
After his father left, Robb went to Jon’s room and walked in without knocking. Jon was sprawled on the bed, sound asleep, no doubt exhausted after his night with Robb’s future wife. Ghost raised his head, but, seeing Robb, didn’t rise.  
  
“Wake up,” Robb said in a stern voice, trying to control his temper.  
  
Jon rolled over and sat up, rubbing his eyes. “What’s wrong?” Suddenly alert, he asked, “Is it Bran?”  
  
“No,” Robb replied, his jaw tightening. Gesturing to the tangle of furs on the bed, he continued, “Father knows.”  
  
Jon looked at the bed and as surprise sank in, he reached for his breeches. He quickly dressed and, as he put on his boots, he asked, “Where is she? Is she okay?”  
  
“She’s fine. Father caught her running down from our hall as he was coming out of Bran’s room and thought she had been with me. But she ran off before he could ask her. The king has ordered me to marry her.”  
  
Jon started to walk by Robb who grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Jon jerked his arm away and, anger burning in his eyes, told him, “You can’t. I love her.”  
  
“Jon, how could you be so foolish? She’s a _Lannister in the king’s care_. Did you honestly think Ned Stark’s bastard son could marry a Lannister? You weren’t even invited to dine with us that first night for fear it would be offensive to the King and Queen. Why would you possibly think they’d allow this? And to bed a noblewoman before marriage…”  
  
“I knew it was wrong, but you don’t… you’ll never understand what it’s like to be a bastard. To know that no one ever wanted you and you’re just your father’s mistake!”  
  
“Don’t try to make me feel sorry for you or make this about being a bastard. We treated you as our brother. Father treated you as his son.”  
  
“I _am_ his son! And your mother hates me. Everyone looks at me and they’re reminded of the onetime the noblest man they know wasn’t honorable. The one time he betrayed Lady Stark. Everyone but her. Deirdre didn’t see a bastard,” Jon insisted, his voice rising, full of pain, and cutting Robb to the quick. “She’s the one person who wanted me despite everything. And I destroyed that because I realized she deserved someone with more honor. Now you wish me to stand by and watch her marry my brother, the true heir of Winterfell, the legitimate son of Lord Eddard Stark, my better, never my equal.”  
  
Robb took a deep breath. They had been raised together, and shared everything but a name, yet Robb had never realized that Jon thought of him as his better. But today was not the day to dwell on their differences. They were grown now, men with responsibilities to their family. Robb needed Jon to understand this. It wasn’t about either of their feelings for Deirdre now. Jon had to sacrifice his love or House Stark would all suffer the consequences. His father was now Hand of the King, and they were held to an even higher standard than before.  
  
“The Lannisters would never allow you to marry her, and the king can never know it was you. His friendship with father might not be enough if he did. She’s in the king’s care, as well as her cousins. You remember her cousins? The queen and the _Kingslayer_? Do you understand? Jaime Lannister will kill you if the king doesn’t. Besides, if she’s with child, her child would be a bastard,” Robb explained, watching the harsh truth hit his brother full force. “I’m doing this to protect you and your child, if there is one - a child who could be raised as a Stark, not a Snow.”  
  
Jon walked backwards to sit on the bed, his head dropping into his hands. Robb silently watched his brother, pain filling his heart. He grieved more for Jon’s pain than for the fact he was to marry a woman who loved another. “I’ll be good to her, Jon, you know I will. She’ll never be mistreated in Winterfell. I’m sorry, but it’s the only way to protect everyone.”  
  
Jon looked at him, tears filling his eyes. He couldn’t speak for a few moments, merely shaking his head and breathing short, shallow breaths, as if trying to will the pain away.  Robb said nothing. He knew nothing he said could ease the pain. Jon’s eyes beseeched him for another answer, another way to resolve this, but there was nothing to be done now. Jon took a deep breath, visibly forcing himself to accept the truth, before he nodded slowly and deliberately. “I know you’re right but... I can’t be close to her and not be _with_ her.” His voice caught and he had to look away for a moment before continuing.   “And I can't stand by and watch you raise my child.” Returning his gaze to Robb, he looked hard on him, “If you promise me, _promise me_ , that you’ll be a good husband to her and take care of my child if there is one; I’ll go to the wall. I’ll take the black as I planned.”  
  
Robb knew that if he was in Jon’s place, he’d feel the same way. “You have my word.”  
  
~*~  
  
Deirdre looked at the king and Lord Stark in horror when she realized they thought she’d slept with Robb, and were now forcing them to marry. They planned for the marriage to happen within the next few days, before the king and Lord Stark left for King’s Landing. She was too speechless to say anything at first. When she finally opened her mouth to confess, Robb reached down to grab her hand, and said to the king, “Thank you, Your Grace, for this honor. Please forgive our disrespect. We were so caught up in our love that we didn’t think of the consequences.”  
  
“If you were anyone else’s son, I’d make you a eunuch,” the king warned Robb, who looked vaguely sick at the notion.  
  
After they discussed the details with the king and Lord Stark, Deirdre still found herself unable to produce a word, and she allowed Robb to lead her out of the room in silence. They didn’t speak until he had her completely alone, away from prying ears. Tears ran down her face as she listened to his explanation of what had happened this morning with his father, and then with Jon. She sobbed when she learned that Jon was taking the black, and even more so at Robb’s promise to him.  
  
“I’ve ruined both of your lives. I never meant to hurt Jon. Or you,” she whispered and Robb pulled her into his arms.  
  
“It’ll be fine. We’ll find a way to make this work,” Robb assured her. Hearing him use almost the same words that Jon had used their first night together made her cry even harder. When she finally stopped, Robb gently teased, “One day, perhaps, the thought of being married to me won’t cause so many tears.”  
  
Deirdre couldn't help smiling. “I’m a fortunate woman to be betrothed to a man as noble and kind as you are. You’ll make a good husband, but I’m sorry you’re being forced into this.”  
  
“I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I would be pleased to marry you, if the circumstances were different.” He gently cupped her chin before placing a kiss on her forehead. “If you loved me half so much as you love my brother, I would consider myself blessed by this arrangement.”  
  
She couldn’t bring herself to give him any comfort. Her heart had been conflicted since last night, and it was only getting worse. And Robb had been hurt enough by all this; she wouldn’t hurt him more with promises she didn’t know whether she could keep.  
  
~*~  
  
Jon had avoided everyone for most of the day, but he knew that when his father came to his room, he couldn’t hide any longer.  Lord Stark walked into his room, and the two looked at each other in silence for a few moments.  
  
“Jon, you knew better. I _taught_ you to behave more honorably than this.”  
  
“I know.” Jon nodded, unable to meet his gaze. He loved his father and knew Ned loved him as well, but they weren’t close enough for Jon to tell him the truth – that he had fallen in love with Deirdre because she never saw him as Lord Stark’s bastard son.  
  
“We’ve all made mistakes, and I’d be a hypocrite if I couldn’t forgive you surrendering to desire. But considering everything you’ve suffered being a bastard, I would have thought you sensible enough to prevent another child carrying the name Snow.”  
  
Jon flinched, anger flaring in him. He wanted to scream at his father that he was a hypocrite, because he had never considered that risk when he slept with Jon’s mother, whoever she was.  And now his wife treated Jon like it was _his_ fault her husband had been unfaithful.  When Theon or the other men made cruel jabs at Jon, Ned turned a blind eye and said nothing.  
  
Ned sat beside him on the bed with a weary sigh. “I know you’re hurting. I hope someday that you’ll forgive me for… for everything, I suppose. I brought you to Winterfell to protect you, and because it was my duty to care for you, but perhaps I didn’t make you feel loved enough. You’re part of me and I love you as much as I love any of my children.”  
  
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Jon said nothing. His father put his hand on his neck and, pulled him closer. “You put us in a dangerous place, Jon. This type of behavior is not easily overlooked by the king. Deirdre was in his care, his responsibility. You never should have bedded her. If you cannot control your urges, visit the brothel, not a noblewoman’s bed.”  
  
“Is that what you did? Was my mother a whore?”  
  
Anger flared in his father’s eyes and he said, “This is not about your mother. What you did is not excused by pointing out my mistakes. It was a different time then.”  
  
“I love her. I won’t apologize for that.” Jon stood and walked to the fire, keeping his back turned. “And she loves me. She never judged me and I would willingly suffer the consequences to be with her, but I won’t allow you and my brothers and sisters to suffer because of me. If losing the one thing that made me happy is not punishment enough, then the gods are cruel.”  
  
Ned sighed, studying Jon. The only sound for a long time was the crackle of wood in the fire. The silence filled every corner of the room. Jon wondered if he begged his father to fight for Jon, to plead his case to the king to let Jon marry Deirdre, would Father do it? He had never asked for anything of Ned. And he knew now, there was no point. Ned couldn’t give him the one thing he wanted. Jon had already lost her.  
  
“One day, you’ll understand, Jon. There are sacrifices we must make for our honor.”  
  
“Then I hope a day does not come when you are faced with choosing between those you love and your honor, father,” Jon replied coldly.  
  
“It already has when I chose to bring you back to Winterfell so you could have a better life.” Ned's gaze bore into him, and Jon felt ashamed for his bitterness and for dishonoring his house. And most of all, for the pain he caused Deirdre. She never would have been in that hallway if it wasn’t for him hurting her. And now she and Robb would pay for his stupidity.  
  
~*~  
  
The wedding was the talk of Winterfell, a much needed distraction from the concern over Bran. He still had not woken, and only the gods knew if he would. Despite all the well wishers and excitement, Deirdre felt empty, forced to smile and act happy around others until she was exhausted. She knew she should be glad - Robb Stark was handsome, charming, and good-natured, not to mention the heir and future Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North and the eldest son of the Hand of the King. His station in life was far above what she, even as a rich widow of House Lannister, had reason to hope for. And he always made special efforts to make her smile whenever he could - something she wasn’t used to in her life.  
  
If she had never met Jon Snow, she might well have considered herself the luckiest woman in Westeros. But now, she just felt torn open and bleeding. She cried each night when she was alone, feeling sorry for herself because she didn’t know if the love between her and Jon was real. If it was, she was losing him. And if it wasn’t real... would Robb be able to forget how their marriage began - with his brother bedding her first?  She hadn’t seen Jon since her betrothal, but wonder as she might, she vowed to herself that she wouldn’t dishonor Robb by seeking Jon out or asking about him.  
  
Some of the older women of the house spent the first day after the announcement making a wedding dress for her in a beautiful shade of icy blue with white fur trim. It was very different from her first wedding dress, warm and heavy against the cold since they were to be married in the Godswood.  
  
“You look like a princess of winter and snow,” Sansa said when Deirdre came to look in the mirror. “I cannot wait to marry Prince Joffrey and have a beautiful gown. One day, you’ll be both my good-sister and my cousin by marriage.”    
  
Deirdre smiled, trying to hold still for Caron as she finished pinning the hem of the dress. “Yes, we’ll be family twice over.”  
  
“But your wedding will be in King’s Landing where it’s warmer and you won’t have to wear furs at your wedding, Sansa. You’ll wear silks and lace,” Myrcella pointed out. She loved to talk about the wedding with Deirdre. In fact, she talked about the wedding and Robb constantly. Deirdre’s younger cousin thought that her wedding was horribly romantic, and the fact that they had married for love was worthy of songs and legends. Deirdre suspected that Myrcella was a little in love with Robb herself, the dreamy kind of love that girls too young to wed think exists for noble ladies. As though to prove Deirdre’s suspicions, Myrcella smiled and happily pointed out that Deirdre’s dress was the same color as Robb’s eyes when the sunlight hit them - a statement that forced Deirdre to bite back a smile and Arya to roll her eyes.  
  
Jaime’s anger at the impending wedding was enough to drive Deirdre to tears. The first day, he had lectured her on all the reasons why Lannisters were above the Starks, until she felt like her ears would bleed and she broke down in tears in front of him and Cersei both. She was glad she had been spared the face-to-face with Lord Tywin or her mother when they found out. Jaime was suspicious about the reasons behind the match, but with Lord Stark being the Hand of the King and their betrothal having been arranged by the king himself, Jaime could not put up much of a fight.  Cersei, for her part, seemed glad to be rid of her.    
  
“Deirdre, is this what you want?” Tyrion had asked the day before the wedding, when they were alone at breakfast.  She merely nodded, avoiding his eyes. “For someone who is so in love that she cannot wait even a fortnight to be married, you act as if you’re about to be hanged.”  
  
“I’m just upset that Jaime is so against this. Robb’s father is the Hand of the King; this is a good match for me. Would you speak to Jaime? I don’t want him insulting Robb or his family. You’re the only one who he might listen to - other than Cersei and you know she won't help.”  
  
“I think you overestimate my abilities to convince my brother of anything.”  
  
Lord Stark walked into the room, and Tyrion grew quiet. After a moment, Ned asked to speak with her privately, and Tyrion took his leave. They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity before Ned finally looked at her. “Did you know that Lady Stark was betrothed to my older brother?”  
  
“No, my lord,” Deirdre replied, feeling a lump in her throat.  
  
“After my brother was murdered by Aerys Targaryen, she and I were married. It was expected of us. We barely knew each other.” He smiled at the memory. “I thought she was beautiful the first time I saw her, but I had not spoken to her more than a half dozen times before our wedding. Now I cannot imagine anyone but her beside me.”  
  
His faint smile was gentle, and she could see why his children were good hearted people. Tears filled her eyes. She knew that if her mother were here, there would be no one to comfort her - and yet here sat Ned Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Hand of the King, trying to assure her that eventually she’d love his oldest son instead of his bastard son.  
  
“Robb and I will be very happy. And I’m very fortunate to marry such an honorable man,” she assured him.  She knew that no matter what had happened, she owed it to everyone to make Robb happy, to make this right. Unable to stop herself, she broke down in tears and put her face into her hands for a moment. Finally she choked back her emotions and said, “Forgive me my lord. Forgive me for what I’ve done to your family, the pain and embarrassment I’ve caused them. It was never my intent for anyone to be hurt.”  
  
Ned reached out and took her hands in his own. “Please, don’t apologize for loving Jon. He’s had too much hardship in his young life. I’m sorry this is one more hurt for him to bear. But Robb loves him and, someday, Jon will understand what a good thing his brother is doing.  Over time, you and Robb will grow to love each other. Marriages between the noble families rarely begin with love, but that does not mean that you’ll be unhappy.”  
  
“I know you’re right, my lord.” Deirdre tried to regain her composure but was exhausted with the endless pretending of the last three days. “Robb is a good man, and he’ll be a good husband and father.”  
  
“He will, or I’ll know the reason why,” Ned replied, making her laugh.  
  
After Lord Stark left her, Deirdre thought about the turn of events. The Stark family was wonderful to her, despite anything Jaime said about them. Her own family had caused her much more pain in her life, and had never been more than people with whom she shared the same blood. It felt nice to know that she might actually have a family that cared about each other’s happiness and comfort. Lord Stark was a good man, probably the most honorable man she’d known.  If Robb was anything like his father, he’d make her happy.  
  
~*~  
  
Ned went to sit with Bran and Catelyn. He hadn’t been able to spend much time with his wife since Bran’s fall; she wouldn’t leave her son’s side, and he had a household to run in her place.  The presence of the king's party didn't make the job any easier.  
  
Catelyn looked ten years older than she had a month ago; her hair was dull and lifeless, and there were dark shadows under her eyes. She barely glanced at him before she continued with her knitting. “Robb just left. He’s anxious about wedding. Ned, is this wise? She’s a Lannister. Did you forget Lysa’s warning?”  
  
“She’s nothing like Cersei and her brothers. She didn’t even grow up in King’s Landing, so I hardly think she’s involved in any conspiracy against Robert.”  
  
“No, she grew up in Casterly Rock with Lord Tywin, the man who raised Cersei, the Kingslayer, and the damned Imp,” Catelyn replied. “And riches or not, she’s a widow. Why would you agree to this?”  
  
“Robb loves her,” Ned claimed, with a lump in his throat. “I couldn’t refuse.”  
  
“Robb is a young man being ruled by his desires. Just because he wants something doesn’t mean we should allow it. You should have been the voice of reason. He’s your oldest son, the heir to Winterfell. This isn’t a wise decision. I don’t trust her.”  
  
Ned wished he could tell his wife the truth, but he knew it would only be one more excuse for her to turn her wrath on Jon. He tried a different approach.  “Do you trust me?” His wife looked at him with irritation, then nodded.   “Catelyn, I’ve spoken to her, and she’s nothing like Cersei. She’s gentle and kind and the children love her.  I think that she’ll be a good wife for our son.”  
  
“I can’t believe you’re even thinking of a wedding while Bran lies here…”  
  
“Robb wants me and his sisters there.  And the king insisted,” Ned explained again.  “Robb needs you to be accepting of this as well. It’ll make it much easier for him if his mother is willing to guide his new wife in her duties here. She’s not from the North, and winter is coming.”  
  
Catelyn was silent for a few moments before nodding and saying, “I need to stay with Bran. Don’t ask me to join wedding festivities while my son lies here, not moving.”  
  
“You can leave his side for the ceremony, at least, even if you won’t come to the feast. It’ll be hard enough for Robb to not have his little brother there.” Ned came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, gently squeezing. “Please, Cat, do this for Robb, if not for me.”  
  
“Have Robb bring her to see me tonight. I would like to know what type a lady my son intends to marry.”


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

_A/N Thanks to Aearwen and Vlad for betaing me and to everyone for the reviews!_

 

**Chapter 7**

**  
**

  
Caron finished braiding Deirdre’s hair and fastened it in a knot. “Are you certain you do not wish to wear the red and gold gown?”  
  
“No, it’s too bold. Besides, the Starks seem to favor blues and grays,” Deirdre replied with a frown. “She’s going to hate me.”  
  
“How could she possibly hate you? You’re a sweet, smart girl. Her husband and her king arranged this marriage; there is no reason she shouldn’t approve. Besides, her son loves you.”  
  
‘Not her son,’ Deirdre thought sadly, but then Lady Stark didn’t know the truth. Before she could say anything else, there was a knock on the door. She rose and opened it to find Robb waiting for her. Like always, he gave her a charming smile; but his gaze traveled over her, looking for anything of which his mother might disapprove.  
  
“You look enchanting,” he said at last. “I have a gift for you. Close your eyes.”    
  
Deirdre did as he asked and felt Robb put a bracelet on her wrist, and then he came around behind her to put a necklace on her as well.  
  
“Ages ago, these were a gift from the king to my aunt, Lyanna. Father said the king requested he find these for you,” he explained, Deirdre opened her eyes to find a delicate bracelet of braided silver wrapped around icy blue stones. “Father said the stones reminded Robert of snow and ice.”  
  
“It’s beautiful,” she said with a smile, and walked to the vanity to look at the necklace. It was delicate and subtle like the bracelet with a larger blue stone hanging down. Caron agreed with Deirdre, then smiled at them and excused herself from the room.  
  
Returning to doorway, Deirdre said, “Thank you. It’s so kind of your father and the king to allow me to wear something so meaningful to both of them.” Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him on the cheek.  
  
 “I know you must be nervous but my mother will grow to love you in time.” Robb rested his hand on her cheek and looked deep in her eyes. Since their betrothal had been announced, he had tried to be attentive without being too aggressive, a fact she appreciated. But despite her love for Jon, Deirdre felt something for Robb; she just didn’t know how to define it. So when he bent down to kiss her, she returned his kiss. Robb had always seemed safe and predictable, but his kiss wasn’t. After his tentative first kiss, he smiled and tasted her lips again, slowly. Deirdre sensed the restrained passion in him, and suddenly he didn’t seem as predictable anymore. His lips and tongue moved against hers with surprising skill, and she found herself leaning into him, wrapping her arms around his neck.  
  
“Ah, young love is so refreshing.”  
  
Deirdre heard Tyrion’s voice from the hall and almost jumped away from Robb, but he held her firmly. He turned, his arm lowering to rest around her waist, and smiled at Tyrion. “You should not begrudge our love or our youth, Lord Tyrion. We know how fleeting youth is and how rare love can be.” He spoke with such a quiet confidence and grace that it surprised Deirdre, and she wondered what other surprises he had for her. Tomorrow they would marry, and tonight she felt like she was seeing him for the first time.  
  
“As long as you love my cousin and make her happy, you have nothing but my blessings, Lord Stark.” Tyrion bowed with a smirk. “But perhaps you should wait until after you are married to linger too long in her bedroom door. My brother could happen by and get the wrong impression.”  
  
“We’re going to see Lady Stark now. Perhaps we will see you at dinner. I promise we’ll behave.” Deirdre couldn’t resist a smile, for the first time feeling genuinely at peace with the fact she was marrying Robb.  Much worse could have happened, after all, and Robb would be a good husband that perhaps she’d grow to love. She liked him well enough now, at least, and he treated her with respect and care.  
  
“I won’t make the same promise,” Tyrion answered as Robb led her down the hall.  
  
xOxOx  
  
“So tell me about your family,” Lady Stark said, studying her. While Catelyn didn’t appear to be hateful, she was intimidating – all the more so because Deirdre knew her approval would be important to Robb.  
  
They all sat at a small table in Bran’s bedroom and drank tea by the fire. Deirdre could feel so much tension in the air that she had to force her cup not to shake when she put it down. Robb seemed aware as well and, after an encouraging smile, he reached out and took Deirdre’s hand.  
  
“My father died during the attack at Lannisport by the Greyjoys when I was a child. Afterwards, Lord Tywin moved my mother and me into his keep at Casterly Rock. I don’t remember my other home very well. By the time I arrived, the queen and Ser Jaime already lived in the capital and Tyrion traveled between both the capital and Casterly Rock often. I think Lord Tywin felt the keep was too empty. I stayed there until I married Ser Thomas of House Lorch.”  
  
“Ser Thomas? Ser Amory’s brother?” Catelyn’s eyes flew to Robb’s, and Deirdre saw her concern.  
  
“Ser Amory was his younger half-brother, my lady. They had different mothers,” Deirdre said quietly. She could see the disgust in Catelyn’s face. “I’m afraid House Lorch bears an unfortunate history.”  
  
“Ser Amory killed Princess Rhaenys Targaryen, a mere girl of four, by stabbing her over fifty times. I think that’s more than unfortunate,” Catelyn replied. sharply and Robb shot his mother a look, but if she noticed, she didn't acknowledge it.  “And was Ser Thomas much like Ser Amory?”  
  
Deirdre hesitated; for all his faults, she didn’t like to speak ill of her late husband. But she knew that Catelyn needed assurance that her son wasn’t marrying a woman who found the murder of children acceptable.  
  
“He wasn’t close to his brother. He found Ser Amory to be coarse and considered him to be his father’s bastard.  Some objection to his father's second wife, I'm told.  Ser Amory did not attend our wedding because of the conflict,” Deirdre answered. “But my husband wasn’t a very kind man, either, and I doubt he cared much about what atrocities his brother committed during the war.”  
  
Catelyn’s gaze seemed to lose some of its hardness. “I’m surprised Lord Tywin would marry his kin to anyone in House Lorch. Didn’t your mother have concerns about this?”  
  
“My mother felt it was more important to always make Lord Tywin happy, so she did as he asked,” Deirdre explained. “And it was an opportunity for her to be rid of me.”  
  
Robb squeezed her hand and said gently, “Then we’re blessed to keep you here in Winterfell for her.”  
  
“Do you like the North?” Lady Stark had a way of looking at her that made Deirdre feel that she could read her mind.  
  
“It’s very different from Casterly Rock and King’s Landing, but I find it beautiful here. And I’m quite taken with the people in Winterfell. There is honesty and truth here in what you see, something that I found lacking at the capital. People say what they mean here, rather than grasping for influence with every breath.  I’ve never been very…ambitious, if that’s the word. Power isn’t important to me.”  
  
“One day, your husband will be Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North,” Catelyn pointed out with a small smile toward Robb. “How will you feel about that power?”  
  
“It’s something Robb will have earned, not I,” Deirdre glanced at Robb. “I’d support my husband but…” her voice trailed off and she glanced at Lady Stark. “May I be honest, Lady Stark?”  
  
“I’d prefer it,” Catelyn replied.  
  
“I’ve spent most of my life trying to do I was told without knowing what my future holds, nor having any say in it. There’s comfort in knowing what Robb’s future is, because I’ll know better how to help him and what my own role is.” Catelyn smiled at her and Deirdre felt it was genuine. “And I hope that one day we’ll have a family. The thought of children someday makes me happy.”  
  
Lady Stark glanced over at Bran and nodded thoughtfully. “It’s not easy but it’s worth all of the suffering and doubt. And I know Robb will be a good father.”  
  
“Rickon and Prince Tommen adore Deirdre. I know she’ll make a lovely mother,” Robb assured his mother.  
  
“I’m sure she will. I suppose you two should go to dinner now. You’ll have a long day tomorrow and you’ll need your rest,” Lady Stark said as she rose. She turned to Deirdre and took both her hands. “I’m very happy that you and my son have found love. And it will be nice to have a young lady here after my Sansa leaves.”  
  
“Thank you, Lady Stark,” Deirdre said with a smile. “I feel very blessed to become part of your family.”  
  
Robb kissed his mother on the cheek then went and kissed Bran on the forehead. Deirdre smiled at his affection for his brother. She’d never met a family quite so affection and loyal to each other. Even Cersei and Jaime barely touched, much less hugged or kissed, and she was fairly sure she’d never seen Tywin show anyone any affection. She stepped out into the hall alone to give Robb some time with his brother.  
  
“And did you meet with Lady Stark’s approval?” Theon asked as he came down the hall in her direction.  
  
“I think so,” she replied.  
  
“I wanted to talk to you,” Theon said, cupping her elbow and leading her away from Bran’s door. “You and I are going to see each other frequently with you remaining in Winterfell, married to Robb. Robb is like a brother to me. We can at least be civilized, if not friends.”  
  
“Perhaps we can start over again, Theon.”  
  
Theon took her hand and shook it gently. “Lady Deirdre, it would be an honor.”  
  
“What are you doing?” Robb asked, giving Theon a strange look. “Are you pretending to be chivalrous and charming? She’s not that naïve.” He winked at Deirdre, and Theon rolled his eyes, letting her hand go as Deirdre laughed.  
  
xOxOx  
  
The King insisted the wedding ceremony only include their families and his own, in order to be less disruption to the Stark household while Bran was still not well. This allowed for Jon to be excluded without too many questions, but Deirdre was surprised when he did attend. Jaime and Tyrion presented her to Robb. First, they were married in the Godswood, beautifully lit by lanterns, in a service to the Old Gods to honor the Stark family. Then they went to the sept to be married in a service of the Seven to honor the Lannisters.  
  
Deirdre said her vows and made it through the ceremonies without crying. Lady Stark was stoic as always, but Deirdre knew by the serenity in her eyes that she was pleased for her son. Catelyn would never know the reasons or circumstances that led to this and Deirdre felt badly a pang of guilt that her marriage began had to start with so many lies.

  
Vows spoken, they kissed chastely before the king's teasing that was no way to kiss a woman. Amidst the chuckles, Robb took her in his arms and really kissed her. Deirdre blushed and buried her face in his shoulder afterward, and Robb held her tightly as their family gathered round them. Lady Stark kissed Robb and embraced her before returning to Bran.  
  
They entered the wedding feast hand in hand, ushered to the head table with Lord Stark, the King and Queen. Tyrion and Jaime sat with them plus Robb had requested that Uncle Benjen, Arya, Sansa, and Rickon sit with them as well. Despite the fact it was a celebration, it was subdued with everyone still concerned about the little Stark lord. There were more people from Winterfell there than at the feast the night Deirdre had arrived; in fact, it seemed like everyone that lived within the castle walls had attended in their finest attire.  
  
Deirdre was pleased that Jaime managed to shake Robb's hand with only a mild warning to take care of his cousin or he'd know about it. He and Tyrion also gifted them with a very generous purse of gold. Both the king and queen and the Starks gifted them with gold, jewels and the stronghold Ramsgate near the Broken Branch River and gave Deirdre an exquisite white cloak with thick grey fur. Even Sansa gifted them with a beautiful quilt with two direwolves on it that she and the other ladies had made for their marriage bed.  
  
When they were alone for a moment, Robb gave Deirdre with a silver broach of a direwolf sigil and a braided silver ring with a sapphire. Also, he said he intended to take her to pick out a new horse that was more suited to the northern weather than her mare was.  
  
Tyrion had helped her find a gift for Robb, and she presented him with an exquisite dagger of Valyrian steel. Deirdre had designed the etching on the blade to show direwolves surrounding a lion. Jaime frowned upon seeing it but thankfully said nothing. As she told Tyrion when she requested it, she was becoming a Stark now and wished to honor her husband by showing that. He understood more than anyone her desire to find some sort of family, one that accepted her. Robb kissed her when he saw it, cupping her face gently, clearly touched by the gift. Deirdre blushed because everyone in the hall could see them, but her husband seemed to not care, a fact that amused the king. After Robert began teasing him, Robb lowered his hand to hold hers, lacing his fingers between hers. The gift giving seemed to go on for hours before the feast began.  
  
Her new husband was so attentive to her that Deirdre barely paid attention to anyone else. She felt eyes on her often throughout the night but resisted any urge to look for Jon. It was already awkward that he wasn't sitting with his brother, but she didn't want to appear as if she missed his company. It was rather hard to even think about him with so much else going on around her. A man with a harp played and sang for them, and the king drank more than he should have, causing the feast to take on a more lively tone.  
  
After they'd eaten, people began to drift away from the tables to drink and dance. Robb danced with her, holding her closely to him, and his eyes never left her face. She could see his happiness and some of the worry about their forced marriage began to subside. Lord Stark also danced with her, while Robb danced with Sansa. After dancing with Ned Stark, she danced with Benjen Stark. It was the first time she'd spoken to him and she found him quiet, much like she'd expect a man of the Night's Watch to be. After dancing with her, he turned and held her hand out to Jon much to both of their surprise. She supposed it seemed logical to Benjen that she dance with Robb's brother.  
  
They stared at each other awkwardly before realizing they had to dance or people would think something strange, but Deirdre kept some distance between them. She saw both Robb and his father watching them, making things even more uncomfortable. She didn't meet his gaze but Jon asked softly, "Are you well?"  
  
She nodded uncomfortably, wishing she was anywhere else at the moment. Jon smelled strongly of ale and wine, making her even more nervous. She was grateful when the king cut in on their dance despite the fact she didn't really want to dance with the king either. After their turn, she said she needed more wine and went back to the table. Robb joined her shortly after, more quiet than before and she silently cursed the fact that Jon had come to the wedding. She was fine if she didn't see him. Robb didn't need a reminder either. Seeking to comfort him, Deirdre reached out to hold his hand, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. Robb smiled and kissed her lips, lingering for a few moments before breaking away, but he drew her closer to him, resting one arm around her and holding her hand with the other hand.  
  
After another hour of people dancing and drinking and coming to their table with their well wishes, Deirdre began to feel slightly overwhelmed by all the people and the warmth in the great hall. Turning to Robb she said, "It's rather warm in here. I'm going to go outside for a moment or two."  
  
"I'll come with you," he rose and the two began to walk away from the table before two men whose names she had forgotten if she'd ever known them rushed over, grabbing Robb and dragging him away with talks of him settling a bet. He glanced at her helplessly and she smiled, continuing to walk toward the doors.  
  
It took her too long to navigate through the well wishers and, by the time she was outside, she felt like she was going to faint from the heat. The cool air calmed her nerves so she took some deep breaths, trying to stop feeling ill. Her warm dress had seemed smart when they got married in the Godswood but not after the wedding feast in a room full of people.  
  
The moon cast an ethereal glow on the courtyard, and she noticed how much more beautiful it looked here than she'd ever seen. And the air seemed so clean and pure when it snowed. She was glad she didn't have to return to the capital or Casterly Rock.  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by laughter as some people exited the hall. Deirdre turned to find Jon with two women. All three were drunk and being loud, plus both women had their arms intertwined with Jon's. The women were small-folk judging their dress, and older than she and Jon by a couple of years. Neither was particularly beautiful; not ugly, just plain. One of them, with a full bosom that overflowed her too-small dress and dull brown hair, was whispering in Jon's ear.  
  
"Oh, it's the beautiful bride!" Jon announced before laughing hysterically. He led the girls to her as Deirdre tried to hide her hurt feelings. "Or should I call you _sister_ now?"  
  
Deirdre straightened her shoulders and forced a smile, despite the fury stirring in her. "Lady Stark will do fine."  
  
"Your dress is beautiful," the woman with dark hair said then added, "You're so lucky. Lord Robb is very handsome. Best wishes for both of you." She seemed more polite than the one whispering to Jon. That woman glanced over at Deirdre with a look that spoke volumes about how little she cared who Deirdre was or that it was her wedding.  
  
"Yes, Robb is handsome. But both of Ned Stark's sons are yummy," she practically purred, stroking her fingers through Jon's hair.  
  
" _Lord_ Eddard Stark," Deirdre shot back. Normally such titles wouldn't bother her; but it was her wedding, and she'd be damned if she let a guest be rude. At least that's what she told herself to explain her flash of anger. But if she was being honest, she'd admit it didn't help matters that the woman was all over Jon like a common whore.  
  
The dark-haired woman must have sensed the tension growing because she glanced at Jon nervously. The other woman's gaze shot daggers at her as she added, "Isn't Jaime Lannister your cousin as well?  
  
"Yes, _Ser_ Jaime is my cousin."  
  
"You're surrounded by such handsome men. Aren't you lucky?" The woman seemed to have forgotten her seduction of Jon and was focused now on insulting Deirdre. "Yet you seem so unhappy. What's the matter, _girl_? Is all that Lannister gold not enough to buy you a little happiness?"  
  
Deirdre was taken aback by the blatant attack on her from a complete stranger. Before she could say anything though, Jon interjected, "If you'll excuse us, I've promised these ladies some more summer wine." The woman's attention returned to him.  
  
"Lord Snow?" Deirdre called out, as they walked past her. "Please see that your guest doesn't return to the hall. She's not welcome. I'll be damned if this _girl_ will have a common whore at my wedding feast alongside the king and queen and your lord father. She's lucky I don't do more than remove her from the feast."  
  
The woman was seething but seemed to know enough to keep her mouth shut after Deirdre put her in her place. Embarrassed, the dark haired girl muttered an apology before Jon encouraged them to move away.  
  
"Ladies, if you'll head towards the kitchen, I'll join you in just a moment." As soon as the women walked away, Jon turned back to her with a smile. He studied her for a moment then replied, "It was a lot easier than I realized it'd be."  
  
"What was?" she asked as he walked closer to her.  
  
Jon grew serious for a moment before smiling, but his smile clearly forced this time. She saw anger and pain reflected in his eyes and felt a pang of guilt. "Theon once told me that if you play the blushing virgin well enough, even a high born woman will spread her legs. I was surprised at how eagerly you seduced me though. I didn't even have to try that hard."  
  
When his words sank in, Deirdre slapped him hard across the face, the strike filling the silence outside. Deirdre's breath came in short bursts after, torn between rage and pain. Jon's smile disappeared as his jaw clenched and he kept his face turned from her, his cheek reddening from her slap. She wondered how she could have been so wrong about him. "Enjoy your life at The Wall, Jon. I hear it's as cold as your heart apparently is. Unfortunately for you, there are no women to trick into your bed."  
  
His eyes rose to hers, and he reached out to grasp her around the back of the neck, drawing her close to him. He whispered, "One day you'll have to tell me if my brother brings you as much pleasure as I did. Perhaps at night, you'll regret trading the bastard for the heir."  
  
Deirdre pulled away quickly. Before he could touch her again, she turned, and stormed toward the door, forcing herself not to run away from him. When she reached the door, Robb was coming outside looking for her. He glanced at Jon and then at her stricken face.  
  
"Jon, it's our _wedding_ night. Couldn't you at least stay away from her tonight out of respect for _me_?" Robb's jaw tightened in anger as he looked at his brother. He reached for Deirdre's waist, pulling her close to him.  
  
Jon said nothing, and Deirdre quickly wiped a tear away, hoping Robb didn't see it. She shook her head and, once again, forced a smile. "Jon was just wishing us well."  
  
Robb looked deep into her eyes, and she lowered her gaze. She didn't want to upset or insult him but also didn't want to cause problems between brothers.  
  
"I was saying farewell. I wish both of you a long and happy marriage." Jon said in a flat voice and stalked off.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N Hopefully I didn't lose a lot of my readers with the last chapter! *nervous* lol Thanks to Aearwen and Vlad for the beta!_

 

 

**Chapter 8**

 

When they were alone again, Robb said, "All I ask is that you do not lie to me." He pulled her chin up and forced her to look at him. "Please."

 

"We were just talking. He's had too much wine..."

 

Robb studied her with gentle concern before asking, "Did he upset you?"

 

Deirdre wouldn't lie to him, so she didn't answer him; she just put her hands in his. "Please, can we not speak about Jon? It doesn't matter. You and I are married now. I want to start our new lives together, not live in the past."

 

Robb bent down and kissed her, taking her into his arms and holding her. "I know today has been difficult for you, but it will get easier."

 

Deirdre nodded and rested her head on his chest. He smelled of leather and fur with a pleasant hint of spices. She noticed new things about Robb each day, things she had never taken notice of with Jon. Robb was more even tempered and open with her. Even when he was angry or frustrated, he kept his emotions under control; she could not say the same for Jon. As slowly as her friendship with Robb had begun, she felt a closeness to him that was very different from her tempestuous relationship with Jon.

 

"Are you two trying to sneak away?" Theon called from the doorway, and a group of men and ladies filed out after him.

 

Before either of them could say anything, the men picked up Deirdre and began carrying her to their bedding chambers in a vacant hallway of the castle that had been especially prepared for their wedding night. The crowd was cheering and making rude jokes while they walked. Deirdre had been through this before but assumed that since she was a widow and not a virgin, the bedding ceremony wouldn't be observed. She had hated it the first time she was married, and it was no less humiliating now; but at least her cousins abstained this time, as did most of the men from the king's party. The jests of strangers were easier to endure.

 

In the bedding chambers, the men removed her gown in between laughter and jokes. The women were also undressing Robb and giggling, but she heard Robb chuckling a few times. Deirdre covered herself while the men untied her corset and they made no move to stop her. That was a surprise; the men who had prepared her for her for her first husband hadn’t been nearly so considerate of her then-virginal shyness. This time, no one even touched her other than then Theon had lifted her up to lay lay her on the bed and he did so with much more respect than she would have ever expected from him. Robb was soon pushed into the bed by the women, and the whole crowd left the room with cheers and catcalls.

 

After they were alone, Robb sat up and grabbed a blanket, handing it to her without turning around. "I'm sorry. I didn't think they were going to do that. But you don't have to…"

 

Deirdre covered herself and whispered, "Do you not want me, my lord?"

 

"Of course I do," he replied quickly, turning to face her. "But I don't want to force this on you."

 

"I see," Deirdre replied, wrapping the blanket around herself and rising from the bed. "I'll just put on a gown so you won't feel uncomfortable."

 

She realized she had no clothes other than her wedding gown, and stopped short in the middle of the floor.  Soon she felt gentle hands on her shoulders, followed by a light kisses on her neck.

 

"It's not that I don't want you. Honestly, I didn't think you'd want me…I mean, you were forced into this wedding."

 

Deirdre turned to him and saw how shaken he looked. Their marriage was already so confusing to both of them. Robb lowered his hands to her waist. She sensed how unsure he felt as they kissed lightly a few times.

 

"Robb, I said I didn't want to live in the past. You're my husband now and it's our wedding night. You're supposed to make love to me."

 

He was silent for a moment before he sighed, cupping her face in his hands. " I need a better reason than expectation. I don't think a woman should be forced to lie with her husband because he demands it. I don't want you to ever feel like it's not your choice."

 

Deirdre stood speechless for a few moments. Robb was entitled to take her anytime he wanted, by oath, she was his. But instead of demands, he presented only himself – and hoped she would choose him anyway. Men hadn't offered her the freedom to choose many things in her life, least of all things they had every right to take by force, and she hardly knew what to do.

 

"Is it wrong that I want to seduce my wife?" he asked with a smile.

 

She dared a smile. "No, it's not wrong, just unexpected. I'm not used to men giving me such freedom."

 

"You're my wife, not a possession. Have you met the women of my house?" he pointed out. "If Arya or my mother weren't allowed their freedom and independence, my father's life would be _very_ unpleasant. I have no desire to have an unhappy woman in my bed at night."

 

Reaching up, Deirdre stroked his cheek. "You're unique, Robb Stark. If there were more men like you, Westeros would better for it."

 

Suddenly, Robb smiled and walked over to the bed, gathering up pillows, blankets, and furs while Deirdre watched him curiously. He piled everything on the floor in front of the fireplace, seeming to have forgotten he was nude, Deirdre couldn’t help but smile as she admired his body. He picked up a bottle of wine and cups that had been set out for them, and took her hand, leading her to sit on the furs. He then joined her on the floor, pulled a blanket over his lap and poured them both a cup of wine.

 

"I love sleeping by the fire," he explained before taking a sip of the wine. "It sooths me to watch the flames, and it helps me think."

 

Glancing at his profile, she noticed how much the fire made his Tully auburn hair stand out. "And what are you thinking now?"

 

Robb stared at the fire for a moment before answering. "I'm thinking what the next few months will bring. My father leaving Winterfell and taking my sisters; it just seems strange to think of them not here. Jon is leaving. And Bran is…well, Bran is still unknown. And now we're married." Taking another sip of wine, he admitted, "I'm expected to be a good husband and be responsible for Winterfell and act as the Warden of the North and I don't know if I'm ready. And winter is coming, whether I'm ready or not."

 

"Your parents seem to have prepared you all for such responsibility."

 

"I'm frightened," he admitted. The flames flickering on his face made him seem younger and more vulnerable. "The north is a vast and complicated land. I wasn't prepared to lead so soon. I thought I'd have my own holdfast someday, but not Winterfell and the whole north, not until much later."

 

"Your father was younger than you when he became Lord of Winterfell during the war."

 

"I'm no Eddard Stark," he laughed, turning toward her.

 

"No, you aren't. But he wasn't _always_ a great man. Once he was a boy with no responsibilities and then it was all thrust upon him long before he was ready. And someday your son will be having the same doubts and saying he's no Robb Stark."

 

" _Our_ son," he reminded her. He reached over and took her hand, fingers intertwining with hers. Her heart sped up under his lingering gaze. "And I want to be a good husband to you, a good father to our children; a man you can be proud to call your own."

 

Moving his hand to the back of her neck, he brought her closer, and tasted her lips. His lips were soft and sweet with the perfect blend of tenderness and need. He sucked her bottom lip in between his, causing her mouth to open slightly in surrender. Tilting his head, his tongue insistently sought entrance into her mouth, then he gently stroked her tongue with his own.

 

Deirdre was amazed when he seemed to fill her senses completely, so she was focused solely on him. It wasn't like the fire burning uncontrolled and frightening through her as with Jon. It was a slow building warmth that teased her, kept her eagerly wanting more. Robb's moves were slow and deliberate, seeming to savor every taste and touch of her. Something about the fact that he was her husband made her feel more eager to please him, a concept that was foreign to her in her first marriage. She belonged to him, and he to her.

 

His hand on her shoulder, Robb pulled her closer to him and moaned into her mouth when she trailed her fingers up his sides. He shifted his weight, pressing his body against hers as his kiss deepened. Deirdre surrendered, following his lead. Desire coursed through her body; she wanted more of him.

 

With a shaky breath, he whispered her name. Deirdre blinked her eyes open to find him watching her intently. He swallowed hard and tried to pull away. "I'm sorry. I said we didn't have to rush."

 

She kept him from moving by wrapping her arms around his waist and replied, "No, but you said you intended to seduce me."

 

"I don't want you to feel pressured."

 

"I feel…" she smiled up at him. "Well, I am a little warm."

 

"Do you want to move back to the…" his voice trailed off as she slowly pulled the blanket off herself. Robb looked at her nakedness in silence but his eyes took in the sight fully.

 

Deirdre leaned forward and placed open-mouthed kisses on his throat, letting her hands roam his chest. His muscles weren't as bulky as Jon's, but there was a lean hardness of undeniable strength to them, like silk covering iron. And he had a scatter of freckles on each shoulder that she traced with her mouth. The brothers were as different as two men could be, but equally alluring to her. With a rush of guilt, she forced the comparison from her mind. It belonged in the past, and that was gone now. This was where she was meant to be. Not with Jon.

 

Deirdre sensed Robb's hesitation and raised her eyes to his. His earlier confidence seemed to waver, and she wondered, belatedly, if he'd ever been with a woman. She had assumed so, from his skilled kisses, but a kiss was not everything.

 

"Have you been with another?" she asked quietly.

 

He furrowed his brow. "Not exactly. I mean…almost." At her look of confusion, he added, "Of course I've kissed a girl or two and we touched but not like this. Not unclothed. And there was a woman at a brothel and she did things _to_ me, but I didn't desire her and I just…didn't want to do it, not with her."

 

Deirdre's curiosity was piqued, but she didn't want to be nosy. Robb cheeks reddened as he admitted, "She was older and…she looked a lot like my mother so I just…"

 

She couldn't restrain the laughter that slipped out so she buried her face in her arm, laughing so hard she had tears rolling down her face. Soon Robb was laughing as well.

 

"It was _horrible_ ," he said, still laughing. "It scared me away from the brothel for good. And I couldn't face my mother for weeks. I've never told anyone this, not even Theon or Jon. Theon thinks I bedded her but there was no way I could have."

 

"You poor thing," she laughed and put her arms around him, nuzzling her face in his neck. When they both collected themselves she asked, "I assume that I do not remind you of your mother."

 

"Only when you keep mentioning her," he chuckled.

 

When he grew serious again, Robb reached over and began gently pulling the pins from her hair, letting the curls cascade down around her shoulders. She smiled, watching his brow furrow with determination. When it was all free, he ran his hand through some of it, saying, "I prefer it loose. You don't have to _try_ to look beautiful with fancy dresses and hair ornaments like some women."

 

Deirdre blushed and Robb cupped her face in his hands and whispered, "You're most beautiful woman I've ever seen. From the first day you came to Winterfell, I couldn't keep my eyes off you. You move like a cat, graceful and elegant, but with a wary sense of caution that makes me wonder who hurt you so. I love the way you focus solely on whoever is talking to you, whether it's Rickon, a serving girl, or the king, treating them like their words are important and like you truly care. And when you think no one is watching you, you try to not be noticed, but it's impossible because you breathe life into any room. It just takes my breath away. Even if you never love me, I will continue to try every day to make you smile because when I do, you look at me and I feel like I'm capable of… _anything_."

 

Deirdre was speechless. No one had ever said anything so heartfelt and beautiful to her, and she knew by looking into his eyes that he meant every word. She'd been desired before, but Robb saw past his desire and saw her in a way no one else ever had and she truly felt special for the first time in her life. Tears filled her eyes and she tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

 

Robb watched her for a moment before saying, "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

 

He started to pull his hands away from her face but she covered them with her own. "No, Robb. These tears are because that was the most _beautiful_ thing anyone has ever said to me," she admitted, smiling. "You're nothing like any man I've met before. And I _do_ feel proud to be your wife. I never thought I'd be so fortunate to have a husband that treated me so wonderfully."

 

Deirdre leaned in to kiss him with all the emotion she was feeling. He wrapped his arm around her waist, any hesitation he had earlier now gone, and he lowered his other hand to her hips, pulling her flush against him. Wanting to be closer still, Deirdre intertwined her legs with his and pressed her breasts again his hard chest.

 

Robb's mouth moved from her lips down her throat, and she buried her fingers in his thick hair. His mouth blazed trails down her body and across her breasts, alternating between tender kisses and soft nibbles as his fingers skimmed across her skin.

 

"Robb," she moaned and his gaze met hers. She lowered her hands to move the blanket that was bunched up around his waist still covering him. His breath hitched when she gently wrapped her hand around his hard length, then moaned when she stroked him. His breathing came in uneven gasps for a few moments before his mouth returned to hers feverishly.

 

She shifted to her back so he could move his body on hers. Kneeling before her, Robb lowered his mouth to kiss the inside of her knee, then moved his mouth up her thigh, gently sucking on her flesh. By the time he had repeated his actions on the other leg, Deirdre was clutching the furs underneath her in frustrated desire. His mouth on her body made her lose her senses. She whimpered drawing Robb's gaze, as he moved to settle between her legs, and his gaze almost made her come undone. Her charming, sweet, and noble husband seemed transformed into a hungry wolf. And she was his willing prey. She guided him to enter her, and Robb eased himself into her in one long stroke allowing her to adjust to his length. She could feel him throb inside her and her breath came out in a moan.

 

"Deirdre, my beautiful wife," he whispered, breathing unevenly. She tightened around him, and he growled. Withdrawing slightly, he moved into her again with long, graceful and unhurried strokes. They moved together in perfect rhythm, an erotic dance. His unrestrained passion awoke something primal in her though. She increased their tempo, digging her nails into his shoulders and tearing them down his back. Robb flinched but his eyes challenged her, pushing her further. She kissed him hungrily, her tongue exploring his mouth as she moaned and whimpered and pushed herself up to meet his downward thrusts.

 

Robb allowed her to push him onto his back, lowering his hands to cup her buttocks when she straddled him. Boldly, she made love to him, pushing him closer and closer to the edge. He moved his hands up to her waist, guiding her tempo. Her legs trembled and he nodded, urging her to give in to her desire. When she did, Robb watched her with fascination, his hands framing her face as his thumb trailed her lips.

 

When she closed her eyes, he whispered, "No, I want to see your eyes." When she opened them, he held her gaze. He didn't try to silence her cries, in fact, he seemed to want them. After she succumbed to her climax, she fell forward, bracing herself up above him with her hands beside his head, her hair falling forward to drape around them. Robb gathered it up with one hand and pulled her down to lie flat on him and glided into her in short, urgent strokes. His mouth was all over hers and she sensed he was close to losing control. At last, he held her firmly in place against him and bucked up into her one last time, then spilled his seed in her with a deep growl.

 

Robb held her tightly, her hair clinging to their sweat slickened skin. She could feel his heart racing with hers as they both fought to catch their breath.

 

"Is it always that…unbelievable?" he asked quietly. "It's a good thing I didn't know it felt that good before, or I'd have spent far too many coins at the brothel."

 

Deirdre smiled and said, "No. It's not always good. And when it's bad...well, let's just be grateful it’s good between us."

 

He sat up with her still straddling his lap and poured them both some wine. "My lady, I cannot imagine it will ever be bad with you. One look at your bare skin," his gaze drifted lower and he smiled, "makes me ache with need. Hopefully, you were satisfied as well."

 

"I was more than satisfied." She smiled with a blush. "I didn't mean to be so aggressive." Her fingers trailed the scratches she had left on his back. "I'll be more careful to show some restraint, next time."

 

"I don't want you to be careful or restrain yourself. I want you to be wild and free," he laughed. "I always thought that wives considered it a duty, one that women don't enjoy very much."

 

"I felt that way with my first husband," she admitted. "But with you and with…" realizing what she almost said, she bit her lip and looked away, feeling horrible for ruining the mood.

 

Robb sighed and stared into the fire. "I know you still love Jon," he said, at last.

 

"Robb, I cannot explain my feelings for him at all now, but I have _strong_ feelings for you as well. They're different, but the feelings I have for you are more…I don't know the words…more honest and real. You were my friend first, and we talked about our lives and the world around us. And then the feelings grew into something stronger, making my feelings for him seem incomplete…" Her voice trailed off because she knew she wasn't explaining herself well.

 

Robb smiled faintly and said, "One day, perhaps, you'll love me as I love you."

 

Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at him, reaching out to touch his cheek and trail her fingers along his bottom lip. "You love me?"

 

"From the moment I first saw you and until the day I die," he admitted drawing her to him for an intense kiss.

 

The fire being so close had caused a slight sheen of sweat on both of them during their lovemaking so Robb got up and carried her to the bed, then retrieved the blankets for later when they cooled off. They both explored each other’s body lazily before their desire turned to need. Then they made love again and fell asleep, tangled in each other's arms.

**xOxOx**

 

"Good morning," Robb smiled, bending down to kiss her. Servants were bringing in a tub and hot water so she refrained from pulling Robb back into bed with her. "I brought us some breakfast. I wish we could stay in here all day, but my father and the king intend to leave before midday."

 

Deirdre nodded, quietly. For the first time she realized that everyone she had known when she arrived was leaving and she'd be alone in the north with her new husband, his mother, and two little brothers. As much as she felt like an outsider among her own family, they were still preferable to what she had known the only other time she had left home, to live with her first husband. But then, Robb was nothing like Thomas.

 

"Are you not well?" he asked sitting beside her, concern in his eyes.

 

I'm not close to all of them, but I’ll miss Tyrion, and Myrcella, and Tommen. And your sisters, too. I don't even know my way around Winterfell. And I barely know your mother and she is the lady of the house."

 

"It will be hard for all of us to adjust to the changes. I wish my father wasn't going and taking my sisters with him. But you have my word, I'll do everything I can to make sure you're happy here."

 

"And I will try to make you happy, too." Unwanted, the thought of Jon came into her head, and she reluctantly added, "I want you to promise me something. When you bid Jon goodbye, please forget what has happened between all of us while I was here. I don't want your final goodbye to your brother to be affected by our history. I could never forgive myself if it was."

 

"I will," Robb promised. "And if you wish to say goodbye to him, I'll understand."

 

"No, I don't think that would benefit anyone," she said, thinking back to his words to her last night.

 

They ate breakfast then took a long bath together. She loved how playful and at ease with her Robb was. He seemed to be happy just to be with her. Deirdre found herself wondering if things would change when they stepped outside their door. But as their bath water grew cold, she realized she had to face her fears and say goodbye to everyone.

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

_A/N Sorry for the delay. Busy betas! Thanks muchly to Willow for the beta. Sorry about my abuse of a certain punctuation mark ;)_   


 

 **Chapter 9**  
  
After they dressed, Robb and Deirdre made their way downstairs to the courtyard where the king's party prepared to leave for King's Landing. Robb wrapped her new cloak around her shoulders, gave her a lingering kiss, and took her hand. Then they walked over to say goodbye to the king and Deirdre's cousins.  
  
The king kissed Deirdre's cheek, and squeezed Robb's shoulder when they said their farewells. Cersei and Joffrey barely acknowledged their goodbyes other than Cersei reminding her to send Deirdre's mother a letter to explain why she wasn't returning to King's Landing. Apparently, she had already sent a raven about the marriage to Lord Tywin without Deirdre's knowledge. Deirdre promised, and wished them both a safe journey.  
  
Jaime embraced her and said, "Don't make me come after you, Stark. If she is the least bit unhappy…"  
  
"It's too bad you weren't as concerned during her first marriage," Robb replied boldly. Deirdre closed her eyes praying to The Seven that her cousin let that remark slide. "But then that marriage was blessed by your father, not your king."  
  
"Robb," Deirdre hissed under her breath, but she had to bite back a smile at Jaime's face. "Jaime, have a safe journey." Before he could reply, Deirdre dragged Robb away by his arm before exploding into laughter. She quickly covered her mouth, and Robb pulled her into his arms so no one would see her lose her composure.  
  
"Gods be good, Robb," she said, when she composed herself again. "Please behave while we say goodbye to Tommen and Myrcella."  
  
After saying goodbye to her younger cousins and Tyrion, Deirdre grew sadder. Tyrion would come through Winterfell on his return from The Wall, so their farewell was not as painful, but she'd miss Tommen and Myrcella. Turning away from the king's party, they went to say goodbye to the Stark family. Robb stopped her midstride, looking at something over her head, so she followed his gaze to find Jon standing before them looking awkward and ashamed.  
  
"I know I don't have any right, but, Robb, would you mind if I spoke to Deirdre privately for a moment?" His gaze moved from Robb to her. "If she'll allow it, of course."  
  
Robb nodded, and looked at Deirdre, who hesitated for a moment before she agreed. She didn't want to but didn't want to create a scene. Jon walked away from where everyone else stood and she followed him. They stood silently for a few moments before he finally said, "I acted horribly last night. I was jealous and hurt, so I wanted to hurt you."  
  
"Well…" Her eyes rose to his. "You did."  
  
"You have to know I was lying to hurt you. I did not trick you into my bed. You were the first, the only, and I really loved… _love_ you…"  
  
" _Don't_ ," she whispered, glancing around to make sure no one overheard her. "I know you're hurting, Jon, but don't do this to Robb. He won't tell you not to say such things to me because he feels like he took something away from you. But you gave me up before any of this happened, and _you_ ended it. Robb was just the one that had to protect our honor and probably _your_ life. So please, don't say those things to me. I'm your brother's wife now. What you and I had… was foolishness and it's over."  
  
Jon watched her for a long time, until she grew uncomfortable and looked down to avoid the pain in his eyes. "You look happy with him," he said simply. "Knowing that you will have each other gives me some comfort." Jon nodded, then walked away quickly.  
  
Deirdre blinked back tears, and took a deep breath. It was over now. She could move on. She could allow her feelings for Robb to grow without seeing Jon everywhere she looked, and feeling guilty for wanting to be happy with her husband. She knew it was selfish and horrible of her to be glad that he would no longer be here, in his own home, and at the Wall. She consoled herself with the knowledge that he had chosen that _before_ he met her, as well. She was just a distraction for a few weeks. And she hoped Jon found happiness there. Despite what he had said last night, whether it was true or not, the Jon she knew and loved deserved to be happy.  
  
Deirdre turned and walked back to find Robb helping the men load trunks onto a wagon. When she returned to his side, Robb studied her face, and asked if she was all right. She smiled at him reassuringly. "Yes. I think you should go say goodbye to Jon. Robb, please, remember your promise. He was your brother long before you met me. Don't let anything change your relationship with him."  
  
"I won't." He kissed her sweetly, then left to follow Jon.  
  
xOxOx  
  
Jon was putting his remaining supplies in his saddle bags when Robb came up behind him. "I'm going to miss you, Snow."  
  
Smiling slightly, Jon turned and said, "I'll miss you as well."  
  
"You've said your goodbyes to the others?" Robb asked. Jon nodded. "And my mother?"  
  
Jon lied. "She was very kind." His gaze drifted to Deirdre who was holding Rickon. "Take care of them, Robb. And Bran. Let me know when he wakes."  
  
"I will." Robb glanced back at Deirdre before returning to Jon. "Do you want to know… or would it be easier not knowing…" He looked down for a moment before finishing softly. "If there is a child? I mean…if it's yours…"  
  
A flash of anger swept through Jon and he wanted to strike out at Robb. But as quickly as it came, Jon realized that if Deirdre was pregnant, Robb would always have to wonder whose child it was, his or Jon's. And if it was Jon's child, he would still be Robb's heir if Robb did as he promised and raised it as a Stark. Robb also had to live with the fact that Deirdre had loved and lain with Jon first. Studying his brother in a new light, Jon finally realized how much Robb had sacrificed for him last night.  
  
Jon had been torn about a child before. Part of him had wanted her to have his child, wanted her to always have that reminder of him, but only because he knew that his bastard would be raised a Stark and never be treated poorly. Now looking at Robb, he realized how selfish he'd been to want that. Robb would do the right thing by Jon, but now Jon hoped he didn't have to. Now he would pray there wasn't a child, at least not for a while, so that when one did come, there would never be a question in Robb's heart that it was _his_ child, not Jon's.  
  
"I hope there are many children for you two, many _Stark_ children, with her beauty and smile, and your good nature and sense of honor. Any child you two have will have a beautiful heart and a strong spirit," Jon said quietly. "And I look forward to being an uncle someday." The two shared a look, and Jon knew that Robb understood what he was saying. Most often the two could convey such much through a look. This was one of those times.  
  
They embraced for a long time. Jon's heart ached with the thought that this was the last time he'd see Robb for a while. He'd miss all his brothers and sisters, and Winterfell. He'd miss Father and the life he'd had for so long. But he and Robb were grown men now, with paths of their own. And Deirdre belonged with Robb, not him. His eyes traveled to her and for the first time in days he felt a sense of peace. If she had not married Robb, who knew what her life with the Lannisters would have held. At least this way, he knew she'd be happy and cared for. And he loved her enough to want that, even if he couldn't give it to her himself.  
  
"Thank you," Jon murmured to Robb. He felt his brother nod before they released each other.  
  
xOxOx  
  
While Robb said goodbye to Jon, Deirdre talked to Arya and Sansa with little Rickon clinging to her leg. Then Lord Stark came outside from saying his farewells to Catelyn and Bran. Deirdre wished the king had allowed Ned to stay until Bran woke and she could see how conflicted Lord Stark was.  
  
"Have you girls said your goodbyes?" Ned asked as he picked up Rickon.  
  
"Yes. I'm excited but I'll miss home. I wish mother was coming," Sansa admitted.  
  
"As do I," Ned agreed.  
  
"Caron will help you in Kings Landing, Sansa. She promised me she'd take care of you and Arya." Deirdre had already said a tearful farewell to her handmaiden. Caron had been with her since she had arrived in King's Landing and there were many times she felt closer to her than anyone else. She'd been more like a friend than a servant.  
  
Robb returned, and Ned took him aside for awhile, after handing Rickon back to Deirdre. Deirdre was surprised at how many people of his household Lord Stark was taking. She hoped Lady Stark provided Robb with the guidance he needed to replace everyone.  
  
"Ned, the king is ready to leave," Benjen Stark said as he walked up. The men got the girls settled, then both of them sat into the wagons with their dire wolves. Robb said his farewells to Benjen, then took Rickon's hand because he kept trying to get into the wagon with his sisters.  
  
Tears burned Deirdre's eyes as she watched the huge party leave. Everything had changed now. She saw the worry and sadness in Robb's face as he watched the guards close the gates behind everyone.  
  
"I suppose we should begin moving your belonging into your chambers," Robb said, glancing down at her.  
  
" _My_ chambers? Not ours?" She glanced at him in confusion.  
  
"Mother's chambers are in the warmer part of the castle, while my father's were in the older section. I just assumed you'd want your own. You don't have to, of course."  
  
"And will yours remain where they are?" she asked. She didn't really want to have separate chambers. She wished she had been so lucky in her first marriage, but with Robb, in Winterfell, she'd prefer to be close to her husband. It would be nice to have a place to go if she wanted to be by herself, but she didn't really wish to be too close to Lady Stark's rooms. The thought of his mother knowing Robb's comings and goings to her chambers at night made her feel uneasy.  
  
"Yes. If you don't wish to have your own chambers…"  
  
"I was just thinking that I'd rather be closer to you and Rickon," she replied. Dropping her voice to a whisper and stepping close to him, she admitted, "I thought I'd spend my nights with my husband, if he does not mind, without his mother knowing when I do."  
  
Robb smiled, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close. "Then why don't I move Theon to another hall and we will have his room and Jon's in addition to my own? It will be our sanctuary. We can make a salon for you in one of the rooms, and the other will be your chambers, if you choose to use them."  
  
"Or someday a nursery?" she asked hopefully and he kissed her.  
  
"Someday. But until then, I'll be glad to keep my wife warm at night."  
  
xOxOx  
  
Deirdre had been married for less than a month when Robb was notified that riders from Casterly Rock were coming with a wagon a day or so ahead of the party. When they reached Winterfell, the Lannister red banners streaming, Robb told the guards to let them in, but she could tell by his manner that he was wary. "I'm sure they just brought my belongings," she tried to reassure him but she was surprised at how quickly they had come as well. Nothing she had owned seemed that important.  
  
One of the riders, an older man, dismounted, as well as one of the knights, and both walked to where Robb and Deirdre waited to receive them. She recognized some of the other men from Casterly Rock.  
  
"Lady Deirdre Lannister?" the older man asked before they could speak, and Deirdre felt Robb tense.  
  
"I'm Lady Deirdre _Stark_ ," she replied, nervously.  
  
"When you married my brother, you kept the name Lannister. Is Stark a more honorable name than Lorch?" the knight asked as he sneered at them.  
  
"Ser Amory, remember why we're here," the older man said.  
  
"And why is that?" Robb said with an icy tone.  
  
"Lady Deirdre, my name is Willem. I'm here for Maester Creylen to discuss the state of affairs of the lands and incomes to which you're entitled."  
  
Deirdre glanced at Robb in confusion, but he simply said, "We can discuss these matters inside. I'm afraid my mother is not able to receive you at any rate. Theon," Robb called out and Theon appeared shortly after. "Please see that these men's horses are provided for, as well as a meal for the men." Deirdre knew that he asked Theon rather than a servant to do so because he wanted to be sure that the men would be watched.  
  
"Please unload the wagon as well. And bring the two chests closest to the driver inside," Willem requested of two of Winterfell's guards.  
  
Taking her hand, Robb led Deirdre inside the castle to the largest salon. Maester Luwin had come to receive the visitors and joined them inside, standing behind them. Two Winterfell guards stayed close by as well. Deirdre sensed the tension but didn't understand why Willem really was here, and with Ser Amory, of all people. The knight studied her with cold eyes, causing a flutter of fear to stir in her belly.  
  
After refreshments were provided, four Winterfell men brought the two large chests into the room. The men left, leaving only two Winterfell guards with them. Willem opened each chest. Deirdre gasped when she realized they were full of gold, looking first to Robb then Willem in confusion. Willem returned to his seat, and pulled papers out. Deirdre recognized Tywin's seal as well as her mother's.  
  
"This is a letter from your mother that I'm sure you'll want to read later," Willem said handing her the letter. "I'm here at Lord Tywin's request. Since your marriage was arranged without his permission, he would like you to willingly release any claim to both your father's lands and your former husband's lands and any income you would receive from them in the future. I have brought the income you've had so far, and a sum from your father that Lord Tywin deems as yours. Since you and Ser Thomas Lorch had no heir, his lands will revert back to Ser Amory. Your father has no male heir, so Tywin wants you to release any claim to them for any future male heirs you might conceive from your union with Robb Stark."  
  
"Why?" Robb asked. "Why would she willingly give up lands that her heirs would be entitled to?"  
  
"Your marriage proposal was not brought to Lord Tywin…" Willem began but Robb interrupted him.  
  
"Our marriage was arranged by King Robert. The king doesn't need Lord Tywin's permission to approve such things."  
  
"Perhaps not, but when it concerns lands belonging to House Lannister, Lord Tywin does have the final say. He doesn't want a future heir from the North to inherit lands in the West belonging to his cousin. Ser Amory expects Deirdre to release any claim to the income of his brother's lands as well."  
  
"I don't care what Ser…" Robb began but Deirdre interrupted him quickly. She was afraid of Ser Amory and didn't want Robb to provoke him.  
  
"Please, husband, let Willem finish," she pleaded, placing her hand on his arm. Robb looked as if he wanted to argue with her, but refrained. Ser Amory's hand lowered to the hilt of his sword, making the Winterfell's guards respond in kind. There a moment of tense silence before Amory returned his ham-like hands to the table.  
  
"Lord Tywin paid more than the land's current value." Willem passed the papers to Deirdre. She broke the seal and began reading.  
  
She felt like she'd been slapped. Not only did Tywin expect her to give up land and income, he basically had denied recognizing her marriage to Robb, implying that any children they had were no more than bastards that he wouldn't allow to inherit her father's lands. Of course, he hadn't said it in those words, but it was clear that her children were not welcome to any part of their Lannister legacy. She turned and handed the paper to Maester Luwin to read.  
  
"Could you please give me a few moments to speak to my husband?" she asked Willem. The man nodded and left with Ser Amory.  
  
After Maester Luwin and Robb had read the letter, Deirdre glanced over at the chests of money. They were paying her to go away quietly and release all claim to being part of the family. She could only imagine what the letter from her mother said.  
  
"Can they do this, Maester Luwin? Our marriage was arranged by the king," Robb asked, throwing the letter to the table.  
  
"Lord Tywin can do anything he wishes, and Robert spends too much Lannister gold to object," Deirdre answered, trying to keep the bitterness out of her tone. "I don't care about the castle that Ser Thomas had. Ser Amory can have that if he wishes; I have no fond memories there. His brother had no love for him, but I really don't care. But my father’s lands...it’s not the land that I care about. It's just all I have left of my father.”  
  
"Then don't accept these terms," Robb replied. "You can't be _forced_ into it."  
  
"Robb, it's not worth fighting with Tywin about it. I'm sure you don't want any of our children to hold lands under Lord Tywin or his heirs. It is a fair price, I assume."  
  
"If it was a fair price, he wouldn't offer it," Maester Luwin pointed out. "It's a lot of gold, but I'm almost certain there is something in your father's lands that Lord Tywin wants, or these men wouldn't have been sent here so quickly after your marriage. Perhaps the land has gold or silver mines. You would also be releasing any claim of loyalty or income—along with responsibility towards them—from your father or Ser Thomas's bannermen, as well."  
  
Deirdre sighed. "I don't intend to return there. I want nothing from Ser Thomas or from Lord Tywin. If he thinks its right to take this from me as punishment for not asking his permission to wed you then perhaps it's for the best."  
  
"What right does he have to not give permission when it was ordered by the king? Why should you give up anything that was yours by right just because Tywin Lannister says so?" Robb fumed, then leaned forward to take her hands. "You do not have to yield to him anymore."  
  
Deirdre was quiet, thinking about what he said. He was right, of course, but he didn't understand her real reasons. Carefully she tried to explain. "Robb, I want nothing from my former husband and gladly give it willingly to his brother, despite loathing the man that he is. And my mother would sooner raze my father's castle to the ground before allowing me to keep anything away from Tywin. My father's bannerman are loyal to _her and Tywin_. I have no idea who has the loyalty of Ser Thomas' bannermen, but I can assure you, it is not myself. What benefit could they bring me? If you wish me to keep it for our children, I will, but if I sign this piece of paper, I'm free of all of them." Tears welled up in her eyes. "That's worth more than gold to me."  
  
Robb studied her for a few moments, before he kissed her hand with a sigh. "If this is what you wish, then it's your choice. I just don't want you to regret it years from now."  
  
"Years from now, we'll have our own family and I'll have forgotten the time spent with my first husband. I barely remember my father's castle even now." Deirdre glanced at Maester Luwin. "Do you agree this is the wisest course of action?"  
  
"If you hold no desire to keep the land, then it would be easier for everyone if you surrendered it to Ser Amory and Lord Tywin. The Lannisters don't make good enemies. There's no point increasing tension between our houses unnecessarily," the maester said, handing her the letter back.  
  
"Then it's settled," Deirdre said and nodded for the guards to bring Willem and Ser Amory back in.  
  
After the men had returned to their seats, she said, "I'll sign the paper. I don't want anything further from House Lorch, so Ser Amory is welcome to his brother's lands. However, I expect one year of income from it, to be payable one year from today. I was married to Ser Thomas for a year, so I think that is only fair. As for my father's lands, I do so with the knowledge that if I do not give in, my mother will see to it that there will be nothing of any value left in the end. But Lord Tywin should understand that I gave this up _willingly_ , not because he demanded it. As he is no longer the lord of my house, I'm under no obligation to follow his demands."  
  
"I had heard you were a sweet and gentle wife, simple and almost scared of her own shadow, but I wonder now if you were just underestimated," Ser Armory said, looking coldly at her. "I can see where marrying the son of The Hand of the King would appear to be a greater achievement than marrying my brother. But if you had been my wife, I would have taught you well that there is no family greater than House Lannister."  
  
"I'm fairly sure that would be considered quite an insult to King Robert of House _Baratheon_. And our differences are in more than just our opinion in House Lannister, Ser Amory. In fact, I cannot imagine anything we would agree on except that the sky is blue and grass is green. It's also one reason why I have no desire to return to the West. I hope you find as much pleasure in your brother's castle as I did," Deirdre said sardonically. "Assuming you agree to my terms."  
  
He glared at her before nodding. She took the quill from Willem and quickly signed the documents. Worried that Robb would be tempted to provoke Ser Amory, she turned to grasp his hands. His jaw was tense, and she could see that he was restraining himself.  
  
"Maester Luwin, would you please put your seal here as a witness?" Willem asked, appearing as apprehensive as Deirdre about Ser Amory.  
  
As soon as the seals were all set, Willem quickly rose. "I wish you both well in your marriage."  
  
Ser Armory stood up slowly and continued to glare at both Robb and Deirdre. Robb didn't even rise, just held Amory's glare with equal animosity. Maester Luwin stepped in between the men, opening the door for Willem and Ser Amory.  
  
"Make certain they depart Winterfell straight away, and until they do, see that there are guards posted everywhere," Robb ordered the guards, who followed Ser Amory out. Maester Luwin went as well, leaving Robb and Deirdre alone.  
  
"I won't be comfortable until they are out of the north," Robb said, rising. "I don't like you giving up your father's lands just because Tywin demanded it. I hope you're certain with this decision."  
  
"I didn't do it because he demanded it. I gave up the land to be rid of them, the last links to my mother and my cousins. My father is long gone, Robb. I barely remember him. He could have been much like Tywin or like my mother. And I've always felt like a pawn in Tywin's game. Now I can be free from him. Holding onto this land would mean forcing myself to keep all of my Lannister family connections, as well."  
  
Robb walked over and picked up a handful of gold coins, slowly letting them drop back into the chest. "It _is_ a lot of gold."  
  
"Consider it a gift to House Stark from House Lannister," Deirdre said with some bitterness.  
  
Robb came over and crouched before her, taking her face gently in his hands. "You're the only gift I want from the Lannisters. The gold is yours, spend it how you like, whatever makes you happiest."  
  
Deirdre leaned forward to kiss him. "It's always nice to know that we have something that's ours and not your parents'."  
  
"Ours?" he smiled.  
  
"Yes, ours. Everything that's mine is yours as well, Lord Stark. And now, I will no longer be considered to be a true Lannister. Just as rich as one." She laughed aloud. "Tywin probably thinks he's punished me by this, but it's truly a gift."  
  
"But you must be careful. I'm sure that any one of his men would treat you as a traitor. So you need to make certain that you don't put yourself in a bad situation with any of the Lannisters, including the queen, Tyrion, and Ser Jaime."  
  
"I'm no one important. They most likely will forget me soon enough," Deirdre said dismissively. She toyed with the letter from her mother. She was terrified to read it.  
  
Robb watched her for a moment then rose, bending over to kiss her. His lips lingered on hers before he whispered, "I have to do a few things. Go, read the letter from your mother, and I'll see you tonight."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - A lot of you had expressed your disappointment about Jon/Deirdre. I'm sorry but I promise, Jon WILL be back and will play a major part of the story again when it gets very AU in later chapters. So have faith!
> 
> Thanks to Willow and Kim for the beta!

 

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Deirdre brought her mother's letter upstairs to read, and thought of throwing it in the fire without opening it. Part of her knew that it would be much easier that way, but also that it would be a craven thing to do. Robb had her things, including the chests of coins, brought up to her chambers, so she sat on the bed staring at them all. After a moment she lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. This had been Theon's room before with dark furniture and heavy drapes. But she'd changed it with some furniture Robb's mother had brought from the Riverlands, making it more light and airy. It was smaller than Robb's and Jon's chambers, but she couldn't have imagined moving into Jon's chambers, even though she had never slept in here anyway. She spent all her nights with Robb and didn't imagine that would change. But it was nice to have a place that was hers.

 

Opening the letter at last, she prepared herself for her mother's rantings after Tywin's letter was so harsh. Obviously, Tywin had responded based on Cersei's raven to him as Deirdre hadn't had time to even send a letter, not that she had rushed to do so. She had underestimated how cruel her mother would be in the letter, however. According to her mother, it should have been her that died at birth, not her brothers. Tears slid down Deirdre's face when her mother called her the northern whore of a lord of a barren wasteland and wildlings. Her mother went on to say that Tywin had sold Deirdre to Ser Thomas for too little, but they had assumed her mother would be able to sell her again before her beauty faded and men no longer wanted her. According to her mother, her marriage to Robb ensured that, no matter what happened to him, her mother would never find another man willing to take her- certainly not Renly Baratheon or one of the Tyrells, as Tywin had planned when he sent her to King's Landing. Any child she and Robb had did not exist to her mother. Neither did Deirdre, from that day forward.

 

Finishing the letter, Deirdre threw it down on the bed, trying to rein in her tears. Tyrion had told her many times that they continued to hurt her because she continued to _let_ them but unlike him, she didn't seem to be able to harden her shell to avoid her mother's crushing words. She didn't know why her mother hated her so much, or the Starks, other than the fact that they ruined her mother's plans of whoring her out to a richer family to bring under Tywin's control. She assumed it was because Ned had never been intimidated by the Lannisters and that was something Tywin wouldn't abide by.

 

Deciding she needed a distraction to avoid thinking about her mother's words, she opened some of the trunks. Most of the clothing wasn't suitable for the cold here, but she thought maybe she should keep them for Sansa or Arya. Then she realized that Cersei would make sure Sansa was dressed in the finest if she were to appear with Joffrey anywhere, and wouldn't want hand-me-down gowns for her. Deirdre would give them to the servants. Perhaps they could use the fabric for dresses for their children. She already had a couple of seamstresses making her some warmer clothing so surely the servants could find a use for these dresses. When she opened the final chest, Deirdre stared at the contents with disgust. Her mother had sent her the dress she had been wedded in the first time, ripped from the bedding ceremony, folded neatly on top like it was of importance to Deirdre, instead of a reminder of a terrible day.

 

Robb came into the room after watching her for a moment from the doorway. Deirdre tried to smile at him and act as if nothing was wrong, but couldn't force the pretense. He came to wrap his arms around her and she let him envelop her in his caress.

 

"Was it horrible?" he asked of the letter and she nodded. Pulling back from her, he raised his hands to her face. "You're free of them, Deirdre. You'll never be treated like that again." Glancing at the trunks, he asked, "Is there anything you wish to keep? If not, I will have it removed from here so you don't have to be reminded of those people. Besides, I have a surprise for you."

 

She nodded again and picked the letter up from the bed again. Instead of setting it aside to keep, she threw it in the fire and threw the wedding dress away. She grabbed a few small things from the chests, including a jewelry box from her father that was full of jewelry he gave her as a child, and some small gifts she had been given over her life. But the rest was just a reminder of her mother and her past.

 

Robb had men remove the trunks of clothing. He then smiled brightly and said, "You'll need to dress warmly. We're going to go riding." Gathering her in his arms again, he whispered in her ear, "Do you need help dressing, my lady?"

 

Deirdre smiled. Robb had proven to be practically insatiable since their wedding night, but she enjoyed every moment. Sometimes when they were in a room full of people, he'd give her a look that set her aflame and once they were alone again, they would tear at each other's clothes, if they bothered to undress completely. They learned quickly to bolt doors after an incident involving Rickon, his direwolf and two servants chasing the boy down.

 

Now Robb slowly undressed her, his hands smoothing over her skin. Goose bumps rose in their path, that he trailed after with his lips. He carried her to the bed, laying her naked body down and bending to trace his mouth along the swells of her breasts. Her fingers tangled in his hair with a sigh. She had never known such happiness and contentment in her life. At times, she was terrified of losing it. Whatever her feelings had been for Jon, she was falling in love with Robb.

 

Robb's mouth moved lower, across her stomach, his tongue swirling in circles against her skin. Her body jolted when he moved his mouth lower still. Their gazes met, his hands moving under her thighs and spreading her legs. When he lowered his mouth to her ridge of sensitive flesh, she clutched the bedding beneath her with a low moan. He alternated between licking and sucking, repeatedly finding new ways to increase her pleasure. Before long Deirdre was whimpering his name, but he persisted until he had driven her over the edge, and she lay gasping for breath.

 

He remained standing as he removed his breeches, watching her. "You're beautiful," he said.

 

Deirdre sat up on her knees to help him undress. Robb dipped his head to kiss her throat, then her shoulder, and finally her mouth. She could taste herself, which was strangely arousing to her.

 

"I'll never let anyone hurt you again," he said cupping her face. "That is my vow to you now."

 

Deirdre wrapped her arms around his neck and nodded. "Robb," she whispered, struggling with her emotions. "I'm happy for the first time in my life."

 

Robb smiled, trailing his fingers up her back. "It brings me joy to see you smile."

 

"And I want to make you happy as well," she answered. "I don't know what I can do to repay you for all that you've given me."

 

"I'm happy just having you as my wife, my lover, and my friend," he said with a kiss so passionate that it that led to her pulling him into bed and making love to him.

 

Afterwards, Robb took her to the stables where they had brought a few new horses for her to chose from, his wedding present to her. She ended up choosing a huge red destrier with black mane and tail. Deirdre was an excellent rider who had spent most of her childhood on horseback, the only place she felt truly free. Her new mount warmed to her instantly. She had never felt a horse more fiery and powerful than this one, so she named him Flame Dancer.

 

After reassuring himself that the Lannister men had already began their return journey west rather than staying in Wintertown, Robb took her for a long ride in the Wolfswood. Robb sat Rickon before him on his horse, as Shaggy Dog and Grey Wind ran free beside them.

 

Rickon had become increasingly wild and volatile since the others had left. Yesterday, when Deirdre had forbidden him to bring Shaggy Dog with him to dining hall, Rickon had bitten her hard enough to draw blood. Frequently, he would run tearing through the castle with men and maids chasing after him. Even Theon could not seem to contain the youngest Stark without growing frustrated. Rickon would only truly behave for his brother, so Robb spent as much time with him as he could.

 

"I'm going to speak to my mother tomorrow," Robb said that night as she lay in his arms. "She cannot continue to stay by Bran's bedside at the expense of Rickon's care. He needs his mother."

 

Deirdre sighed, running her hand down his chest. "He does, but do not judge her so harshly. I can only imagine waiting all these weeks for any sign of her son coming back to her. I'll keep him with me tomorrow. I think it's easier than trying to get him to behave for Maester Luwin."

 

"She's convinced Bran will wake up any moment. I don't know if I still have faith that he _will_ wake," Robb admitted.

 

Deirdre was torn. She too had her doubts so she didn't want to encourage him with false hope, nor she didn't want to make him feel he couldn't admit his true feelings without judgment from her. "Robb, only the gods know, but, as hard as it is to say, your mother must go on living for her other children. Maester Luwin is also concerned with the fact she gives little attention to Winterfell. He feels stuck between an absent lord, an inattentive lady, and a son that has not yet been given the all of the responsibilities." He was silent, so after a moment, she turned to see him in profile. "Rickon knows I'm not his mother and you're not his father. At least you're of his blood, which is why he is demanding you. I'll help all I can but I don't want to offend your mother by assuming too much of his care."

 

Robb nodded and said, "I'll talk to her tomorrow, I promise. Rickon needs you, so don't worry about offending my mother." Turning to look at her, he wrapped his arm across her waist. "I need you, too. I'll talk to Maester Luwin tomorrow about the household issues after I've listened to the men that have come for aid for their houses. If mother cannot do her duties, then it falls to me to do it. But I can't do this alone."

 

"You don't have to," she replied with a smile, reaching out to caress his face. He had started growing a mustache and beard. He looked older with it, but she thought it made him even more handsome. Since his father had left, he'd been torn between being the lord of the house, a new husband, a brother, and a son. She would do what she could to make it easier for him.

 

Robb watched her silently for a few moments. Then in a soft voice, he asked, "Do you miss him?"

 

At first confused, Deirdre said nothing, furrowing her brow at him. 'Him' could mean many men. Then she realized he wouldn't care much about her missing other men, except Jon. "No," she answered quietly.

 

"You don't have to lie to me…"

 

"I know. I'm being honest," she replied, then curled her hand around his neck and pulled him closer. "I don't miss him when I'm with you. How could I? You make me happier than I thought it was possible to be."

 

Robb sat up, crossing his arms and leaning against his knees, staring into the fire. She settled behind him, resting her head on his shoulder, wondering what had prompted this question.

 

"I feel guilty," he said, his voice so quiet she barely heard him. "I think about him at the Wall and I think of all that I have that he doesn't, what I took from him, and what was never given to him because of me. I feel guilty because I'm happy. He didn't have a lot of happiness, but you gave him that and I took you away."

 

Deirdre moved so she was facing him. "No, you didn't, Robb. Jon and I… it shouldn't have happened, and it wouldn't have if either one of us had _any_ sense. Before your father saw me that night, Jon had ended it. You didn't take me away from him, because I wasn't his to take. And Jon and I could never have been together. Nor would it have lasted. We're too…we're both missing something inside of us, a sense of belonging, a sense of being wanted. At first it drew us together, but it was also the reason why we could never have stayed together. Because we've never had it, we didn't know how to give it to each other except in…ways we shouldn't have."

 

Robb studied her for a moment then nodded. "Ways like passion and love…all the things from you that I want to be only mine. I wish I were a better man not to feel jealous of the fact he had both of those from you before I did. I know that something made you choose him before me…" he turned away again. "And I wonder how long before you miss it."

 

She didn't know what to say to him. He had a right to feel the way he did, but she couldn't change the past. The silence grew tense and eventually Robb got out of bed, opening the top shutters to look outside. Deirdre gave him a few moments, but eventually joined him at the window, wrapping her arms around his naked body. He looked down at her, and his sadness hurt her.

 

"I cannot change what happened, but I _can_ assure you that I chose Jon rashly. As I said, we were drawn by the need to feel loved, but that's not enough to last. You saw beyond our similarities and came to know me. You saw into my heart in a way that no other has. And as soon as I knew your feelings for me, I doubted my feelings for Jon. Jon loved who I was _to him,_ but never saw who I was to anyone else. You _do._ Each night when I fall asleep in your arms, sated from your lovemaking, I thank the gods that you're my husband. And you're the only one I want to be there when I wake each morning."

 

Robb smiled, running his fingers through her hair and lowering his head to kiss her softly, lingering just a moment before murmuring apologies against her lips. She stood on tiptoes to move her arms around his neck. "Robb Stark, I am exactly where I want to be."

 

"It's hard," he muttered. "I want to share my happiness with everyone, including my brother, and _I_ miss him terribly. But there is so much guilt."

 

She kissed his shoulder and nodded. "I love the way you're so open with me. I always know how you're feeling. After growing up a Lannister, it's so refreshing. I don't want you to remain silent and grow bitter. Over time, we'll move past this hard part, I hope. What we have is real and honest—the kind of feelings that can last a lifetime, not a few moments of bad judgment. And one day, Jon will visit and he'll see how happy we are and he'll be happy for you because he loves you. But you cannot fill that hole in Jon's heart caused by his childhood. He's got to find his own way for that."

 

"Can I fill the hole in your heart?" he asked, in a voice so hopeful and unsure that it made her ache.

 

"You already are," she answered. Her eyes met his, and she smiled gently.

 

xOxOx

 

Robb had been meeting with his people all day while Deirdre spent time with Rickon. She had him help her learn her way around Winterfell better, and he insisted on taking her to the crypts.

 

"Rickon, aren't you scared down here?" she asked him, feeling a chill creeping down her back.

 

"No. I like it. Why would I be afraid?"

 

'Because I'm afraid and I'm not a child,' Deirdre thought to herself as she followed him further. He knew the names of each statue, even if he didn't remember their relation to him. Deirdre stopped before Lyanna Stark for a few moments. This was the woman whose beauty was so great that she brought one kingdom down and raised up another. The statue was not as impressive as Deirdre thought it should be, but then how did one immortalize beauty. She couldn't help thinking that Cersei had always been in competition with Lyanna- how could anyone replace a woman whose beauty started a war? Perhaps that was part of the reason her family hated the Starks so much.

 

"Will Bran come down here soon?" Rickon asked, startling her out her thoughts.

 

Deirdre studied him for a moment and asked, "Why would you think that, Rickon?"

 

"I don't. I overheard the men talking in the stables and they said he would die. But I don't think he will." Rickon turned large blue eyes toward her.

 

She nodded. "I don't think so either. Well, not any time soon. Someday he'll wake up and you'll have to tell him everything he missed while he was sleeping."

 

"Come see where Robb will be," Rickon grabbed her hand and pulled her further into the crypts. She didn't have the heart to tell him no, but she didn't want to see Robb's tomb. She smiled weakly when Rickon pointed out where the graves of the Stark children would be. Rickon's casual acceptance of death was unnerving and she hoped it was only because he didn't understand it. As soon as she was able, she picked him up and carried him out of the crypts.

 

"When will you and Robb have a baby?" Rickon asked innocently. "I'm tired of being the youngest."

 

Deirdre laughed aloud. "Even if Robb and I have a baby, you'll still be the youngest brother and youngest son of Ned Stark. Your mother and father would have to have another baby for you to be the older brother."

 

"But they won't. He's gone away with Arya and Sansa so Sansa can be a princess and Mother stays only with Bran. Now it's just me, you, and Robb. Even Jon left."

 

"Rickon," Deirdre began, then sighed. "It's hard to explain, but sometimes families are apart. But it doesn't mean they aren't a family anymore. And your mother is still here. Besides, you and I are already family. When I married Robb, I became your sister. Sometimes family is related by blood, other times by marriage. But that doesn't mean the love is any less. You love many people who are not your family by blood."

 

"Jon and Robb taught Bran to fight and shoot arrows. Father taught them. Who will teach me if Bran dies?"

 

Deirdre was relieved to see Robb standing close by the entrance with Theon. He raised his eyebrows at Rickon's question. "Bran isn't going to die, Rickon. And I'll teach you. What are you two doing down there?" he asked, as Deirdre placed Rickon back on the ground. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he launched himself at Robb, who deflected him easily before snatching him up into his arms.

 

"Your brother was telling me all about the crypts. And teasing me about being scared." She didn't tell him about their conversation, feeling that if Rickon wanted to ask Robb he'd have asked Robb instead of her. Besides, nothing said down there was anything to worry her husband over.

 

Deirdre watched the boy playing with Robb for a few moments before she left to arrange supper. She felt like she hadn't seen Robb at all that day, which was strange, but knew she needed to get used to him being away from her more; she needed to do her part to help out, too. She'd planned to make up for their time apart at night, though. So she put Rickon to bed personally to make sure he was asleep so he didn't try to creep down the hall to their room, like he did so many nights. She was surprised to hear Catelyn and Robb's voices loudly from Bran's room and worried that they were arguing. Then Robb came bolting through the door after a moment, startling her.

 

"There's a fire in the library tower. Get Theon and send him outside. Find Hodor and Maester Luwin as well," he yelled over his shoulder, as he ran down the steps two at a time.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N Thanks to Willow and Kim for the beta!_  
  
Please review. I feel like I've lost a lot of my reviewers when it became a Robb/Deirdre instead of Jon/Deirdre *paranoid* I promise, Jon will be back lol 

 

  
 **Chapter 11**  
  
Deirdre double-checked to make sure Rickon was still asleep before she ran to Theon's room. Theon had heard the noise already, and met her in the hall, so she ran down to the Great Hall and kitchens, rounding up people as she went. At last, she found Hodor and sent the big man to join the others. She was going to check on Rickon again when she heard the screams and the sound of an animal attacking. Her first thought was that Grey Wind or Shaggy Dog had gone after a servant, but her heart dropped when she realized it came from the direction of the boys' bedrooms. She ran up the stairs afraid of finding Rickon hurt. When she checked his door to find it still closed, she cautiously walked a few steps to see Bran's door was open. It was eerily silent now.  
  
The scene of carnage turned her stomach. There was blood all over the walls, bed, and floor; the smell of it was so strong, she thought she could taste it in the air. She was relieved to find Catelyn, bleeding but alive, kneeling by Bran's bed. She rushed to her, trying to ignore the blood everywhere.  
  
"My lady, what happened?" she asked, sinking to her knees beside Catelyn. Bran still lay peacefully unharmed, so she focused her attention on Robb's mother. Gathering up some sheets, she pressed them into Catelyn's hands, which were cut deeply.  
  
"He tried to kill Bran," Catelyn said, staring at her in shock.  
  
Deirdre glanced around the room. Seeing no one, she slowly stood to see over the bed to find a man on the ground with his throat ripped out on the other side of Bran's bed. She swallowed forcefully the bile that threatened to come up and noted the blood on Bran's direwolf's mouth. The amber eyes of the beast followed her movements closely, like it was wary about anyone other than Bran and his mother, so she was careful not to provoke its attack with sudden actions or noises. She wondered how Summer had known Bran was in danger at all, when he'd most likely been tied up outside or with the other wolves in the Godswood prior to the attack.  
  
"Lady Stark," she spoke quietly. "Is it just this one man? Could there be others?"  
  
Lady Stark looked at her with such blankness, Deirdre knew she was too shocked to know. She didn't want to leave them alone, but if someone else was armed in the castle, she had to find help - and Catelyn was hurt and needed the maester. Her mind raced before she finally said, "I'm going to go find someone to help us. Bar the door after me, all right?"  
  
Deirdre walked to the door slowly, very aware of Summer's eyes following her. As soon as she heard the bar slide into place, she walked toward the stairs, but she was terror-struck by the thought that someone might have hurt Rickon, too. She opened his door, and rushed to his bedside. He slept peacefully, but she picked him up anyway. Quickly, she ran back downstairs to find help. The fire in the library was still raging out of control, but everyone in Winterfell was helping. Pushing her way through the crowd, she screamed for Robb.  
  
"What is it? Why did you bring Rickon down here? It's not safe for a child!" Theon barked irritably at her. He was covered in soot and wiped the sweat away from his brow.  
  
"I need Robb!" she insisted, still scanning the crowd for her husband. "Someone tried to kill Bran and hurt Lady Stark."  
  
"What?!" Theon yelled, and she repeated it. "Take care of Rickon and find Robb," he ordered, then ran into the castle, grabbing a couple of armed men on the way.  
  
She finally found Robb at the front of the crowd working to put out the fire. He grew furious seeing her and yelled at her about the danger, then noticed blood on her face.  
  
"You're bleeding. What happened?" he yelled over the noise around them, holding her face gently and examining her for any injuries.  
  
Deirdre hadn't even noticed that she had Catelyn's blood on her until Robb did. Pulling him away from the fire so he could hear her over the noise outside, she told him what had happened. He took Rickon from her and grabbed her hand, running through the crowds, shouting out commands to others as he went.  
  
As soon as they reached the door, Deirdre said, "Let me go find Maester Luwin for your mother."  
  
"No!" he replied, not releasing her arm. "I want you and Rickon safe. We need to search the castle first."  
  
Deirdre didn't bother arguing with him, because he was fueled by panic and rage now. Theon met them at the door to Bran's room. "Bran is fine. Summer saved his life," Theon said, with a backwards glance to the direwolf. "Your mother's hands are badly cut, though."  
  
"Begin searching the castle, every inch. Set two guards outside the door here. I'll join you after I check on my mother," Robb told Theon, who nodded and left quickly.  
  
"I can stitch your mother's wounds, if you just let me go to our chambers and get some needle and thread," Deirdre offered. "I'll also need some clean water and bandages. Everyone else is attending to the fire." When he looked about to argue, she added quickly, "I'll be careful and come straight back." He nodded reluctantly and went to check on his mother.  
  
Deirdre cautiously went upstairs and gathered the necessary supplies and some water. By the time she returned, men were already guarding Bran's door. When she entered Bran's room, she glanced at a tired Rickon in Robb's arms and asked one of the men to check his room. It was close enough to Bran's that the guards could watch both doors, so she took him from Robb and returned him to his room, settling him into bed. "I know this is scary, but Bran and your mother will be fine. Robb has the castle being searched and there are guards everywhere now. But if you get scared, ask the guards to come get me," she said, with a kiss on his forehead. After a moment, he nodded sleepily and rolled over.  
  
Robb came in and brought Summer with him. "He won't let anyone near Bran, except mother and me, so I thought it would be best if he stayed in here until we've got everything controlled," he explained as they returned to Bran's room. "Are you all right?"  
  
"Scared, but not hurt," she said with a nod and he kissed her quickly.  
  
Back in Bran's room, she led a quiet Catelyn to the table, and put some water over the fire to heat. She then cleaned her own hands before cleaning Lady Stark's wounds with the hot water. She also heated the needle over the candle. She'd only done stitches into skin a few times, so she was slower than Maester Luwin would have been, but she was as gentle as she could be. But even though Catelyn flinched in pain, she didn't cry out or ask her to stop. Robb heard the whole story from his mother and had the guards remove the dead body before he left to help search the castle and check on the fire.  
  
Soon, Maester Luwin came with healing ointments and with Hodor. While the maester helped Lady Stark, Hodor held Bran as Deirdre removed the bloody sheets and furs from his bed and put on clean ones. The whole room reeked with the sickening scent of blood. As soon as Deirdre changed the sheets, Hodor placed Bran carefully on the bed.  
  
"Thank you, Hodor." Deirdre smiled tiredly as she covered Bran up with the blankets.  
  
"Hodor," he replied.  
  
Deirdre stood in the window and looked outside to see that the fire had mostly been extinguished, but even in the dark she could see that it had done a lot of damage to the library tower. "Did anyone get hurt in the fire?" she asked Maester Luwin.  
  
He nodded. "Two were killed, and a few suffered burns trying to put out the fire, but they will recover," he said, quietly. "Can you help me get Lady Stark to her chambers?"  
  
"No, I don't want to leave Bran," Catelyn said, her voice sounding distant and small.  
  
"We'll bring Summer back in here," Deirdre reassured her. "And there are two men guarding Bran and Rickon's doors now. Nothing will happen to either of them."  
  
"I've already given her milk of the poppy, so she might need to be carried," Maester Luwin said, studying Catelyn's unsteadiness.  
  
"I'll get Hodor or someone else to help," Deirdre said. She called Summer to put him in Bran's room, helped get Lady Stark settled into her bed, and sent two men to stand watch outside her door, then went back to check on Bran and Rickon, who remained sleeping. There were now heavily armed guards everywhere she walked, and she felt a little safer. She still could smell blood strongly. Realizing it was all over her, she went to her chambers and quickly stripped out of her clothes, washed as much as she could with the water she had left in the basin, then put on clean clothes.  
  
Leaving her room, she found guards outside, one of whom stayed by her side as she went downstairs. She saw some of the kitchen staff and urged them to begin preparing a meal and drinks for the people who'd been helping with the fire. Throughout the night, servants and people of the household drifted in and out until dawn was on the horizon. Breakfast was prepared but few people came to eat, and Deirdre sent most of the servants to get some rest. Robb came into the great hall with Theon, both men looking exhausted, and Grey Wind padding after them.  
  
"Would you bring some bath water to our chambers and also to Theon's?" Deirdre asked a servant, before going to her husband and Theon with wine and food. They were quiet as they rested and ate, so Deirdre took a few moments to stop and relax herself and scratched the direwolf's head distractedly. She ached from no sleep; she couldn't imagine how horrible Robb felt. When Theon left, she took Robb's hand and led him upstairs. He wouldn't go to bed without checking on the boys, but he sent away the men outside their door to get some rest themselves, only leaving the guards outside the boys' rooms, and leaving Grey Wind guarding Robb and Deirdre's door.  
  
Deirdre led him to the large copper tub of steaming water and undressed him. He silently let her remove most of his clothes before he began untying her dress. "I want you with me," he explained, his fingers moving over her shoulder to remove the gown.  
  
She sponged most of the soot and blood off him, rinsing the dirty rag out in a basin each time, before he climbed in the tub so he wouldn't be sitting in filthy water. Once they were in the tub, she poured water over his hair and lathered it with scented soap as he moved a washcloth over her body.  
  
"He could have killed Bran or Mother. Or it could have been you," Robb whispered, his hands on her neck, trailing her jaw with his thumbs. "Or even Rickon."  
  
She shushed him, holding him tightly against her. "Hush, Robb. Everyone is safe now. You couldn't have known."  
  
"Father would have…"  
  
"Your father couldn't have known either. Stop doubting yourself," she insisted. Cradling his face in her hands, she kissed him gently. "Everyone is safe now. You were brave, smart, and a quick thinker about searching the castle, but still making sure the fire was put out. You're a good leader, Robb. People listen to you. They trust and respect you and not just because of your name."  
  
"And you were brave," he said, his lips teasing hers.  
  
Robb was exhausted, but hard and ready against her so after rinsing his hair, he urged her to take him inside her. He kissed her as he guided her down over him. They rocked their hips together slowly, quietly moaning as they kissed. Neither had the energy for their usual lovemaking, but Deirdre had learned that even their quietest lovemaking still satisfied her immensely. What mattered most to her was being intimate with him.  
  
Her movements sped up as she lifted almost fully off him before sliding back down quickly. The water sloshed around and some spilled over the edge as Deirdre arched her back. Robb moved his hand between them and she gripped the walls of the tub so tightly. Growing frustrated with the water and tub restricting his movements, Robb lifted her off him and stood up. He stepped out of the tub, then lowered them both on top of their clothing on the floor. Once there, he wrapped his hand under her knee, holding it at his waist and Deirdre braced herself. He thrust into her hard, grinding his hips against hers before withdrawing again. She could scarcely catch a breath in between his hard strokes and deep kisses. Soon, Robb buried himself in her, collapsing with a moan.  
  
"I'm sorry. Was I too rough?" he asked after a few moments, rising above her.  
  
She shook her head, still breathing heavily. Robb gathered towels and they dried each other off. Robb worried over the scrapes on her back from the floor, but she reassured him she was unhurt, even though she felt sore all over. After drying her legs, he looked at her with concern.  
  
"You're bleeding," he said, holding up the towel streaked with blood. "I didn't mean to…"  
  
Deirdre held back a smile. "You didn't do that, Robb. It's normal for women to bleed each moon."  
  
"I didn't know, or I wouldn't have been so…"  
  
"I didn't know either, but I'm fine. I promise, I'm not hurt," she said, with a smile.  
  
Robb laid down while she prepared herself for bed. She had wondered why she had been so sore, but now it made sense. Luckily, she wasn't cursed with pains like some women, but her breasts were tender and she ached inside now. When she lay in bed beside Robb, she saw he was still awake and reached out to run her fingers through his tangle of wet hair.  
  
"So…" he began, then stopped, seeming uneasy or nervous. Confused, she waited for him to continue. "If you have your moonblood, you're not with child."  
  
"Oh," she said, now understanding his strange behavior. "I suppose not. But we've only been married a few weeks, it doesn't always happen right away."  
  
Robb turned to face her and whispered, "You're not carrying Jon's child." His fingers trailed along her cheek and Deirdre felt like a fool for not realizing why he'd been worried. Shaking her head, she kissed him lightly before curling up in his arms.  
  
She couldn't fall asleep, because her mind was racing. Relieved she wasn't pregnant with Jon's child, she still felt a little guilty that she could have been. How would she have known whose child it was? Robb would always have had to wonder as well.  
  
A sudden sadness came over her. She was falling in love with Robb and was truly happy. And she felt guilty that Jon would never have a child now, would never love another woman, since he had taken his vows.  
  
As his breathing signaled he was asleep, Deirdre rolled on her side to watch him. She knew she was in love, but she was hesitant to admit it to him. Robb had always been completely open with her, yet she was careful about trusting him too much. Before trust had always been a foreign concept to her growing up with her family. She had a hard time believing someone as good as Robb was real.  
  
"I love you," she whispered, gently kissing him. His arm tightened around her, but he didn't wake. Saying it aloud made her realize how true it was, even if she couldn't admit it to him yet.  
  
xOxOx  
  
A few days after the attempted assassination attempt on Bran, Lady Stark left Winterfell without Deirdre knowing why, but even before that, she sensed something was wrong. Catelyn and Theon both began treating her strangely, even Maester Luwin seemed uneasy around her. And Robb rarely spent any time with her at all. When he did, he was quiet and distant and he didn't touch her anymore. When she asked what was wrong, he would say he was tired or just say he was fine. He was so closed off to her, she withdrew into herself again. She tried to be supportive and help in the castle, but she was treated like she was underfoot, and ended up spending hours reading alone in her chambers.  
  
After Catelyn left, Robb stayed up later than before, sometimes not even coming to bed until she had already fallen asleep. She felt like the man she knew was gone, and she didn't know what to do. He was never cruel to her, just distant. Compounding her loneliness, she had no one else to talk to, having no one else in Winterfell to whom she was close.  
  
One night, she went downstairs to find Robb and heard the distinctive noises of lovemaking. Her heart leapt into her throat. She wondered if that was what had caused the change with Robb. Could he possibly be unfaithful to her? She followed the sounds, and found herself in Theon's hall—it had to be him… Quietly, she began to return to her room, but his door opened suddenly. He stood with no shirt on, kissing a woman with long red hair.  
  
Despite the fact she felt uneasy in Winterfell now and was unsure of her place, she grew angry that Theon would be so improper when there was a small child that could easily have heard or seen them. "Theon," she hissed, and the woman flinched, whirling around quickly.  
  
"I'm sorry, mi'lady," the woman said quickly. Theon, though, didn't look the least bit ashamed; he handed the woman a few coins and told her to be on her way with a slap on her ass, proud of the fact he'd brought a whore into Winterfell. The woman excused herself quickly, leaving Deirdre staring at Theon in shock.  
  
"Theon, what if I had been Rickon? How dare you bring a whore into Winterfell? Does Robb know you're doing this?"  
  
Theon smirked and sauntered over to her. She could smell the wine on him and grew uncomfortable with his blatant familiarity with her. Placing his hand on the wall behind her and coming very close to her, he said, "Does Robb know? I think my nighttime activity is less interesting to him than yours would be. But I guess you're better at not getting caught."  
  
"What are you talking about?" she snapped.  
  
"Did you think I wouldn't see you coming to see Jon each night? Or hear your cries? I won't tell you what the sounds did to me or how I… relieved myself," Theon's eyes swept over her face and down her body. "Even now I find myself curious, but I would never betray Robb like that."  
  
Deirdre's blood ran cold and she had to force back tears as she lowered her gaze from him ashamed that he knew about Jon, as well as from her own discomfort of Theon.  
  
"I find it amusing you think yourself so much better than me and walk around like you're so proper, yet you're no paragon of virtue. You're a lady, you're not supposed to give in to lust, yet you were begging for Jon's cock to fuck that golden cunt of yours each night. I bet that wolf took you on your knees like a bitch in heat, didn't he?" He reached out and traced his thumb across her lip before she jerked away. "And has his cock fucked this sweet mouth that Robb kisses so often? I wonder: do brothers taste the same? From the moans, I know you gave him a good send off to the Night's Watch. At least he won't die innocent now." Theon chuckled darkly and, despite her fear, she slapped him across the face. He grabbed her arm, preventing her from slapping him again, but despite a flash of anger in his eye, he continued to smirk at her.  
  
Gathering more boldness than she truly felt, she said, "At least I never had to pay for it." Before Theon could reply, she ran out, racing through the castle until she ended up outside in the Godswood. She saw Robb before the weirwood tree and watched him silently, trying to still her heavy breathing and continue to hold back her tears. Robb rose and turned, but she said nothing, simply watched him come to her.  
  
"What is it?" he asked seeing her eyes but she shook her head, stepping away from him. Robb caught her arm and drew her to him. His hands held her face and forced her to look at him. "Did someone hurt you? Tell me."  
  
She wanted to trust him, wanted to tell him what had happened, but she knew how close he was to Theon. Would he choose her side, or think she deserved Theon's cruelty? What if he didn't know Theon knew about Jon- how much would that hurt Robb, would he feel humiliated? She couldn't risk hurting him, and she was too scared to risk driving him further away. So she said nothing, just shook her head and lowered her eyes.  
  
"Has someone hurt you?" he demanded, but she shook her head again.  
  
After a moment of her silence, Robb sighed. "You shouldn't be out here alone at night. And you must dress warmer or you'll get sick."  
  
Deirdre hadn't even noticed the cold until Robb mentioned it and she realized she was shivering. He brought her into his cloak and they returned to the keep. In their room, Robb watched her undress for bed, but he didn't touch her, even when she lay beside him. Deirdre had never felt so cold and alone as she did at that moment.  
  
Something had happened. The love that had grown between them seemed to be fading and she didn't know what to do to stop it. It was worse than if she had never had it. When Robb's breathing slowed and he slept, she cried herself to sleep.  
  
The next morning a guard appeared outside her door and a maid came to keep her company. Everywhere she went one or the other attended her. When she asked the guard why he was there, she was told he was there for her protection, ordered by Lord Stark. The maid was an older woman who barely spoke to her other than to answer the same question by sharply replying that Robb was very busy and Deirdre shouldn't question his orders.  
  
When she asked Robb about the guard and maid, he snapped, "Why were you running around outside alone last night? Obviously, you don't think about your safety. Someone needs to protect you."  
  
His words stung, but being treated like a child hurt even more. Her first husband had treated her like that and she knew what happened if she questioned him. She never thought Robb would act this way so she remained silent, turning away from him in bed to hide her tears.  
  
Other nights, he'd exchanged a few niceties with her over supper, always acting as if he wanted to say more but never doing so. The days seemed to blend together after that until Bran woke up.  
  
That night, Robb seemed like his old self again. He threw a big feast to celebrate with Bran seated at the head of the table beside him. Deirdre sat on his other side and he kissed her frequently. At first, she was surprised and happy with his kisses, but confused by it as well. She didn't know what to make of this sudden change, but she was cautiously optimistic that things might improve.  
  
Ravens flew to The Wall and King's Landing, and a darkness seemed to lift from Winterfell that night.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thanks to Willow for the beta :)

 

  
After the feast, Deirdre had to help a drunken Robb up the stairs. She excused the guards and left Grey Wind outside the door.  
  
“How did I end up with such a beautiful wife?” Robb asked, attempting to kiss her as she tried unsuccessfully to get him to sit on the bed so she could remove his boots. “Oh yes, I remember. The king gave you to me to protect your honor.” He chuckled. “Kind of humorous if you think about it. How many women did he bed while he was here? And yet, he was protecting your honor. If only he knew the very dishonorable things I wanted to do to you from the moment I first saw you. I know… I know, it’s wrong to admit, but I would have taken you before him, the damn Kingslayer, and certain death just to be with you.”  
  
“Robb, you’re drunk.” She smiled, pushing him backwards on the bed.  
  
“I _am_. I’m so very drunk,” he laughed loudly. “I haven’t been this drunk since Jon, Theon, and I were drunk last autumn festival. Theon invited some women from Wintertown to come drink with us. He took one of them in the loft, leaving Jon and me with the other three, who took turns kissing us.”  
  
Deirdre smiled as she listened to him reminiscing.  She had finally gotten his boots off, and began removing the rest of his clothes, with very little help from him.  
  
“One of them, her name was Anne, and she was a sweet girl who eventually cried that she loved Jon with all her heart and asked him to run away with her so they could be married. I’ve never seen Jon look more terrified in his life,” Robb continued with a laugh. “So he went inside, leaving me with three women, one of them utterly broken-hearted and weeping that she’d never love another. Theon returned and took Anne to the loft and from what I understand she loved another that _very_ night. But that still left me with two women and we all had had too much wine and ale.”  
  
She watched him for a moment before prompting him, “And yet you were honorable, unlike Theon…”  
  
“I wasn’t honorable,” he said, sitting up. “I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing. So I told them both that I was saving myself for a golden-haired, green-eyed woman who had crept into my dreams many nights before. Then when I first saw you in Winterfell, I knew that you were the one from my dreams.”  
  
“You truly dreamt of me?” she asked. “Why have you never told me before?”  
  
“Because eventually the dreams changed, and I grew afraid of them. I dreamt of you and you loved me, but you were at the Wall and I was far away. I was trying to come back to you.  And Jon was with you, always by your side,” Robb grew solemn, his eyes studying her as he traced her lips with his fingertips. “But between us is always a river of blood that has washed away everyone, washed away Winterfell, and it's preventing me from finding you. There is always snow and blood and fire. _Always_.”  
  
So entranced with what he was telling her, Deirdre didn’t even noticed how tightly Robb gripped her arm until a slight pain made her glance down at his fingers digging into her flesh. Quickly, he released her. Her gaze returning to his face, she was struck by how upsetting by the dream was.  
  
“Robb, it was only a dream,” she said. “We’re here together, at Winterfell. It was just a dream.”  
  
“Is it? I dreamt you would come to Winterfell, and you did. I dreamt you would once love Jon, and you did. I dreamt he was at the Wall, and he is, and I dreamt that I loved you so much that I would crawl through pain and blood to get back to you, and I _would_ ,” his voice was full of fear now and she too felt afraid. “And the river of blood has already begun… Bran, my mother…”  
  
Deirdre shook her head in confusion and Robb’s eyes glistened with tears. “They told me to guard myself, because I lay with a lion. I’ve tried to not love you, but then I feel dead inside. It’s not worth it. I’d rather live by your side for only a day and have you devour me than live any longer without you.” His lips crushed against hers and he stole her breath away. His hands clutched her tightly to him like he feared she’d try to escape his grasp. And she felt his fear and his love mingling together, until she too felt afraid.  
  
Then he made love to her so hungrily and demandingly it drove her to new extremes of pleasure, forcing cries from her that most likely could be heard throughout Winterfell, but neither of them cared. When he fell back on the bed in exhaustion, she boldly took him in return and elicited screams of delight from him, too. They marked each other with teeth and nails, taking and giving equally. And then they kissed away the sting from their wounds before making love gently, lovingly.  
  
“Robb,” Deirdre said, nuzzling her face in his sweat-dampened neck. “Please don’t be distant from me anymore. I cannot bear it.”  
  
“Never again,” he promised. “I never meant to hurt you. I love you and the thought that I did hurt you  fills me with so much shame and guilt. I know I’m not Jon, I’ll never be…”  
  
“No, you won’t ever be him. But I don’t want you to be.” She shook her head, propping up on one arm so she could look at him. “Because I’ve grown to love you, Robb. I love your passion, your loyalty and your openness. I love the way you love me, and the way you love your people and family.” Robb didn’t answer, merely continued to hold her gaze. “I love you, my beautiful young wolf.”  
  
Her feelings for Jon seemed so incomplete and young, compared to her love for Robb. She loved Jon for awakening her heart and for the love that he had given her. Robb had quickly surpassed all of that and become everything to her.  
  
A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as Robb leaned over to capture her lips in a kiss, and he didn’t let her out of his arms for the rest of the night.  
  
~*~  
  
At dawn, Robb woke alone to a cold bed. His head throbbed, and he felt ill. He noticed all the bite marks and bruises on him as he dressed, and smirked. His wife was more passionate than he ever thought possible considering her sweet nature outside their bed. And she _loved_ him now. Some of their discussion from last night was foggy, but he remembered her confessions of love with a smile. Sending a servant to look for Deirdre, Robb met with Maester Luwin to review household budgets. Theon joined them later, sitting with his feet propped up on a table, doing little more than distracting them with his complaining.  
  
“If we need to take from the stores, then it must be done, Maester Luwin,” Robb said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He had grown tired of the seemingly endless and trivial matters that he had had to deal with daily since his father and his mother had left. He knew part of it was his own fault because he hesitated in trusting others to handle things for him and insisted on overseeing everything. Even Maester Luwin encouraged him to loosen the reins and trust others to do their duties. But Robb needed to reassure himself that he was capable of handling all the responsibility of Winterfell. “I noticed that the new gelding is limping. Talk to… what is the boy’s name?”  
   
“Aric?” Theon asked then his brow furrowed. “No, I think Aric is his brother from the kitchens.”  
   
“My lord, you’re exhausted and have been at this all day. You need a brief respite, or even a longer rest. Let’s postpone all of this until tomorrow. You could spend some time with Bran and Rickon. Or your wife, before she forgets what you look like in the daylight,” Maester Luwin insisted.  
   
“I know _I_ need my rest,” Theon said, as he stood and stretched. “And I wasn’t up as early as you.”  
   
“I’ll be fine. Hand me the accounts…” Robb stopped when the double doors flew open and Deirdre rushed in, completely enraged.  
   
“How could you not tell me the truth last night? Why did I have to overhear it from the guards?” she accused, ignoring Theon and Maester Luwin, who both watched her like she had lost her senses. “Didn’t you trust me?”  
  
Robb stood as she reached the table.  
  
“Did you just think I never noticed how your mother suddenly treated me like she feared I’d slit your throat in the night? Or that I’d never wonder why I suddenly have a guard all the time? Why I’m no longer allowed to be alone with Rickon?”  
  
“Calm down,” Robb began, but when she looked as if she might hit him, he grew irritated that she couldn’t see things from his side. “How was she supposed to trust you? Someone in your family tried to kill my brother twice. I defended you, I said I didn’t think you’d ever do anything to hurt Bran, but you’re a Lannister and an outsider to her. Do you think I liked it anymore than you; the fact my wife’s family tried to murder my brother and crippled him forever?”  
   
“You didn’t _think_ I’d do anything to hurt Bran? You didn’t _think_? How could you not **_know_**?” Deirdre face was a mixture of shock, anger, and so much pain that Robb felt like a knife had cut into his heart.  
  
“Robb is trying to protect his family,” Theon interjected before Deirdre glared him into silence.  
   
“ _His_ family?” Deirdre laughed coldly. “The family I thought I was part of? But I’m just an outsider, aren’t I? Much like you, Theon, but yet, I don’t see _you_ being guarded.”  
   
Her anger seemed to fade as her pain became harder to hide. “If you love me, you should have known I'd never do anything to harm your family,” she replied, tears rolling down her face now as her yelling was punctuate by choked back sobs. “You’d know that I could never, _ever_ , hurt an innocent child. Some members of my family would kill _me_ if it pleased them, but apparently you think I’m just like them. And all your words of love… how could you love such a monster?”  
   
Robb looked down, unable to face her. She was right. He did know she’d never hurt Bran. As much as he tried to be wary around her, as much as his mother had insisted she could be dangerous, his heart had always told him she wasn’t capable of hurting anyone he loved.  
   
Deirdre backed away from the table a few steps, shaking her head in disbelief, and he glanced up, knowing he should say something, _anything_ to comfort her, but shame made him silent. But when he said nothing, she turned and ran from the room.  
     
After she left the three men were silent for a moment, and the room felt as if her sobs and accusations lingered in the room. At last, Maester Luwin glanced at Robb and sighed. “I understand why your mother doubted her, though I never agreed with it. She barely knows your wife, having spent all her time with Bran. Deirdre’s shown nothing but gentle kindness and love to everyone here, especially Rickon. Your mother forcing you to keep Deirdre from Rickon was as cruel to him as it was unfair to her.”  
   
“I know.” Robb put his hands on the table for a moment before pent up anger caused him to scatter everything on it to the floor. His hands clenched into fists and he felt sick. He was such a fool. He should have done everything in his power to convince his mother that Deirdre would never do those things, and, if she hadn’t believed him, he should have stood up to her and done what was right anyway. He’d been so focused on taking care of his duties to Winterfell, he’d forgotten his duties to his wife.  
  
Theon and Maester Luwin watched him quietly as he sat down with a sigh. He’d wait until she calmed down and try to make amends. He picked up some of the ledgers off the floor and tried to reorganize them, focusing on the menial task to distract his mind from his overwhelming guilt.  
   
“My lord,” a boy from the stables rushed in a few minutes later. “Your wife rode out of the hunter’s gate. We tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t listen to us.”  
   
“Saddle our horses,” Robb ordered the boy, and stood. “Theon, go to our chambers and get something of hers and bring me my cloak.”  
   
As Theon rushed out of the room, Maester Luwin followed Robb, asking, “My lord, do you need them to bring the hounds to track her?”  
   
“Grey Wind, to me,” Robb called shortly to the wolf, who fell in line behind him. “No, Grey Wind can find her faster than hounds, and offer her protection until we reach her. Maester Luwin, watch after Bran and Rickon until we return. I’m taking ten men with me.”  
   
“She couldn’t have gone far, my lord. She doesn’t know these lands.”  
   
“Which is exactly what worries me most.” Robb stopped and looked at the maester. “Her getting lost is far more dangerous to her than one of us. She won’t be cautious, nor will she notice the sounds of anyone approaching her. We know what lives in these woods. She doesn’t.”  
   
Theon returned with Robb’s cloak and gloves, as well as one of Deirdre’s cloaks and gloves. “Her handmaiden said she took no cloak.”  
   
“Gods, what is she thinking?!” Robb exclaimed, rushing to the stable. As he passed Bran and Hodor, Robb called out to them, “Bran, I’ll be back shortly.”  
   
“Robb, take Summer with you,” Bran replied. “He can help you find Deirdre.”  
  
“I hope she doesn’t run into any wildlings. I don’t suppose she’s armed, is she?” Theon asked under his breath.  
  
“Doubtful. She doesn’t even have her cloak. And she’s not supposed to leave the outer castle walls. It wouldn’t occur to her how dangerous it was.” Robb vowed that when he brought her back to Winterfell, he’d teach her to defend herself, and explain to her the dangers of what was outside their walls. As they left the castle, Robb saw the snow falling was now falling quietly-- a silent but deadly risk to her, if they didn’t find her soon. “We have to find her before she freezes out here. Or worse.”  
  
“My lords.” The boy brought their horses to them and added, “She was headed toward the Wolfswood.”  
  
Robb led the party out the hunter’s gate. Both Grey Wind and Summer took off before them. The men split into two groups as the snow began falling harder. It wasn’t long before Robb grew impatient and worried enough to split his party into two smaller groups, in the hopes of covering more ground.  
  
The snow had been falling for an hour, and a thick blanket covered the ground when he heard the direwolves howling.  He broke into a gallop, racing through the trees after the sound. At last, he saw Deirdre and breathed a deep sigh of relief and released the hard grip he’d had on the reins. Her horse, Flame Dancer, pranced about as the wolves frightened him.  
  
“Grey Wind, Summer, back! Go!” Deirdre yelled at them both, trying to regain control of the horse.  
  
Robb couldn’t help smiling, but he quickly stopped when she turned around and saw him. “Get these damned beasts away from me.”  
  
“Grey Wind, Summer, to me,” he commanded. When the wolves obeyed, she shot Robb a deadly glare, as he dismounted to come and calm her horse.    
  
“I don’t want your help,” she snapped, but he ignored her; not letting her stubbornness endanger her further. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying, and he rested his hand on her leg.  
  
“I don’t want to talk to you,” she replied, turning away from him.  
  
“Fine, but you need to come back to Winterfell now. It’s too dangerous out here and you’re obviously freezing.”  
  
The other men rode up, and Robb got her cloak from Theon. Handing it up to her, he told the others to ride back without them. Deirdre had lowered her face from the other men, clearly embarrassed, while she put on the cloak. After the men departed, Robb looked up at her, but Deirdre refused to give him the satisfaction of even glancing his way. He’d never seen her so angry and hurt.  
  
“I know I deserve your anger. You’re not capable of doing anything to harm Bran,” he continued calmly, but she dug her heels into the horse’s side, taking off after the men.  
  
Robb sighed deeply, and mounted his own horse to follow her. She rode like she was being chased, much too fast for the wooded areas with snow-covered, uneven, unfamiliar ground. The horse could easily falter and break a leg, if he could not determine the depth of the snow. The harder he rode to catch up to her, the faster she went.  When she burst out of the woods, Robb shouted Theon’s name angrily, since Deirdre had already put too much distance between himself and her. Theon turned back to try to stop her, but Deirdre easily raced past Theon. Seeing she was indeed returning to Winterfell, Theon reined in his horse to wait for Robb.  
  
“She’s a wild one when she’s angry, isn’t she? Truly a Lannister. I think you might ‘hear her roar’ any minute now,” Theon laughed, but Robb was not in the mood for teasing. Now he was furious at her for being so careless.  
  
When they reached the stables, Deirdre attempted to walk by him without acknowledging his presence, but Robb jumped off his horse in front of her. He grabbed her by her arm and tried to lead her inside so he could talk to her about her reckless behavior, but she jerked away from him twice, deliberately going in another direction. Robb had enough. Walking to her, he picked her up and flung her over his shoulder, carrying her into the castle, and ignoring the men staring and laughing at them and her yelled threats. He marched upstairs to their chambers, before he flung her down on the bed.  
  
“I understand you’re angry, but you will listen to me. I won’t _tolerate_ you putting yourself or anyone else in danger again out of spite towards me. I have too much to worry about without thinking my wife will throw a temper tantrum and put herself, her horse, or anyone else in danger,” Robb yelled. “Now calm down and listen to me.”  
  
“There is nothing you could say that I want to hear now that I know how you truly feel about me.” Deirdre sat up and made for the door.    
  
Robb blocked her way but didn’t put his hands on her, not yet. He knew she ached to strike out at him, and he wouldn’t do anything to add to anger or make her fear him. “You need to understand that the Lannisters were guests in our home and they tried to kill my brother. When they couldn’t, then they sent someone else to kill him. If Summer hadn’t stopped him, he would have killed Bran and my mother, and two people died in the fire he set to distract us. We all felt betrayed, my mother more so anyone. But it is my fault for not convincing her that you are nothing like your cousins.”  
  
Her jaw tightened, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes, so he continued, “In my heart, I always knew you would never do those things, but at the same time, I tried to honor my mother’s wishes. But I’m at fault for not convincing her. She left for King’s Landing so soon after the attack, I barely had time to convince her. Once she was gone, I should have been honest with you. For that, I’m sorry. The guard was watching you because the night you came running outside to the Godswood and wouldn’t tell me why. I was concerned about your safety.”  
  
“Each night you’d climb into our bed, and turn away from me. So, at least part of you doubted me,” she replied quietly.  
  
“No,” he insisted, finally grabbing her shoulders and turning her to look at him. “I was exhausted every night, from my duties and from worrying. Then you didn’t seem to want me to touch you. There were nights when I’d watch you sleep and want to wake you. My body ached for you, and our bed felt so cold, but I didn’t know how to tell you about your cousins’ attempts on Bran. My mother even speaking of such things about the queen would be considered treason.”  
  
“Last night you had a chance to tell me everything and, yet you didn’t.”  
  
Robb dropped his hands by his side. He wanted to drag her into his arms and hold her tightly, but she was too angry now.  
  
“May I go now, my lord?” she asked, her tone the same as she used when speaking to her cousin Prince Joffrey – courteous, yet cold and distant.  It was like a slap in the face that she treated him so formally.    
  
“Yes. I want you to stay, but I won’t force you. However, do not leave Winterfell again without an escort,” he replied, sitting down on the bed.  
  
Deirdre left the room without another word and Robb fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He wondered how long she’d be angry with him, but he knew he deserved it. At least she hadn’t gone for the jugular and tell him Jon would have believed her. She wasn’t vicious and cruel like she could have been.  
  
She didn’t come down for supper. Robb knew from her handmaid that she’d gone into her chambers after their fight and hadn’t left it since. Robb had the guards removed as proof of his trust, but he knew it was too little, too late. He tried to focus on his duties, but his mind was with her, making him irrational and short-tempered with everyone. He drank some wine after he’d managed to chase away everyone, including Theon, with his foul mood. In the early morning hours, he climbed the stairs wearily to his chambers. He was surprised when he opened the door to find it still softly lit.  
  
Deirdre had been crying so much that her eyes were red and swollen, but what bothered him more was the raw pain in them. In a few strides he was by her side, pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly. She stiffened at first, but didn’t attempt to push him away. Eventually, she clung to him as well as he heard her sobbing.  
  
“Forgive me,” he whispered over and over again. And she nodded, holding him tighter.  
  
“Robb,” she whispered and he pulled back, cradling her face in his hands. “I’m sorry: for my cousins, for earlier. I was so angry and I wanted to hurt you, but I acted like a child. I don’t want to go on fighting. I’ve missed you so much these last weeks.”  
  
“Don’t apologize for your cousins. They aren’t your fault,” he murmured against her lips. “I promise I will never keep something so important from you ever again. But you must promise me that when you’re angry with me, you won’t endanger yourself.”  
  
Deirdre promised him, sealing it with a kiss and murmured, “I love you so much, it hurt me that you could ever doubt me. I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me, but you.”  
  
“I’m a fool. I love you more than I can ever explain.” Robb lay down beside her and just held and kissed her for hours.  
  
  



	13. Chapter 13

_A/N Thanks to Gwynnyd for the beta!_

__

**Chapter 13**

The following morning, Robb woke up late for the first time since his mother left Winterfell. He stretched and Deirdre shifted her arm lower on him and snuggled into his side. He debated waking her, but she seemed to peaceful so he thought it best not to. As soon as he moved to extract himself from her and get out of the bed though, she tightened her grip on him, crossing a leg over his as well.

 

“No. Stay with me,” she murmured.

 

“I’ve slept too late. There are household…”

 

“Duties that will wait until I’m satisfied,” she said, propping herself up on her elbow. “You still have a lot of time to make up for, Lord Stark. And I demand your services.”

 

Smirking, Robb attempted to roll her on her back but she pushed him away. “No, I would have you at _my_ mercy,” she explained, climbing on him. She leaned forward, biting his lip gently before sucking it into her mouth. Robb reached up to touch her but she grabbed his hands, forcing them back to the bed. “I said, I want you at my mercy.”

 

“And what do you intend to do?” he asked.

 

“Please you,” she whispered with a wicked grin.

 

Robb knew he could overpower her, but he was too intrigued to even consider it.

 

Deirdre pulled away from him with a coy smile. “Perhaps I should keep you here all day,” she teased but he shook his head.

 

“I think they’d come looking for me,” he warned with a smile of his own.  But Robb felt no desire to be free from his current position.

 

“I overheard some of the servants talking the other night,” Deirdre said, her cheeks reddening as she avoided his eyes. “One of them talked about something her lover had asked her to do that I’ve never…done… He told her that some men enjoyed it sometimes more than anything else because most women are unwilling to do this to please their husbands.”

 

Robb swallowed hard, thinking back to the one time he visited the brothel and what that woman had done to him. He’d never thought to ask Deirdre to do it. Theon said that whores did things wives wouldn’t and Robb just assumed that was one of them. The thought of her mouth on him made him throb painfully but she still seemed unsure so he said nothing.

 

Her blush deepened and she glanced away, her earlier boldness wavering. When she returned her eyes to his, she said, “I want to satisfy you in every way. I don’t like to think there is something you’d enjoy that I am not doing because I don’t think you’d deny me anything, if I said it pleased me.”

 

“I wouldn’t,” he admitted and she smiled briefly. “And this…thing…does the thought of it offend you? I don’t wish you to do anything that you find…unpleasant.”

 

“The thought seems strange to me but not wholly unpleasant.” She ran her fingers over his arms and shoulders. “I enjoy kissing you everywhere else, so perhaps it’s not strange at all to do this. I didn’t know if you think poorly of me if I wished to try it. I don’t know if that’s because it’s _perverse_ or they simply don’t enjoy their husband’s bodies as much as I do. I was always told that lying with your husband was a duty you were forced to endure. And no one ever told me about how to please a man.”

 

Robb smiled and reaching out, picked up a curl of her hair, twisting it around his fingers. “Yet, you knew instinctively. But if you don’t wish to do this, you needed feel you must.”

 

Her gaze rose to his and he sensed her insecurity. “But would you think poorly of me if I wished to try it?”

 

“No!” Robb exclaimed with a laugh. “I consider it a blessing that my pleasure means that much to you.”

 

She leaned forward and ran her tongue along his lower lip.

 

Her movements were slow and deliberate, each action prolonged to tease him. She nibbled on his lip before sucking into her mouth. Her hands moved along the corded muscles of his shoulders, her skin so soft and warm against his. She was always warmer than he was. Perhaps it’s true what they say about northerners having cold blood but right now Robb felt anything but cold. His skin felt hot and too tight. He could hear his heart beating loudly as she teased his mouth with her own. Her lips moved along his jaw then traced the outline of his ear before she whispered something in his ear that made him ache and moan. Each time he’d reach for her, she’d push his hands away teasingly.

 

He’d never dreamed marriage would be like this. He too had thought women didn’t enjoy bedding their husband but his wife whispered things in his ear that she wanted to do to him that proved him wrong.

 

Her lips moved lower, to his neck then his shoulders, as she slithered down his body. Every once in awhile she’d nip him playfully or suck hard enough to bruise him. His breath hissed through his teeth when she bit one of his nipples but she quickly lashed her tongue against it, to kiss away the sting. Deirdre lay with her breasts caressing his hard length and he rolled his hips so he brushed against them. Her eyes rose to his quickly and he saw her hunger matched his own.

 

Her kisses moved lower, chasing freckles across his chest before moving over his stomach. Robb moaned when she ran the flat of her tongue from his stomach up his body before kissing his mouth again. As soon as he moved his lips against hers, she had resumed moving her tongue lazily down to his belly, nibbling on his sides as her fingers moved lower, lightly caressing the length of him, so lightly that it frustrated him and he groaned.

 

“Please,” he whispered, closing his eyes, aching to be touched.

 

She bit down on the inside of his thigh, hard enough to leave a mark but her hand had closed around him so he quickly forgot the light pain. She stroked him once before releasing him and he almost cried out in frustration before he felt her breath on him. His gaze lowered and he almost spilled on his stomach. Her green eyes were predatory and as he watched her light pink tongue ran over her lips before reaching out to lightly run it along his length. He held his breath for a moment unable to think straight while trying to focus on his control.

 

Boldly, Deirdre grabbed his hips and moved her tongue against him again before taking him in her mouth. Robb stiffened with a moan, bucking into her mouth. His hands curled into fists and he threw his head back onto the pillow, breathing erratically. Although this wasn’t his first time and the other woman had had considerably more experience, this was his _wife_ , the woman he desired above all others, and the most beautiful woman he knew. The feel of her hot mouth surrounding him was an exquisite torture. She explored him with her mouth, trying different methods, seeking to satisfy him and Robb could no longer voice the words of how good it felt. Her hands soon joined her mouth and her teasing tongue combined with light sucking.

 

He held back as long as he could, not wanting it to ever end, but he knew it would, very soon. “Deirdre,” he whispered feverishly. He felt like he would explode and he willed himself to wait, to savor every moment but her mouth was so hot and when she moaned, the vibrations along his shaft were too much. He wasn’t sure how she’d feel if he released in her mouth, especially the first time she attempted this, so he cried out urgently, “I need to be inside you now. I’m so close….”

 

She released him from her mouth slowly; sucking him as she did, then she rose to mount him. Sliding over him, Robb couldn’t believe how hot and wet she was. She had become aroused as much as he had, which almost pushed him over the edge. Her mouth came down on his. Their tongues dueled for dominance before he surrendered to her with a moan. He wanted to hold out for her climax but she moved on him in such a manner that he could barely restrain himself.

 

He lifted his hips to thrust into her before grabbing her hips and pulled her down hard on him. She moaned and lowered her head, breathing in deep shuddering breaths. He moved his fingers to trail through her sex before rubbing her swollen nub, trying to satisfy her. But it was too much, Robb couldn’t restrain himself any longer and spent himself deep inside her with a groan.  He continued to move his fingers on her until she too reached her climax with a deep shuddering sigh.

 

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to rest on his chest. “Thank you,” he whispered as he kissed her repeatedly. “I don’t think I will ever get used to the pleasure you give me. I didn’t know it could be like this. I love you more than I thought possible.”

 

She smiled shyly. “And did I…did I do it right?”

 

“Yes, a thousand times yes,” he said, with a smile.

 

Deirdre closed her eyes. After a moment she asked, “Do you think we’ll feel the same way in a few years? Still feeling so much desire for each other?”

 

“Why wouldn’t we?”

 

“I’ve always been surrounded by widows and the only couple I know very well is Cersei and Robert. They _despise_ each other. And everyone knows he beds other women, not his wife; _many_ other women. I don’t want us to grow to hate each other,” she admitted, softly. “Or you to grow bored with me.”

 

“My parents were always happy though, and they have been married longer. I think Robert enjoys bedding many women and Cersei is an unhappy woman naturally, so it’s not possible for them to be happy together. But I would never bed other women, you were the first and will be the only.” Robb smiled down at her. “When you have four or five of my children, you might be too tired to make love every night, but I can’t imagine I will ever grow bored of you.”

 

“Four or five? You truly wish to have that many?” she raised her head, looking up at him.

 

“Or more. I want to fill Winterfell with children. I cannot imagine life without my brothers and sisters. There was so much laughter and life in these walls as we grew up and I want that again. You’ve always been all alone. Don’t you wish to have many children so they’ll never be alone?” he kissed her lightly.

 

“The concept of a happy family is foreign to me,” she admitted.

 

“Then that will be my gift to you.” Robb intertwined his fingers with hers. “As my father always says, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. We’ll have many children and you’ll have the happy family you’ve always wanted.”

 

Deirdre smiled and curled up into his arms with a sigh. “Can you stay in bed a little longer? I don’t want you to leave yet. I’ve grown quite attached to your warmth.”

 

“And I’ve grown quite attached to you,” Robb said, tightening his arms around her.

 

xOxOx

 

When Robb and Deirdre finally came downstairs, others were in the Great Hall for breakfast. Theon smirked at Deirdre when she sat down and she realized regretfully that everyone in Winterfell probably knew by now about Robb flinging her over his shoulder and her acting like a child during their fight yesterday, even if they hadn’t seen it first-hand. Many people seemed amused upon seeing her, but no one looked spitefully at her. In fact, they seemed pleased to see the young couple had made up so she pushed the embarrassment out of her mind. She truly had behaved like a child yesterday so she deserved the amused glances.

 

Rickon, Bran, and Hodor joined them for breakfast, distracting her from her thoughts. Bran was angry that he was forced to come to meals, preferring to take them in his room, but Robb told him that he was to be brought downstairs to join them every day. Deirdre suspected Robb was trying to force Bran to accept the fact he was crippled and still continue to see the people of Winterfell, instead of hiding away in his bedchambers.

 

“Today, I’m going to teach you to defend yourself,” Robb told her casually and she glanced at him in surprise. “Perhaps not a long sword, but at least a knife or even a short sword. I don’t want you defenseless.”

 

“Did Sansa learn these things as well?” she asked since she knew Arya had at least toyed with it.

 

“No, but Sansa had no desire to learn. If you’re headstrong enough to ride out in the woods alone, then you need to be smart enough to defend yourself if something or _someone_ attacks you.” Robb raised a brow at her and she nodded.

 

“Maester Luwin, can you spend time with Deirdre afterwards to explain some of the household duties?” he asked and the maester nodded.

  
Despite feeling a touch nervous about taking on the new role, Deirdre was happy to realize that Robb trusted her to share in his responsibilities. She knew Lady Stark’s role was significant and people would judge Deirdre by the example she had set so Deirdre must do it well or never earn anyone’s respect.

 

After breakfast, she returned upstairs and changed into a simple dress. She had wanted to wear a pair of his breeches, but Robb reminded her she wouldn’t be wearing breeches if she were attacked so she’d learn in a gown. Theon joined them when Robb took her in the training yard. First, before he armed her, he tried to teach her to fight him off and disarm him with her hands and body. She spent most of her time in the dirt, but she continued to try and Robb was careful to never actually hurt her. The other men practicing watched her curiously at first, but soon a few of them stopped what they were doing to give her tips and shout encouragement. Theon took turns with Robb and she noticed it was easier for her to hit him than Robb because of her strong dislike for him. In fact, it felt wonderful to strike Theon without fear of retribution.

 

It took hours but she finally learned to strike the men’s weakest spots. Robb also laughed and said she fought dirty, using her teeth and nails when she had to, but it was fine because she was fighting to protect herself not win a tournament. She bit Theon on the wrist so hard she almost broke the skin, which amused the other men greatly. By the end of their session, she was able to disarm Theon completely and at least escape Robb when both attacked her at the same time. The other men cheered and despite being exhausted, she felt a certain satisfaction in being dirty and sweaty, but more capable than before.

 

“You did well, but keep in mind, we’re not willing to hurt you and a real foe would be.” Robb smiled, giving her some water. “Tomorrow we’ll try a short sword. You’re not going to battle but you need to fight well enough to protect yourself or kill an attacker.”

 

“Kill?” Deirdre frowned at the thought. “Robb, I not sure I could kill someone”

 

“Then they will kill you,” Theon replied. “Don’t think because you’re a woman that a wildling would spare you. Most likely they’d all rape you _before_ they killed you. Or maybe they wouldn’t kill you. They’d keep you alive, so they could continue to stick their cocks in you until they grew bored of you.”

 

“Theon, you will never speak to her that way again,” Robb warned sharply, his eyes hot with anger.  

 

“So…don’t tell her the _truth_?” Theon challenged. “You’re teaching her to defend herself, she should know what will happen if she doesn’t.”

 

“I’m not a fool, Theon,” Deirdre said, before Robb could answer. “I know what men are capable of doing to women. That doesn’t mean I ever _want_ to take another person’s life. Every man could have a mother, sister, brother, children, a wife, some family who will miss them and...”

 

Theon stepped closer to her. She knew he did it to intimidate her so she refused to take a step back or lower her gaze as Theon continued, “And that kind of thinking is what will get you raped and killed. Iron born women aren’t soft. They’ll cut your heart out if you touch them wrong. Wildlings are worse. You’ll end up with a cock shoved…”

 

Before he finished, Robb grabbed Theon and slammed him against the fence, his forearm across his throat, lodged under his chin. He stayed in Theon’s face as he warned him through clenched teeth, “If you ever speak to her that way again, I will forget our friendship and show you what happens when you disrespect a lady of House Stark. _Remember your place_ , Theon, when you speak to my wife.”

 

The yard went completely silent. Deirdre was too stunned to react at first. After a few tense moments, she put her hand gently on Robb’s back.

  
“Robb, I’m fine,” she said quietly. She truly disliked Theon, but she didn’t want the two friends coming to blows over her.

 

“He will beg your pardon,” Robb replied, not releasing Theon or even glancing at Deirdre.

 

Theon looked as if he wanted to fight back but he scanned the yard full of Stark men and must have known it would be pointless to try. Finally, he turned his angry gaze to her and said, “Forgive me, my lady. I did not mean to be offensive.”

 

Robb finally released him, roughly shoving him away, and stepped back. “Leave us.”

 

After he left, Robb turned to her and his expression was dark. “If he ever talks to you that way again, if he even looks at you in a way that’s disrespectful to you, you _will_ tell me.”

 

Deirdre had never seen Robb so angry, so she just nodded silently. The other men resumed what they had been doing but Robb stalked into the castle. Deirdre’s gaze followed him inside.

 

“Don’t worry, my lady. That boy is just mad with love and wishes to protect you from the world,” an older man chuckled. “He’ll calm down.”

 

“I’m not worried.”  Studying the man, she saw he had kind eyes and, though he was obviously common-born, he had a way about him that showed respect for her and the Starks. She said, “I don’t think we’ve met.”

 

“I’m not from Winterfell. I’m just bringing fish and some supplies from Deepwood Motte. I’ve been supplying Winterfell with fish for dozens of years. Saw your young wolf growing up. My name is Griffin, Griffin Snow,” the man said, with a smile.  He raised his hand in greeting to a few of the men in the yard and seemed to be known.

 

“I’m Deirdre,” she returned his smile.

 

“We heard about your marriage in Deepwood Motte and there were many tears from the lasses. Lord Robb was known to be quite handsome and, of course, marrying the future lord of Winterfell might have had something to do with their interest.”

“It’s true. He is very handsome and I would apologize to these ladies, but honestly, I’m not sorry to steal him away from their dreams.” Deirdre laughed aloud.

  
“I’m certain that there were many in Lannisport, Casterly Rock, and King’s Landing who grieved at him capturing your heart as well. It’s rare to see hair of spun gold. I suppose it’s true what they say about the Lannister gold mines, if their women even have gold in their hair.”

 

“Why sir, I do believe you intend to flatter me and I must admit, I wonder what it is you’re truly after to use such flowery words,” Deirdre replied with raised eyebrows.

 

The man laughed aloud, holding his belly as he did. “You’re a smart one too, aren’t you? I suppose I could ask you as easily as Lord Robb. It’s my daughter, my lady. She’s not well and I fear the sea air makes it worse for her. I had thought to ask Lord Stark if she could stay in Winterfell with my wife until she’s better. My wife is willing to work in the kitchens or anything you see fit to earn their place.”

 

“I’ve very sorry about your daughter. We can always use help since Lord Eddard took so many of the servants with him. And would you join them, sir?” Deirdre asked, gently.

 

“I need to continue to bring supplies here, but I wouldn’t mind staying in Winterfell a few days to get them settled, if it’s no trouble,” he replied.

  
“Of course not. And what of your other children?”

 

“My oldest boy helps me out, but the younger one is only eight. I don’t like him to travel with me. The roads aren’t safe,” he admitted quietly.

 

“I’ll speak to the steward to see if he can find your wife a position. If so, you can bring your wife, daughter and youngest boy to Winterfell. If Robb has no objections, I’m sure Rickon would welcome a boy near his age. At least that way he won’t have to travel and will be here with his mother and sister,” Deirdre said. “When you finish unloading your supplies, come to the great hall and ask for me so I’ll have time to take care of the matter.”

 

“Thank you kindly, mi’lady,” Griffin said with a wide smile. “You are as generous as you are beautiful.”

 

“You’re welcome. Now that you’ve handled your business, you don’t need to waste your flowery words on me,” she laughed as she walked away.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Koryou for the beta job!

**Chapter 14**

 

Before Deirdre could go inside, various people came to ask her about other household matters and she handled them to the best of her abilities. The questions she didn’t have answers for, she promised she’d discuss with Robb later. At midday, she went to find her husband but no one really had seen him since the altercation with Theon. She found Bran and Rickon with Maester Luwin learning their lessons.

 

“Has anyone seen Robb?” she asked.

 

The maester shook his head. “We were supposed to meet with the kitchen staff to go over the provisions for this month, but I haven’t seen him since he went to the training yard with you.”

 

“I heard him and Theon got into a fight,” Bran replied sullenly.

 

Deirdre sighed and said, “Maester Luwin, can I help with the provisions? Perhaps Robb just needs some time away from his duties.”

 

“I think you’re right. Let’s go to the kitchens now. It shouldn’t take long and Robb wanted you to start learning these things anyway. Bran, you work on your sums and keep an eye on Rickon,” Maester Luwin said, but a servant came and sat with the boys just in case Rickon decided to be off on his own.

 

Deirdre handled the provisions, then talked to the steward, Jorge, about Griffin Snow and his family. Apparently, Griffin was well-known and liked so she was able to secure a position for his wife and found rooms for them to sleep in. She met with a few merchants at the Jorge’s suggestion and watched as the steward negotiated with them. One of the merchants tried to increase the prices on their shipments of iron and Deirdre wouldn’t allow it.

 

“I know Lord Tywin’s iron is cheaper than this and your mines are closer to Winterfell than theirs are to Casterly Rock. Are you telling me that his merchants are more scrupulous than you?” she raised her brows as she looked at the man, who reddened. “I find it hard to believe that northern merchants aren’t more honorable than the ones in the east.” Glancing over at Jorge, she asked, “Are there other merchants who can provide iron to Winterfell?”

 

“Yes, there are.” Jorge bit back a smile.

 

“My family has supplied the Stark family for generations!” the merchant interrupted. “My father before me and his father before him and the new lady of Winterfell comes in and means to end that relationship?”

 

“Perhaps your father and grandfather didn’t try to raise prices just because they think the son of Lord Stark is too foolish to know better. I assure you, he is not and neither am I. If you cannot sell the iron to us for the price Winterfell has _always_ paid, then we will find someone else who can,” Deirdre said dismissively. She rose to leave with the full intentions of walking out if he didn’t back down but her ruse worked.

 

“Wait!” the man exclaimed. “I’ll agree to the terms, but I won’t like it.”

 

“Your liking it isn’t a requirement. Jorge, please see to paying this man.” With a smile, she said sweetly, “I’m glad we resolved this favorably. I don’t think it would do either of us any good if we had to negotiate terms from other miners. I imagine that Winterfell is your biggest customer and that loss would be most _unfortunate_ to your reputation.”

 

After the merchant left, Jorge turned to her with a smile. “You don’t know anything about the mines that supply Casterly Rock, do you, my lady?”

 

She laughed aloud but said nothing. After the last two merchants, she went to search for Robb again. Bran told her that Robb was looking for her as well because he wanted to go riding. Deirdre walked upstairs to change into something suitable for riding then went to the stables. She found them empty, as it was nearly supper and most of the stable hands were with their family or in the barracks. Robb was brushing his horse when she found him.

 

“What are you doing?” she asked, propping her arms on the stall door. “Don’t they do that for you?”

 

“They do.” He smiled slightly. “But sometimes I like to do it.” He fed the horse an apple and looked up at Deirdre. “I’ve been hearing some strange stories today. Apparently, there is a lady here that has been helping with my duties today. And I suspect some of the merchants and kitchen staff prefer her to me, since  she is much more gentle natured. Well, except the miner who thinks she’s a ‘typical Lannister, born to negotiate’.”

 

“It’s not my fault he was trying to overcharge you.” She shrugged with a smile. “I thought you could use some help today and you said you wanted me to learn. Perhaps if I do, you can come to bed sooner, rather than after I’m already asleep.”

 

“That would be nice. It seems like you’re quite capable without much guidance. You really impressed both Jorge and Maester Luwin,” he replied coming to kiss her.

 

“I suppose after the way I acted yesterday, people don’t expect much from me. I’ll have to prove them wrong.”

 

“You seem to come out of your shell with others now, my love, finding your voice finally. It’ll be nice for them to see your true spirit.” Robb smiled, then looked down for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry about earlier. Theon should never have spoken to you that way. And he would never speak to my mother or sisters that way, knowing my father wouldn’t allow it. I had to remind him that just because my father is not here, doesn’t mean he’s allowed to treat the lady of the house with disrespect.”

 

“I understand,” she replied. “Theon isn’t fond of me, but the feelings are mutual. I’m capable of avoiding him if I need to.”

 

“ _No._ You’re my wife, a Lady of Winterfell, _the_ Lady until my mother returns. He is a ward here and he needs to remember that or I will remind him every day.” Robb’s tone was stern and she smiled, running her hand through his hair.

 

“Yes, my lord,” she whispered and kissed him. “I must say, seeing you being so commanding and lordly is very…arousing.”

 

“Is it?” He grinned and opened the stall door.

 

Deirdre had thought he meant to step out, but instead he pulled her into the horse’s stall with him.  “What are you doing?” She laughed as he kissed on her neck.

 

“No one is here.” His voice was thick with desire and his hot breath against her ear made her blood warm.

 

“Robb, anyone could come in now,” she warned as he ran his hands over her breasts and squeezed gently. “Let’s go to our chambers.”

 

He pulled her hand down to rest on the hard bulge in his breeches. “I don’t want to wait. Besides, it’s exciting isn’t it; the fact that we could get caught at any moment?”

 

“No, it’s madness.” She laughed, but even as she felt her resolve weakening, she moved her hands to his chest. “And I just spent the day trying to earn people’s respect. I don’t think finding us making love in the stables is the best way to do that.”

 

When he seemed to pout, she said, “You’re incorrigible.”

 

She wanted him as much as he wanted her. And there was a certain thrill to knowing they could be caught, but unfortunately she knew this wasn’t right. She kissed him gently and he sighed in resignation.

 

“Being lord of Winterfell seemed so appealing when I was younger. Now it seems so restricting. I don’t want to constantly deal with figures or merchants. I want to be able to go riding or hunting if I want. Or I make love with you, not worry how it will look to others,” he replied.

 

She rested her head against his chest. “I know it’s different but I somehow doubt you’ve _ever_ been able to just make love in a stable where you could be caught by anyone.” She smirked and Robb looked chagrined. “But what we do in our chambers is ours alone.”

 

Not willing to be completely deterred, Robb whispered, “When I’m inside you, nothing else matters. I don’t need to worry about Winterfell. Sometimes when I’m listening to the counsels or the merchants, I think about the wet heat of you wrapped around me and it’s all I can do not to come ravish you. Or at supper, I want to take you right on the table.”

 

Deirdre’s first husband had talked to her with filthy words that she had found repulsive but Robb’s lust-filled words made her feel a totally different sensation. It seemed like they were two lovers in a secret tryst and there _was_ a certain appeal to not behaving so properly.   

 

“I know you’ve had others,” he continued to whisper, his voice husky. “But I think your body was made for me. To be pleasured by my mouth, my hands, and my cock. No one will ever fill you again, but me. And there is no one else who will ever have my seed again but you.”

 

His words were making her rethink her decision to not make love to him now. “I don’t want anyone else. And there are things that have only been yours. Only you have tasted me and I’ve tasted only you.” Robb moaned softly in her ear. “I wish you had been the one to take my innocence, but you’re the only one who has driven me to such heights  of passion.” Robb had woken something in her that Jon hadn’t and, though she couldn’t explain it in words, her body knew it.

 

“I see the way men look at you. The way even _Theon_ looks at you. They’re all imagining your body beneath them. And then you look at me and I know that you want only me and you’ll never be theirs. I used to worry that you’d think of Jon when you made love to me but I know, _I know_ , you’re only thinking of me by the way you react to my touch and moan my name.” Cradling her face, he said, “Did you know that a wolf mates for life?” She shook her head. Robb kissed her and said, “You’re mine for life.”

 

“And you are mine,” she replied, turning her eyes to his. He kissed her with a fierce need that spread through her whole body.

  
Deirdre melted into his embrace, returning his kiss. “Tonight, my love, we can continue this _discussion_.”

 

He looked worried for a moment and said, “I shouldn’t have used such language with you. I would never say such things unless we’re alone.”

 

“I don’t mind it from you,” she admitted.

 

“Perhaps the ride should wait until tomorrow. It’s getting late and will be dark soon.” He kissed her and then cupped her chin. “We should go get changed for supper. Perhaps we can go for a walk tonight instead.”

 

“Bran is still brooding. I think you should spend some time alone with him and Rickon after supper, just the Stark brothers.” She kissed him gently. “But I will wait up for you.”

 

Holding her hand, he led her inside the castle.

 

~*~

 

A few weeks went by and over that time, Deirdre was guided by Robb, Maester Luwin, and Jorge to handle many of the different household duties. Robb also stopped overseeing everything with such control. He also continued to train Deirdre in her self-defense. She’d never be a soldier, but she could at least defend herself better now. Robb even had a dagger made for her that could be strapped inside her cloak. Theon’s attitude toward her improved but she made certain that she wasn’t around him often without Robb being there.

 

One day, Deirdre heard that Tyrion had come to Winterfell. She debated seeing him. Knowing that the Starks suspected her cousins of causing Bran’s fall and trying to kill him, she felt torn. But she wanted to look him in the eyes to see if he was the man she knew him to be. She couldn’t see him doing anything to Bran. It had to be Jaime or Cersei. She had already pointed out to Robb that Tyrion was on the hunt when Bran fell, but Jaime wasn’t. She’d seen him that day when she found Bran. She remembered the look on his face that she couldn’t identify the meaning of and wondered if it was guilt or disappointment that Bran wasn’t dead. Tyrion _could_ have hired someone to kill Bran but she didn’t think he would. He loved children and didn’t hate people just because they’re not Lannisters, like Jaime and Cersei. She dressed and went to the Great Hall to see him.

 

“You’ve done my brother a kindness. The hospitality of Winterfell is yours,” Robb was saying.

 

But Tyrion replied angrily, “Spare me your false courtesies, _Lord Stark_. There is a brothel outside your walls. There I’ll find a bed and both of us can sleep easier.”

 

Robb said nothing and Tyrion spoke to the man from the Night’s Watch who stood beside him. As he was leaving, he smiled brilliantly upon seeing her. “Dearest cousin, you are a vision after all the time surrounded by nothing but men and boys. You look well.”

 

“I am.” She smiled. “I’m sorry you’re not staying in Winterfell. Will you join me for some wine before you go?”

 

“Of course, but perhaps we should not include your husband,” Tyrion said angrily.

 

Deirdre glanced at Robb and, after he nodded, she led Tyrion to the salon nearest the Great Hall. She asked servants to bring them some summer wine and apple cakes, then sat down with her cousin.

 

“What has brought about this change with your husband? Have I wronged him in some way?” Tyrion asked, studying her.

 

 

“Perhaps it has to do with the fact that Tywin and mother practically disowned me. They sent men, including Ser Amory, here immediately after the wedding to sign away my rights to any lands in the west that belonged to my father or Ser Thomas,” Deirdre replied.

 

A girl brought in the wine and apple cakes, leaving them in silence. Deirdre poured Tyrion some wine and handed it to him. “I do hope you didn’t sign your father’s lands away,” Tyrion said, studying her.

 

“I did. I suppose I’m a Lannister no longer.” She smiled cynically.

 

“You know there are gold mines on that land, don’t you? Did you honestly think my father would have taken care of you and your mother so much, if there wasn’t a reason?”

 

Deirdre laughed; a short, bitter laugh. “I thought perhaps he cared for us. Well, for her, not for me.”

 

“He wanted to marry you at one time, when you first flowered, because he wanted a bride and you were a distant enough relation, but still a Lannister. You could give him a son and heir to replace me and you had gold mines,” Tyrion said with a smirk. Deirdre glanced over at him in shock. “Your mother resisted because she actually thought he’d eventually marry her instead.”

 

Deirdre felt sickened by the thought of being married to Tywin. No wonder her mother’s hatred grew so much, Deirdre had been competition without knowing it. But Tywin wanted her lands and another son, not her, so perhaps he’ll marry her mother.

 

“Tywin and your mother were lovers for a long time when he mentioned it, so I imagine it was quite a slap in her face. Two days later, Ser Thomas brought her an offer for your hand.” Tyrion sipped his wine. “Your mother married you off to Ser Thomas to prevent Tywin from forcing her to let him marry you.”

 

“I was just a pawn,” she replied, quietly. “Then why didn’t Tywin force me to marry him after Thomas died?”

 

“Tywin Lannister marry a widow, no longer a maid? Perish the thought. Why do you think he was unwilling to marry your mother? I convinced him to send you to King’s Landing. You were supposed to ensnare the Tyrell boy or Renly Baratheon – young men with power and money who’d think with their cocks, just like Robert does. Too bad they had already ensnared each other.” Tyrion winked at her, then laughed wickedly.

 

“Renly and Loras?” Deirdre exclaimed in surprise. “But… Renly is known for having whored his way through the Stormlands and many women claim to have slept with Loras as well.”

 

“Rumors, lies, all of it. To cover up the fact the king’s brother is buggering the Knight of the Flowers.”

 

“I never knew. Jaime told me to stay away from Loras because he would get a bastard on me, but never marry me. And Renly always was very charming, like he intended to seduce me, but he never actually persisted very long before he was on to the next woman.” Deirdre laughed again, this time from amusement, and Tyrion laughed with her.

 

“You seem happy here,” he observed studying her face.

 

“I am. Robb makes me _very_ happy,” she answered honestly. “I like it better here at Winterfell. The people here treat me with respect and kindness. There is honesty here that I haven’t seen much of in my life.”

 

Tyrion reached out a hand to her and she took it. He smiled gently. “And do you miss Jon?”

 

Deirdre said nothing, too stunned to respond, and looked away.

 

“He talked about a woman he once loved, the only woman to steal his heart, and the pain in his face was recent. And I could tell by the way he described her that it was you. Your face just confirmed it,” Tyrion squeezed her hand. “He still loves you. He said she was the love of his life.”

 

Deirdre glanced at his face, then away. Finally, she said, “Jon loves…only a part of me. He never really knew me well enough to love all of me. Robb does and I love him. I don’t wish Jon any pain and I regret that he still loves me, but the answer is no, I don’t miss him. I don’t miss feeling conflicted and confused or like we were always on the verge of ruining our lives. I don’t miss his short temper or how he was unable to enjoy anything without guilt or regret.”  Tears rolled down her face. “Jon will _always_ have a place in my heart. He is my husband’s brother. But I love Robb, completely. He…” She smiled at him and said, “Robb makes me feel whole and special. He makes me feel beautiful in a way that has nothing to do with my looks. And he doesn’t care who my family is or about their wealth and power.” Tyrion studied her with a smile. She added, “Please, I beg you, if you have any affection for me cousin, don’t tell anyone about Jon and me.”

 

“Of course not,” Tyrion replied, squeezing her hand. “You know I would never hurt you and I didn’t mention it with that intent. Jon doesn’t know I figured it out either. He had a rough start up there, very rocky. But when I left he seemed to have been making his way finally. Jon will do well up there. He’s a good lad.”

 

“He is. But he needs to prove that to himself. I couldn’t make him whole. I hope he doesn’t continue to think about me in that manner,” she said sadly. “I wouldn’t want him to have sworn his oath to never have a wife and think back on me too much. Over time he’d forget about the bad and would only remember the good, making it more than it truly was. I’d rather he’d remember me only as his good-sister.”

 

“You’re a good woman to not want him to pine for you forever. Some women would want nothing but. I can’t say I’m as fond of the Stark boy you married, but if you love him, he couldn’t be altogether bad. And he seems very protective of his family.”

 

“He is,” she nodded. “The Starks are very close and I’ve grown to love them all. Bran and Rickon are lovely boys. Perhaps Rickon is a bit wild, but I’m rather fond of him.”

 

“And Lady Stark? Has she treated you well?”

 

Deirdre stiffened, and hesitated a moment thinking back to the fact that Lady Stark had been the one to encourage Robb to mistrust her. She finally said, “She is very kind.” She felt guilty lying to him but wasn’t sure about trusting him anymore. In her heart she knew that he wasn’t the monster that Lady Stark thought he was, but she wouldn’t betray the Starks by saying anything about Catelyn’s whereabouts or their questions about Bran’s accident and attack.

 

“I suppose I should leave. I’d like to settle in and have some company. I don’t know how those men handle their time at the Wall. It was excruciating for me! I cannot wait to get further south so I can finally feel warm again.”

 

Deirdre laughed and rose to give him hug. “I’ll miss you Tyrion. You’re the only family member that I’ll miss.”

 

“I’ll write you when I can. And surely you’ll come to King’s Landing someday, if only to visit your lord’s father and sisters. And if you do, I’ll be certain that I’m there” Tyrion replied as he walked to the door.

 

Deirdre followed him out and waited until he was on his horse to return to the Great Hall. Robb was talking to the man from the Night’s Watch at one of the tables. She hesitated until she had caught Robb’s gaze and he motioned her over. When she walked up, both men rose.

 

“Yoren, this is my wife, Deirdre,” Robb said, resting his arm around her waist.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she smiled as the man took her hand.

  
“No, my lady, it is entirely my pleasure. I spend most of my life looking at men and boys. You cannot imagine how much a man grows to miss the soft smile of a beautiful woman,” Yoren said, with an impish grin.

  
“You’re too kind, sir,” Deirdre replied and sat down at the table. The men retook their seats, then Bran, Rickon, and Maester Luwin also sat with them.

 

“How is our brother, Jon?” Bran asked Yoren.

 

“He’s doing well now. Better than at first. The Wall is a bit shocking at first to all but I imagine more so to someone used to living in a fine castle, son of a high lord,” Yoren said gesturing to the room. “I can’t remember a room as warm as this one anywhere in Castle Black.”

 

Deirdre said nothing, knowing that other than Robb everyone thought she barely knew Jon. Servants brought out a splendid supper in honor of their guest and Robb made sure he had plenty of spiced wine. Yoren told them stories about the wall and Robb frequently would remind Deirdre how she hadn’t believed such things.

 

“I imagine the north is quite different from living at Casterly Rock. We have things in the north that southerners think are only fables and nightmares: giants, wights, shadowcats, unicorns, snow bears, mammoths, and direwolves by the thousands,” Yoren said. He laughed and said to Bran, “Many of the animals north of the wall would make you piss yourself.”

 

Despite his unrefined manner, Deirdre enjoyed their guest. Later she left him speaking with the men and arranged for a room for him. He had said he’d sleep in the wintertown, but she and Robb insisted he stay in Winterfell. She also requested that the servants find him new black garments and cloak since his was so tattered. Then she retired to her bed.

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N Thanks to Koryou for the beta and to everyone for the reviews!_

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Later that night, Deirdre woke up alone. Robb not being beside her at night wasn't normal and she rose to go in search of him, pulling a cloak over her nightgown. She had run through the halls of Winterfell at night long ago before she knew it as well, so she wasn't overly concerned that she'd pass anyone in the hall or the stairs. When she reached the first level, she saw Grey Wind outside the great hall so she opened the door quietly and went inside. The candles had almost burned down completely but she still could make out Robb's shape.

"Robb?" she said with concern upon seeing his head resting on the table. She rushed to his side to find him sound asleep.

She sighed realizing he had drunk too much again and had fallen asleep. He didn't drink much normally, so it didn't take much for it to affect him.

"Love, wake up," she said gently, pulling her hand though his hair. "It's time to come to bed."

He mumbled something and she tried to shake him a bit. He lifted his head, turning to see her. He watched her quietly for a few moments.

"Yoren said Jon spoke of my wife and that his words of your beauty and grace were true."

"I'm sure he was just being kind," Deirdre replied, annoyed that Jon had spoke of her at all. "Come to bed."

"No, I don't want to bring Jon into our bed anymore than he already is," he said, pulling her to sit on the table. "But I want to know how it happened. The first time."

"Robb…please just…"

"Tell me," he said, his voice harsh. "Where were you? Did he seduce you? Had you drank too much wine? How did he do it? I want to know everything."

Deirdre hesitated because she knew no good could come of this. "Robb, I don't want to hurt you and anything I say will."

"Theon told me that you used to come to Jon every night. That he would hear you and Jon. Even as you and I were growing closer, as I was trying to win your heart, you were coming to Jon's bed. And I thought the night you were caught was the first and only time."

She had never hated anyone more than she hated Theon Greyjoy at that moment. Tears filled her eyes and she lowered her head. "No, it wasn't the first time. I thought Jon had told you…I didn't realize you didn't know. It happened the night when Bran fell."

Robb watched her stonily before telling her to continue.

"I went to check on him because he had been so upset about Bran and it just…happened."

"I was upset about Bran too. My whole family was. But why did you go to _him_?"

"We had spent the day together, so I felt closer to him at the time. I didn't know you that well then, Robb. Please, let's not talk about this anymore," she pleaded, attempting to touch him but something in his eyes made her refrain.

"How many times? How many times did my brother spill his seed into you?"

Tears rolled down her face and she shook her head. "I don't know."

"So it was often, as Theon said," Robb's voice was cold and Deirdre could scarcely breathe, terrified he'd never forgive her.

"I don't know why Theon told you anything tonight, but yes, it was many times."

"He was telling me how Ros was so loud and he joked I should understand. When I got angry, he told me about you and Jon. He thought I never knew you two had been together. And I foolishly thought it was only that _one_ time, the night I kissed you. It hurt me to think that I kissed you and you went to Jon's bed, but now I guess nothing I did would have changed that. Did this continue after my father caught you, the night before our wedding even?"

"No! Robb, _no_ , I didn't. The night you kissed me, Jon and I fought because he sensed I was beginning to have feelings for you and your father caught me leaving his room after we fought. Jon has not touched me since and we didn't make love that night." She realized the irony of the night she was caught was the night they didn't make love.

Robb poured himself another cup of wine and she saw tears in his eyes. He drank the full cup in a couple of swallows before pouring himself another.

"He hasn't taken his vows yet. If I let you go to him, would you?" he asked quietly.

Deirdre pulled his face to look at her. "You could order me from Winterfell, force me to go to him but you could not make me love him again. My heart would break forever if I lost you. I love you more than anything." She kissed him gently, tears falling on her face. Robb barely reacted and she wrapped her arms around his neck, sitting on his lap. "Please Robb. I made vows to you, but those didn't make me love you. I love you because you're _everything_ to me. Jon was a mistake."

He remained stiff for a moment before she felt him relax somewhat. "Please forgive me, my love," she cried. "I can't bear it that I hurt you so."

"If Jon ever returns to Winterfell, I don't want you to see him," he replied. "And if I hear once more that he has told someone of _my_ wife, I would go to the Wall personally and cut his tongue out."

She shook her head and pulled back to look at him. "No, you _won't_. He's your _brother_ and that means more than your anger. Jon could come to Winterfell and it wouldn't change anything between you and me. _Nothing_ could come between you and me again; not Jon, not anyone. Remember what you said: wolves mate for life."

Deirdre kissed him lovingly, caressing and holding his face. Robb responded tentatively at first then his mouth began to move against hers hungrily. He whispered against her lips, "I want what's mine then." Then he kissed her hard again. "I want you to make love to me here, right now," he said, pulling her cloak open and off her shoulders.

"Robb, what if someone comes in? Please, let's go to our chambers," she pleaded. She thought he might argue but at last she was able to coax him to his feet and up the stairs.

As soon as they were in their chambers however, he pushed her against the door and ripped open her nightgown.

His eyes were glazed with lust as he unlaced his breeches and pulled off his tunic.

Deirdre dropped to her knees, running her hands up his thighs as her eyes rose to his. She wrapped her hand around his hardening shaft, freeing it from the confining fabric. His gaze was feverish as he nodded to her. She knew this was something that she'd never shared with Jon, as did Robb, so she hoped it would remind him that there were so many things that were his alone. She knew she must look like a whore on her knees as she was. But nothing else mattered to her other than proving to Robb that he was the one she wanted to be with, in any manner necessary.

Placing open kisses and tender nibbles on his belly and sides, she then traced his hard length with her tongue before she took him in her mouth. Robb moaned deeply, clutching her hair. Gently sucking and swirling her tongue on him, she let him move in and out of her mouth at his own speed. His grip on her hair tightened as his rhythm became erratic but he was careful not to hurt her or force her to take too much. She sucked harder, caressing him with her hands.

Robb stilled his hips suddenly and moaned her name, attempting to withdraw from her mouth. Instead, she held his hips taking him in deeper. He gasped out a warning but she didn't release him. When he spilled into her mouth with a cry, she was startled by the amount and taste but she swallowed as quickly as she could. She released him as she gasped for breath, wiping her mouth on her ruined nightgown.

After he collected himself, Robb reached down to put his hands under her arms and lifted her to carry to the bed. His gaze raked over her body before he lowered his mouth to her breasts hungrily. His kisses moved further down and she arched her back with a deep moan as he licked, sucked, and drove his tongue inside her repeatedly. As he drove her to blissful madness, Robb once again grew hard and, pulling her to the edge of the bed, thrust into her as his lips crashed against hers.

Pulling away, she cradled his face and looked deep into his eyes before she said, "My beloved, I am yours and only yours."

"I'm sorry I doubted you," he replied. "I will share everything I have with my brother; I would sacrifice my life for him. I thought I could be understanding if you still loved him and loved me as well. But I won't share your love anymore."

"He hasn't had my love for a long time. The only love I bear Jon now is as your brother, because you love him," she insisted and kissed him slowly.

Robb sat down on the bed and pulled her to straddle him, and she rode him while he covered her breasts with kisses. She pulled his face up to look at her. "I want to see your eyes, my wolf."

He brought his hands to her face as well and they moved together, moaning and never lowering their gaze from one another. His eyes promised devotion and love in his hungry need for her. Deirdre felt so connected to him. They made love until they could no longer bear it and climaxed together.

Afterwards, not withdrawing from her heat, he held and kissed her then, placing his hand on her stomach, he said, "I want my seed to take root. I want a child, our child."

"Then perhaps we should be more conventional in how we make love," she said with a smile. "This position isn't especially advantageous to making a child if Old Nan's words are true."

"You spoke to Old Nan about our lovemaking?" Robb's stunned expression almost made her laugh aloud.

"No!" she giggled. "After we were married, _she_ came to me and advised me the best way to create life. She said it was best if you were on top and I didn't move for hours afterwards. She even suggested a pillow underneath my hips."

"The thought of Old Nan giving you suggestions of positions is enough to make me feel a little…horrified."

"She also said you'd be very virile, like your father, and his father before him. If we have less than four children, it must be because I don't do my 'duty' often enough," she teased.

Robb smiled and kissed her. "I don't want it to happen like that. We're not breeding like horses."

"I agree." She snuggled his cheek, placing light kisses on his shoulder.

He grew quiet as he watched her, guilt etched on his face. "I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't continue to question you for things that happened before we married. It's not fair to punish you. It won't happen again."

"You were hurt. I understand. But Theon shouldn't have said anything knowing it would hurt you. I know he's _like_ a brother to you, but this isn't the first time he's done something trying to hurt me or attempted to stir up trouble between us now as well as your relationship with Jon."

When Robb's jaw tightened at the mention of Jon, she said, "Yes, I'm bringing up the subject of Jon because I _do_ care about your relationship with him. He's your brother, not Theon. Theon shouldn't come between you two like that. Perhaps he thinks with your parents gone and Jon at the Wall, his place has changed and I don't want to cause problems between the two of you, but I…"

"I'll talk to him tomorrow. Bran said something earlier about how Theon orders him about. He's grown bold in my father's absence and I find I constantly need to remind him of his place," Robb admitted.

"And this is your place." She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Here with me, in our bed. Let's stay here for the next few days."

"Would that I could," he replied.

**xOxOx**

"It's a bit silly. What? We can't defend the Wall unless we're celibate. It's absurd," Sam said. They were scrubbing down the tables as punishment for Jon's altercation with Ser Allister.

Jon grinned. "I didn't think you'd be so upset about it."

Sam stopped scrubbing and glanced up at him in annoyance. "Why not? Because I'm fat?"

"No…"

"I like girls just as much as you do. They might not like me as much," Sam said then looked embarrassed. "I've never been with one. You've probably had hundreds."

"No," Jon said aloud. _'Just one.'_

Sam stopped and watched him for a minute before smiling. "You've had some though."

"There was one," Jon admitted. Sam would never meet Deirdre or Robb, nor would he likely tell anyone so what did it matter if he told his friend about her. Perhaps it would help him stop thinking about her so much if he had someone to confide in. Besides, Sam had confessed to Jon about his father forcing him to take the black.

"Was she pretty?" Sam stopped working, his eyes alight with interest.

"She was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Jon said quietly.

"Go on. Tell me what she looked like." Sam grinned.

"She had long golden hair and eyes the color of emeralds. Her skin was flawless and her lips…her lips were like the sweetest wine I've ever tasted," Jon admitted, his heart tightening saying the words. "And she was kind and gentle as well. I could never have _dreamed_ of a woman as perfect for me as she was, but she was real and she was mine."

Sam studied him for a moment before asking, "But, what happened? It sounds like you two were in love. How did you end up here?"

"We _were_ in love. But she was a high born lady from one of the most powerful families in Westeros. And I'm a bastard from the north," Jon said bitterly.

"She couldn't have been too kind if she'd let that stop her from being with you, if she truly loved you," Sam replied. "If she loved you…"

"It's not that simple, Sam." Jon sighed. Looking down he studied the table as he spoke. "We were foolish and I dishonored her by bedding her. And we were found out." He didn't feel better talking about it. He was wrong to tell Sam.

"Then what happened?" Sam nudged him.

"Then my father, who mistakenly thought she had slept with my brother Robb, arranged for a marriage between the two of them…"

"Your brother married the woman you loved? That's terrible! Why would he…why would she…how could you allow that?" Sam's face reddened in indignation and Jon almost felt sorry for his innocent belief that things were that simple.

"Robb married her to protect her honor and, if she was pregnant, so our child wouldn't be a bastard. He cared for her as well. And my father wanted to protect me as well as the honor of our house. I was stupid to risk getting her pregnant. I was a fool to fall in love and make love to a woman that I could never be with. Her family would never have allowed it…" Jon threw down the scrub brush and sat on the bench. "And then I was so mad at their wedding, I treated her horribly and said hurtful things to her like it was her fault that it had happened, so she probably hates me now."

Sam sat down and stared at him for a moment before saying, "I'm sorry Jon. I can't imagine losing the woman I loved like that. And to your own brother? Now you'll always have to see her with her new husband and when they have children…that will be hard for you."

"That's why I'm here. So I wouldn't have to see her every day and not be with her, because I couldn't do that. And it wouldn't be fair to Robb to always see his wife's former lover each day either. So I came here, as I had already planned to do before I met her. I thought it would be easier to not see her. But I miss her so much that it still hurts just as much as the first day I arrived. I wish I could tell her how sorry I was for being so cruel before I left. And I want to know if she was pregnant. Even if she is, I guess we'd never know if it was mine or his though."

"Maybe you could write her?"

"And say what? I'm sorry I was a fool? I'm sorry I loved her too much to think straight so that I dishonored her and wasn't careful not to get her pregnant? I'm sorry that she was forced to marry my more honorable brother who is heir to Winterfell and a better match? No, there is nothing I can say in a letter or in person to change anything. Nothing will change it and she'll be happier with Robb. He has more to offer her."

Sam sat quietly for a few minutes before saying, "It sounds like she didn't care about if he was the heir or she would have been with him from the beginning. This woman…what's her name?"

"Deirdre Lannister," Jon answered. Seeing the surprise in Sam's face he nodded. "Yes, you heard right - Lannister. Her father was one of Lord Tywin's cousins. And so that makes her the queen and the Kingslayer's cousin as well as the princes and the princess. She's related to the whole bloody royal family."

Sam's mouth gaped open and he stared at Jon for a long time before Jon added, "No one knows Sam. No one but my brother, father and I. No one _can_ know, not Grenn, not Pyp, _no one_ or…well, you can imagine."

"I'll never tell," Sam promised. "But you can't just let her go, Jon. If you love her…"

"I _have_ to let her go because I _do_ love her," Jon said quickly. "And besides, I'm sure Robb loves her as well. He'll make her happy."

Ser Allister came into the room and Jon and Sam grew quiet. But Jon suspected that Sam wouldn't let this go so easily.

**xOxOx**

Deirdre was in her chambers when she heard the commotion in the yard. Opening her shutters, she saw Robb on his horse, handing Bran to Theon. Bran's horse still had his specially made saddle on it, so she worried he had fallen. She rushed downstairs as Maester Luwin was coming outside as well.

"What happened?" Deirdre asked seeing the blood on Robb and Bran, and the woman cowering beside them.

"Wildlings attacked Bran," Theon exclaimed, jerking the woman by her arm. "Bran and Robb killed them though. All but this one."

"I didn't kill _anyone,_ Theon," Bran insisted.

"Maester Luwin, please have Hodor take Bran upstairs so you can see to his cut," Robb said. After they left, his attention turned to the woman. "I suppose we'll need to put her in chains and question her."

"Why would you try to kill a little boy?" Deirdre snapped at the woman.

"We weren't gonna kill 'im. We just wanted his horse and silver until he told us who he were," the woman said, not looking at her.

"Then you wanted to take him," Robb reminded her.

"We just wanted to go south. We didn't mean to be here," she exclaimed and looked Deirdre in the face finally, before clutching her arm. "Misses, they promised to spare my life. Don't let them kill me."

Theon grabbed her, jerking her arm away harshly. Deirdre studied the woman for a moment before saying, "If my husband gave his word, he will honor it. But if you try to hurt someone else, it is not my place to say your fate. You should realize how lucky you are that he spared you and don't be foolish enough to attempt any further harm."

Taking the woman into the castle, Theon pushed her roughly a few times. Deirdre turned to Robb as he walked away to the Godswood. Normally she wouldn't follow him but she was concerned. He sank to his knees before the tree and she turned away while he prayed but when he sat down, with his back against the trunk, she walked over. Crouching down, she checked the bloody areas but it was hard to tell if he was wounded so she went to the pool, ripped part of her underskirt and dipped it in the water. She returned to him and cleaned up the blood, grateful to find only a few scratches and bruises.

"I killed a man… _men_ …today," he said angrily. "Once again someone is coming into our lands and trying to hurt my family. Bran could have died. The man had a knife to his throat. How many times is someone going to try to kill my little brother?"

"Why are they this far south?" Deirdre asked. "I thought they stayed beyond the Wall."

"We've always had many wildlings and reports of them coming further south, raiding our lands, but they were so close to Winterfell. They're growing bolder. Or more desperate," he said rising. Deirdre watched as he paced for a moment. "I'm going to have to start having the Wolfswood patrolled more often. And send ravens to Deepwood Motte, Cerwyn, and everywhere in between to warn them."

"But what will they do to the Wildlings if they find them on your lands?" she asked. She couldn't help wondering if it wasn't cruel to hunt them down if they were just traveling through the Wolfswood. But she didn't know these people, Robb did.

"Question them. If they intend no harm, they won't resist questioning. But if they resist, then they will be killed or taken prisoner. Yoren said more of them are fleeing south ahead of the winter, but I won't have them hiding out in the Wolfswood and attacking people or raiding merchants," he glanced at her and asked, "You think it's too harsh, don't you?"

She was quiet for a moment, then shook her head. "I think you know better than I about Wildlings and you will be just. I know enough to realize that attempting to kill a child is monstrous no matter who the people are. But then, I'm also learning that many people have no honor and don't care if it's someone weaker. I'm concerned about all of this, of course. But you're right about the safety of your people being important. And we have merchants and suppliers from Deepwood Motte so I worry for their safety. Also, what of the wintertown? Will people be safe there?"

"I'll send men to guard the town. The trade routes through the Wolfswood have always been perilous. I'll add extra men to patrol them, but the merchants are aware of the risk so my focus will be on our people and unarmed travelers. I'll send a raven to House Umber, asking for more information since they deal with Wildlings even more than we have," he answered then held out his hand for her. When she stood up, he said, "We're safe in Winterfell, but I do not want you or the boys outside the castle walls without me present."

Deidre nodded and saw a look of uncertainty in his face. "What is it?" she asked.

"Sansa and Arya wrote to me. Things are not going well in King's Landing. Father was forced to kill Lady by the queen's order, because Nymeria attacked that royal prick, Joffrey, along the King's Road. The king did nothing to stop it either, despite my father asking it of him. Arya said that the prince attacked an unarmed butcher's boy and when Arya interfered, Joffrey turned his sword on her, which is why Nymeria attacked him. She forced Nymeria to run away. The butcher's boy was murdered by the Hound. Arya swears she won't forgive Sansa for not telling the king the truth. But Sansa swears she'll never forgive Father for killing Lady. Both of them are miserable. Arya wants to come back to Winterfell, Sansa is devastated that Joffrey seems to hate her now. If she marries him, she'll be just as miserable as Cersei." Robb sighed loudly.

He ran his fingers through his hair and looked so young for a moment. "I hate that we're all separated. I understand my father has his duty, but…I know my sisters. Sansa is more comfortable with mother than father and Arya is probably too wild to be in the capital. Father cannot tame her nor does he have time to do so. Arya always preferred to follow Jon, Theon, and I around than be around Sansa and her friends. Jon was the one she was closest to. And Sansa still thinks that as her big brother I can fix everything for her."

Deirdre rubbed his arms with a gentle smile. She knew he missed his family terribly. "I'm afraid even you can't do anything about your sisters other than to provide them with your good thoughts. I'll write Sansa and perhaps I can provide some advice about my dreadful cousin. I'm sure that Arya just wants her big brother to believe her side of things. While your father might believe her, he knows he cannot do anything about it because of Cersei and Robert involved. Even wild girls such as Arya probably want someone to hear what she has to say. Bran and Rickon can write them as well. Just hearing from home might be enough to make them both feel better."

Robb nodded and she added, "Your father is new to his position so it will get easier for him. There are a lot of politics there and I'm certain a man of honor such as your father probably will have to just learn to play their games, but if he can lead men into battle against the Mad King, he can handle King's Landing in peace." She still sensed he was hiding something from her. "Are those the only letters you've received?"

He glanced away for a moment then returned his gaze to hers. He looked guilty and she began to feel very apprehensive. "I've received a raven from the Vale as well. My mother and Ser Rodrik took Tyrion hostage in the Riverlands. They've taken him to answer for his crimes."


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N Thanks to Kim for the beta :)_  
  


**Chapter 16**

Deirdre felt her heart wrench and took a deep breath. “And which crime is that? Pushing Bran out of a window? We already know that he couldn’t have done that, he was on the hunt with the others.”

 

“The dagger that the man used to try to kill Bran belonged to Tyrion.”

 

She turned away from Robb, conflicted. He silently waited for her to reply. She shook her head and said, “I know he didn’t do that. He _wouldn’t_ do that. He is not like the others: he has a good heart and wouldn’t hurt a child, much less kill one. You saw how he was with Bran. He wanted to help him, give him a way to stop feeling like a cripple, make him feel better about his life. Why would he care about making him feel better, if he wanted him dead? He could find out what Bran remembered just by asking questions, without being kind enough to make the drawings for the saddle. And he didn’t ask me what Bran remembered so it’s not like he was overly concerned about Bran having seen something.”

 

“We may never know who pushed Bran or who hired the man to kill him, but we know it was done on Lannister orders…”

 

Deirdre whirled around quickly. “Please don’t say Lannister like it includes us _all_. I am a Lannister, grudgingly, and you know I didn’t do it. So why can’t you trust _me_ that Tyrion wouldn’t? You know I wouldn’t ask it if I didn’t truly believe it.”

   
“Because it’s not up to me to decide his innocence or guilt,” Robb explained, reaching out to stroke her arms. “My mother and father will decide, not I. But I don’t want it to tear us apart.”

 

Knowing it would do no good to plead her case to Robb, Deirdre nodded. “Unless Tyrion confesses, I won’t believe him capable of such cruelty. Just as you know things about your family, I know my own. There were four Lannisters in Winterfell the day Bran fell but only two within the castle walls when it happened. Tyrion had no reason to kill Bran.”

 

 “Three Lannisters…”

 

“Two. I was with Jon,” she reminded him. “Besides, Jaime came up when the crowd was around Bran and made the assumption that Bran was dead. I’m sure Jaime did it, but I don’t know _why_.”

 

“If they find Tyrion guilty, I don’t want this to come between us,” he repeated.

 

“Robb, I know you’re not at fault, but I cannot say my opinion of your mother will not change if anything happens to Tyrion, just as her opinion of me changed when she suspected the Lannisters of hurting Bran. She was very quick to doubt me and cause you to mistrust me, simply because of my family. You cannot excuse her and tell me I should give her more respect than she has given me. The difference is she based her opinion of me on suspicions. If she has Tyrion executed…” Deirdre swallowed back tears. “If she _kills_ Tyrion, my feelings will be based on that fact. He is the one Lannister that I would defend and the one I would mourn.”

 

Before she said something unfair to Robb, Deirdre walked away to gather her thoughts. Entering the castle, she first went to her solar. It had once been Jon’s room but Robb had completely changed it so it didn’t look the same but even coming into the room brought back too many memories so she instead went to her own chambers.

 

She didn’t care what happened to any of the Lannisters except Tyrion and she didn’t know if she could forgive Lady Stark if he was executed without proof or a confession. A dagger belonging to him could have been stolen or given away. She hadn’t even known Tyrion to carry a dagger before.  If she thought it would do any good, she’d send a raven to appeal to Lady Stark. She tried to understand that Catelyn was acting with a mother’s grief, but the fact she warned Robb against her and then accused Tyrion of this crime left Deirdre hard-pressed to be so forgiving. If he wasn’t in King’s Landing in a precarious situation, Lord Stark _might_ listen to Deirdre with an open mind.

 

Robb came in and she didn’t turn until he said her name. He’d bathed off the blood and had changed clothes. Sitting in the chair beside her, he ran his fingers over her hand and watched her face.

 

“Would it do any good if I were to send a raven to your mother in the Vale?” she asked quietly.

 

“If you want me to…” he hesitated, then shook his head. “I don’t think it would do any good but if you wish me to, I will.”

 

“If I appeal to her, I would do it myself, not ask you to do it. I don’t think it would mean much coming from you. If she knows that you’re doing it, it won’t be sincere,” Deirdre explained. “I’m asking you if you think it would make a difference.”

 

He was silent for a few moments before shaking his head. “I don’t think it will. But I’m sure she will give him a chance to defend himself. It will be fair and just.”

 

“I’m learning quickly that fair and just are a matter of opinion.” She picked at her gown for a moment. “I’ll write to your mother. It might not make a difference, but I least I will have tried. She already mistrusts me. What more will it hurt?”

 

Robb looked hesitant, but finally he nodded. “If you think that’s what’s best.”

 

“I don’t know what’s best.” She rose and began pacing. “What’s best is that Bran never fell from that window or was pushed, whichever. Either way, we can’t have what’s best, so I have to do what I think is right. If I could have done something to spare Tyrion’s life and did nothing, I would never forgive myself. I do not, however, wish to make things more difficult for you in regards to your mother and me.”

 

“I won’t interfere in this. I’m smart enough to not come between two women,” he said with a smile. He stood up and pulled her into his embrace. “No matter what happens with Tyrion, I hope it won’t change anything between us.”

 

“It won’t,” she promised and kissed him. “Let me write your mother before it’s too late. Then I’ll write Sansa about Joffrey. Perhaps you should write both your sisters as well.”

 

“I will. I’ll leave you to your letters,” he said and, with a quick kiss, he was gone.

 

She wrote Lady Stark first pleading her case about Tyrion, knowing it would do little to sway Catelyn if her mind was made up, and delivered it to Maester Luwin to send the raven. Her letter to Sansa took longer because she had to advise her in dealing with Joffrey rather than telling her what a little monster he was. Before, she would have had exactly the right words to speak well of her cousins but she’d grown so hostile towards them while in Winterfell, she found it hard to speak falsely about them. So she instead explained to Sansa how to appeal to Joffrey’s pride and appear demure to him even if she felt differently. In the end, she tore up her letter and wrote another with more general terms about appealing to men at court with courtesy and flattery, if needed. She would not give Sansa false hope that Joffrey would be the prince she dreamed he’d be.

 

~*~

  
Another month went by and once again, Deirdre had her moonblood. Finally, she went to Maester Luwin’s chambers and knocked softly, “Maester, a word please,” she asked.

 

“Of course, my lady. Come in,” he said as he opened the door. “Are you not feeling well?”

 

“I am. I’m just concerned. Robb and I have been married for a few months now and I’m still not with child. I didn’t give my first husband an heir either. Robb’s father had five children and grandfather had four so obviously the Stark line is strong, as is the Tully line. But my mother had a stillborn son and another son who died before he reached his first name day. Could there be something wrong with me?” she asked nervously.

 

“I assume that you and Robb are actively attempting to create an heir?” he asked gently.

 

“Very actively,” she said with a blush. “Which is why I’m concerned.”

 

“There are ways to ensure more fertility that I could advise, if you wish,” Maester Luwin suggested. “Or potions you could drink.”

 

Deirdre chewed her lip before answering. “No, I know the ways you would suggest, but I do not wish to drink potions yet. Robb and I both want our child to be born of love in a more natural way.”

 

Maester Luwin smiled. “If you are still concerned in another few months, come see me. But sometimes it takes years for the gods to bless a couple with a child. I would not worry as Robb does not need to provide an heir to secure his lordship in Winterfell while his father still lives. Enjoy your time alone with your husband for awhile. Once you have a child, your time alone together will be far less.”

 

Deirdre smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Maester Luwin. I think you’re right.”

 

“But do not let that stop you from attempting…” he trailed off with a smile.

 

She laughed. “I don’t think that will be a concern.”

 

~*~

 

Deirdre was in the Godswood with Rickon, Bran, Hodor, and the wolves when she saw a flurry of ravens flying out of Maester Luwin’s tower room. She furrowed her brows and wondered what had happened but before turning to Bran and Rickon, she schooled her features to look unconcerned. But Bran had noticed and his face showed his worry as well. He was wise beyond his years, she thought sadly.

 

“I need to go see Robb,” she said to him. “Stay here with Hodor and promise me that neither of you will leave the castle grounds.”

 

“I know,” Bran said, petting Summer. “I’ll make sure that Rickon stays here.”

 

Rickon was running in circles with Hodor attempting to catch him. He had been cross all day because Robb had started locking Shaggy Dog up lately as he had chased a few of the guards and the Wildling woman. When he cornered Theon in the stables a few days ago, Deirdre watched in amusement for a few moments before calling the direwolf off. He was fine if Grey Wind or Summer were about and normally with the people he knew. But lately he had taken a strong dislike to Theon. Deirdre told Robb that Shaggy Dog had become a better judge of character than she realized. In the Godswood, Shaggy Dog was allowed to run free so Deirdre brought the boys here to play.

 

Gathering her skirts, she walked into the great hall and found Robb sitting with Theon. “What is it?” she asked. He handed her a piece of parchment silently. She gasped when she read that Robert was dead, but jerked her head up in surprise when reading that Ned had committed treason. “Treason? Whatever possessed them to think your father would do that? The only people who loved Robert more than your father did were Myrcella and Tommen.”

 

“My father wouldn’t betray Robert or commit treason. He’s been falsely accused,” Robb said.

 

Terror filled her heart and she sat down taking his hand. “Robb, if you go down there and swear fealty to Joffrey, it’ll be just like when your grandfather went after Brandon…”

 

“And if I don’t go, it's treason and they’ll execute my father. Possibly my sisters too,” Robb answered. “So I’ll go with my father’s bannermen.”

 

Deirdre stared at him for a moment then said, “Theon, leave us.” She ignored the fact that Theon looked to Robb for a nod before leaving.

                                                                        

“Robb, you married me to protect your brother. Your father kept this secret from your mother to protect him as well. Even before I was part of this family, I saw how you each protected each other. But Robb, have you thought this through? I know you’re smart enough to know there is no way to win this easily. And if you think this is the best way, I’ll support your decision. I love your family,” she said taking his hands in her own. “But you’re my husband and I don’t think you’re thinking about what’s best for yourself, just what’s best for your family. I love you and I don’t want _you_ hurt, nor would your father or sisters.”

 

“What choice do I have?” he asked, quietly.

 

“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “But this is _war_ , against the Lannisters, the Baratheons, and the Iron Throne. If you lose, they won’t allow you to just walk away. They won’t allow you to be pardoned. They will take your head. Is there anyone who your father can trust that can perhaps negotiate his release?”

 

“You know your family better than I. There is no negotiating with them. And I cannot ask others to do what I’m not willing to do.”

 

She was quiet for a few moments then sighed. “I remember a conversation on our wedding night when I pointed out that your father wasn’t always a great man and he had responsibilities thrust on him when he wasn’t prepared. I didn’t mean that you should follow his footsteps and go to war against the Iron Throne.”

 

Robb looked slightly surprised and asked, “That’s all? You’re not going to rant about how foolish this is? How I’m too young to lead men into battle?”

 

“Would it do any good?” she asked. “If it would keep you safe for me to rant and scream, I would. But then, we’d all have to live with the consequences of your decision then too. And if they execute your father for treason, you’d never forgive yourself.”

 

“No, I wouldn’t.”

 

“I love you,” she whispered, her voice catching. “I don’t want to lose you.”

 

He stood up and came to sit beside her, taking her in his arms. “I don’t intend for you to.”

 

“What about Jon?” she asked. “I’d feel safer with someone by your side who loves you as much as I do.”

 

“He’s a man of the Night’s Watch. He can’t leave or he’ll be executed as a deserter. And I have Theon. While you might not trust him, he protected Bran when the Wildlings were going to kill him and I trust him to watch my back as well,” Robb insisted. “My father’s bannermen are loyal to him. Most of them fought beside him in either Robert’s Rebellion or the Greyjoy’s Rebellion.”

 

She carded her fingers through his hair and said, “I don’t trust Theon to risk his own life for yours and I don’t know your bannermen. I do trust Jon. He would protect you as you protected him. You’re both Ned Stark’s sons, both of you are brothers to Sansa and Arya. Wouldn’t the Night’s Watch allow him to leave under those circumstances?”

 

“No,” he whispered to her. “I still have Grey Wind as well.”

 

Deirdre pressed her head against his chest with a sigh. “I’m scared. I cannot believe it’s come to this.”

 

“Nor can I,” he said in a voice sounding weary and much older than he was. “Robert may have had many faults, but he and my father kept the peace in Westeros for a long time. His fool of a son seems to have forgotten how big the north is and how they are loyal to Starks, more so than any king on the Iron Throne.”

 

“When will they come? The bannermen? How long will you remain here?”

 

“A fortnight, maybe. Possibly less. Some will come to us here; the others will meet us along the way. The Lannisters have already begun burning the riverlands, striking my grandfather’s lands. We need to help them if we can and then we’ll unite to strike King’s Landing, unless they release my father and sisters.”

 

“And give you all pardons,” she pointed out. “If you don’t take the Iron Throne by force, you must be pardoned for the act of rebellion. What if they force you to give Bran or Rickon as a ward, like Theon is?”

 

“They won’t. We won’t trade one family member for another. My father would never forgive me if I traded one of my brothers for him anyway. I suppose if Sansa marries Joffrey, that would also be a way to maintain a truce. It’s been done many times before, although I don’t like it and would rather see her home that married to that monster.”

 

“Excuse me, Lord Stark,” Maester Luwin said quietly from the door and both Deirdre and Robb pulled apart. “There is a rider from Raventree Hall.”

 

“Enter,” Robb said, gesturing to the man. “Maester Luwin, please stay but close the door.”

 

“Do you wish me to leave?” Deirdre asked but Robb shook his head as he rose.

 

“My lord, my lady,” the man said and Robb shook his hand, then gestured to the bench on the other side of the table. “My name is Thom, Lord Tytos Blackwood sent me.”

 

“This is my wife, Lady Deirdre,” Robb said and the man looked at her curiously.

 

“Of House Lannister, correct?” Thom asked politely.

 

Deirdre nodded and said, “Quite reluctantly, I might add. My allegiance is my lord husband and the Starks. Please sit down. I’ll bring you some supper and everyone some wine.”

 

“Thank you, my lady,” Thom said, sitting down tiredly.

 

When she returned to the men, Robb looked even angrier so she asked, “What is it?”

 

“After finding out about Tyrion being taken by my mother, Jaime attacked my father in the streets of King’s Landing and one of his men stabbed Father in the leg. His men slaughtered all of the men he had with him including Jory Cassel, the captain of his guard. But the king wouldn’t let Father send men after Jaime. Father began planning to send the girls back to Winterfell for their safety while the king went hunting with Renly. Jaime and Ser Gregor Clegane are raiding all of the riverlands,” Robb said, furious. “When my father found out what Clegane was doing, he sent men after him.”

  
“That’s when Lord Blackwood sent me north. He knew Lord Stark was in danger if he tried to send any messages north so he sent me,” Thom said, before taking a bite of the stew she had given him.

  
Deirdre sat down in shock. How could this have happened? Why had Robert allowed this to happen?

 

“All of the men from Winterfell that went to King’s Landing are dead. They even killed Septa Mordane,” Maester Luwin added. “Renly Baratheon left the city with Ser Loras before Robert died, probably the only reason why he’s still alive. There are warrants for his arrest and he is being called to swear fealty to his nephew or forfeit his lands and be charged as a traitor.”

 

“I don’t understand why Jaime attacked your father and the king allowed it. Why would Renly and your father be accused of being traitors? A traitor to whom? The king or…I mean Robert or Joffrey,” she asked.

 

“Both are being charged with betraying the Iron Throne. It doesn’t matter who the king is, they’re claiming they betrayed the king. I suspect they plan to accuse Renly of plotting to kill Robert, since he was with him at the time of his injury,” Maester Luwin explained.

 

“How can Renly make a boar attack a man? Is he a warg?” Deirdre snapped. “Cersei has lost her senses. She thinks to attack the north, the riverlands, _and_ Renly? Does she think Tywin can wipe out every noble house if they band together?”

 

“They won’t band together,” Robb answered. “Many are too afraid of the Lannisters. And those not involved might like to remain that way.”

 

“Loras Tyrell will be at Renly’s side, even if his family isn’t. I know this,” she replied without elaborating.

 

“I hardly think we need to worry about the Knight of the Flowers,” Thom laughed before sipping his wine.

 

Realizing she shouldn’t speak so openly with a man she barely knew, Deirdre didn’t respond and allowed the men to finish their discussion before the maester escorted Thom upstairs to rest. Robb turned to her and said, “What is your concern about Ser Loras?”

 

“If Loras Tyrell has any say with his father, and, from what I hear he does, Highgarden will align with Renly,” she said, thinking back to what Tyrion had said about Renly and Loras.

 

“The Tyrells will stay out of it if they have no cause to be involved,” Robb said but she shook her head.

 

“Loras might persuade Highgarden to be involved.”

 

“But why would he? Because he was fostered at Storm’s End?”

 

“Were your father and Robert not fostered in the Vale? Jon Arryn rebelled against the Iron Throne with them,” she reminded him. “Also, there is another reason if Tyrion is to be believed. Ser Loras and Renly are lovers. If the Lannisters intend to fight the north and the riverlands as well as Storm’s End and Highgarden, how can they win?”

 

“Lovers? I can’t base a strategy on court gossip,” Robb said.

 

“I know, but it gives me a little bit of hope. I think Cersei has overreached. And I think Renly would have your father and sisters released, if he were to win.”

 

“Sometimes people don’t do the right thing, even if they’re not bad people,” Robb pointed out. “Some would say our marriage was ill-done since we lied to the king to protect Jon. I hope Renly would do the right thing as well but I cannot count on it.”

 

“This started when Bran was pushed out of a window. Whatever caused them to do that, is what’s behind this but I can’t imagine what.” She sighed.

 

“Lysa claimed the Lannisters were behind murdering Jon Arryn,” Robb said. “It might have started before Bran. You were in King’s Landing when he died. Was there any reason to think it was murder?”

 

“I don’t know. They didn’t exactly discuss things like that with me. But Robert grieved deeply for Lord Arryn; that was clear. I don’t think there could have been an obvious reason to suspect he was murdered that others knew but Robert didn’t,” she paused, “Robert rarely did much without the council’s information though; the same council that is there with your father. Will your aunt bring knights from the Vale?”

 

“I don’t know,” Robb answered then put his head in his hands. “I need to go to the Godswood. I need to tell Bran what has happened.”

 

She pulled up his chin and smiled slightly, before kissing him. “You’re a brave and honorable man, Robb Stark. Your father would be proud of how you’re handling this.”

 

Robb looked uncertain for a moment before kissing her again. “I hope so. I’ll see you at supper, my love.”

 

When he left, Deirdre rose and went to the sept, suddenly exhausted. It was the first time she’d be there since her wedding. The sept felt strange to her while the Godswood was so comforting. But she still held The Faith of the Seven as her gods so she felt she should pray in the sept. She was terrified that she would lose her husband or he would lose his family. She prayed that Robb was making the right decision and that the Seven would keep Ned, Sansa, and Arya safe until Robb could bring them all home to Winterfell.

 

 ~*~

Supper was a somber affair and Robb left her to talk with the other men. She sat with Bran and Rickon and played a game of cards with them, but her mind was elsewhere. Eventually Rickon fell asleep, leaving her and Bran to continue.

 

“Is my father going to die?” Bran asked, watching her closely.

 

She found herself hard-pressed to lie to Bran. He had a way of looking at her as if he saw her thoughts. So she answered, “I hope not. King Joffrey should know the north will rise against him for this and Cersei must know that Robb will not bend a knee so quickly or else she’d not have had Sansa write that letter.”

 

“I miss my sisters, and my father, mother, and Jon. Do you miss your cousins?”

 

“Not most of them. I only miss Tyrion but…I don’t know, Bran. Things are too uncertain and I don’t know if he’s the man I thought he was. If he hurt you, then I couldn’t forgive him,” she admitted, avoiding his eyes.

 

“Now your family will fight mine,” Bran said quietly. “Does that make it hurt you more?”

 

Deirdre was quiet for a moment before looking at him. “It hurts me that this has happened, but I worry for your father, sisters, and Robb. I don’t care about the Lannisters or Joffrey.”

 

“You’re not like them,” Bran said simply. “You’re like Jon, aren’t you? Not a bastard, but not one of them.”

 

“No, I’m not one of them,” she replied. “But Jon is like you even though he’s a bastard. He’s your brother and he loves you all.”

 

“I know. My mother never liked him but he was my brother as much as Rickon and Robb. But Jon would never hurt us, never hurt my mother even. He’d die to protect us,” Bran stated with conviction.

 

“Yes, he would. As would I.” Deirdre reached out and took his hand. “I love all of you. You’re my family now.”

 

Bran smiled quietly. “I’m glad Robb gave you a family you could love.”

 

Emotions choked her voice for a few minutes as she busied herself with picking up the cards from his bed. Then she looked down at Rickon, sleeping with his head on Summer. “I’m glad too, Bran.” She rose, kissing him on the forehead before picking up Rickon. “I’m going to put your brother in bed and you should go to sleep. It’s late.” When she reached the door, she turned around. “Goodnight, little brother.”

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

_A/N Thanks to Kim for the beta :) _For the record on this chapter, I'm going with the assumption that Robb/Bran/etc don't know Benjen is missing since I figured they wouldn't be told unless they knew for certain that he was dead._ **  
**_

**Chapter 17**

 

After she put Rickon in bed, Deirdre went to find Robb and was told he was in the Godswood. Grabbing a cloak, she walked out there. A guard walked with her part of the way because she had promised Robb to be careful walking around in the dark but she asked the guard to leave them when she saw Robb. He wasn’t praying, so she walked over to him. When she reached his side, he pulled her to sit in his lap and she rested her head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating. They sat in silence for a long time.

 

“I don’t want to leave: not Winterfell, the north, my brothers, and not you,” he said quietly and she could feel how heavily everything was weighing on him.

 

Tears burned her eyes, but she refused to make him feel worse by her own sadness. Lifting her head, she ran her fingers through his hair. “Then hurry back to us.”

 

“My father was gone for almost a year. The whole time my mother was pregnant with me,” he said.

 

“You’re not your father. This is not the same war. I will wait for you no matter how long it takes but you must come back to me,” she replied. “You must promise me this.”

 

“I keep remembering my dream; the river of blood that separates us,” he answered. “If they kill me, it won’t be safe for _any_ of you. You must take the boys and go to the Wall. If Jon and Uncle Benjen can’t come to you, you can go to them.”

 

“Stop talking like that,” she demanded. “Nothing is going to happen to you and I’ll protect your brothers, no matter what it takes.”

 

“I’ve already discussed with the maester what is to happen if I fail or if Father and I die,” he began but she kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

 

“Not tonight, _please_ ,” she whispered, looking deep into his eyes. “Tomorrow we’ll talk about wars and death. Tonight I want my husband to make love to me until both of us forget for awhile about today.”

 

Robb moved her backwards until she lay beneath him on the grass. “I want the gods to give us a child and I can think of no place better than here to create a life.” He said, then kissed her tenderly, his hands moving to pull up her dress.

 

Deirdre pulled away and shook her head. “Take it off. I want your skin against mine.”

 

“It’s cold.” He smiled, sitting back on his heels as she sat up. “And someone could find us.”

 

“You’ll keep me warm enough,” she teased, pulling her dress off. “And Grey Wind will see them first. So if we keep your cloak over us, no one will see anything. But if they do, I don’t care. I don’t care about anyone but you right now.”

 

They made love in a rushed, hungry way. Deirdre didn’t even feel the cold after a few minutes. She wrapped her legs around Robb’s waist and held him inside her, kissing him desperately.

 

“I don’t want to ever be apart from you. Stay here with me,” she whispered. “Stay inside me, part of me forever.”

 

“I wish I could,” he replied, his mouth lowering to her neck. “I don’t want to be anywhere else. But all of Westeros could be between us, and I would still remember how it feels to be inside you or how you taste. Just as I’ll always remember how soft your lips are and your eyes when you smile. Mostly I remember the way I feel when I’m with you: so alive and complete.”

 

Deirdre tightened around him and Robb moaned. “I want more,” she whispered. “I’ll never get enough of you.”

 

Robb kissed her, his tongue sweeping into her mouth, massaging her tongue, until he hardened inside her, filling her again and making her gasp and dig her nails into his back at the different sensation than him entering her. He rose to his knees, lifting her hips off the ground. Driving into her in long strokes as he pulled her hips towards him, he held her gaze. Deirdre lifted her legs over his arms and he bit his lip, shuddering, his strokes a little harder now. She felt like he touched her womb each time and hoped that the gods would bless her with his child. She arched her back and he slid deeper than any man had been. The pain made her cry out, but his thrusts slowed and were gentler now. Eventually the pain was replaced by pleasure and she moaned out his name. Soon after, she peaked and her cries escalated. As she convulsed around him, Robb fell forward, catching himself with his hands on each side of her, and cried out her name. She kissed him as she felt his seed filling her once again. Both them of them gasped for breath afterwards.

 

Robb ran his hand down her cheek with a smile. “Don’t move. I’ve heard that you need to lie still for awhile.”

 

She chuckled and replied, “I couldn’t move now even if I had to.”

 

Robb started to move off her but she held onto him. “No.  You’re keeping me warm.”

 

“I don’t want to crush you,” he explained, then after shifting his weight to rest beside her, he wrapped his arm and leg over her. He pulled his cloak up tighter. He gave a low whistle and said, “Grey Wind, to me.” The direwolf padded over and Robb motioned for him to lie down beside Deirdre. “Now you’re surrounded by wolves.”

 

“Luckily only one of them tries to eat me,” she teased and he chuckled. “Please bring him home to me,” she whispered to the wolf. His gaze stayed intently on her, like he knew what she said.

 

“See? Even Grey Wind has promised you now,” Robb said.

 

Deirdre continued to watch the wolf and prayed he’d be enough to protect Robb against her family.

 

**~*~**

 

Over the fortnight following, Lord Stark’s bannerman to the north, west, and east rode into Winterfell with their men. While Robb made plans with them, Deirdre spent her time arranging rooms for the lords and their advisors and providing food to their men that stayed either in the winter town or in tents. The whole household was preparing the march south. The men of House Glover, including Griffin, had come from Deepwood Motte with few extra loads of supplies.  Deirdre was grateful that his daughter felt well enough to keep Bran company as her brother, Rickon, and the other household children ran fighting pretend battles as their fathers and brothers prepared for the real battles to come.

 

At night, despite being exhausted, Robb and Deirdre would make love hungrily, knowing they’d soon be apart. When he wasn’t there, she frequently would find a few minutes to hide in her room and cry before regaining her composure enough to return to the tasks that needed to be done. The night after the final bannermen arrived, Robb feasted them in the great hall and she knew it would be their last night together. She sat at his side and Bran sat on the other while the men continued to argue logistics.

 

Lord Roose Bolton watched Deirdre in silence every time she was nearby, always making her skin crawl under his pale eyes. The food had been served and he glanced towards Robb and said, loudly enough for the room to hear, “Your wife is of House Lannister. While marriage to you provides for some loyalty, the queen regent has proven that the blood bond of her family was stronger than her loyalties to her husband’s family. I’d hate to think that your new wife would yield Winterfell to the Lannisters, leaving us caught between their forces.”

 

The room went silent and Deirdre saw on many of the faces that Lord Bolton wasn’t the only person who worried about this.

 

“My wife’s ties to her family were severed shortly after our marriage,” Robb said, his gaze icy. Reaching out to take her hand, he continued, “I don’t doubt her loyalty, nor should you.”

 

“Lord Bolton has a point. You wouldn’t be the first man who was misled by his cock,” Lord Karstark laughed.

 

Deirdre flushed red and looked down.

 

“Winterfell cannot be yielded by her alone,” Maester Luwin pointed out. “Lady Catelyn will be returning soon and until then Bran is the lord of the house.”

 

“A crippled boy and a Lannister holding Winterfell?” Lord Karstark muttered under his breath.

 

“If my father trusted her, there is no reason why you should not,” Robb shot back. “You are loyal to my father, are you not?”

 

“Your father was loyal to Robert and look how that turned out,” Lord Bolton pointed out.

 

Deirdre replied before Robb could, “My lords, I am not my cousin Cersei, nor am I the Kingslayer or Lord Tywin. I have sworn to protect Bran and Rickon with my life. Do not forget that Benjen Stark and Jon Snow are still north of me. I will not yield Winterfell unless those boys’ lives are at risk and then I will take them to safety, even if it means leaving Winterfell. I have no use for a castle without the Starks in the halls.”

 

“And if you’re with child? Your son could be the lord of Winterfell and then you’d need this castle, even if you don’t need his father,” Lord Karstark shot back. “Do not play innocent with me, _girl_. Lannister greed for power might be the only thing as strong as Stark honor.”

 

Before Robb could rise, a woman that Deirdre didn’t know rose and slammed her dagger into the table before Lord Karstark, startling them all. “If Robb says she is trustworthy, then you owe her your loyalty as well as your respect. Perhaps _this_ Lannister was gifted with _all_ the honor of their family and none of the greed.” The woman watched him furiously as Lord Karstark brooded silently.

 

After a few moments, Lord Bolton glanced at Robb then Deirdre. “My apologies, my lady, my concern for your husband’s family’s protection appears to be unfounded.”

 

“Lord Bolton, they are my family as well. And if you’re concerned for my husband’s family, please see that he returns to me victorious and _unharmed_ ,” Deirdre said with as much grace as she could muster under the circumstances.

 

“Do you have any more doubts Lords Karstark and Bolton?” Robb said and she could see his anger was close to exploding.

 

Both men apologized to Robb before everyone began drinking, eating, and talking again. Deirdre smiled and nodded to the woman who spoke on her behalf then turned to Robb. “Who is she?”

 

“Dacey Mormont, daughter of Lady Maege Mormont of Bear Island,” Robb replied with a smile. “Father said the women of Bear Island are more fierce than most of the men in the south.”

 

Deirdre squeezed his hand. “I’ll have to give her my gratitude later.”

 

“Are you all right?” he studied her and she nodded.

 

“If they didn’t doubt me, I’d doubt their honesty. Your mother doubted me as well,” she reminded him but she hesitated in saying she was all right. She wasn’t. She wanted all of these men gone and bringing back Lord Stark while Robb stayed with her but she knew he had to go.

 

Rickon ran through the room and created a ruckus so Deirdre quickly chased after him. Steering him out of the hall, she told him that she was taking him to bed. He whined but she shook her head sharply. Asking a servant to watch over him, she returned to the hall. She was stunned when she entered and found Robb and another man, The Greatjon, arguing and even more shocked when he started to pull his sword. A man she didn’t know grabbed her, pulling her to safety she thought but before she could turn to him, Grey Wind leapt onto the table, attacking the Greatjon. Deirdre turned her face away as the direwolf came up with a mouth full of blood and parts of the Greatjon’s hand.

 

“My lady, it isn’t safe for you in here,” the man said and pulled her out into the hallway.

 

“No, I don’t want to leave my husband,” she insisted but the man pulled her away with more force than she could resist.

 

“You’re hurting me,” she snapped at last and his hand came over her mouth, as he pulled her into the short hallway to the servant’s quarters.

 

“If you stay quiet, I won’t hurt you further,” he warned. She felt something press against her and realized he had a knife against her ribs so she nodded, terror striking her. Her eyes swept the hallway but no one was around so she allowed him to walk her to the castle doors. When she hesitated again, he pressed the knife harder and she stepped outside.

 

“Who are you?” she hissed as he walked her towards the stables.

 

“Shut up,” he shot back, the knife digging harder into her ribs as she felt it pierce her skin.

 

Biting back a cry, she continued to look for an escape. There was no way he could take her out of Winterfell with no one seeing them even with the feast going on.

  
Hearing a low rumble, she glimpsed a man walking from the hall just as she saw the flashes of black and grey fur out of the corner of her eyes. She dropped to the ground and screamed. The man tried to grab her again but she kicked him in the shoulder before she crawled away backwards. She heard people running toward her but watched as Summer and Shaggy Dog jumped at the men from two different directions, one grabbing his throat while the other tore into his side.

 

Deirdre closed her eyes to the wolves but she could hear the man’s choked screams before the wolves ripped the man apart. The man’s blood sprayed hot on her and she gagged at the smell of it and the sounds of the man’s death. The other people seemed to have stopped a safe distance away and it wasn’t until she heard Robb’s voice calling the wolves off that she felt herself breathe again.

 

The rest was a blur. Robb frantically checked her for injuries before having Theon carry her into the castle with the maester. Maester Luwin and her maid helped remove her bloody dress before realizing most of the blood wasn’t hers. Then the maester examined the cut on her side. She could hear noises outside and inside the castle but once Theon promised her that Robb was all right, she didn’t ask anything more. The maester tried to give her milk of the poppy but she shook her head, afraid she’d fall sleep and not be able to say goodbye to Robb when he marched out of Winterfell that night. Theon pushed her to drink some strong wine before the maester stitched up her wound and it made her sleepy, so she closed her eyes for a few moments.

 

Apparently she drifted off because when she woke she was alone with Robb watching her. He kissed her as soon as she opened her eyes.

 

“What happened?” she asked. “Did I fall asleep?”

 

“Dreamwine. The maester said you wouldn’t drink milk of the poppy so he got Theon to give you dreamwine instead. Are you in pain?” he asked, concern in his eyes.

 

“A little but not much,” she said, glancing down at the cut. “It seems to have been a small cut.”

 

“Yes, the maester said it wasn’t deep. You were just in shock from the attack and the wolves.”

 

“What happened with Lord Umber? I thought you were two were going to fight then the man grabbed me,” she asked, reaching out and cupping his cheek.

 

Robb shook his head slightly, smirking. “The Greatjon tested me and I suppose I passed. He was the one that led the search through the castle.”

 

“Who was the man? Why did he attack me?”

 

“He came here from Deepwood Motte. Lord Glover remembered him with the supply wagons with your friend, Griffin, who agreed he had seen him,” he answered.

 

“I don’t believe Griffin would try to hurt me,” she exclaimed. “His family has been living here for months.”

 

“No, he didn’t know. He thought he was one of Lord Glover’s men and they thought he was one of his friends. We don’t know where he came from but we know why.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out two slips of parchment, one sticky with blood. “He had these on them.”

 

Reading them both, Deirdre felt sick. “Why would Tywin offer a reward for my return now? I’m surprised by Jaime but more surprised by Tywin.”

 

“Most likely so he’d have another hostage to attempt to control me.”

 

“But this makes it sound like Jaime is _rescuing_ me from _you_!” she threw down the parchment.

 

“He’s probably sent them all over Westeros and, if everyone thinks we’re holding you hostage as well as Tyrion, it looks like we _started_ this fight with them. Notice how he says you’re his beloved cousin and he’ll murder anyone who harms you. Not many are going to be able to resist that reward,” he said with a sigh. “I’ve talked this over with my some of my bannermen as well as Maester Luwin. It’ll be safer for both Bran and Rickon if you’re not in Winterfell.”

 

“Where do you mean to send me?” she asked, heartbroken that she’d be losing her husband as well as his brothers and her home.

 

“I don’t like it, but I’m taking you with me and will leave you at Riverrun, after we’ve made it safe,” Robb said. “If we had time, I’d send you to the Vale but we march tonight.”

 

Deirdre nodded, afraid of the prospect of going to war but at least she’d be with Robb. “Will the boys be safe if I leave? My family will still think I’m here,” she said.

 

“Not if they receive a raven that you’re with me after we leave. And I’m leaving more men here to guard the boys than I originally intended. Lord Glover sent a raven to request men to take over the patrols of the Wolfswood so more of my men can remain in the castle walls,” he said. “But you need to get ready now. I’ve already sent off your handmaiden to pack and servants will be in here soon to help you.” He caressed her face. “You should go say goodbye to the boys now before they’re sleeping though.”

 

Deirdre nodded, still in shock over the night. Robb kissed her gently, trailing his fingers down her cheek.

 

“As much as I hate you being in danger, I’m glad you’ll be with me,” he whispered. “I need your faith in me since it seems few of the bannermen think I’m barely more than a child.”

 

“You always have my faith and my love,” she whispered putting her arms around him and holding him tightly.

 

**~*~**

 

Deirdre had said her goodbyes to the boys and her things were packed. Maester Luwin gave her some dreamwine in case she needed it later. He held her for a brief moment before telling her to be safe, then he returned to his duties in the castle. After a brief moment of sadness at leaving her and Robb’s chambers, she walked downstairs. Robb saw her and smiled before continuing his work. Someone came up beside her and she flinched.

 

“I’m sorry my lady. I didn’t mean to startle you,” the woman she recognized from dinner said.

 

Dacey, her name was Dacey Mormont, Deirdre remembered and smiled at the woman. “Thank you for your words earlier, Lady Mormont. I meant to come to you after dinner.”

 

“Please, call me Dacey. Lady Mormont is my mother and she’s not that fond of the title either.” Dacey smirked. “Robb thought that perhaps you would feel more comfortable with another woman as your guard so he asked me to stay with you until we’re further south.”

 

Deirdre smiled. “Thank you. I’m just grateful you’re not Lord Bolton or Lord Karstark. But I suppose they would consider it beneath them to guard me anyway.”

 

“They also feel women should wear dresses and stay in their homes. And why a woman of my age isn’t married, they can’t understand,” Dacey replied, rolling her eyes. She reminded Deirdre of an older version of Arya quite a bit.

 

“I was going to the Godswood once before we left, if you don’t mind,” she replied.

 

“Of course.”

 

The two left the castle and Deirdre tried not to think that it was the last time. As she was leaving, Griffin stood with the lord from Deepwood Motte and the two men came over.

 

“Thank the gods you’re not hurt, my lady,” Griffin said. “If those wolves hadn’t have done the deed for us, many of us would have made sure that man paid for hurting you, least of all your young wolf.”

 

“My lady, I’m Robett Glover, of Deepwood Motte. Please accept my apologies that this man came in with my own,” Lord Glover said.

 

“It’s not your fault, my lord,” Deirdre replied with a smile. “Griffin, please tell your family farewell for me and take care in your travels.”

 

“Maester Luwin asked me to stay here to help coordinate the crops and supplies for the winter. He’s also given my oldest son a position. We’ll keep a watch on young Bran and Rickon for you.” She hugged the man briefly and said farewell.

 

Dacey followed her to the Godswood and Deirdre was sadder that she wouldn’t see the Godswood for awhile than she was about her room with Robb. This was the place where both of them sought solitude plus she had more than enough memories here.

 

“You pray to the old gods?” Dacey asked in surprise

 

“No, I was raised in the Faith of the Seven. But this place holds a special place in my heart,” she explained. “Perhaps I should pray to both the old gods and the new. We might need the extra prayers for this war.”

 

“It couldn’t hurt,” Dacey said with a smile. “Can I be blunt?”

 

Deirdre raised her brows and replied, “I’m surprised you would ask. You didn’t ask Lord Karstark.”

 

“I remember Robb growing up the few times we saw each other and I see he’s a man grown now but is he capable of leading twenty thousand men and defeating your cousins?”

 

Deirdre was quiet for a minute, thoughtful. “I believe my husband is capable of anything but giving up. I don’t believe in many people but I believe in him.”

 

“I hope you’re right, for all our sakes.”

 


	18. Chapter 18

A/N Sorry about the delay. Thanks to Koryou and Kit for betaing this for me.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

The march south seemed never ending, despite the fact Deirdre had made the journey from King's Landing to Winterfell only a few months ago: perhaps because they were such a huge party or because their need to move faster was greater. Deirdre rode by Robb's side sometimes when he wasn't discussing battle plans with his men. But she'd frequently ride with the soldiers accompanied by Dacey. She didn't want to be considered a stranger. She grew to really like the Greatjon and his son, 'Smalljon', as well as all of the Mormont women. Even Lord Karstark seemed less suspicious of her over time, mostly due to the fact his sons came to know her and develop a rapport with her. The only lord that made it clear to her that he distrusted her was Roose Bolton. He was respectful but he made her uneasy. She noticed that he frequently questioned Robb's orders as well. She grew to dislike him as much if not more than he distrusted her.

At night, when they stopped and made camp, Robb would bring her along if he dined or drank with the men. He felt that he should know the men that would fight by his side when they're in their much more relaxed state. He also hoped that Deirdre would be accepted more if she were included with him. Sometimes she'd hear things from them when their tongues were loose that would be considered inappropriate but she'd heard similar things or worse from Tyrion. It never bothered her. Robb shielded her from much of it, she knew, with his warning looks if the language grew too coarse. Deirdre would squeeze his fingers and pretend to be listening intently to something Darcy or her sisters were saying. She knew it wasn't appropriate to allow them to knowingly disrespect a lady but felt if she happened to be nearby and overheard it the men weren't at fault, so she didn't want them to feel that Robb would be offended that anyone dared speak that way in her hearing.

Eventually, the men did grow more comfortable with her, but they still treated her with courtesy. Most of them treated her with more reverence than Theon did. In fact both Dacey and the Smalljon had words with Theon a few times when he disrespected Deirdre. The Smalljon warned him that if he even uttered an improper word in Deirdre's hearing again, he'd cut off one of his body parts and send it to Theon's father. As much as Deirdre appreciated their support, she sensed Theon's resentment towards her growing.

Dacey and some of the women from Bear Island stayed close by Deirdre when Robb wasn't there. And a young friend of Dacey's, Ned of House Wull, also kept close by but Deirdre suspected that it had more to do with Dacey than herself. When Deirdre said as much, Dacey had snorted indignantly but Deirdre caught Dacey looking at Ned a little differently after that. Robb trusted Ned enough that he had given him special orders to protect Deirdre when he wasn't around without calling him her 'guard'. Deirdre suspected that she had guards other than Dacey and Ned but Robb knew she didn't want him to reduce his forces by giving her any number of guards. When she asked Dacey if Robb was just being evasive when she'd ask him about guards, the other woman would tell her that clearly Deirdre didn't want to know the answer so don't ask the question. Mainly she rode either with Robb or Dacey and Ned.

Ned had been named after Lord Stark due to his father fighting beside him in Robert's rebellion. His uncle had died at the Tower of Joy attempting to rescue Lyanna Stark. His little sister was named Lyanna as was Dacey's, which was touching and yet amusing to Deirdre. She teased them if they married they'd have to name their daughter Lyanna. Ned had replied that Dacey wouldn't ever marry a man, only another bear. Dacey had promptly ridden off and not talked to either of them the rest of the day after that.

As much as she liked Dacey, Deirdre didn't understand her. Dacey admired Robb greatly but thought it was ridiculous that Deirdre was silly to ask his approval on anything. Not that Deirdre waited around for Robb to tell her what to do but if she wasn't sure how he'd feel about something, she did ask her husband. Ned tried to explain it to Dacey that even if Robb wasn't Deirdre's husband, he was still acting Lord of Winterfell so it made sense that Deirdre waited for his say on some things. Dacey's reply was that if any man expected a woman to continue to keep his bed warm, he'd ask _her_ for _her_ permission to do things, lord or not.

"But that's not how it is in the rest of Westeros, Dacey," Ned shot back. "A woman in Bear Island might lead a man around by his cock, but most _real_ men aren't that easily controlled."

"And did a _real_ man tell you that?" Dacey asked coolly.

Deirdre furrowed her brows at the tension brewing between the two, but said nothing. They continued to snap at each other for the next two days. One night shortly after, Robb and Deirdre were walking to their tent and she saw Ned sneaking past them. Quickly, she put her hand on Robb's arm to stop him and watched the other man stalking by. She watched in silence until he went into Dacey's tent.

"You didn't know?" Robb smirked when he saw her surprise.

"They argue _constantly_ lately. I didn't know but I should have suspected it," Deirdre laughed. "How did you know?"

"Theon tells me all the camp gossip, whether I want to hear it or not," Robb led her to their tent and shortly after a squire came in to help him remove his armor. "I'm surprised Dacey didn't tell you. I thought you two shared everything."

Deirdre sat down with a skin of wine and shook her head. "Dacey doesn't talk about things like that. She thinks anything feminine is silly. She told me the other day that my dresses are ridiculous. When I pointed out that they weren't even fancy and reminded her that I _was_ a woman, she replied back that just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have to dress like one when it makes no sense. She said dresses are for weddings and I wasn't in King's Landing anymore."

"Mother always wore dresses, as do all the women in Winterfell. Gods, if Sansa were told not to wear a dress she'd have never come out of her room. Arya would be thrilled though." Robb smiled sadly, thinking about his family. His squire finished with his armor and left quietly. Robb shook his head. "If you prefer breeches, I'm sure we can find…"

"I don't," she rose and walked over to him. "The only breeches I want to get into are yours." Teasingly she unlaced his breeches and he smiled before kissing her. After pulling his tunic over his head, she ran her fingers over his cheek. "Are you well? You've been very quiet tonight."

"We're moving too slow," he replied. "Each day we're not closer to King's Landing, the more my father's life is at risk, the more my sisters are in danger." He glanced down and she drew him into her arms, holding him tightly against her when he whispered, "I'm afraid we're going to be too late."

After a moment, she pulled back to look at him. "Do you remember our wedding night? You were full of doubts and fear about running Winterfell without your father's guidance. Yet you barely struggled with it for a short time after he and then your mother left. You worried about being a good husband and you're a wonderful husband. Bran and Rickon couldn't have asked for a better brother and protector. You've done so well at everything you feared."

"I didn't do very well when my mother doubted you. I failed you then."

"I forgave you about that long ago. Why haven't you forgiven yourself?"

He turned away and said, "Perhaps because I know Jon wouldn't have doubted you."

"But you're _not_ Jon!" she exclaimed in complete exasperation. Taking his face in her hands she said, "Listen to me. You're not your father and you're not Jon. You're not living in anyone else's shadow. _You_ _are Robb Stark_. Isn't that enough for you? It's certainly enough for me and the twenty thousand men following you! Your father would be proud of everything you've done. And I don't know why you seem to have any continuing question that Jon might have been my first love but he wasn't my great love. You _are_. What I had with Jon is nothing compared to what we have."

Robb sighed loudly and lowered his head to her shoulder. "I know that. I don't know why I said that. I...miss him. I think part of me wants to remember him as the man who had your love first so I can be angry with him. But I miss Jon and I wish he were here. He'd know what to say when I have doubts or question whether I should do something one way or another, because he'd know what Father would say."

Deirdre ran her fingers through his hair and pressed a kiss against his temple. "I can't give you advice nor can I do many of the things a brother can do. But I'll always be here to remind you that you don't need to do it the same way your Father would do it. You're a man grown now. He raised you to think for yourself and to do what you think is the right thing. Sometimes you have to listen to all advice, take what you were taught, what you know, and do your best, but no one expects you to always be right."

"There are twenty thousand men out there who expect me to be right. Their lives are my responsibility."

Deirdre took his hands and led him back to the cot, pulling him to lie down. Propping herself up on his elbow, she traced the worry lines on his forehead. "My love, if you think you can protect everyone, you can't. One of the men out there might fall off his horse tomorrow and break his neck, because he drank too much tonight. These men are following you into _war_. There are some that won't make it back. You can be a good leader without punishing yourself for every misstep."

Robb was quiet, staring up at her and twisting her hair around his fingers. "You're right," he said at last. "I'm just tired and worried." He leaned up to kiss her. "I'm glad you're here even if I don't like you being in danger. It's nice to have one person who believes in me completely."

"I think you'd be very surprised at how many people out there have grown more confident in you since we left Winterfell. They respect you more and more each day." Deirdre rose and removed her gown, putting on a nightgown and blowing out the candles. Climbing back into bed, she kissed his cheek. "You should go to sleep. You don't sleep enough as it is."

"I won't be able to fall asleep," he sighed.

"Roll over onto your stomach," she said and when he did, she straddled his waist and began to massage his back muscles. He was so tense, it was no wonder he couldn't sleep. "Just pretend we're back at Winterfell."

After a while, he murmured, sleepily "I love you."

She smiled and leaning forward, kissed his neck and shoulders before whispering, "And I love you."

xOxOx

Robb had been meeting with his bannermen and discussing the map before them while Deirdre was sitting in the corner, trying to repair one of his doublets that had gotten snagged on a tree branch earlier that day, when Lady Stark walked into the tent with Ser Rodrick. Robb almost rushed forward after saying 'Mother' but quickly caught himself.

Deirdre watched the exchange nervously so when the Greatjon ordered everyone from the tent, she tried to make her escape as well.

"Deirdre?" Catelyn exclaimed, her gaze flying to Robb's before returning to her. "I didn't expect you to be here."

"I'm sure Robb will explain, Lady Stark." Deirdre nodded and quickly walked out before Robb could attempt to stop her. She went to their tent and finished her mending, then paced.

"You're going to walk a moat in the ground," Dacey said from the tent's doorway.

Deirdre jumped at her voice. "You should at least announce yourself."

"Do you want me to have someone blow a horn when I enter your tent?" Dacey teased. "Why are you in such a foul mood?" When Deirdre didn't answer her, she asked, "Is this because of Lady Stark's arrival? Did she say something to you about your family? You must understand her position…"

"No, she said nothing. And I do understand her position. It's just…" Deirdre trailed off. "Nevermind. It doesn't matter how." She couldn't confide in Dacey about what happened with Lady Stark and the problems it caused with her and Robb after Bran's attack. She couldn't share her fears that once again Robb would cave in to her belief that Deirdre couldn't be trusted.

"Robb and Lady Stark sent me to come get you," Dacey said watching for her reaction.

Deirdre let nothing show in her expression and she nodded. "Give me a few moments to change." She was still wearing riding clothes from earlier and if she was going to have to face Lady Stark, she'd do so in proper attire. She might not be proud of her family or their name but she had some pride in herself finally and she wouldn't look like a commoner to meet with one of the most intimidating women she knew. She found it odd that Catelyn intimidated her more than Cersei did but then Deirdre was used to Cersei's hatred and cruelty and had never let down her guard around her. Catelyn had gotten her to let down her guard enough that Deirdre had been unprepared for her to treat her the way she had.

After changing, she made her way to the tent and found Robb and Catelyn talking quietly. Robb smiled as he rose to kiss her. Lady Stark studied her for a few moments in silence as she sat down.

"Robb tells me that you've won over many of the northmen despite their initial distrust of you," Catelyn said bluntly and Robb's gaze flew to his mother's face and he reached out to take Deirdre's hand. "From everything Robb has said, perhaps I was wrong about you, Lady Deirdre."

Even though she hadn't said it Deirdre felt the warning that was left unsaid. She knew she still had to prove herself to Lady Stark no matter what Robb said, no matter what _anyone_ said.

After a moment, Catelyn continued, "I received your raven at the Vale but it was too late." Deirdre felt like someone had reached in and squeezed her heart as she gasped, gripping Robb's hand tightly. It was only a minute but it seemed like an hour before Catelyn explained that Tyrion had been freed before that. Tears of relief burned Deirdre's eyes and she looked down. "I could not say that your words would have convinced me, but you were very strong in your conviction that Lord Tyrion couldn't have done it."

"Tyrion was on the hunt, as I said in the message. Jaime was not," Deirdre replied, looking Catelyn in the eyes. "Tyrion doesn't have it in his character to hurt a child, _any_ child. Might I ask why you assumed he could have done such a thing if he wasn't even in Winterfell when it happened?"

"I was told the blade the assassin used was his." Catelyn couldn't hide the uncertainty in her voice though.

"Told by Petyr Baelish," Robb reminded her. "The same man who helped Cersei Lannister capture Father in the throne room. The one who convinced Father that he would help him."

Lady Stark looked miserable, so despite her anger, Deirdre said, "Petyr Baelish is known for being one of the most conniving on the council, my lady. You could not have known." When Catelyn nodded her thanks, Deirdre couldn't help but add, "You judged me based on Cersei and Jaime. No matter what my family has done to yours, I suggest you don't think you can tear Robb and I apart again."

"Deirdre," Robb warned in a low voice.

Deirdre shot him a look. "I've done nothing to hurt your family. My loyalty is to the Starks and I don't want there to be a question in the future with your mother so let me say this as plainly as possible." She turned back to Catelyn and said, "I _love_ your son, Lady Stark. I will stand by him until the end even if I die alongside all of the rest of the Starks for treason. Trust me: my cousins will consider this betrayal from me as bad as any crimes the Starks have committed against them. I could have asked Robb to send me home and I think we both know he would have done so if I had asked it of him. But a war and the possibility of death won't separate me from him."

Catelyn looked angry for a moment, before she turned to her with a grim set in her mouth and said, "I hope that spirit lasts through the end of this war. Robb is going to need all the fight the north has in it."

"Even disowned lions have claws," Deirdre smirked. Robb looked back and forth between the two of them for a moment like he didn't know what to think.

xOxOx

"Let me negotiate with him," Catelyn was reasoning with Robb about talking to Lord Frey and Deirdre wondered if he had any intentions of doing so.

"I'll go with her," Deirdre offered and Robb looked at her like she had taken leave of her senses.

"I'm not going to allow you anywhere near Lord Frey. He's my father's bannermen so he's less likely to hurt me but you…your cousins are offering a reward for your safe return," Lady Catelyn said before Robb could answer.

"Then perhaps I can help with negotiations. I can offer him something that he might want," Deirdre replied. "We don't know what he'll want yet. You can only speak for the north. Tywin and Jaime are telling everyone how I'm their beloved cousin. If people believe that maybe I can offer up something of value to him. No one knows what power I still have. I was a rich Lannister widow and a daughter of another rich widow before I married Robb. Some of Lord Frey's grandchildren are my cousins."

"She has a point," Theon said and Robb glared at him.

"No," Robb said simply. "It's too risky. He could keep you both as hostages long enough for Tywin to be nipping at our heels even if he doesn't throw you in the dungeons right away."

Deirdre smiled at him gently. "Then don't let him keep us."

The Greatjon laughed loudly. "Send them in there. Women can be convincing and perhaps the two of them are more convincing with a man like that then a hundred of us."

"And if I send them in there and you're wrong? Joffrey will have my father and sisters and Lord Frey will have my mother and wife," Robb said with stubborn set to his mouth.

"Then it's like she said, we just have to go get them. There are twenty thousand of us. I think we can manage to rescue two women," the Greatjon said.

"How is that going to look if I send in my wife and my mother to do my negotiating?"

"If I were him, I'd appreciate it and be grateful you were negotiating using two women rather than twenty thousand swords," Lord Glover replied. With a smirk at Lady Mormont, he added, "Unless they were Mormont women."

"There are a dozen riders coming. Are you going to let them go or are we going to fight? Not trying to rush you Robb but you need to hurry." Theon said glancing over at the riders approaching.

After a moment, Robb sighed and called out, "Ned!" When Ned came up, Robb said, "You go with them. Don't let anything happen to them and while they're trying to convince Lord Frey, you can assess the defenses of The Twins."

"Smalljon will go with him as well," the Greatjon offered and signaled his son to come forward.

xOxOx

Deirdre disliked Lord Frey immediately. He made her skin crawl but she forced a smile the whole time and listened to what he said to Catelyn. When it seemed like he had grown weary of the discussion and would send them away, Deirdre finally said, "My lord, it's obvious that you wish for respect and to be recognized for the power you hold. Perhaps if you _told_ us what you want, we could help you."

"I want marriages for my children. They're piling up here and I don't see any of the Starks or Tullys rushing in with marriage pacts. Your family has always been pissing on my family, Lady Catelyn. And the Starks are no better. Why would Robb Stark send his wife in here? Did he think a pretty face could win his passing?"

"I offered to come. Your grandsons by your daughter, Morya, are my cousins on my mother's side, and Cleos, Lyonel, Tion and Walder sons of Emmon are my cousins on my father's side." Deirdre realized her mistake as soon as she said it.

"So I am related to you _and_ Lord Tywin by marriage, is that your meaning, girl? If that's the case then I should allow Tywin to cross."

"Tywin will not pay your toll. Robb is willing to ask for your help, not demand it. But you know that his forces are at your door," Deirdre said clearly. "So let us resolve this soon so we can be on our way."

"You'll take my son Olyvar to be Robb's squire and two of my grandsons, Walder and Walder, I think, will be fostered at Winterfell," Lord Frey said studying Lady Stark. She nodded curtly. "And your daughter, the youngest one, will marry my youngest son Elmar when they come of age." If the situation had not been so dire, Deirdre might have laughed at Catelyn's expression. Both women knew that Arya would not approve of this but to her credit, Lady Stark only nodded again.

Lord Frey studied Deirdre for a moment. "And has your husband gotten you with child yet?" Deirdre bristled but shook her head. "Your first husband had none with you either. Sometimes the prettiest trees cannot bear fruit."

Her eyes narrowed at the man but Deirdre said nothing. Robb needed to cross his damn bridge, by whatever means and if standing here being insulted was what it took, she'd do it.

Lord Frey turned to Catelyn. "If your son has no heir off this one within a year, he'll set aside his marriage to her and marry one of my daughters."

Deirdre watched Catelyn in shock. She hadn't expected him to demand that and Lady Stark seemed surprised as well. "My lord…I don't…that isn't honorable…" She glanced at Deirdre then after a moment, she said, "Robb will have to _agree_ to your terms, I don't have that authority. And if you give him an unreasonably high demand…"

"I make no demands. He doesn't have to agree, but he will not cross until he does," Lord Frey replied and Catelyn nodded reluctantly.

"If he agrees, my son Ser Stevron and his son Ser Ryman will lead my men with his except the four hundred men I'll need to keep Lord Tywin at bay. I'll expect knighthoods for my sons and grandsons that aren't already knighted," Lord Frey said. Taking another look at Deirdre, he added, "If you were my wife, you'd already have a babe in that belly."

Disgust washed over her in waves as Lady Stark ironed out the final details. Ned caught her eye and tried to look reassuring but Deirdre just wanted out of that room.

xOxOx

Robb wasn't sure he heard his mother correctly. "Set aside our marriage if she's not pregnant? That's unheard of!"

"Not completely unheard of but it's rare and not very honorable," Catelyn said weakly.

Deirdre added, "If you don't agree, we don't cross."

"We will cross if I have to go _through_ him," Robb replied. "He's asked too much…"

"If we don't cross, our marriage being set aside in a year won't matter much," Deirdre said quietly and Robb whirled around, glaring at her. "I don't like it anymore than you do but if you don't cross Robb, we'll all be dead before long." Tears filled her eyes and she added, "You have to accept his terms. You've come too far now and you'll lose everything if you don't. We _all_ will."

The tent was quiet as his bannermen, Theon, and his mother waited for him to answer. His heart ached and he couldn't force himself to say the words. Finally Deirdre wiped away the tears and looked at him for a long time, trying to appear brave but he could see how much she was hurting. When she nodded, he swallowed hard and turned back to his mother. "I'll agree to his terms."

His mother touched him lightly on the arm and glanced sympathetically at Deirdre before going outside to talk to Lord Frey's sons. His bannermen began drifting out after her until only the two of them are left.

"There are ways that can aid in the process," Robb began but stopped when Deirdre shook her head.

"It was your only option and your father's and sisters' lives are more important right now but…I can't talk about this yet. We're crossing and I need to just distract myself from thinking about this," she replied, not looking at him. "I'm going to go prepare to ride. I'm assuming we'll leave soon."

Robb grabbed her wrist as she walked by and pulled her to him. Raising his hands to her face, he whispered, "I love you. Don't _ever_ forget that. I love you even more now because I know you just put everything at risk for my family. We'll make a child, _many_ children, and then Lord Frey can take a leap off the Twins. I won't take another wife."

She leaned into him for a moment and nodded before slipping out of the tent.


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N Thanks to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta!_

**Chapter 19**

 

Waiting for Robb to return from the attack on Jaime’s forces had been agony for Deirdre. She knew Catelyn was as nervous as she was but she was, by far, more composed. Lady Stark had told her to go back to the camp when she got emotional after a time but Deirdre refused.

 

Speaking softly so that only she could hear her, Catelyn said, “As the future Lady of Winterfell, you need to learn to have more control on your emotions in front of others. You’re too quick to show your vulnerability and that looks weak to some.”

 

Deirdre shook her head. “I’m not a mummer, Lady Stark. I cannot sit here and pretend that I’m indifferent to whether my husband returns or not. If people see my love for him as weakness, then I’d rather appear weak than cold.”

 

“Do you think you care more than I? I am not cold,” Catelyn snapped.

 

“I wasn’t calling _you_ cold, Lady Stark. But you expect me to act indifferent and the person I know who was truly indifferent to her husband was Cersei and I’d rather not act like my cousin. I wasn’t raised to be respected or poised like you were, like you raised your girls. My mother raised me to be pretty, quiet, and to obey men stronger than me. She thought these men were _better_  than me -- men like Tywin and Jaime. The very same men my husband is now fighting.  So forgive me if I’m new to this role I have been thrust into. Your son showed me how to find my courage in his love so if the thought of losing him is unbearable to me, that’s because he has always promised me he would never leave me,” Deirdre replied quietly, trying not to cry.

 

Catelyn sighed. “Deirdre…” She trailed off and Deirdre glanced up at her. “I know you’re trying and you’ve given Robb so much support. It’s hard for me to not interfere because you’re not much older than Sansa but my advice shouldn’t be so harsh that it comes across as criticism.” Smiling gently, she added, “I was once a young bride like you, during a war such as this, but I was safe within the walls of Rivenrun, my childhood home.”

 

“I’d rather be closer to Robb than in a castle waiting for a raven with news. And if given the choice between being a good and loving wife to your son, or being the strong Lady of Winterfell, I’d prefer to be a good wife. I’m not sure I’m ready for both yet.”

 

Catelyn nodded and glanced back to the treeline again. After awhile the men that guarded them began to encourage Lady Stark that they should leave for her safety as well as Deirdre’s but Catelyn refused them each time. Eventually they heard horses coming toward them and all watched breathlessly as the Northmen approached. Deirdre’s heart stopped until she saw Robb, then silent tears of joy ran down her face. But she also saw another figure that caused her to slink back into the group surrounding her. She hadn’t realized until that moment how unprepared she was to see Jaime.

 

When they threw down Jaime at Catelyn’s feet, Robb dismounted and came up beside his mother. Deirdre watched quietly while Jaime gave one sarcastic reply after another to their comments but when he offered to end the war right then and there by fighting Robb one on one, she almost screamed at Robb. She loved her husband and had faith in him in all things, but Jaime’s skills in combat were legendary. Without thinking, she dismounted and went to stand beside Robb, but said nothing since he declined Jaime’s offer as she walked up. Then her cousin caught sight of her and appeared off guard.

 

“Dearest cousin, you’re on the wrong side of the war,” he said solemnly, studying her closely.

 

Deirdre felt as if a thousand eyes were on her at that moment. “Am I?” she asked. “Your father disowned me for marrying a Stark, so why are you so shocked now to find out that I’m by my husband’s side?”

 

“Shocked is not a word I was use. Cersei always said you were more House Brax than House Lannister. Perhaps your mother’s blood tainted the fierceness of the lion’s blood in you. ”

 

  
 _I’m not like my mother, nor my father._ Deirdre said nothing.

 

“Speaking of your mother’s family, you should know that her nephew Tytos was also captured with me. I’m sure if you visit the jail cells tonight you’ll find them filled with your family. You could have your own reunion. But then, I guess your ties to House Brax were also severed when you sided with the northmen. You _disappoint_ me cousin,” Jaime said.

 

“And you disgust me,” she retorted. Jaime smirked at her with such arrogance that she knew in his mind he had won that exchange. But he’d lost the altercation with Robb after becoming his prisoner which was more important, so Jaime needed to feel some victory she supposed.

 

Robb watched her and Jaime for a moment then took her arm, pulling her to his side. “Take him away,” he told his men. Deirdre looked down, suddenly ashamed. She had not thought of her mother’s family, her own blood as well, in this war.

 

After they took Jaime away, she turned to Robb, caressed his cheek, and said, “Are you hurt?” He shook his head then signaled Ned and a few other men over before saying to her, “Go to our tent and wait for me, all right?” To Ned, he said, “Keep her closely guarded. She’s more at risk now than before. Avoid any of the prisoners seeing her if possible.”

 

Deirdre said nothing as she mounted her horse, following Ned and the others back to her tent. She asked some servants to bring her and Robb some wine plus some bath water and a tub for Robb when they saw him return to the camp. Once alone, she lay on the cot and sobbed. She felt like her heart was being torn to shreds between the fear for Robb and the Stark forces and the guilt of forgetting that her Lannister cousins were not her only family. She had betrayed them _all_ not just the ones that didn’t deserve loyalty from her.

 

‘No,’ she thought to herself. This is exactly what Jaime wanted to do, cause her to doubt her position. She chose Robb’s family because they were in the right and honorable, not just because of her love for Robb. Her blood relatives chose Tywin because he was rich and powerful. Where were her uncles and cousins in House Brax when her mother married her to Ser Thomas? Where was her grandfather, Andros? None of them helped her then, none of them ever spared her a second thought it seemed nor had any of them shown any great love for her, so why should she suddenly have loyalty to them?

 

Robb and his squire, Olyvar entered the tent and she quickly wiped away her tears. While Olyvar helped Robb remove his armor, she poured him some wine and listened to the two men speaking about the battle.

 

“Shall I have them bring you a bath?” Olyvar offered.

 

“I’ve already sent for one,” Deirdre said.

 

The young man nodded and waited for a moment. “Is there anything else, my lord?” he glanced from Robb to Deirdre and back.

 

“I’ll send for you later if I need anything. But after the bath water arrives, please leave word that I’m not to be disturbed,” Robb said.

 

As he was speaking some servants brought in a tub with some heated water. Olyvar left and the two of them watched the servants fill the tub in silence. As soon as they were alone, Robb walked over and grabbed her, crushing her to him as he kissed her deeply.

 

“Robb, your water will get cold,” she teased when he finally let her take a breath. He continued to kiss her so she started undressing him and walking him back to the tub. She playfully pushed his hands away when he tried to undress her as well. “No, the tub isn’t big enough for both of us.” After she got his shirt off, she pulled away to examine him. “Are you sure none of this blood is yours?”

 

She grabbed a cloth and wet it, wiping away as much of the grime as she could to make sure he had no wounds but besides bruises and minor cuts and scrapes he was fine. Forcing him into the tub, she bathed him while the water had at least some warmth to it.

 

“I was so afraid I was going to lose you,” she said, washing his face. “I think my heart stopped when I saw the first of the men returning and didn’t beat again until I saw you come out of the trees.” Studying his face, she saw how distressed he was. “Was it horrible?”

 

“Yes. Worse than I thought it would be. Jaime killed Daryn Hornwood and Eddard Karstark trying to get to me.” His eyes were haunted when they met hers. “They died for me.”

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, not knowing what else to say. “I’m glad you’re safe but I know you…I know you feel guilty for the lives lost.”

 

“As you feel guilty for your family members I’m holding as hostages or possibly killed,” he said, reaching up and stroking her cheek. “Jaime’s words hurt you, I see that.”

 

“He was manipulating me,” she replied. “I don’t want to talk about Jaime’s words. They were a minor hurt to me. What you went through today, that was truly horrible. I don’t like thinking about you in that much danger.” Tears swelled in her eyes. “I don’t want to lose you. Is it horrible of me to be grateful that Jaime failed even if two men died to save you?”

 

“I don’t know anymore,” he answered honestly. “I think back on Jaime’s offer to end the war then and the fact that all of this started because they imprisoned my father. What is one death worth? Is my father’s life worth as much to Lord Rickard as his son’s life? Who are we willing to sacrifice, how many? Is all this death going to be worth it in the end? At which point do we say the losses are too many?”

 

“We can’t turn back now,” she said somberly. “We said it at the Twins, you’ve said it before, if you don’t win this war, we will all die.”

 

Robb pulled her to him, kissing her gently. When he moved away, she smiled at him tiredly. “Your water is officially cold now.”

 

“I know,” he chuckled. He stood and left the tub as she fetched cloths to dry him with. As she moved the cloth over his body, Robb reached out and pushed her hair off her shoulder then began kissing down her neck. “You’re wearing too much clothing,” he whispered, his breath hot on her skin.

 

Deirdre allowed Robb to undress her hurriedly. “I need you,” he said, lowering her to his cot. His mouth left scorching trails across her neck then her breasts as he pulled her knees up to his hips, one hand lowering between her legs. As soon as she was wet enough, he entered her roughly, causing her to gasp. “I feel like a fire is raging in my blood,” he said, in between kisses. “I can’t control myself.”

 

“You don’t need to,” she replied, gasping for breath. “You never have to hold back with me.”

 

There were times when Robb seem to disappear and became more animal than man. This was one of those times. His teeth sank into her flesh more than once and he seemed to consume her very essence to the point where she feared he’d be the death of her. But part of her knew he needed this. He needed to be the wolf with her so he could be the leader to everyone else. With her, he could lose himself completely yet know he was safe, not always on guard like he was outside their tent. His uncontrolled desire burned through her as well. She needed this raw passion from him too. It touched something deep and primal in her that allowed her to think of no one and nothing but Robb.

 

Afterwards, he collapsed on her, both of them covered in sweat and breathing heavily. He didn’t apologize like he used to when he got like this, because he knew that she didn’t want apologies. Apologies were for mistakes and she wouldn’t have him apologize for making love to her, no matter the manner. But his gentle caresses afterwards to assure himself that he had not actually hurt her were his way of still being her loving, thoughtful husband without apologizing for the wolf coming out.

 

As their breathing settled she kissed his brow and whispered, “You should sleep now, Robb. You haven’t rested and don’t know when you’ll need to be alert again.”

 

“Stay with me?” he said, suddenly looking young and vulnerable.

 

She nodded and Robb closed his eyes, resting his head on her chest; his arm wrapped around her waist as her fingers carded through his damp hair. His breathing slowed and she felt so overwhelmed with worry for him. Tywin would be coming for him now, even more than before. She feared Tywin more than Jaime. Something about Jaime gave her a little bit of hope. Perhaps it was because of his kindness and love for Tyrion that made her realize he was not as heartless as his own father. But then she remembered Bran Stark and wondered how he could have done such a thing. And today he tried to kill Robb. She was a fool to hold on to any hope with Jaime.

 

Feeling ill suddenly, she slid out from Robb’s embrace and sat up. It didn’t help the queasiness so she rose to drink some wine. A few sips and she was vomiting into a pail. Glad that Robb slept through it, she waited until she felt less sick to lie down with him again. She hadn’t been feeling well for days and couldn’t seem to shake it. Now she worried that she would get her husband sick. Deciding it was just the worrying that made her feel ill, she resigned herself to it. Robb curled himself around her again as she forced herself to sleep.

 

~*~

  
“Are you sure this is wise?” Dacey said as she followed Deirdre to Lord Karstark’s tent.

 

“No, I’m not, but it’s the _right_ thing to do,” Deirdre repeated for the second time.  “His son died today.”

  
“And if it’s the right thing to do, then why didn’t you tell Robb or Lady Stark you intended to do it?” Darcy pointed out only to get a glare.

 

“My ladies,” a young man who stood by the tent said. “Lord Karstark wasn’t expecting you”

 

“I noticed he wasn’t at supper and thought I should bring him something,” Deirdre said quietly. “I’m sure he’s not thinking of such things at this time but he needs to keep up his strength.”

 

The man looked conflicted before ducking into the tent for a few moments. When he returned he held the tent flap open for both Deirdre and Darcy. She wasn’t surprised to find his son, Torrhen, in the tent as well. He quickly rose and bowed to her but she waved him away. Lord Karstark sat at the end of the table drinking from a skin of wine.

 

“My lord,” Deirdre began and he looked at her in surprise, like he hadn’t even noticed her entrance. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Eddard was a brave and honorable man, besides being a very smart and loyal friend to myself and Robb. I know it’s probably the last thing you’re thinking about but I brought you and Torrhen some supper.” She felt a little foolish as she laid down the food and Lord Karstark barely looked at it.

 

“He died protecting your husband. Slaughtered by the Kingslayer,” Lord Karstark said softly. “It happened so fast, there was nothing any of us could do to reach him.” Glancing at Dacey, he asked, “Could we?”

 

Dacey shook her head and said, “He would have wanted to go out fighting and he did. If he and Daryn hadn’t fought Ser Jaime, the rest of us couldn’t have reached Robb in time to protect him.”

 

“Daryn Hornwood was supposed to marry my daughter, Alys,” Lord Karstark added before looking at Deirdre again. “How do I explain to her that both her brother and the man she was betrothed to are both dead?”

 

“I do not know, my lord,” Deirdre said quietly and sat down. Gently she reached out and covered his hand with her own. “I know you pray to the old gods my lord, but I will pray to the Crone to grant you the wisdom to find the right words, to the Father for justice for your son, and the Mother to grant your daughter some peace.”

 

“Will you pray for justice for my son even at the cost of your own family?” Lord Rickard asked. His voice was gentler than her earlier encounters with him and she felt like he was more curious than hostile to her.

 

“Yes, my lord. My own blood, my cousin, has caused this hurt to you and yours, just as they have caused hurt to the Starks, who I love with my whole heart. So yes, I do wish for justice for him,” Deirdre answered with a quick nod. “Jaime is an important hostage and I do not know what the future holds for him, but I hope that he pays for the suffering he has caused. For now, I think it is best to pray to the Warrior for you, Robb, Torrhen, for all of the Northmen for the future rather than focusing on vengeance.” Her eyes searching his, she smiled gently. “I think Eddard would want you to put aside your want for vengeance until the war is over so you and Torrhen can be strong for the next battle.”

 

Lord Rickard nodded. “He would want us to take our vengeance on the field, not dwell on it each night, you are right on that.” He grabbed a bottle of ale and poured four cups, handing one to each of them. “To Eddard, my brave son.”

 

They all toasted him and drank. Deirdre didn’t stay long and Torrhen walked with her and Dacey outside. “I can’t believe he’s gone,” Torrhen said. “One minute he was there… I mean we all knew that Jaime Lannister was a good fighter, but no one expected him to cut down so many so quickly. When you’re learning to fight, they never really prepare you for the blood and the chaos. Everything seems to happen at once. I saw Edd standing there, not ten feet from me, the next thing I knew he was on the ground and Jaime was coming straight for Robb.”

 

“He knew that people fought because of the Starks and without Robb, our cause would be weakened, if not lost. Plus its Jaime Lannister, he’s used to all that blood. He lives for it. He’s a killer, an oathbreaker, and a Kingslayer,” Dacey snorted. Glancing at Deirdre, she shrugged. “I know he’s your…”

 

“Yes, yes, everyone likes to apologize to me for him being my cousin but he’s the least of my worries now,” Deirdre said and Dacey looked confused. “My cousins who aren’t in chains are more concerning now: Joffrey and Tywin.” She felt queasy again just thinking about it. “Torrhen, your father needs you now so we’ll let you return to him.”

 

As soon as they walked away, Deirdre walked quickly behind a tent, bent over, and vomited up her supper. Dacey offered to go get someone but Deirdre shook her head quickly and then waited for the moment to pass. After a few minutes, she stood up again and tried to recompose herself.

 

“Does Robb know?” Dacey asked with a smirk.

 

“That my supper didn’t agree with me? How could he know? It just happened. Besides, believe it or not, I don’t tell him _everything_. He doesn’t need to know that I…”

 

“That you’re pregnant,” Dacey interjected and Deirdre stared at her in shock. “Aren’t you?”

 

Deirdre was quiet, her hands resting on her stomach. She couldn’t remember how long it’s been since she’d had her moonblood but knew it had been when she had gone to talk to Maester Luwin. Mentally, she counted back to then. She smiled slightly and glanced up at Dacey. “It’s possible. But I don’t want to tell Robb until I’m certain.”

 

“There are a few healers and I think a maester who are working with the wounded that you could see,” Dacey offered.

 

“Robb will be expecting me soon so can you please ask one of them to come to my tent tomorrow?” Deirdre said hopefully. She couldn’t help but smile. Then she shook her head. “I don’t want to get my hopes up. I mean, it’s possible that I’m not. If I am then Lord Frey can go jump of one of his towers but if I’m a not then…”

 

Dacey laughed. “Go back to your husband and I’ll make sure that you know more tomorrow. And if you want to keep it from Robb, you might want to get that foolish smile off your face.”

 

As soon as she returned to her tent, Deirdre proceeded to enthusiastically seduce her husband. Not that he complained. Either time.

 

~*~

  
Deirdre had a hard time hiding her sickness from Robb the next morning. She finally insisted he eat breakfast with his bannermen as a way to get him out of the tent. She was sitting on the ground with a pail when Dacey came in.

 

“I was going to ask if you feel any better but I can see the answer to that already,” Dacey said, bringing her some water.

 

“If I’m not with child, something is seriously wrong. I’ve never felt so ill in my life. Every time I start to stand up, I end up sick again,” Deirdre said, cringing. Drinking the water she felt a little better and Dacey was able to get her to her feet.

 

“I brought a woman to see you. The maester was up all night with a man who lost his arm so he was practically dead on his feet. This woman said she is a midwife as well,” Dacey said. “I told Ned I’d be with you today but he said Robb had asked him to stay close by you. So this woman will have to claim to be a seamstress or something.”

 

“Yes, I’m going to need new dresses for all the feasts,” Deirdre moaned but then added, “It’s Ned. He won’t ask too many questions. _He_ understands women have secrets, many secrets.” Cocking her head at Dacey, she smiled knowingly. She had never said anything to the other woman about her and Ned being lovers, but she couldn’t help teasing Dacey without confronting her. Honestly, she was glad the two of them had each other, even if it wasn’t a love. This journey had been hard enough, they needed whatever comfort they could have.

 

Dacey shot her a look then went outside to get the woman. By the time the healer had finished examining her, Deirdre stopped feeling so sick. The woman also gave her some ginger for the times when she felt ill.

 

 “Yes, my lady,” the midwife said with a smile. “You’re pregnant. The sickness should ease up if you use the ginger in a tea every morning.  Hopefully it won’t last more than a few weeks. Most of the time a woman feels better after a few months and it sounds like you’re starting your third month already.”

 

“And you’re certain?” Deirdre asked smiling. She had already been pregnant when Robb made the deal with Lord Frey; the thought amused her greatly.

 

“As certain as I can be and I’ve never been wrong yet,” the woman said. “Congratulations, my lady.”

 

“Thank you,” Deirdre said, tears welling in her eyes. “You have no idea how much I’d hoped for this.”

 

~*~

 

As the midwife left, Deirdre noticed Dacey and Ned talking quietly nearby. Both of them were very upset and Deirdre hoped her teasing of Dacey had not led to an argument. She waited until Dacey looked up at her. The other woman signaled that she’d be a moment so Deirdre returned to her tent.

 

Dacey came into the tent and looked at her with sympathy. “My lady, there was a raven.”

 

When Dacey told her of Lord Stark’s death, Deirdre collapsed into a chair then slipped to her hands and knees to empty the contents of her stomach. Dacey held her as much as she embraced anyone, stiff in any womanly position of comfort. Deirdre rose to sit back in the chair, drinking some water and taking deep breaths. She didn’t cry yet. She was too stunned and horrified to cry. As soon as her stomach stopped rolling, she asked, “Where’s Robb?”

 

“He went into the woods as soon as he heard. He sent everyone away,” Dacey said.

 

Deirdre stood, grabbing her cloak. As she walked outside, the men began to stare at her. Some still unconvinced of her loyalty or more in doubt of her now than when Ned Stark still had his head, most just out of sympathy and respect. Her heart felt like it would explode and she sped up.

 

“My lady,” Dacey called out but Deirdre said, ‘No!’ and Dacey stopped. Deirdre ran towards the woods, to Robb, as tears began to stream down her face.

 

When she reached him, his mother was with him, holding him tightly and Deirdre stopped short. Her heart ached for Catelyn, but Robb’s grief ripped through her and laid everything bare. He saw her and she felt a brief doubt that he would be angry with her, for her family, but he simply said her name, stepping away from his mother. The three of them stood there for a moment in silence and Deirdre dreaded the look on Catelyn’s face. When she finally turned to Deirdre, Catelyn swallowed and stepped away from Robb, walking close to her.

 

“Go to him,” Catelyn said softly and Deirdre ran the remaining steps to Robb, throwing her arms around him and holding him tightly.

 


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! I hope some of you on here are still reading this!_

 

**Chapter 20**

 

The world seemed to disappear and all that remained was Robb’s pain, filling her and tearing at Deirdre’s heart. It exploded in her and she clung to him, feeling his shuddering sobs. She also thought of Bran and Rickon, of Sansa and Arya, and of Jon – children, most of them. Lady Stark’s pain was too much for her to think of: Deirdre couldn’t imagine losing her husband now. If she thought about it, it would be her undoing and she needed to be strong for Robb. She cradled his face and kissed his tears away.

 

“I’ll kill them all,” he said, like the soldier he’d become but his eyes showed the child that had lost his beloved father.

 

Deirdre said nothing, just kissed him. She could not support vengeance now because she wanted her husband safe, but she knew it was just and right for the Lannisters to receive it. The Lannisters – her own family. The thought made her feel ill again and she clung to Robb, unable to apologize for her own blood. If leeches could rid her of all her Lannister blood, she’d do it; but what would they leave her instead?

  
“Robb,” she whispered, holding him. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could spare you this pain or take it on myself. I wish I could make Joffrey and Cersei pay for this. My heart breaks for you, my love. What can I do for you?”

 

“Just hold me and promise me that you’ll never leave me when I kill every Lannister until only you remain,” he murmured.

 

“Kill them all, if you must. I’ll never leave you. Wolves mate for life, remember? I am yours, you are mine.” She’d appeal to him later about Tommen and Myrcella being spared, but she knew now he needed her support. And she didn’t think he meant the children. If Robb took King’s Landing, it wouldn’t be like the ruin of the Targaryens; that was the Lannister way, not the Stark way.

 

“Help me,” he said, pulling away. “I cannot let the men see me like this.” He wiped his eyes and Deirdre lifted her cool hands to his face, hoping to erase the appearance of his tears.

 

“Just breathe,” she said and Robb visibly attempted to collect himself. “Think about the snow in Wolfswood, think about the heart tree in Winterfell, think of Bran and Rickon. Remember who you are. You are Robb Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North, with the blood of the First Men. What are your words?”

 

“Winter is coming,” he said with a deep breath.

 

She kissed him for a long time before saying, “Let me soothe your grief at night when you don’t have to be Lord Stark. You can just be Robb, my husband, who I love dearly.”

 

Robb nodded and kissed her, then took her hand. “We should return.”

 

“I have to tell you something first. I wanted to tell you tonight and this feels like the wrong time, but…” she hesitated. “Your bannermen will want to discuss many things, including your heir.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I was feeling ill and Dacey brought a healer to see me. She asked when the last time I had my moonblood was. I didn’t realize that I haven’t had it in over two moons,” she said, biting her lip. “She said I was with child.”

 

Robb stared at her in silence for a moment before pulling her into his embrace and kissing her repeatedly. She held onto him and whispered, “If it’s a son, we’ll name him Eddard.”

 

Cradling her face in his hands, Robb asked, “But you’re well? The babe is well?”

 

“Yes. The healer thinks the sickness would pass soon since it’s not too severe. And she said I seemed healthy despite that. I didn’t notice until she mentioned it but I’m already starting to swell,” she replied with a small smile.

 

Robb lowered his hand to rest on her stomach and whispered, “The night in the Godswood, before the heart tree.”

 

Tears filled her eyes and she nodded. “Perhaps, or the nights before or that followed, but either way, the gods have blessed us.”

 

“They took away one wolf and gave us another,” he answered sadly. “The pack will survive.”

 

“You’ll bring them all home. Your sisters, even Jon, will return to Winterfell when the war is won and our child is born in winter.”

 

“It seems only right that a Stark is born in winter.” He kissed her lovingly. “Thank you. You couldn’t bring back what I’ve lost, but you’ve given me this gift that will be the strength I need to continue to fight.”

 

They walked down the hill to the camp, holding hands. Robb nodded to those that bowed to him, looking every bit the lord he was now. But she felt the tremor in his hand. Seeing them together seemed to erase doubt from some faces and earn respect for her from others.

 

They went to Lady Stark’s tent first. Despite all, she seemed composed and Deirdre envied her grace. She smiled gently when Robb told her of the baby.

 

“This generation of Starks will begin in winter,” she said, but Deirdre saw how pleased she was despite her sorrow. Her gaze finally landed on Deirdre and she said, “And may your first born make you as proud and give you as much joy as mine has.”

 

Deirdre lowered her hands to her stomach as Robb and his mother spoke softly. She prayed her child was healthy. She prayed for Robb’s safety. It seems like she prayed for more in the last few months than she ever did in her life. But this was the first time she had anything to lose.

 

“Your bannermen want to meet with us at sundown. You and Deirdre should go eat something and get some rest,” Lady Stark’s words cut through her thoughts and Deirdre rose quietly.

 

“Lady Stark,” she began and struggled for words. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Lord Stark was one of the kindest and most honorable men I knew. You and I haven’t always agreed on everything, but I promise you that I’ll do whatever I can to help you and Robb get Arya and Sansa back and make my family pay for this as well as what was done to Bran. I wish that justice would be enough.” She glanced at Robb for a moment before saying, “But I know that justice will not bring back the one you love. I’ll pray to the Seven for you and your daughters’ protection.”

 

Catelyn looked at her for a long moment before answering, “Ned convinced me to allow Robb to marry you and I was wrong to doubt him and Robb’s trust in you. Ned was right about your gentle heart. And I know now that the love you bear my son is stronger than any Lannister blood in you. I’m glad he has you because he needs a woman with such kindness and strength beside him, as will your children.”  
  


Deirdre felt tears rolling down her face and brushed them away quickly. Lady Stark rose and said quietly, “My dear, tears are not what makes you weak. They make you human.”

 

Robb took her hand and Deirdre allowed him to lead her from the tent. They walked in silence to their own tent close by. Robb sent someone to fetch them supper and his squire began to remove his armor. Deirdre changed into a clean gown with her handmaiden’s help. When the girl began to braid her hair, Robb shook his head at Deirdre with an affectionate smile, so Deirdre asked her to leave her hair down. After she brushed her hair until it shone and their supper had arrived, the maid excused herself.

 

Neither of them was very hungry but Robb insisted she eat something for the baby’s sake. Afterwards, they lay on their cot, not talking, just kissing for a long time. He kept putting his hand on her stomach with a gentleness and awe that made her smile.

 

“Old Nan would be pleased,” she whispered, her fingers trailing through his curls.

 

Robb nodded and said, “I need to send you someplace safe, perhaps back to Winterfell. You might have my name, but you have Lannister blood. Your family will come after you or our enemies will sell you out to them.”

 

“I’m safest by your side. You’re my husband, my family. My child will be a Stark and your heir.” Deirdre sat up, pulling away from him. “If you send me away, your men would think you sent away because you could no longer suffer the sight of me, because of my family. Besides, it’s not safe for Bran and Rickon if I’m in Winterfell.”

 

Robb sat up, rubbing his temples. “Then perhaps I should send you to the Wall. I trust Jon to protect you and my child.”

 

Deirdre looked at him in stunned hurt. “Do you honestly think Castle Black is the place for me? The Wall is there to protect the Seven Kingdoms from what lies beyond it, which is supposed to be much worse than _anything_ in Westeros, including Cersei and Joffrey. And Jon’s fellow brothers of the Night’s Watch are rapists and thieves. If you do not want me with you, ransom me off to Tywin in exchange for Arya or Sansa, but don’t send me to a place where my child will surely die.”

 

“Is that what you want? To go back with your family?” His eyes were icy, his voice tight with anger.

 

“No! I want to remain by your side, not waiting for a raven for news of my husband. But if you insist on sending me away at least you can get one of your sisters back. I’d rather my life be in peril for a worthy cause than wasted.” Deirdre rose and attempted to walk away from him.

 

Robb stood and grabbed her arm but she tried to step away, angry at him now. He firmly pulled her into his embrace and continued to hold her as her tears came. “I’m just trying to protect you and our child. A soldier’s camp in the middle of a war is no place for a woman with child.”

 

“Please don’t send me away. I would rather live in this tent forever than any castle as long as I’m with you. I don’t feel safe unless I’m with you. Besides, there are twenty thousand men here that are loyal to you surrounding me. How much safer could I be?” she pleaded him. “You’re now Lord of Winterfell and your bannermen are more concerned about lines of succession than anything else. If you make Bran your heir until our child is born and your mother Lady Regent, they won’t care if I’m a Lannister or a wildling. I don’t care about inheriting your lands or titles, if I lose you. I gave up everything Tywin asked of me, because gold and land doesn’t matter to me, if I have your love. I’m not Cersei! Power doesn’t matter to me. As long as our child is safe, I won’t care whether they inherit any titles.”

 

“My son will be Lord of Winterfell. That is his birthright. I don’t care about the title or the power, but I care about the Stark name and lands. It’s ours, it’s always been ours. Our blood has been spilt on those lands, but we’ve kept them strong since the Age of the Heroes. I want that for my children and for their children and every Stark afterwards. There must always be a Stark in Winterfell,” he explained.

 

“Robb, I _beg_ you. Please don’t send me away,” she sobbed. “Look at your mother. You saw how she suffered being apart from your father while he was in danger. Don’t do that to me.”

 

He was silent before saying, “Don’t do _this_ to _me_. Don’t beg me to allow you to stay when I think it’s safer for you elsewhere. I don’t want to send you away. I want you here with me as well but I can’t be selfish.”

  
“It’s not selfish if it’s what we both want. I promise, I’ll be careful and if the camp is threatened I’ll obey your commands to go but it’s safe and guarded now. Don’t make me leave you,” she pleaded.

 

At last he relented, but only with the condition that he’d send her away if things got more dangerous.

 

~*~

 

The cries of ‘The King in the North’ sent terror through Deirdre. One moment they were debating about whether to ally with Stannis or Renly and now Robb was king. Deirdre didn’t want this. She didn’t want her husband to be in more danger than he already was in. Now Stannis and Renly wouldn’t align with him; they’d want to fight him as well. And now Joffrey had more reasons to want to kill Robb. Lady Stark looked about as pleased about it as she felt.

 

“It appears you’re Queen in the North,” Catelyn said to her.

 

Shaking her head with tears filling her eyes, Deirdre said, “It’s too much, too risky. Now he’ll have to fight both Stannis and Renly as well.”

 

Before Lady Stark could answer, Robb turned to her and held out his hand. Deirdre rose and took it. “And my lady wife told me earlier today that my heir will be born in winter,” Robb announced and caressed her cheek. “I hope by then we’ll be back at Winterfell celebrating the end of this war and of Joffrey Baratheon and the Lannister’s rule.”

 

The rest of the night was filled with toasts to Lord Stark’s memory and the future of the north. It seemed like each of his bannerman had a story to honor Eddard Stark. Some had known him since he was a boy, others had fought by his side in a battle. A few had stories of his reign as Lord of Winterfell. Deirdre found herself watching Robb frequently. He seemed honored and graceful but she wondered how he really was feeling.

 

“What is it?” he whispered to her after catching her watching him.

 

“I was just thinking how much you are like your father and how proud he would be of you right now,” she replied, kissing his hand. “And I was thinking how I’m a very lucky woman to be having your child, _Your Grace_.”

 

“Your Grace?” He smirked. “Are you going to start bowing to me and everything?”

 

Leaning forward she whispered in his ear, “Haven’t I been on my knees enough for you so far?”

 

“It can never be too much,” he replied, his eyes drifting to hers. “If you’re feeling unwell, my queen, we can retire.”

 

“I think we should stay as long as your mother does at least.” She smiled and glanced around. “Where is she anyway? Surely she wouldn’t have gone to her tent without saying good-night.”

 

“No, she wouldn’t have,” Robb said, growing concerned. “Come on.”

 

Rising, he took her hand and walked around the tables looking for his mother. When he came upon Ser Rodrick, the Greatjon, and Theon, he asked them but neither had seen her. Robb sent Theon to Lady Stark’s tent to check but Deirdre saw Catelyn headed in their direction.

 

“Mother, where were you? We were concerned,” Robb began then saw the look on her face. “Are you all right?”

 

“I went to talk to the Kingslayer,” she began and a sob escaped her lips.

 

Robb took her arm and led her into the tent he used to plan tactics. The other men followed in after them.

 

~*~

 

Robb listened to his mother’s rant about what Jaime had said in silence, but Deirdre could see his jaw tightening and fists clenching.

 

“He admitted he pushed Bran but will not tell me why!” Lady Stark exclaimed and Robb stood up suddenly, his hand flying to his sword hilt. Deirdre had sensed his rage would push him into action, so she rose just as quickly and put her hands to his chest.

 

“You cannot kill him. You’ve told me yourself that he has to remain alive or Cersei will kill Sansa and Arya,” she kept her voice calm, her eyes steady on his. Lady Stark and Theon both watched them quietly, staying out of it for once. The Greatjon stopped drinking his ale and was silent. “Robb, you cannot kill him, not yet.”

 

Robb was barely restraining himself from pushing her hands aside and she knew if it had been one of the men, they’d be on the ground by now. She could see in his face how much he wanted to kill Jaime and she didn’t blame him. When he finally released his sword, she felt some of the tension leave him, but he was still barely keeping his rage in check. She waited for him to gather his thoughts enough to realize her words were true. Eventually, he raised his hand to hers and nodded.

 

The tent stayed quiet until Robb returned to his seat. Deirdre remained standing and walked to the table, pouring two cups of strong wine, bringing one to Lady Stark and one to Robb. Theon and The Greatjon began to debate various things about ways to get the answer out of Jaime, most involving torture, but Deirdre’s words were mainly to Robb so she was surprised when the tent went silent again when she spoke.

 

“I’ll talk to him.”

 

“Never,” Robb declared and said no more as if it ended the discussion.

 

“Please listen to me. Jaime doesn’t know my feelings for you or your family. And the thought that a Lannister would chose anyone else over the golden son of Tywin Lannister would be such a foreign notion to him, he will _assume_ I’m on his side, that I’m only acting the part of the dutiful wife, much like Cersei did. If I were to go to him, say with one of your men that he doesn’t know, and pretend I’m there without your knowledge, tend to his injuries, bring him some wine and some good food, offer him some _comfort_ …he might trust me enough. Perhaps not the first time but if not then I could come back again,” Deirdre explained.

 

“It’s too dangerous for you,” Robb argued.

 

“Why? Because I’m your wife? Your own bannermen didn’t trust me for a long time because of my name, some still don’t, why would you think that Jaime wouldn’t doubt that I was loyal to the Starks?” She laughed bitterly. “Trust me when I say, Jaime Lannister will trust me quicker than your men did.”

 

“She has a point, Robb,” Theon said and Robb glared at him. “I know you don’t want her hurt, but she might be the only person in this camp that can get the truth out of him. Send Dacey with her. He’s never seen Dacey and wouldn’t suspect a woman could be quite so capable.”

 

“Don’t underestimate him,” Robb warned. “Jaime is one of the best swordsmen in Westeros, if not _the_ best.”

 

“He hasn’t seen me since you captured him. Perhaps I go to him tearful because I’m afraid of what you’ll do to me now that…” she paused, unable to say the words. “After what Joffrey did.”

 

The Greatjon and Lady Stark were both silent, which Deirdre had come to learn that usually meant they approved of a suggestion, but waited on Robb to decide on his own. They were quite vocal when they disagreed with someone. Robb was silent for so long she wondered if he planned to make a decision tonight or not.

 

“Go find Dacey and bring her here,” Robb told Theon; then looking at his mother and The Greatjon he said, “Leave us.”

 

When they were alone and the tent flaps shut out the rest of the camp, he said, “I don’t _like_ this. And I haven’t agreed to it yet.”

 

Deirdre smiled and said, “I never thought it would be easy to convince you. But I know eventually you’d realize it’s the only option.”

 

“My father is dead and my sisters are hostages. I’m not willing to lose my wife and my child.” His gaze rose to her face but his hand moved to her stomach.

 

“I promise you, you won’t lose us. I’ve never broken a promise to you, have I?”

 

“Deirdre, you cannot promise things based on other people’s actions.” He pulled her to sit on his lap. His lips brushed hers teasingly, until she leaned into him bringing her hand around his neck and pulling him close. His kisses grew more urgent then and his arms tightened around her waist. Eventually, he pulled away with a sigh, resting his forehead against hers. “I wish this was over. I don’t want to be the king if it means we’ll always be at war. I miss our days at Winterfell. I want my son born there.”

 

“How do you know it’s a son? It could be a daughter, as wild as Arya,” she said tenderly.

  
Robb lowered his hand to her stomach again, his palm spreading out across it, and she covered it with her own. “It’s a boy.” Robb smiled. “And we’ll name him Eddard.”

 

“And if you’re wrong and it’s a girl?” she asked.

 

“Lyanna,” he replied, his face becoming serious. “And we’ll pray that their fate will be better than their namesakes.”

 

They sat silently for a moment before she said gently, “Robb, please let me talk to Jaime. He will trust me. Even if he doesn’t tell me why he pushed Bran, he won’t hurt me. He has a strange code of honor when it comes to Lannisters.”

 

“Tywin could have poisoned him against you.”

 

“Jaime is not Tywin.”

 

“Your Grace?” A voice from outside the tent called and Deirdre rose from his lap after a quick kiss.

 

“Come in,” Robb said.

 

When Theon and Dacey walked in, Deirdre was surprised to see Dacey wearing a dress. Her face must have registered her surprise because Dacey smiled. “Yes, Your Grace, I own a dress.”

 

“Who would have known?” Robb chuckled and Deirdre felt a tug at her heart because it was the first time he’d laughed since he’d learned about his father. “But how do you propose to defend her?”

  
Dacey opened her cloak and there was a sword scabbard sewn into it. She unsheathed a dagger from behind her back. “A Mormont woman is never unarmed. All of us, as Theon knows well.” Theon blushed, looking away, and muttering something under his breath about Alysane Mormont that made Dacey smile.

 

“I have no doubt there is a story there, but this isn’t the time for that. Did Theon tell you what you were to do?” Robb asked solemn once more. When Dacey nodded, he continued, “I don’t want either of you harmed so if you have the slightest hint of danger, you will get her out of there.”

 

“Yes, Your Grace,” Dacey said.

 

 “And you,” he turned to look at Deirdre sternly. “You will leave if she says to.” Deirdre nodded.

 

“Do I have your permission to use force if needed to make her leave?” Dacey asked.

 

“As long as you don’t hurt her, I do not care if you carry her out of there if she resists,” Robb replied, ignoring Deirdre’s gasp of indignation. “There will be guards within shouting range anyway. So even if it means betraying your true purpose there, you will protect her and prevent Ser Jaime from harming anyone. However, if my wife chooses to say unkind words about me, my family or the northerners, let her. She needs to convince Ser Jaime that she is still his ally.” Dacey nodded and Robb added, “Give us another moment.”

 

When they left the tent, Robb rose and pulled her into his embrace. “Listen to Dacey. Promise me you will.”

 

“I promise. I won’t put myself or our child in danger,” she whispered.

 

When he let her go, she was trying to force herself to cry so her eyes would be red when she went to Jaime. It didn’t take much. She thought of her conversation with Ned Stark before her wedding and how kind he had been. And how much he wanted her to love Robb but didn’t want her to apologize for loving Jon. Soon tears were streaming down her face.

 

Robb had to visibly resist trying to comfort her and looked miserable for it. She attempted to make it easier on him by turning away. Eventually, she felt she looked sufficiently wretched. She gathered up a skin of wine and some food for Jaime. Plus she took a skin of water and rags to clean his wounds. She didn’t want to take too much though, because then it would appear staged and Jaime would see through it.

 

“I’m ready,” she said, holding her bundles tightly. Robb kissed her for a long time before walking her outside. He and his guards went close to the cells but far enough away no one would see them. Then, despite her tears, Deirdre smiled at him and walked away with Dacey. Her heart started pounding with each step, making her wonder what she was thinking. She wasn’t brave enough to face her mother and Tywin, why would she be brave enough to suggest this? _Because there was no one else who **could** do it._

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta!_

**Chapter 21**

 

The guard talked to Dacey for a few moments before leading them to Jaime’s cell. Deirdre was shocked by the sight of Jaime and ignored the man’s words to Dacey. Shooting a look at the other woman, Deirdre then rushed to Jaime, crouching down by his side. He was so dirty. He didn’t even look like himself and fresh blood trailed his face.

 

“Cousin, what have they done to you?” She asked and he finally met her gaze. She placed her hand on his cheek gently and he sat up straighter.

 

“Am I dreaming?” He whispered, reaching out. He touched her hair and her face. He kissed her fingers, then frowned. Jaime said, “You look so much like her. I had forgotten.”

 

She tried to be kind to him. “I don’t know what you were dreaming, but I’m real.” She smiled gently. “I brought you some food and wine. Let me see to your wound.” Handing him the food, she poured some of the water on a rag and washed his face. Once some of the grime was off, he seemed more like himself. He ate like a man starved and she knew that he probably was not feed well as a prisoner.

 

“ _Your Grace_ , forgive me if I do not bow,” he said after a moment, with a smirk. “My chains prevent it.”

 

“I’m no more a queen than I am a Stark,” she said dismissively. “Who hit you tonight? Are you beat nightly?”

 

“Courtesy of Lady Stark,” he replied before drinking some of the wine. He made a face. “This northern swill tastes like piss.”

 

“You’re a prisoner, Jaime. I brought you what I could,” she answered, refraining from rebuking him not to complain.

 

“Who is she?” He asked studying Dacey.

 

“She’s my…friend,” Deirdre replied, inwardly regretting the hint of hesitation and hoped that Jaime didn’t pick up on it. “The guard is her husband so they allowed me to see you.”

 

“So, get them to set me free.” Jaime’s eyes turned to her.

 

Deirdre shook her head. “I can’t. It’s too dangerous. If Robb finds out I was here, he’ll be furious. If I let you go, I can’t even imagine what he would do. It’s not like before…before Joffrey killed his father. His people hate me now more than ever.”

 

Jaime studied her for a long time before asking, quietly so Dacey wouldn’t hear, “Do you play me for a fool? I know about you and your _beloved_ king. Your marriage is the envy of many and the song has been sung to me before: the young lord of Winterfell and the lioness who stole his heart and won the love of his people. A lion tamed by a wolf it appears, but then you were always too gentle to be a _true_ lion.” He reached up to caress her cheek. “I still can’t believe that you’re one of us.”

 

“I’m the disappointing one apparently. Tyrion told me that Tywin had planned to marry me and that’s why my mother hated me. Because he wanted to marry me rather than her,” she replied.

 

“After Lorch died, Cersei wanted to get you out of Casterly Rock and away from Father in case he changed his mind about marrying you. The thought of you becoming our father’s wife terrified Cersei. Your mother was only too happy to oblige for her own reasons. Unfortunately for them both, Robert interfered in her plans to wed you off to a Martell or a Frey. But I prevented Father’s wishes for a Tyrell match. No one predicted Robert would thwart us all and marry you off to a Stark.”

 

“And why would Tywin disown me then try to kidnap me? Did he hope to kill me or was I just another hostage against the Starks?”

 

“He was furious that you dared to fall in love with the son of his enemy. He’s always hated the Starks: too damn honorable to bend to the wealth and power of the Rock and had more respect from Robert than Tywin ever did, despite Cersei being his daughter. Robert acted like Lyanna Stark was completely irreplaceable and Ned was a paragon. Father realized if he had you back, he’d hopefully bend Robb Stark to his will, since he couldn’t control Ned Stark. Besides, Lady Stark took Tyrion and Father grew tired of losing to the Starks,” he chuckled. “I’m not fond of it myself.”

 

Deirdre swallowed hard.  “It was a game to you all. Was I just being sold to the highest bidder?”

 

“Don’t be so naïve, it wasn’t money they sought. For Cersei and your mother, it was revenge. For Father, it was power over another family. And if Robb Stark didn’t bend the knee, perhaps Father would make a Stark mourn a Lannister, just like Robert mourned Lyanna.”

 

“Robert started _a war_ over Lyanna Stark. Was that always the intent? To start a war with the Starks?” Ignoring the thought that Tywin had even considered killing her, she asked, “And for you, Jaime? What was it for you?”

 

He was silent for a long time before he answered. “You were so gentle. You reminded me of the stories that I’d heard about my mother. I couldn’t believe it when you came to King’s Landing and I saw how _good_ you were. I thought perhaps as long as you remained gentle and sweet, our family was not doomed to such a miserable future. That’s why I encouraged Cersei to let you attend to Tommen and Myrcella as much as possible since they were sweet as well, despite the odds. Perhaps, if I had not joined the King’s Guard, my hands would not be so blood stained and my soul so blackened. Or maybe I would still be the man I am. Who knows? Possibly I would still have some of my honor, but I damned myself. So I tried to protect you, even from Father.”

 

Deirdre ignored the stirring in her heart. She could not allow herself to feel sorry for him. He was probably lying about trying to protect her. “Jaime, regain some of your honor now. Tell me the truth about Bran Stark’s fall. Why would you try to kill a little boy? Just some way to hurt the Starks? Or was there some secret he knew?” She could tell he was tempted to answer so she cupped his chin in her hand, pulling him to face her. “Please, I want to understand. I _need_ to know why you’ve done this, cousin.”  She hoped it would persuade him to feel something, perhaps enough to answer her.

 

After a few moments, Jaime leaned forward and kissed her gently, holding her a little longer than he normally would. “I’ll not condemn you with that knowledge, cuz. It’s already started a war and, if you knew, Cersei would see you dead, just like Ned Stark. I’d rather not have your blood on my hands, as well. Perhaps one day you might know the truth of it and you’ll lose all compassion for me. But I’d rather have your last look at me be with hope, not hatred. Do not fool yourself though, cousin. As far as Cersei and Joffrey are considered, you are a _Stark_ now. You’re worse than one of them because you had a choice and they will kill you if they have the chance.”

 

Before she could reply, he looked to Dacey and raised his voice to call out, “Tell your king not to hide behind his women’s skirts. If his wife comes in here again, I’ll kill you and her both.”

 

Dacey grabbed Deirdre’s arm before she could say more and Deirdre knew that was the last time she’d see Jaime. Her emotions were so conflicted, she could barely breathe. She was numb as Dacey pulled her from his cell and Jaime watched in silence, pain in his eyes for a moment before they turned to his typical arrogant and bold expression. It was the first time Deirdre had seen Jaime look vulnerable at all. As soon as they were away from the cells, she stopped.

 

“What is it, Your Grace?” Dacey asked when she bent over, her hand over her mouth. “Are you not well?”

 

“I need a moment,” Deirdre said, trying to gather herself together before facing Robb again.

 

“I could not hear what he said to you but whatever it was, I’m sure he said it to hurt or scare you. Do not take his words to heart.”

 

She must have taken too long because soon Robb had called out her name and she heard people rushing towards her. “What is it?” Robb exclaimed, checking her face for any sign of injury.

 

“I think he just upset her, Your Grace. He didn’t actually touch her,” Dacey said and Robb picked her up, carrying her to their tent and laying her down on their cot.

 

Lady Stark rushed over and began to fuss about her, but Deirdre felt panic rising with the more people surrounding her. “I just need to breathe. I felt faint, but I’ll be fine,” she tried to wave everyone away but Robb wouldn’t leave her side. Finally, she looked at him and whispered, “Make everyone leave, please.”

 

After they were alone, she sat up and drank the water Robb brought her. “What is it?” He asked.

 

“He wouldn’t tell me why he pushed Bran, but he admitted that it’s why your father was killed and what started the war. He said he wouldn’t condemn me by telling me because Cersei would kill me if I knew,” she said. Shaking her head, she added, “I’m sorry. I was foolish enough to think he’d tell me anything.”

 

“He confirmed what we suspected already. Don’t be so hard on yourself, my love,” he said kissing her. “I’m just glad he didn’t hurt you.”

 

Deirdre put her arms around him and held him tightly. “Promise me something.”

 

“I will try,” he whispered.

 

“You won’t risk everything to claim the Iron Throne,” she answered, sitting back to look at his face. “It causes nothing, but heartache, sorrow, and death. Rule from the north, if you must be king. Do not ask me to raise our child in King’s Landing.”

 

“You think I should ally with Stannis or Renly, don’t you?” He asked and she nodded. “I cannot promise you this yet. I don’t _want_ to rule in King’s Landing, but if I cannot negotiate with one of the Baratheons to make the North free from the Iron Throne, then I will have to fight for our right to live free.”

 

“I’ve seen it, you know? The Iron Throne,” she explained, reaching up to touch his cheek. “I thought when I saw it I would understand, but I still didn’t. Why anyone would suffer so much for that throne? Even Robert was miserable when it came to his kingly duties from what I’ve heard. He enjoyed the feasting, drinking, and whoring but not the politics of court. The small council truly runs the kingdoms and they’re all snakes. If you were king in the south, you’d never be able to trust the words that were spoken to you. Everything in King’s Landing is smoke and mirrors.”

 

Robb nodded. After a moment he asked, “Tell me truly, do you wish me to tell my bannermen that I do not wish to rule?”

 

“Yes,” she said without thinking but added quickly. “But only because it would be safer for you, if you weren’t king. However, this is a great honor and no one deserves it more than you. There is no one else who could do this now that your father is dead. You will be a good king, Robb, an honorable king, I have no doubt. Your men are loyal to you because they love you. But as your wife and mother of your children, I want you to be happy and safe as well, and live to see your children’s children running through the halls of Winterfell.”

 

“I want that to,” he answered with a thoughtful smile. “I promise I will talk to my bannermen about an alliance with Renly or Stannis. And I promise that as your husband, I will always listen to your thoughts, but as your king, I might not always be able to do what you wish me to do.”

 

“I have no desire to rule over you,” she replied with a smile. “I trust you’ll do what you think is right for the north and your people. Just keep in mind, that you must also do right for me by reducing the amount of danger you put yourself in. I know it’s not your way to stand back in safety while men fight your battles, but do not throw yourself down the most dangerous path, if you can avoid it.”

 

Deirdre rose to get a drink of water and Robb walked to the entrance of their tent. She heard him tell his men that they were not to be disturbed except for an emergency. When he returned, he stood there studying her.

 

Tears burned her eyes seeing his sudden sadness. She knew he thought of his father now, not his new position. She struggled for the words to give him comfort but knew there were none. “Your father was loved by so many. I was humbled by the stories your men told of him…”

 

Before she could say more, he walked to her and placed his fingers over her lips, shaking his head slightly with a frown. “Not now.”

 

Deirdre wasn’t sure what to say so she asked if he needed anything.

 

“I need you to make me forget this pain, even if it’s just for a few hours.” His eyes pleaded with her and her heart ached with his vulnerability. 

 

Deirdre took his face in her hands and kissed him. Robb buried his hands in her hair, pulling her into his body. He nipped at her lips with a fierce hunger, his tongue seeking out the heat of her mouth. Moaning, she began tugging at his tunic. Robb grabbed the back of her dress ripping it off her, nearly shredding the fabric, and lifted her into his arms, carrying her to their cot.

 

Robb sat down with her astride him and whispered, “Please, just make me forget.” His eyes were bright with unshed tears and she forced back her own. Taking on the role of the aggressor, she stood to finish undressing him then kneeled before him. Trailing her hands along his chest and stomach muscles as she nibbled on his neck, she then moved to his shoulders. Robb reached up to caress her breasts.

 

Deirdre reached down and gently wrapped her hand around his hard length as she ran her tongue along the inside of his thigh. Robb moaned her name. She raised her eyes to his and leaned forward running her tongue on him. She moved her tongue against him a few times before taking him in her mouth. His eyes closed and his head fell back, as he jerked his hips forward. Feeling brazen, she took as much of him in her mouth as she could, moving her tongue lightly on him. Robb growled low and buried his fingers into her hair, gripping it tightly.

 

Judging his pleasure by his gasps and moans, she continued until Robb released her hair and moved his hands under her arms. Deirdre let him lift her to straddle him, burying himself deep inside her. Their eyes met as they moved together faster, both caught up in each other. He lowered his hand between them, rubbing her swollen nub and forcing a moan from her. Deirdre moved restlessly against him, moaning in pleasure. Robb pushed her to the brink then when she could stand no more he moved his fingers quickly until she peaked, crying out his name.

 

As soon as she recovered, Robb lowered them both to lie on the floor. His thrusts were wild and he kissed her with such passion and need, Deirdre could barely catch her breath, clinging to him.

 

Robb pulled her arms above her head, holding them down to the ground as he lowered his mouth to her breasts. Deirdre gasped when his teeth graze her nipple before sucking it. He slowly thrust into her, almost fully withdrawing before impaling her once again. She tried to pull her wrists free so she could touch him but he wouldn’t release her, preferring to drive her wild under his control instead. She whimpered his name, arching up to meet his strokes. When her release came it hit her hard, forcing a cry from her lips much louder than she intended. Robb raised his head and crushed his lips against hers as he plunged into her hard, over and over again. Soon, he spilled himself into her with a loud guttural moan.

 

He released her wrists and she wrapped her arms around his neck. When they both caught their breath she whispered his name. Blue eyes met hers and once again tears filled her eyes.

 

“Did I hurt you?” His face was a mask of concern as he shifted his weight to move off her.  She shook her head and a smile crossed her lips even as tears fell from her eyes. “I should have been gentler, more careful.”

 

Deirdre laughed. “My belly is barely swollen yet. I think it will be fine. Women have done this since the beginning of days.” She ran her hand down his cheek. “These tears are not from pain. They’re because I love you so much, I just feel overwhelmed with my love for you,” she whispered. “You and our child are my world now.”

 

“I never dreamed I’d love my wife so much,” he admitted. “I assumed I’d have an arranged married to benefit the North and someday we’d grow to love each other. But never did I imagine anything so consuming.” He smiled, kissing her. “Considering how we began, I never dreamed you’d love me so much either. I still find it hard to believe I am so lucky.”

 

Tears fell from her eyes, a combination of the fact that she loved her husband so completely and that soon she would be the mother to his child. She had never thought she’d truly fall in love with Robb the way she had Jon and in truth it wasn’t the same. Jon had been so passionate but even though she knew he cared for her, loved her even, she never felt any sense of harmony with him. It had been so dangerous and risky with him, in every way. Their love seemed so young. Her love with Robb felt so much more lasting.

 

In the time she’d known him, Robb had changed from the charming, carefree young man she’d married and now was bold, fierce and passionate both as a leader and a husband. But he still treated her with respect and love. She felt like he considered her his equal. He awoke things in her that she did not know existed. One was love for the North and a sense of belonging amongst his people, something she never felt with her own kin.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said wiping away her tears. “I feel very…emotional right now. Today has been very tumultuous. Finding out about the baby was such a joy, then learning about your father, and then you’ve become king…” She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “I was so forlorn and seeing you so devastated, but at the same time I felt hope growing inside me. Then I think about what might happen in the coming days and I’m terrified. I want to be strong for you, for your people, but I’m not like your mother.”

 

“No, you’re not,” he agreed, stroking her hair. “But people love you for the woman you are. They don’t expect you to be like my mother. I don’t think people think I’m much like my father so it’s doubtful they expect you to be like her.”

 

“You are like your father in some ways. You have his sense of honor and justice. You inspire loyalty from people. But your father was quieter, more somber, from what I saw. He was a very kind man but it wasn’t something that was obvious just by looking at him. You could see it in the way he treated his children and your lady mother, but it wasn’t something that he projected to strangers. You’re very amicable: the men always considered you one of them. Hopefully, they will still feel that way towards you as their king.”

 

“I don’t feel like a king,” he said with a sigh.

 

Running her hands over his chest and arms, she smiled wickedly. “If all kings felt like this, I would understand the appeal to them. But I cannot imagine anyone else feeling quite so desirable.” He grinned but remained silent, his mind elsewhere. “Robb?”

 

“Mother sent a raven to Winterfell,” he began but guilt crossed his face.

 

“You haven’t told, Jon,” she said, knowing the answer. He shook his head. “It’s not your mother’s place, nor will she do it. I suppose you could ask someone else to do it but…”

 

“Most likely, someone sent a raven to Lord Commander Mormont.”

 

Deirdre propped herself up on an elbow. “Robb, the raven should come from you to your brother. He shouldn’t find out from someone else. How would you feel if you found out from Theon or from Lord Bolton?”

 

“It’s different. He’s in the Night’s Watch and…”

 

“ _Robb_ ,” she interrupted shaking her head. “If your mother wasn’t here, you’d notify Bran and Rickon, wouldn’t you?”

 

“Bran and Rickon aren’t likely to jump on the back of a horse to come find me when they find out our father was murdered. Bran and Rickon aren’t Jon. And how do I tell him _not_ to come down here when I want him to, but I know he shouldn’t?”

 

Deirdre was quiet for a moment before saying, “You are a king now. Perhaps you could get him released from his duties to the Night’s Watch.”

 

“Perhaps,” Robb said then shook his head. “No, I can’t ask this of him. He took vows and if he broke them, his sense of honor would be destroyed. Jon always wanted to prove his worth. I cannot take away his right to do that.”

 

Watching him struggling with his resolution, Deirdre leaned forward and kissed him. She wished Jon were here too. She knew how much Robb needed his brother beside him, but this was between the two of them, so she would not voice her thoughts. “Then write the letter, send the raven. Say whatever you have to say to keep him at the Wall. Or ask him to come and find a way to release him from his vows. But do not _wait_ any longer to notify him. Send the raven tonight, Robb. He has a right to know.”

 

“What should I do?” he asked her, studying her expression. “Should I be selfish or honorable?”

 

She hesitated only a moment before saying, “I cannot make this decision for you. He’s your brother. It’s your decision.”

 

~*~

 

_Jon,_

_I had hoped that my raven to you would be to inform you that we rescued Father, Sansa, and Arya from King’s Landing. We’ve captured the Kingslayer and had hoped to trade for Father and our sisters, but we were too late. Writing these words is harder than I realized it could be… which is why I put it off so late._

_Joffrey beheaded Father this morn after he confessed to being a traitor. They must have convinced him to confess in order to regain his freedom or to save our sisters. However, they only betrayed him once more. We will make them pay for this._

_The North will no longer bend the knee to the Iron Throne and our people have named me King of the North. I wish you were by my side when I take Joffrey’s head, but I understand how important your vows are. Honor is in our blood and I realize you will do what’s right._

_You are missed, Jon. But Father would want you to do your duty to the Night’s Watch._

_Robb_

 

 

Jon read the words so many times they began to blur together. It was then he realized that tears had filled his eyes. His chest felt like it was going to explode with both pain and rage. He remembered Joffrey Baratheon well. Robb could easily kill him in a one-on-one fight but Joffrey would never stand face-to-face with his brother. There would be no battle on the Trident like Robert and Rhaegar. Joffrey would send his ‘dog’ or hide behind his thousands of his Gold Cloaks, but he’d never go himself.

  
Robb was king now as well as responsible for those who abandoned the Wall. If Jon left to join him, his brother could make things right with the Night’s Watch. He wanted him by his side, he’d said as much. He would go, owed it to his brother to be there for him. And Jon needed his brother, all his brothers.

 

He remembered the last time he’d seen them all together, all but Bran. Sansa and Arya getting into the wagon to King’s Landing. His father and his uncle mounting their horses as Rickon held both Robb and Deirdre’s hands, upset that he was being left behind. Robb had looked worried, but had laughed when Deirdre had said something to him. He’d see Deirdre again and it would hurt him, he knew. But nothing could touch the pain he felt reading that his father was dead and being so far away from his siblings.

 

Robb shouldn’t have to shoulder all of the responsibilities of his brothers and sisters. He might not be a Stark but they were his blood. 

 

 _‘When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives’,_ Father had always said. If Jon stayed here without them, he’d die. He didn’t belong at the Wall when his family was in danger.

 

In the end, his friends brought him back to the Wall that night. But even though he knew his duty was here, his heart would forever be torn between his brothers in the Night’s Watch and the family he left behind. 


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta!_

 

* * *

 

**Chapter 22**

 

Jon lay in bed only a moment after waking. He knew Lord Mormont would be awake soon so he must get some food to break his fast. Jon didn’t want him to suspect anything about his leaving last night. In the end, Pyp, Grenn, and Sam had convinced him to return but his mind was still with his brother and his heart still mourned his father.

 

‘You may not have my name, but you have my blood’ were the last words his father had said to him and he’d promised to tell him about his mother. Jon tried not to resent the fact his father had taken that secret with him to his grave.

 

As he waited for the cook to prepare the Lord Commander’s food he looked around the tables where his ‘brothers’ ate. They all seemed to be whispering and watching him. He wondered if it was because of last night’s ride or his father. Judging from their faces, he suspected the latter.

 

His father would expect him to act with honor and not abandon his vows. It didn’t make it any easier to be here rather than with Robb. He should never have left Winterfell but he made his vows. He would honor them. Robb would understand and he’d bring his sisters home so that when Jon was finally able to visit Winterfell again, he’d see them all again.

 

Robb was responsible for the Starks, Winterfell, and the North. Jon was just a Stewart of the Night’s Watch.

~*~

 

Robb came into the tent to find Dacey, Ned, the Smalljon, and two other men of House Umber, Daryn and Robert, sitting at the table with Deirdre. She was laughing at something Ned had said but they all looked a little awkward when Robb walked in as they quickly rose to their feet muttering ‘your grace’ to him. Deirdre looked as if she was torn between rising and remaining sitting so Robb quickly sat down at the opposite end of the table. He wasn’t sure how Deirdre was supposed to address him in public officially either. He didn’t want her to use any title with him, _ever_.

 

“Please sit,” he said and the others sat back down. Deirdre cocked her head to the side studying him and he knew she could sense his unease. “I need to speak to my wife privately but before I do so I wished to speak to some of you. As you can imagine my wife’s safety is now more important than ever. I’ve decided that it’s best if she has ten guards that I trust completely with her safety.”

 

He looked at Ned and nodded, “I had thought to ask Smalljon to command her guards, but his father insisted that he remained as one of my own guards since he is seasoned in battle. Dacey, I trust you with my life, with my queen’s life as well, but honestly did not know if you preferred to remain in her guards or with my own. None of her guards will ride into battle with me or anyone else. Ned, I’ve come to trust your intuition and experience in these matters so I want you to lead her men.”

 

“It would be an honor, Your Grace,” Ned said, bowing his head.

 

“Daryn and Robert, I wish you to be her guards as well. Patrek and Adair of Winterfell, Balin of House Manderly, Tristan and Gellion of House Cerwyn, Jace of House Tallhart, and Jon of House Karstark are all men I know and trust as well. Ned, please see to arranging a meeting with these men tomorrow morning. Dacey, if you decide you do not care about seeing battle, Ned will see to it that there is a position for you as well. Otherwise, I’d be honored to have you continue to fight by my side.”

 

“I’d prefer to continue in your service, Your Grace. But I do not mind attending to guarding Deir…the queen…in camp as she is often with me anyway,” Dacey said.

 

“That’s fine. We’ll discuss the details tomorrow,” Robb replied as he rose. The other men stood as well. “Ned, you’ll see the other men are notified?”

 

“Right away, Your Grace. Thank you, once again for this honor,” Ned said.

 

Deirdre smiled at him. “I’ll remind you how much of an honor it is when I’m being difficult,” she said quietly.

 

After the men thanked him and left, Robb sat down beside her and took her hands in his own. “I know you don’t think this many guards are important, but if I were to fall in battle…”

 

“Don’t talk that way,” she interrupted, pulling her hands from his and looking down.

  
Putting his finger under her chin, he pulled her to face him. “Listen to me. If I were to fall, you are my queen and carry my heir. Your life is in more jeopardy now than ever,” he replied shortly. “You promised me that you’d listen to me in regards to your safety.”

 

“Fine.” She sighed and he released her chin, lowering his hands to take hers again. “What else is wrong?”

 

“There was a raven today from Stannis Baratheon. I wanted to talk to you before I shared it with my bannermen or my mother,” he said, avoiding her eyes as he withdrew the message from his pocket. He didn’t hand it to her though. Not yet. “Because I felt like you would need to prepare yourself because it has to do with your cousins.”

 

“Nothing they do could surprise me…” she muttered then her eyes grew wide. “It’s not Sansa or Arya is it?”

 

“No, no one else has been hurt, at least that we know of. This is about what my father found out before Robert died, it’s the reason he accused Joffrey of having no claim to the throne and that Cersei had him imprisoned. It’s also the reason Jon Arryn was murdered,” Robb explained. He did not know how to put into words what he had to say but felt the blow needed to be softened more than her reading or hearing the raven from Stannis.

 

“What is it?” she asked impatiently.

 

“Joffrey, Tommen, and Myrcella are not Robert’s trueborn children.”

 

“What? That’s not possible. How could Cersei have three children by someone else and no one know about it until now? Tyrion would have told me if it was even suspected she was having an affair. He loved to share the gossip of the court with me and he hates Cersei. He wouldn’t keep her secrets from me,” Deirdre argued, looking completely confused.

 

“Tyrion might not know. I’m sure this isn’t the type of gossip that would be at court,” Robb explained and took a deep breath. “They’re Jaime’s children.”

 

Deirdre was silent for a long time before she shook her head. “No, they can’t be. That’s…they’d never…it’s true they’re close but I’ve never seen any sign of anything unnatural between them. I’ve never seen them hug or kiss, not even like brother and sister. They’re not affectionate toward each other.”

 

“They would have been hiding this for many years, my love. I’m sure they’re quite skilled at deception. But Bran must have seen them together, which is why he was pushed from that tower. And when my father found out, he confronted Cersei and told her that he intended to tell Robert. When Robert was injured, Father sent a messenger to Stannis since he would be Robert’s true heir.” Robb reached out and brushed her hair back, his hand lingering on her shoulder. She looked so devastated.

 

“ _Why_ would he confront Cersei? Surely, he knew that would get him killed,” she asked, tears filling her eyes.

 

“If Robert had found out, what would he have done to the children? To Cersei? My father was trying to be compassionate and prevent his friend from killing them all…”

 

“Your father was naïve to think that Cersei wouldn’t strike first. I don’t think anyone understands what kind of woman she is. She’s more of a viper than a woman. I’d put my life in Jaime’s hands before hers. At least you’d see his attack coming.” She rose and walked away from the table. “I cannot believe this. This must have been going on for years, right under Robert’s nose. They’re brother and sister…how could they?”

 

Robb said nothing, just waited for the news to sink in. He knew in his heart that his father had made a foolish mistake confronting Cersei but understood why he did it. It didn’t make it any easier to know that if he hadn’t, his father would be alive. But Cersei and her children would be dead and his father would forever blame himself for that.

 

Deirdre rushed to a bucket sitting on the floor and vomited. Robb rose to go to her, because he could hear her sobs in between her retching. When she finally stopped, she sat on the ground crying hysterically but wouldn’t let him help her up.

 

“My cousins crippled your brother and killed your father because they couldn’t keep out of each other’s beds!” She sobbed, pushing his hands away from her. “This isn’t just treason, it’s not just vile…it’s an offense against the gods! Only the Targaryens believed in incest and Tywin thought that was sickening…”  Finally, Robb moved her hands away from his chest and pulled her into his arms. She cried for a long time before she whispered, “What if it’s a family flaw? This inability to control our urges…you and I were forced to marry because of Jon and I didn’t control ourselves. What if…what if there is something wrong with me as well?”

 

Robb pulled back and looked at her in confusion. “What happened with you and Jon is nothing like this. That was unfortunate…well, unfortunate for me but not unfortunate for Jon…but it wasn’t _unnatural_. You cannot compare the two.”

 

“We all lied about it. And if there had been a child, we would have continued to lie. The only difference is Jon wasn’t my brother…”

 

“That’s an _important_ difference and it’s not the only one. Neither of you were married to someone else when you became lovers. If Jon hadn’t been a bastard or you hadn’t been a high born lady, it would not even have been so scandalous. That is nothing like what Cersei and Jaime have done. Besides, you and Jon wouldn’t kill to keep your secret.” He kissed her on the forehead. “You’re nothing like Cersei.” She looked at him like she didn’t believe it so he said it again.

 

“What will happen to them now? I don’t care about Cersei or Joffrey. But Tommen and Myrcella are just children.”

 

“Nothing while Joffrey sits the throne.  If Stannis or Renly claim it, I cannot say what will happen,” Robb replied and glanced away.

 

“And you? What will you do if you take King’s Landing?” she asked, as he knew she would.

 

“I will not kill children. But…I cannot promise you their safety either. It is said that Robert didn’t order that the Targaryen children to be murdered but they were. I will not order their deaths and I will do everything in my power to assure they are taken unharmed but I cannot say that _anyone_ in a battle for King’s Landing could be guaranteed their safety.”

 

Deirdre nodded and pulled away from him, moving to curl up on their cot. “I know you must meet with your council and tell them this news but I cannot face them now. I cannot face your mother.”

 

“No one will think ill of _you_ because of this,” Robb insisted, rising and standing over her.

  
“You don’t know that. Please Robb, don’t make me go,” she implored softly, still not looking at him.

 

He sat down beside her, stroking her hair then leaning forward to kiss her on her cheek. “Of course you don’t have to go. Do you want Dacey to stay with you? Or one of your handmaidens?”

 

“No. I just want to be alone for awhile. Between this news and the baby, I feel tired and ill. I want some rest.”

 

Robb hesitated for a moment. He felt like he should stay with her and she needed him even if she claimed to want time alone but he had to meet with his council. He’d just have to handle his duties and return to her as soon as he could. He kissed her again, lingering for a moment. “I love you.”

 

For three days and nights, Deirdre remained abed and away from everyone. Whenever he tried to talk to her about it, she’d claim she was just tired but he could see it was beyond that. He didn’t tell her about his confrontation with Jaime for fear of upsetting her further. At night, she’d be asleep or facing away from him when he came to bed. She didn’t resist his touch but she didn’t seem to invite it. She seemed so despondent; he grew worried.

 

Eventually, his mother came to sup with them in the hopes of drawing Deirdre out of her mood. Deirdre got out of bed, bathed and changed clothes before Catelyn came but was quiet through most of their meal, only answering direct questions. Despite the fact Catelyn wasn’t herself either since his father’s death, she had become very good at disguising her unhappiness. But while his mother seemed to want Robb’s company more, Deirdre had withdrawn into herself, once again, highlighting the differences between the two women. At times like this, she reminded him a lot of Jon. He could see now why the two of them had been drawn to each other in that way.

 

As he walked her back to her tent, his mother turned to him and said, “You need to not let her hide away any longer. People see that as a sign of guilt and shame.”

 

“She _does_ feel guilty and ashamed of her family.”

 

“But she did nothing personally to feel guilt for, and if she continues to hide away, people begin to think of her in the same way as the other Lannisters. They’ll hold her accountable for the actions of her cousins rather than seeing her as their queen and your lady wife that they have grown to trust,” Catelyn said. “Encourage her to return to what she was doing before you were made king. She won them over with her sweet gentleness. They need to see it again and she needs…she needs something Robb. She seems to be fading…”

 

“To the way she was before,” Robb interjected. “When her mother disowned her then I doubted her, how she was when she was with the Lannisters…trying to fade into the background so no one will notice her again.” He shook his head. “She took the truth about the Lannisters harder than I expected her to.”

 

“The baby makes her more emotional as well. Is she still ill very often?”

 

“At least once a day she is unwell for a little while but she says she’s mostly tired.” Robb ran a hand through his hair. “I wish we were in Winterfell with Maester Luwin. I’d feel better if I knew he was here to care for her.”

 

“There are maesters at some of the nearby castles. Find one that is willing to stay with her. She is the Queen now and she should have one with her during her pregnancy. When you come to Riverrun, it would be best if she were to remain there until her time is due if you will not send her back to Winterfell,” his mother said shortly. Putting her hand on his arm, she stopped and looked at him seriously. “Send her back with Ser Rodrick, Robb. It’s for the best and her own good.”

 

“We’ve had this conversation before. I’m not sending her away,” Robb replied, firmly. “She is being well cared for by a midwife who is traveling with us. I won’t trust any maester as much as I trust Maester Luwin anyway. Mother, I will not send her away. When she is closer to her time, I will make better arrangements for her, but until then she will remain _with me_.”

 

Her mouth in a thin line indicated her disapproval but she merely nodded. “I’ll see you in the morning. You intend to send your terms to the Lannisters tomorrow, correct?”

 

“Yes.” He kissed her cheek and after she went into the tent, he began the walk back to his own. Ned was outside talking to another two of Deirdre’s guards, Patrek and Robert.

 

“Your Grace,” they all said, with a quick nod of their heads.

 

“Robert, is Greatjon still feasting with his men?” Robb asked, suddenly inspired.

 

“I’m certain they’ll be feasting and drinking until late into the night, Your Grace. They are Umbers after all,” the man grinned.

 

“Good. I think I’ll convince my lady wife to join them with me. I think some fresh air and lively company will do her some good.”

 

“There is no more lively company than the Umbers. I’ve heard that a lot of the men have taken to wagering on challenges between them and other families at these feasts,” Ned added. “But would the company be _too_ lively for the queen?”

 

“Too lively…or too coarse?” Robb teased. “Perhaps, but this isn’t King’s Landing. She isn’t expecting refined company and I believe she has grown fond of the less genteel festivities with false courtesies and stiff customs. And she has a soft spot for the Greatjon.”

 

He pulled back the flaps to the tent and entered, finding Deirdre lying on the bed, stroking Grey Wind’s fur. The direwolf was stretched out beside their cot, asleep.  Her eyes barely glancing up at him, Deirdre said nothing.

 

“Deirdre, we’re going for a walk and I thought we’d join Lord Umber for some mead,” he announced, walking to the cot.

 

She glanced up at him in surprise and said, “I’m too tired and I’d be poor company. You should go though. Your men probably miss you spending time drinking with them.”

 

“You’ve rested most of the day and I think it would do you good to leave the tent.” He crouched down beside her and ran his fingers through her hair. “You cannot keep hiding out from the world, my love. Soon we’ll be on the march again and it’ll be hard for you to avoid everyone then.”

 

“I’m not avoiding anyone nor am I hiding. I’m…”

 

“On our wedding night, I told you to never lie to me. You might think I’m blind to it or maybe you are, but you’ve been hiding since you learned about your cousins. And people are growing concerned. You have no reason to feel ashamed so stop hiding yourself,” Robb replied, firmly. “I am asking this as a request from your husband. Do not make it a demand from your king that you accompany him.”

 

He saw a spark of irritation in her eyes and felt some hope. It was the first real emotion he’d see with her since the raven from King’s Landing. “It is _your_ child that makes me so tired so…” she began but stopped when Robb chuckled. She swatted him on the arm and sat up quickly. “Don’t you _dare_ laugh at me.”

 

“I’m laughing at your pitiful attempt at blaming our baby solely on me. If I remember correctly, you’ve never told me ‘no’ or ‘stop’ once when I was making love to you so I doubt you can claim this is solely my doing. Speaking of that, I intend to seduce you tonight after we return. While you’ve been hiding away from the world, you’ve also been denying me what is rightfully mine.” He leaned forward and kissed her, his tongue thrusting into her mouth as his arm wrapped around her waist, holding her closer.

 

“Rightfully yours?” she asked when he released her lips. “You speak like a king now, laying claim to me.”

 

“You are my queen, my wife, and my beloved. I do not claim you or your body as my property, but I claim your love as my own. And you’ve been denying me that love. I do not wish to spend another night feeling cold and alone while I lie beside my very warm wife.” He teased her lips again and eventually Deirdre reached up to put her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply.

 

When they broke apart to catch their breath, she looked down. “I’m scared to face them,” she admitted. “They’ll all look at me and wonder what sins I have committed as well. Or the sins I will commit…” Raising her face to his, she said, “She was about my age when Joffrey was conceived. What if someone suspects this is not your child? What if your baby is born looking just like me…will people wonder who the father is?”

 

Robb looked at her in surprise. “Is that what you fear? That our child won’t look like me so people will suspect it’s a bastard?” Tears filled her eyes and she nodded. “My love, I have my mother’s coloring, so do Sansa, Rickon, and Bran. The only one who truly has Father’s looks is Arya. No one ever questioned my mother.”

 

“Your mother wasn’t from a family full of bastards by incest. I have no brothers so no one will suspect that but…”

 

“Have you forgotten that my father has a bastard son? Bastards are known in the Stark family but no one doubted me or my siblings. If our child has golden hair or green eyes, I’d love it no less nor would I doubt you at all. This is _our_ child,” he insisted. He placed his hands on her stomach and smiled. “No one doubts your devotion to me.”

 

“No one would doubt my devotion to you or a child that doesn’t look like you, _if_ I wasn’t a Lannister.”

 

“No one who knows you would ever dare doubt you. And people realize you’re nothing like Cersei. You’ve never shown the cruelty she is known for or even the Lannister arrogance.” When she opened her mouth, he put his fingers over it. “And do not compare this to what happened with you and Jon again. You were not my wife then and I do not think that you would ever betray me with him or anyone else now.”

 

She was silent for a moment before she asked, “You truly know that now? There was a time when you weren’t convinced.”

 

Reaching down, he took both her hands and brought them to his mouth, kissing them. “You’ve shown the depth of your love for me many times. I’d be a fool to doubt you. Besides, Jon isn’t _that_ appealing.”

 

“I have grown very fond of red hair and blue eyes…” Deirdre whispered, kissing him. “I’m glad you finally trust me Robb but…I don’t know that I can count on your men being as confident in the depth of my love.”

 

“You have done nothing wrong so you have nothing to prove to anyone,” he reminded her. “Now, put on something warm and walk with me. Tomorrow is going to be a long day and we’ll be marching soon as well. This might be the only night we’ll have to do this.”

 

She sighed and allowed him to pull her to her feet. “Let me change. If I must be seen I should look as if I hadn’t spent the last three days in bed.”

 

~*~

 

“It would be a great honor to dance with my queen,” Lord Umber said loudly, walking up and holding out his hand.

 

Music had been playing for some time and some of the camp followers and various women around the camp were dancing with the soldiers as they were asked. Robb had gotten cornered by some of his more serious lords who wanted to discuss things with him so Theon and Ned had been keeping Deirdre company while she watched Dacey dance with a few of her fellow soldiers.

 

“Lord Umber, the queen is still not completely well due to the child. Perhaps…” Ned began.

 

“I promise I’ll try not to retch on you, my lord.” Deirdre smiled as she rose. She was very fond of the Umbers and knew the man was deep in his cups yet he was trying his best at courtly gestures. She was sure he was not completely familiar with this behavior so she’d dance with him and pray that she was able to avoid becoming ill at all costs.

 

After Lord Umber, a few other lords, Theon, and Ned begged a dance with her. She was dancing with Torrhen Karstark when Robb came over and cleared his throat. Torrhen smiled and stepped away from Deirdre, passing her hand to Robb.

 

“Torrhen, please ask the singer if he knows ‘ _My Lady Wife’_ ,” Robb said with a smile. After the other man walked off, he brought his hand to her cheek and asked, “Are you feeling well, my love?”

 

“Yes. I feel better than I did a few hours ago,” she admitted. “You were right to drag me from that tent. No one has even mentioned my cousins to me. It’s like they have forgotten that they are my blood.”

 

“You were born a Lannister but you chose to be a Stark.” He kissed her, ignoring the fact that everyone could see them. The singer began singing the song that Robb had requested and he pulled away with a small smile. “There are some rewards to being a king. I can command they play a song for my beautiful wife.”

 

“You didn’t command it. You merely ask and your men would do your bidding. They love you, just as they loved your father before you,” she whispered as he drew her closer to him, swaying with the music.

 

“Some of them already love you as well. The others would still give their life to protect you. I don’t think you realize how much that means. You’re a southerner, a Lannister, and they still love you. It took them a long time to warm to my mother. Some say it’s because she took as long to warm to them. But…”

 

“Robb, you don’t have to…”

 

“I know I don’t. I’m just trying to assure you that nothing the Lannisters have done will reflect badly on you. Now, enough talk about them. I think it’s time we wished everyone a good night so we can go back to our tent and have a _good_ night,” he replied with a naughty smile.

 

~*~

 

Later that night, Deirdre woke up in a cold sweat. Robb stirred and it was then she realized she had said Jon’s name when she woke up. Rising quietly, she reached for a cloak to wrap around her naked body. Dreaming of Jon wasn’t what woke her. It was the fact that even though she knew it was Jon, everything told her it was Jon, it _wasn’t_ Jon. It was Ghost. And he wasn’t alone. She also sensed Grey Wind and another wolf in the background.

 

Almost on cue, Grey Wind came padding into their tent. She smelled blood on him and knew he’d left them to hunt. The smell of the blood was sickening to her so she gathered up a cloth and wiped it off the wolf’s fur as much as possible. The wolf watched her strangely and Robb mumbled in his sleep, “Jon.”

 

Walking to the cot, Deirdre shook his arm. His eyes opened and she asked, “Did you dream about Ghost?”

 

He looked at her in confusion and sitting up he said, “No. I dreamed about...I don’t remember now. It’s distorted. Why?”

 

She hesitated for a moment because it sounded crazy to say aloud. “I dreamed…I thought it was Jon, but it was Ghost and I sensed Grey Wind in the dream too. I never saw him though. When I woke up, he had just returned to the tent.”

 

Robb watched her for a moment before shaking his head. “It’s just a dream. Come back to bed.” She could tell he was unsettled too. Grey Wind began prowling around the tent and the two of them watched him warily. “I’m sure he’s fine,” Robb whispered. “I don’t understand why you’d dream about it too.”

 

“So you did have a dream about him too,” she said, feeling no less comforted.

 

“I dreamed about the wolves. I do a lot. It’s more a sense of them then seeing them,” he admitted.  “Tonight I felt Nymeria for the first time in a long time. What did you dream?”

 

“I thought Jon said my name, but when I turned around it was Ghost but he was very tense. Like he felt threatened and I felt like there was another wolf there, besides Ghost and Grey Wind. He was acting like Grey Wind is acting now…” The direwolf continued to pace and he kept turning back to watch Deirdre.

 

Robb climbed out of bed and came to the wolf. Grey Wind whined at him, backing away for a moment before allowing Robb to touch him. “He feels very protective of you right now. I can feel it in him.”

 

Deirdre watched him calm the wolf before he came back to lie beside her. Grey Wind normally slept on the ground in between Robb and the tent’s entrance, but tonight he moved to Deirdre’s side and lay watching her.

 

“Go back to sleep,” Robb whispered, wrapping his arms around her. “He’s settling down now.”

 

It took her awhile to fall asleep, long after Robb had, but Grey Wind continued to watch her until she did.

 

~*~

 

Jon woke with a start, reaching for her. Sitting up, he waited for his eyes to adjust to the light. He realized he was in a cold tent with a few other men, including Sam. Deirdre wasn’t there but his dream felt so real; he was surprised to wake up freezing and alone. He could still smell her and feel the warmth of her skin. He had called out to her in the dream but when she turned around she had looked confused. He saw Grey Wind prowling around behind her with another wolf. Nymeria? Why would he suddenly dream about Nymeria and Deirdre?

 

Ghost moved to press against him and Jon absentmindedly stroked his fur. More upsetting than anything to him, Jon felt like Robb and Deirdre were both in danger. And he could only worry what Arya’s wolf being in his dream meant.

 

 

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! And thank you to everyone for all the kind reviews._

**Chapter 23**

 

“It’s more complicated than that! You know it is,” Robb shouted at his mother.

 

Deirdre flinched at his anger. She understood both sides of the argument and part of her agreed with Catelyn. She too wanted to get Sansa and Arya and go home to Winterfell. Her child could be born safely and she would be rid of the Lannisters. But she knew what Robb said was true. It had become more complicated when they killed Ned and raised Robb up to be a king. Now the Lannisters would allow nothing but death for Robb committing treason, and possibly death for her and Catelyn as well. The Northern lords would be severely punished with loss of land, imprisonment, or worse, for following a ‘false king’ even if they bent the knee to Joffrey now. Catelyn knew this and the other part of Deirdre was angry that her good-mother was being so hard on Robb now.

 

Robb wanted to go home too. She knew how he suffered, how little he ate and slept. Many nights she had to beg him to come to bed in the early morning hours only to have him wake at dawn and return to his duties.

 

“I haven’t known Renly since he was a small boy,” Catelyn was arguing about being sent to talk to Renly now. If she hadn’t been pregnant, Deirdre would have offered to go with her. But since she found out she was pregnant, she didn’t want to leave Robb’s side. Only he could keep her safe.

 

Besides, she didn’t know how Renly or his bannermen would react to her. She didn’t have the strength to convince the Stormland bannermen of her loyalty to the North. Renly’s brother had been betrayed by her cousin right under both of their noses. That couldn’t make him very fond of any Lannister, including Deirdre.

 

Catelyn agreed to ride to Renly’s camp and Robb signaled it was the end of the conversation by rising and leaving. Deirdre hesitated for a moment before saying, “He’s doing all that he can to get his sisters back. I know it seems as if…”

 

“Do not presume to tell me my views on my son’s actions,” Catelyn snapped, turning away from her.

 

“Lady Stark, I know you want what is best for all of your children. But so does Robb. And it weighs heavily on him. You need to stop looking at your son like your little boy and remember he is a man now and a king. He’s sent his terms to Cersei. Perhaps she’ll agree to them but until she does, he can’t simply go home now. He’s come too far.”

 

“Your cousin will never agree to his terms and you’re naïve to believe she might.”

 

“I’m not naïve. I know the likelihood of her agreeing to his terms is slim. But until his terms are met, whether by her agreeing to them or conquering King’s Landing, Robb cannot just go back to Winterfell. Unless you want the Lannisters to do to the North what they’re doing to the Riverlands,” Deirdre replied, in a sharp tone.

 

Before she said something she would regret later, Deirdre decided it was best to let Catelyn just simmer with this on her own. Not comfortable reminding her good-mother than she was being disrespectful to not just her son and his wife, but the king and queen,  but equally uncomfortably allowing her to continue her disrespect any more, Deirdre left the tent. Ned fell in step with her as she did.

 

“I’m assuming things are growing more difficult with you and Lady Stark,” Ned said quietly.

 

“She treats Robb like a child and then when I try to sooth things between them, she treats me like…like…like I’m a naïve simpleton. She’s the one that thinks we can just swap Jaime for her daughters and go back to Winterfell. Her daughters are Cersei’s main bargaining chips as Jaime is ours. As terrible as it is, those will not be played until the war is over and one side has won,” Deirdre said heatedly.

 

“You’re right but she’s a mother who has already lost her husband and fears losing her children.”

 

“I know and I try to be respectful of that. But when she’s adding guilt onto Robb’s already overloaded shoulders, I cannot help but get angry and defensive. Robb is my husband _and_ he’s the king. He’s responsible for the entire North and Riverlands now. He can’t think only of his own family.” Stopping near her tent with Robb, she sighed and ran her hands through her hair. “Now, I need to put on a smile and pretend all is well for Robb.”

 

“I think he went to Theon’s tent. You know Theon’s returning to the Iron Islands tomorrow, right?” Ned asked, glancing at her warily. “I don’t know that I trust him…”

 

“I know I _don’t_ trust him. I never have, but Robb does. And that is what matters. I’ll wait for him here. Why don’t you go get some rest or join the other men for a cup of mead?” Tristan was standing outside their tent with one of Robb’s guards.

 

“As Your Grace commands,” Ned said with a dramatic bow and a smirk. The guards that knew her prior to Robb becoming king treated her more informally than the others and, Ned was the picture of respect when others were watching, but alone with Deirdre he was more like a brother to her. She smiled back at him and went into the tent.

 

Coming back after a moment’s thought, she told Tristan that when Robb returned, that they were not to be bothered but to warn her if he wasn’t alone. Her handmaid helped her out of her gown and corset and then Deirdre excused her for the night. Deirdre put on a robe with nothing underneath and lit candles around the tent. It was hard to make this place romantic but she did her best. She picked up the lotion that the midwife had given her to prevent her skin stretching because of the baby. As she rubbed it on her stomach, she noticed how much bigger she seemed already. Robb thought the midwife might be wrong about how far along she was because she had grown quite fast already, a point that Dacey liked to tease her about often. Her gowns had already been let out on the sides once and others were being made for her.

 

Pulling the white fur cloak that the Starks had given her when she married Robb out of a chest, she dropped her robe and wrapped the cloak around her. The fur felt good against her bare skin. She heard Robb’s voice outside the tent and rushed to stand by the table. When he entered, he was alone and, after scanning the tent quickly and seeing all the candles, he looked at her curiously. She smiled and dropped her cloak. The cold air on her body was both a shock and a thrill as her nipples hardened instantly. Robb stared for a moment before walking toward her.

 

“I didn’t want you to get distracted by any other pressing issues,” she said in a low voice. “The midwife says it’s normal for a woman with child to have increased desires but it doesn’t feel normal when I get wet the moment I see my husband.”

 

Robb groaned as he swept her into his arms, his gloved hands cupping her bottom and pulling her into his embrace. His lips were hungry on hers and she aggressively kissed him in response. Their tongues dueled for dominance. Deirdre pulled his hands away and removed his gloves, throwing them on the ground. He continued to kiss her as both of them ripped at his clothing. Thankfully he was not wearing armor or Deirdre would have screamed.

 

“I want you so badly,” she moaned, grasping his hard length through the fabric of his clothes. She stroked him for a moment before helping him unlace the breeches. Robb leaned against the table to remove his boots and she persistently tried to finish removing the remainder of his clothes.

 

Robb lifted her into his arms and she thought he’d carry her to the cot but he remained leaning against the table, holding her as he thrust deep inside her. Her head fell back with a gasp. He lowered his mouth to nibble at her breasts before suckling her nipple. He lifted her up and pulled her back down hard, filling her completely. She wrapped her arms around his neck, biting down on his shoulder.

 

“Harder,” she whispered and he raised his head so his gaze met hers. Turning them around, he rested her bottom on the table and thrust into her a few strokes, hard and fast, making her gasp. His hand lowered to grab her leg behind her knee, then drew the ankle of her other leg to his shoulder, pulling her more open to him.

 

“Touch yourself,” he said, his eyes burning with lust. He moved into her with teasing strokes, withdrawing slowly before thrusting back in with a quick snap of his hips.

 

Deirdre smiled wickedly. At one time such a request would have been ignored out of pure shyness. But Robb had helped her learn more about her own body as well as letting her know how much it drove him crazy to see her in complete abandon.

 

Lowering her hand between her legs, she teased the nub that now was throbbing with pleasure. She bit back a loud moan as Robb’s strokes sped up. Her fingers lowered to surround him where he entered her and he closed his eyes for a moment, shuddering, before they fluttered open again.

 

“You know how to drive me mad,” he whispered, leaning forward to suck her nipple into his mouth.

 

Deirdre’s free hand buried in his curls, as she arched up to him and moaned. Since she stopped being so ill, it seemed she burned for Robb all of the time. She tried to be understanding about his duties but when she reached the limit of her patience she usually ended up seducing her husband. Often lately though it had been a satisfying but _short_ coupling before he would fall asleep in her arms. Tonight she needed more. She wanted him body and soul.

 

Robb let go of her legs and pulled her off the table suddenly. Turning her around, he entered her from behind. One hand grasped one of her breasts, rolling the nipple in between his fingers, and the other hand lowered to her hot, wet core. His mouth lowered to suck on her neck. Deirdre was moaning and pushing back to his thrusts, grinding herself against him, and didn’t even care how loud she was being. When she reached her peak, Robb raised his hand to cover her mouth before she screamed out in pleasure.

  
“I don’t want anyone rushing in here,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “I might kill the man that interrupted us now.” Despite his words, he groaned loudly when she tightened around him.

 

After her shuddering climax, her legs trembled so Robb pulled her to the cot. Pushing him down on it with a grin, she straddled him, lowering herself onto his hard shaft quickly. “You’re at my mercy now, Your Grace.”

 

“I’m always at your mercy,” he replied. “One hungry look from you and I forget myself sometimes. And lately you’ve been looking very hungry.”

 

“Ravenous,” she said, leaning forward to bite his neck, then his shoulders. “Perhaps now I have a wolf inside me, I’m insatiable.”

 

“You have more than a _little_ wolf inside you now,” he murmured, pulling her down to kiss her.

 

Deirdre moved on him gracefully, allowing Robb to set the tempo by his hands guiding her hips. She knew when he was close and allowed him to roll her underneath him. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she moved up to meet his downward strokes. Every time he filled her, she dug her nails deeper into his back. Sweat drenched them both as they grew more and more animalistic in their passion. Robb sucked small bruises on her neck and breasts and in response Deirdre nipped his shoulders and chest with light bites. When Robb spilled his seed in her, his deep moan was muffled as he buried his mouth into the arch of her neck. The two of them lay gasping for breath for a long time before the chilly night air caused Deirdre to shiver.

 

Robb reached over and grabbed a blanket to cover her, and then he rose to get some wine for them both. Sitting beside her on the bed, he watched her for a moment his fingers trailing her skin absentmindedly. “If you thought I was making a mistake or was doing the wrong thing, would you tell me true?”

 

She was quiet for a few moments before answering. “It depended on the severity of what the results could be, I suppose. If it was something minor, no, I don’t think I would because I think you have enough people questioning your every decision. But if I thought you were blind to something that could have serious risks to it, I would most likely express my opinion. Why?”

 

“My mother thinks I’m a fool for allowing Theon to go back to the Iron Islands and Lord Bolton thinks I’m making a mistake allowing my mother to speak for me to Renly Baratheon. He thinks both she and you should go home to Winterfell with Ser Rodrick. He said that you were a distraction and she might make me look weak to our enemies.”

 

Deirdre watched him take a drink and look down. He looked so young and vulnerable right now. She knew that sending his mother and Theon both away was hard for him. Sitting up, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “You know my feelings on Theon, but if you trust him, then you have to do what _you_ think is right. Your mother’s opinions were based on Balon Greyjoy, not Theon. And she hasn’t always been right with her judgments on people. Look at her misplaced faith in Petyr Baelish,” she said quietly.

 

Robb put his cup down and lay down with his head resting in her lap and she continued, “As for Lord Bolton, if I thought I was an unhealthy distraction for you, I’d insist on going back to Winterfell myself. I might be wrong but I think you need an escape from the war and my support as well. I think he’s still seeing Lord Stark’s young and experienced son not the King of the North when he looks at you because he _wants_ to see you that way. He’s like Tywin in a lot of ways. It makes him feel more important to tear other people down.”

 

Robb nodded. “This is true. I’ve seen him do it to the other lords on my council.”

 

“And if I’m here or your mother is here, you’re getting more support than if we are not. Another reason why he thinks it’s best if we go. I’ve talked to some of his men here and there. Most of them are hard, cruel men but you can tell that they are still frightened of their lord.  Ned, Robert, and Patrek had a run in with some of these men over a few of the camp followers. Apparently these men thought it was acceptable to beat one of the women for not performing some act and another man stripped one of the girls down in front of all of the men just for his amusement. The girls were only five and ten! So when it comes to Lord Bolton, he is nothing like you and will always have an opposing view.”

 

“Are women being mistreated in the camp?” Robb asked with concern. “I was not aware…”

 

“I asked Ned to talk to the Greatjon and Ser Rodrik about it. I thought that you had enough to worry about. The men were reprimanded and Lord Bolton informed from what I heard. All of the lords have agreed to make sure their men know that there will be no raping or abuse of women in the camps. I hope you don’t mind but I took it upon myself to insist that the men be told that they were not to rape or harm women,” Deirdre replied, a little hesitantly because she hadn’t asked Robb’s permission or opinion on that point but had spoken for him.

 

Robb was quiet then sighed. “I know you mean well but you cannot dictate these things to these men without consulting me. If you find out one of the camp followers was raped by one of my banner men after you’ve basically said that _I_ won’t allow it, what do you intend to do to him?”

 

Deirdre hadn’t really thought of a punishment. She just thought if that if Robb wouldn’t allow it then the lords would obey him and enforce his rules as well. She opened her mouth to say something then snapped it shut when she realized he was right, she had made a mistake.

 

“I know you want the men to behave honorably, as do I. But if one of them rapes or beats a camp follower now, then he must be punished or the men will think none of the rules will be enforced. And what will I do with him? Kill him? Put him in one of the overly crowded cells with our enemies, the very men they’ve fought against? No. There needs to be a punishment that is suitable for the act but that we’re able to enforce with all twenty thousand men,” Robb replied. His eyes were weary and she could sense his irritation with her.

 

“Forgive me. I just tried to help. I didn’t mean to make things harder for you,” she said softly and looked away. “I don’t know how to be a queen. I haven’t been groomed for this.”

 

“Neither was I,” Robb snapped and rose from the cot. His tone brought tears to her eyes but she said nothing as he began to dress. “I’m going for a walk and see if Lord Umber is still awake. Perhaps he hasn’t relayed your message to _my_ bannermen and I can solve this problem before it’s too late. Next time, think before you speak. And don’t speak for me again.” He started to storm out and Deirdre rose quickly.

 

“Excuse me?” she snapped at him. He stopped and turned around, glowering at her. “I’m speaking to my husband now, and not the king, but do not take out your bad moods due to your mother and Lord Bolton on me. I tried to save you some trouble by not adding one more problem to your already large list of them. If I make a mistake, then tell me how to resolve it and I will. If you want me to stay out of any matters regarding your men then I will but you need to tell me these things rather than expecting me to know and biting my head off the first time I make a mistake.”

 

“It could be a big mistake that…”

 

“Did anyone die? Did I cause you to lose a battle? No and no. The worst thing that could happen is that you discredit me by saying that I spoke out of place and then the men won’t respect me. I’d much rather they don’t respect me than my own husband,” she replied shortly. Crossing her arms over her chest, she tried to look stronger than she felt.

 

Robb stared at her for a long moment. Finally he nodded. “In this instance it can be resolved before anyone gets hurt. I do want you to be respected and treated as my queen should be treated so I don’t want to have to discount what you say. You’re a very capable and smart woman who knows what I wouldn’t approve of so you were right to react the way you did with Lord Bolton’s men. But to forbid all twenty thousand men to do something, _anything_ , is something you shouldn’t do on your own. All right?”

 

“I understand.”

 

Reaching out Robb ran his thumb along her cheek. “I’m sorry. I know you were trying to help and I shouldn’t take out all my bad moods on you. You’re the only person in this camp who truly knows my heart and understand how I think, so I sometimes forget that you can’t read my mind.”

 

With a small smile, she wrapped her arm around his waist and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. “I do love you, even if you’re cranky. Go see Lord Umber so perhaps you can get more than a few hours sleep.”

 

Robb kissed her for a long time before whispering, “I do not know what I did to deserve you.”

 

“I’m sure it was horrible but you’ll be forgiven for it eventually,” she said with a smirk.


	24. Chapter 24

 

 

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta!_

_This is where I will end up mixing some of the bookverse into the TV-verse because some of what was shown in Season 2 of Game of Thrones was actually in book 3 so it’s going to be a mix of the two verses and it’s still AU, but not too spoil’ish yet. Since its AU, if you haven’t read the books, you won’t really know if it’s just part of my story or from the books. The biggest change will be the inclusion of Riverrun and Ser Brynden Tully, Catelyn’s uncle who was supposed to be with Robb since Catelyn joins him from the Vale. The show didn’t include him but he’s an important person in the books so I’m adding him although he’s not in the show until S3. This battle hasn’t been shown onscreen yet and I’m not sure if it’s going to be shown in S3 but this battle is in book order._

 

* * *

 

**Chapter 24**

 

Deirdre paced back and forth waiting for word about Robb’s attempt to break the siege at Riverrun. She knew it was crucial that he did. Riverrun was also the seat of his maternal grandfather’s power. Lord Holster Tully was in poor health and likely dying so his son, Edmure Tully, had sworn fealty to his nephew, Robb, and this siege had to be broken. Ser Brynden Tully’s battle plans were brilliant, according to Robb, so he reassured her that she need not worry. Of course, she still did. And the fact that things had taken longer than she expected made everything worse.

 

“Still no word?” she asked Ned who watched her pace.

 

“Your Grace I’ve been sitting here the whole time since you last asked. How would I know of an update?” Ned asked with a slight smirk. “The men know you’re anxious to hear something.”

 

“Please Ned, go ask again,” she said and he rose with a sigh.

 

Outside Deirdre heard the thunder of horses coming into the camp and nearly ran out. Ned quickly grabbed her, stopping her in her tracks. “You will wait here until I come for you,” he warned. Drawing his sword, he cautiously stepped out of the tent.

 

Before he returned Deirdre hear the men chanting ‘The King in the North’ and ‘Hail King Robb’ and knew her husband had returned. Tears of joy ran down her cheeks so when Ned entered the tent she barely heard his words other than Robb was outside. She rushed through the throng of armored men with her guards, Ned, Adair, Daryn, and Tristan, attempting to clear her way. Deirdre knew she frustrated them because she didn’t always wait until they made sure it was safe before she went somewhere. She trusted them to protect her but she didn’t always make it easy for them.

 

Seeing Dacey dismounting her horse, Deirdre stopped and said, “It’s good to see you, my friend. You are well I hope.”

 

“It’s good to be alive to be seen. I am well. A few scratches and bruises to add to my collection,” Dacey replied. “Before you ask, your husband is with Lord Umber and Ser Brynden a little further down. He’s unhurt.” Her eyes drifted to Ned and she nodded slightly. Deirdre didn’t know what the current state of their relationship was but she knew the two cared about each other, even if only as friends.

 

Deirdre smiled and turned to Ned. “I think I’ll be fine with only three guards if you wish to…” she left the offer hanging in the air but Ned shook his head.

 

“I’ll see you to the king,” he said. Deirdre knew he took his responsibility for her seriously and he didn’t want to disappoint Robb.

 

The three of them had grown very close since they left Winterfell. Robb trusted Ned more than any other man, other than possibly Smalljon and Greatjon Umber, with her safety but had also developed a friendship with Ned. The two were close in age and similar personalities. Sometimes Ned, Smalljon, and Robb would drink and talk quietly in their tent until late in the night while Deirdre slept nearby. She thought the two men filled some of the void left by the absence of Robb’s brothers and Theon.

 

Spotting Robb, Deirdre moved quicker through the men until she almost broke into a run. She heard Ned’s growl of frustration right before she threw herself into Robb’s arms, ignoring all of the men around or his bloody and dirty armor and kissed him deeply. Robb lifted her off her feet as he returned her kiss. In the back of her mind, Deirdre could almost hear Lady Stark’s reprimand of her open display of affection for her husband but she didn’t care. When they finally broke apart, breathing heavily, Deirdre asked, “Are you hurt? Did you break the siege? Did you lose many men?”

 

“No, yes, and no,” Robb replied with a smile. “Riverrun is free and we barely lost any men.” She kissed him again before he lowered her back to the ground.

 

Deirdre turned and saw Ser Brynden standing with the Greatjon and Lady Mormont. The knight gave her a slight bow of the head when she smiled at him. Turning back to Robb, she said, “I’m so glad your great-uncle is here. Are your grandfather and uncle safe and unharmed?”

 

“Yes, but my grandfather is dying from sickness. I hope my mother returns in time to see him,” Robb said, handing the reins of his horse to a boy and walking beside her. “We took many prisoners as well.” She sensed something was wrong that he wasn’t telling her by the way he wouldn’t make eye contact and grew silent.

 

“What is it, Robb? I can see in your eyes that you’re keeping something from me.” She stopped where she was, forcing Robb to face her or walk away from her blatantly which she knew he wouldn’t do.

 

“Deirdre, it’s your grandfather,” he finally said. “Lord Brax was drowned when he tried to cross the river during the battle.”

 

Deirdre remembered when she was a little girl her grandfather would always pick her up, throw her into the air, and catch her after she screamed with laughter. When her father died, he had held her hand as they prayed at the sept. But when she got older and her mother continued to grow more and more hostile to her, Deirdre saw her grandfather less and less. Her grandfather had come at her wedding to Ser Thomas with her uncles, but was angry that Tywin presenting her to her groom during the exchange of cloaks and not him or even one of her uncle. Her mother and he had fought for hours behind closed doors before the wedding. When he returned home after the wedding, he didn’t even say farewell to Deirdre, making her feel like he blamed her for the slight. Her grandfather and uncles of House Brax distanced themselves from her after that.

 

She felt like a little girl again who someone had thrown into the air and left to fall.

 

Deirdre knew her uncle Tytos was in the cells, having been caught with Jaime at the Whispering Wood, but she had been too craven to go speak to him. Craven or stubborn: she had made her choice and it had been the Starks and the north, not Lannisters and Braxes.

  
“We brought his body back,” Robb said softly as he cupped her cheek with his hand.

 

Deirdre nodded, too numb to feel anything beyond falling through the air. “I will need to tell my uncle,” she said at last. “If you could have the silent sisters prepare my grandfather’s body and send someone for my uncle from the prison cells, I will do it tonight.”

 

“I’m not sure that’s wise. Your uncle might not take it well and then it wouldn’t be safe for you…”

 

“Please Robb. I must do this because it’s the right thing, the honorable thing,” she insisted. “If you leave men with me then it will be fine. But I don’t think he should find out from you or any other Northmen. At least I’m of his blood even if he considers me a traitor.”

 

Robb was quiet for long enough she thought he’d refuse her but when they reached their tent he finally agreed to it. “I’ll have your grandfather’s body put in a tent and you can meet your uncle there to tell him. Allow him to say his farewells. But your guards will be there as will Smalljon. I do not think Lord Tytos is fool enough to challenge him unarmed.”

 

~*~

 

Deirdre walked into the tent and the Silent Sisters stepped away from her grandfather’s body. Turning to Smalljon and Patrek, she said, “Can I have a few moments alone?”

 

The two men hesitated only a few seconds before nodding. “We’ll be outside.”

 

The Silent Sisters followed them out after Deirdre thanked them, leaving her alone with her grandfather’s body. She took a deep breath and rested her hands on her swollen stomach. The baby inside tended to calm her, reminding her that she was never alone. She pulled back the cover they had placed on him. It was simple and white but she knew if he’d been home his body would be draped in purple and silver, with the unicorn signal.

 

“I wish I could do more to honor you, grandfather,” she said quietly as she finally looked at his face. It was distorted and bloated, most likely due to being in the water. But she saw he’d aged since the last time she saw him, his hair mostly white now. His eyes had always been his most distinguished feature: a strong blue-green color that turned stormy green when he was angry. None of his children had inherited that feature, making it that much rarer. “With your eyes closed, it doesn’t even seem like you.”

 

Tears burned her eyes. “Why did you leave me? Why didn’t you stand up to my mother and stop the wedding to Thomas? Did you not care how I would be treated? And why would you fight for the man you hated?” Her grief made her ask his body these questions, knowing they would go unanswered. But she knew the answers to most of them. He fought for Lord Tywin because he feared him, like all of his bannermen. He couldn’t stop the wedding because Tywin had approved of it. But she didn’t know why her grandfather had left her without saying goodbye or why he never stood up to her mother. And that secret died with him.

 

“Your Grace?” Smalljon called from right outside the tent. “Your uncle is here now.”

 

“Just a moment,” Deirdre replied. After one last look at her grandfather, she whispered, “May the Seven judge you kindly grandfather. Goodbye.” Tears fell on her face now but whether it was grief or fear of facing Tytos, she could not say.

 

She stood in front of her grandfather’s body so she could tell Tytos before he saw then called out to Smalljon. He and a few of her guards led in her uncle. Despite being dirty and unshaven, she recognized him instantly.

 

“You!” he spat, stepping towards her. Deirdre saw the guards’ sense of alarm instantly as they pulled him further away from her. “Why have you not arranged for my release before now? Have you forgotten your own kin, _Queen of the North_?”

 

“You will speak to her with respect,” Smalljon said, jerking Tytos’ arm back.

 

“Please, allow us some privacy,” Deirdre said. “My uncle isn’t armed and isn’t stupid enough to try to hurt me in front of armed guards. Are you uncle?”

 

“No.”

 

Smalljon looked at Patrek and reluctantly nodded. Her guards stepped back a few feet but Smalljon said ominously, “If you even think about hurting her, you’ll be dead within moments.” Tytos nodded and Smalljon stepped away.

 

“Uncle Tytos, I do not have the authority to arrange for hostage exchanges,” Deirdre said quietly. “But if I did, which family should I be loyal to? The one that abandoned me long ago or the one that disowned me then killed my husband’s father?”

 

“Abandoned you? Your mother forbid us to have further contact with you after your wedding!” Tytos replied. “Father was in discussions with Olenna Redwyne of Highgarden to introduce you to Willas Tyrell when Lord Tywin put an end to the discussions, intending to marry you himself. Your mother arranged the match with Lorch, after she claimed you shamed yourself with Lancel Lannister…”

 

“What?” Deirdre exclaimed, stunned and hurt. “I never shamed myself with Lancel or anyone else!”

 

“I know that now. When Father found out that your mother had done that to prevent the match with Tywin, he was furious and with just cause. She might be my sister but Mina is a fool. She deprived her daughter of becoming Lady of Casterly Rock for her own selfish ambitions. And then led Tywin to believe it was Father that had forbid the match,” Tytos replied. “After that Tywin never trusted Father as much, which is why Father led his own bannermen to Riverrun rather than allowing his sons to represent him. He’s not well enough to be leading an army right now.”

 

“I didn’t know, Tytos,” Deirdre said softly shaking her head. “I didn’t know about my mother until Tyrion told the truth in Winterfell. I thought grandfather blamed me for Tywin presenting me to Ser Thomas…”

 

“Your mother kept you from us because Father tried to arrange another marriage for her or to send her to court. He feared she’d shame herself with Tywin after she arranged for the two of you to live at Casterly Rock,” Tytos explained. “When we heard you married the Stark boy, the rumors were that the king wasn’t fond of you and had forced you into it to prevent you from becoming the Lady of Storm’s End. Your mother even went so far as to claim you had slept with many of the lords at court and humiliated the queen. Jaime told us later those were all lies though.”

 

Deirdre lowered her head, taking a deep breath. Her mother had painted her to be a whore so _she_ could be Tywin’s whore herself. Remembering why Tytos was here, she forced herself to calm down and lifted her head again. Tytos was studying her and asked, “Does he treat you well? It’s said you carry his child.”

 

“Yes,” she replied tearfully, with a genuine smile. “I love him. I know you’ll hate me for saying so but I love him with all my heart. Robb is an honorable man and a wonderful king. I couldn’t ask for a better husband. If the situation had not pitted us on opposite sides, I think you would like him or at least respect him. Have you been treated well enough?”

 

“It could be worse I suppose. We’re fed and not tortured which is more than some men would do. It’s crowded and it’s going to be more so now, I imagine,” Tytos answered. After a moment, he said, “I’m sure you didn’t wait so long to see me to ask about my accommodations.”

 

Deirdre swallowed hard and shook her head. “It’s Grandfather. He was killed today at Riverrun. One of the other camps was under attack and he and his men attempted to cross the river on rafts. The raft sank and he was wearing armor…and…he drowned, Tytos.”

 

Tytos was silent for a moment before saying, “He wasn’t a strong swimmer. Why was he so foolish to get on a raft in armor?”

 

Deirdre saw the anger flare in his eyes and reached out to gently put her hand on his arm. “The king thought it best his body be brought here…he knew you were here and thought I might want to say goodbye.” She stepped aside and Tytos looked at the body for a moment before stepping towards it.

 

Smalljon moved forward as Tytos did but still kept a discreet difference, for which Deirdre was grateful. Walking over to him, she asked, “If I go outside the tent with you, will you all allow him a few moments alone with his father?”

 

He hesitated for a few moments and Deirdre said, “Please. Imagine if you were in his place.” Smalljon sighed heavily and nodded. Turning back around she said, “Tytos, we’re going to give you a few minutes alone with your father but the tent is guarded so do not attempt to escape.”

 

Tytos didn’t look at her but nodded so she left him, followed by the guards. Adair put his hand on her arm. “Are you all right, Your Grace?”

 

“Yes,” she said with a nod. “I knew there was a chance I would lose family members in this war. It’s hard because my mother’s family isn’t like the Lannisters but they’re still loyal to them.” She glanced at the others before asking, “I know the North is very loyal to the Starks but do you think they would be that way if they were not good people?”

 

They all were quiet for a few moments before Patrek said, “The Starks are descended from the First Men. I cannot imagine the North without a Stark in Winterfell. They’re as much a part of the North as the snow and the weirwood trees. Surely some of them have not been good leaders, who can say now? I’ve only known Lord Rickard, Lord Eddard, and then King Robb. We’re loyal to the Starks because they’ve earned it.”

 

Smalljon smiled and said, “Northmen are a stubborn lot. When we find something we trust in, we don’t change. That’s why we still worship the old gods. It’s served us so far.”

 

“I do not know if Lord Brandon would have been as good a lord as Lord Eddard was,” Tristan admitted. “Lord Ned was much more honorable than his brother. But my mother always said that Brandon Stark was charming enough to sell ice to a White Walker.” The men all laughed and Deirdre smiled. “The Stark children all took after Lord Eddard, Brandon, and Lyanna but less severe than the two brothers. The King and Lord Bran seem to have gotten a lot of their charm from their uncle Brandon, but their honor and sense of justice from their father. Rickon seems to have Brandon’s temper but it’s too soon to tell much about his personality I think. Arya is just like Lyanna. Jon Snow takes the most after Lord Eddard, I think.  But Lady Sansa is pure Tully at heart, just like her lady mother.”

 

“I hope we get Sansa and Arya back soon. I do not like thinking of them in the hands of my cousins,” Deirdre said. “Sansa’s innocence and naivety will be used against her and Cersei won’t tolerate Arya’s headstrong impetuousness for long.”

 

“We should go back,” Smalljon said and led them back into the tent.

 

Tytos covered his father back up and turned to Deirdre. “Thank you.” She could see the red rimming his eyes and felt a huge lump in her throat as he took her hand, squeezing it gently.

 

“We’ll take you back to your cell now,” Smalljon said but Tytos shook his head.

 

“I need to speak to the king, urgently,” he insisted, his eyes glancing quickly at Deirdre before returning to Smalljon. “Without the queen present.”

 

~*~

 

After Robb had gone to meet with her uncle, Deirdre needed something to distract herself until she learned what Tytos was hiding from her. She knew if she waited in the tent she’d go mad. Since there were some wounded in this last battle, she wished to see after their well-being. Despite having no healing knowledge, she had heard that Lady Stark had visited the wounded after Whispering Wood to offer comfort so Deirdre felt that she should do the same.

 

Robert and Patrek went with her to the tents where the wounded were being treated. She spoke with a few of the injured who were awake and alert. Some she recognized from the camp, others she didn’t. A few of them knew Patrek or Robert. All of them thanked her and kissed her hand if they were able. Deirdre found herself feeling emotional a few times seeing some of them that were so young, mere boys dressed up as men it seemed, with grievous injuries. She held the hand of one of them while his stitches were being sewn and could tell by the look of his eyes that he was feverish. His wound seemed so deep she wondered if he’d last the night. Watching the blood flowing from his wound, she couldn’t help thinking that he was lucky to have survived long enough to come back to camp.

 

The Maester and midwife were attending the sick while a septon was offering to pray with them. “Your Grace, it is good of you to visit the men,” the septon said with a polite nod as she washed some blood from the young man off her hands.

 

She smiled and rose, walked with him to the next cot. “Septon, I’m surprised that you would come here since most of our men are Northmen and pray to the old gods. Were many of the Riverland soldiers injured as well?”

 

“If they were, they were taken to Riverrun. But there are some of your men who worship the Seven as well as the old gods but I’ve found that no matter which gods they worship, just having a holy man with them can give some of them some peace. I do not judge which gods they worship. I just wish to give comfort. Do you also worship the old gods? I had thought you were from the west in Casterly Rock,” he replied politely.

 

“She _is_ from Casterly Rock, but she seems to have forgotten it!” A man shouted from behind them. Deirdre turned in surprise to see a man attempting to sit up. She recognized the Lannister colors on him even if his sigil wasn’t visible. He looked at her with such loathing that Deirdre was taken aback. “Look men, it’s the traitor queen!”

 

“Watch your tongue,” Patrek warned, stepping toward the man. “Or I’ll cut it out.”

 

Deirdre noticed the man was restrained to the cot and put a hand on Patrek’s arm. “It’s fine. Let him spew his angry words. He’s in pain and not thinking.”

 

“I’m in pain thanks to your husband. If you hadn’t turned your back on your own kin and kept your husband from returning Ser Jaime, we wouldn’t be in this war.”

 

“The Lannisters threw his father in a cell, accused him of being a traitor then cut off his head. I hardly think you can blame my husband for this war,” Deirdre said angrily. “Blame my fool of a cousin, your idiot king, for any pain you feel.”

 

“Oh, she is a Lannister after all. Hear her roar!” another man said.

 

“She’s no Lannister anymore. They wouldn’t have her anymore now that she’s laid with the dogs. I cannot wait until Tywin brings her back to King’s Landing to face the King’s Justice. She’s a wolf-bitch and a traitor. Just like Headless Ned Stark,” the first man said.

 

Patrek walked over and cracked the man across the face with the back of his hand before Deirdre could stop him. As soon as she attempted to walk toward him, Robert grabbed her arm and led her out of the tent.

 

“You cannot leave Patrek in there,” she insisted. “That man is wounded but there are others that are close by.”

 

“I’m your guard, not his. I’m not risking you getting hurt.” Robert signaled some men from a nearby tent and when they came over he said, “Bring my companion out here and find out why the enemy soldiers were put with our own.”

 

“Those were lords and knights,” the septon said as he exited the tent. “The Maester felt they should be treated as befitting their rank and station.”

 

“And it’s befitting their rank and station to put them with our wounded?” Deirdre said, her voice rising in anger. “I do not care about their rank or station in the Lannister army. I don’t want them with _our_ men. If the Maester wants to make a decision such as this, he needs to discuss it with me or the king. Have these men been silent until I came in or have they been spouting their hatred the whole time?”

 

“They’ve been restrained but the Maester felt that…”

 

“Someone bring the Maester to me as soon as he is done with what he was doing,” she demanded.

 

After a few minutes, Patrek walked out followed by some of the men. “Patrek, you will remember yourself next time,” she warned then turned to the other men. “I want those wounded men from the Lannister forces moved to another tent unless they are unconscious. See that no further injuries come to them or you will answer to me.”

 

Deirdre began pacing back and forth waiting for the Maester. When he finally did come back out he looked tired but she was too angry to care. “I appreciate the care you’re taking of the wounded, however, whyever would you presume to think it was a good idea to put their officers in with our wounded men. Do our men not deserve peace while they are recovering?”

 

“Your Grace, I was only trying to be respectful to them based on their rank. I meant no ill-will toward the Northmen,” he said quietly. “I saw that you’re having them moved.”

 

“I’m not saying they shouldn’t be treated by you or anyone else. I want them to receive care as well but I do not want them anywhere near our men. They just fought a battle with them and you let them spout their hatred at our wounded? See that this _never_ happens again,” Deirdre replied sharply.

 

“You have my word, Your Grace,” the man quickly bowed and rushed back into the tent.

 

Deirdre’s hands were shaking she was so angry. At herself for letting the Lannister men’s words upset her but also for the Maester treating the Northern soldiers like they weren’t worthy of better treatment just because they weren’t knights or lords. Robb explained to her why there were few knights in the north - they wouldn’t spend a vigil in a sept since they worshipped the old Gods – but she also thought that most Northmen are more humble than any knights she had known. Fierce, uncultured, unrefined but humble and they deserved to be treated with kindness, especially when wounded while fighting for the Starks. She wouldn’t have Tywin’s men treated better than Robb’s men, _ever_ , if she had any control over it. This one time she did.

 

She waited until the Lannister men had all been moved before returning to the tent. Sadly, she saw that the boy she’d been with before was failing fast. She found a stool and sat with him, holding his hand and talking to him until he died. Wiping away a tear as she rose, she asked Patrek, “He’s from Karhold. Can you send someone to tell Torrhen Karstark that one of his men died? Perhaps he knows the boy.”

 

“He’s a man, Your Grace. Boys don’t die in battle, men do,” Robert said with a look that she didn’t understand. “I’m sure he was proud to fight this battle and proud to fight for his king. Don’t take away his dignity by referring to him as a boy now.”

 

Deirdre nodded, knowing that she’d never understand the way men thought. To her it was a shame that a man so young died but to Robert it was an honor that he died fighting. Glancing around, she saw that most of the men were sleeping now and decided to go back to her tent to see if her husband had returned yet.

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

 

 

 

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta!_

**Chapter 25**

 

Robb walked into the council’s tent to find Lord Tytos Brax waiting for him. Deirdre had said the man insisted on speaking to him on some urgent matter but wouldn’t relay the message through her. Smalljon finally had Adair and Patrek take her out of the tent to wait outside, then after a few moments alone with Tytos, Smalljon sent Deirdre back to Robb with her guards and asked them to request that the king come to the council tent immediately.

 

He noticed that Smalljon had also sent for Ned. Lord Tytos was eating some food that someone had brought him like a man starved when Robb came in but he quickly wiped his mouth and rose. “Your Grace.”

 

“Sit. Finish your meal,” Robb said, despite his curiosity of what this man had to say. He could tell by Smalljon’s actions that it was serious enough to warrant Robb’s attention immediately.

 

“It might be my last meal, after we speak,” Tytos said with a wry smile.

 

“I don’t kill unarmed prisoners for their words,” Robb replied, as his squire poured him some ale.

 

“It’s not you that I’m concerned about this time,” Lord Brax admitted.

 

“Perhaps it’s best if Olyvar saw to other duties,” Smalljon said with a meaningful glance to Robb’s squire.

 

Robb tilted his head slightly before nodding. “Olyvar, leave us.” When he left, Robb leaned forward, “What is this about?”

 

Lord Brax swallowed his ale and wiped his face with a cloth. “First, Your Grace, let me say I’m very grateful that you acted so kindly as to give me a chance to say farewell to my father.”

 

“I brought his body back for my wife. It was her insistence that you be allowed to see him so your gratitude is misplaced,” Robb admitted. “But that message could have been sent through my guards or my wife.”

 

“Yes, but I _am_ grateful and wished to say so. Considering I’m your prisoner, it was a considerate gesture.”

 

“I’ve lost a father recently. I would hope the same courtesy would be extended to me if the situations were reversed.”

 

Lord Brax smiled wanly. “The reason I needed to speak with you is a more sensitive matter,” he said slowly before glancing up at Smalljon. “As I told your man here, I did not dare risk saying anything while I was in the cells because it could be overheard but I had to let you know. Deirdre is in grave danger.”

 

Robb’s gaze narrowed before he replied, “I know the Lannisters have attempted to take her from me before but…”

 

“Forgive me, it’s not just the Lannisters, Your Grace,” Tytos interrupted. “It’s one of your own men who plots against her as well.”

 

Ned walked closer to the table; his arms crossed over his chest much like Smalljon. Robb almost felt sorry for Lord Brax if he was attempting to deceive them. “And who is this man?”

 

“I do not know his name. He’s one of the Freys that fights for the North though. I overheard some of the Freys that fight for the Lannisters talking about it when they thought I was sleeping. This man is offering release for a man who is willing to kill the queen or at least cause her to lose your child.” Robb tried not to show any emotion but Tytos looked in directly in the eyes and asked, “In order to cross at The Twins, you agreed to marry a Frey daughter if Deirdre wasn’t with child in a year, correct?”

 

Robb felt like ice-cold water had just been poured over him. The only people who knew about that were a handful of his bannermen, his wife, his mother, and Lord Frey. Tytos couldn’t have known from anyone outside the camp, because he was captured at Whispering Woods so soon after Robb made that agreement.

 

“I see by the look on your face that it’s true,” Tytos continued. “This man, this Frey man, he is acting on orders of Lord Walder Frey. He intends for one of his daughters to be queen, even if it means she’s marrying a widow.”

 

“There are thousands of Frey soldiers in my camp. How do you know this man is acting on Lord Frey’s orders?” Robb asked.

 

“He said as much but how else would he know about your arrangements for crossing? It’s not common knowledge. This man is careful, he wears a dark cloak that covers his face, and only talks to certain Freys. He said he cannot trust the Lannisters because he’s not sure who is related to her directly. Apparently, he knows that Jaime has a soft spot for Deirdre and wouldn’t kill her. As long as she’s alive and if your heir is born, your agreement with Walder Frey was somewhat one-sided in his mind.”

 

“And in exchange for this information, I assume you want something from me,” Robb said directly.

 

“I want Deirdre safe. I know my father felt her mother didn’t always look out for her best interests and he would want her happy. She claims to be happy with you, to love you…” Lord Brax studied him for a moment. “I assume you love her as well.”

 

Robb didn’t answer, knowing love was something they would use against him and not wanting to give the enemy any more reason to hurt his wife. “Why should I trust you? You fight for the Lannisters.”

 

“Lord Tywin doesn’t want Deirdre _dead_ and my family certainly doesn’t want her dead. Can you honestly say the same of the Freys?”

 

“You stood by while her mother, _your sister_ , married her to cruel old man then sent her away to King’s Landing in hopes she could achieve a better match: leaving her in the hands of the Kingslayer and the queen, who hates her,” Robb pointed out, his bitterness coming across sharply. “Suddenly you wish her to be safe. I’m not foolish enough to believe your concern is without benefit to yourself.”

 

“You can say what you like about the Lannisters, but House Brax has never been disloyal to my niece. Her mother kept her from us. My sister is…well, she’s blinded by her own greed and ambition and Deirdre was in the way of both,” Tytos replied raising his brows. “I cannot control my sister’s actions nor could we when she determined Deirdre’s future. Now her future is in _your_ hands though. So I’m telling you; her future is threatened.”

 

 “What you’re telling me is that one of my men, possible more than one, is a traitor as well as telling me my wife and heir is in danger. So now you will tell me your price for this information,” Robb retorted.

 

He knew he shouldn’t give his temper away but he was furious. If this man was trying to deceive him, Robb would take his head off but something deep inside him had the nagging doubt that he was telling the truth. The Freys couldn’t be trusted and it was just like Walder Frey to have put this insurance in place. But Robb didn’t know which one of Lord Frey’s sons or grandsons was the one who was fool enough to attempt to plot against them. Robb didn’t think ill of the whole family. He’d learned more or less who he could trust among them or so he thought. But if he was wrong, Deirdre could die.

 

Lord Brax’s eyes flared with anger. “I have no price. I’m trying to protect my niece, that’s all. I fully expect that you’ll throw me back in my cage and unless it benefits your cause I will remain there until I die or the war ends, whichever comes first. But if I said nothing and any harm came to Deirdre, I could not live with myself. She says you’re a good man and a good king so I trust you to sort this out yourself and protect her.”

 

Robb was quiet for a long time trying to decide what to do. He couldn’t trust this man yet. But he couldn’t ignore him either. If he put him back in the cells, he might come to harm and, if he was telling the truth, then he deserved better than a cell. On the other hand, if he was lying then he manipulated Robb into a better situation.

 

Ned glanced at Robb and said, “Your Grace, if I may…” Robb nodded and Ned turned to Lord Brax. “How often does this man come and do you think he will come again? Were any of the men you overheard considering the offer and if so, which ones?”

 

“All of them are considering the offer,” Lord Brax said quickly. “They assume this man will protect them if they are caught. They’re fools, thinking that there’s loyalty amongst the Freys. While they sit in a cell with Lannister men and these other Freys fight for you, they still naïvely think there is family loyalty. As to whether he will come again, if he doesn’t then he’s found someone else to do the task. I only saw him twice, once as he was leaving and the other time when they thought I was asleep.”

 

Ned watched the man for a few moments before nodding and turning to Robb. “Your Grace, if you put Lord Brax back in his cell he might see this man again. But he might easily be suspected of being a traitor anyway since he was brought here to see the queen.”

 

“If you saw the man, would you know his face?” Robb asked Tytos but the man shook his head. “I need to speak to my men. Until I decide how to proceed, we’ll keep you in one of the tents here under heavy guard. Do not attempt to escape, Lord Brax. I will not hesitate to kill you if you betray my courtesy. And you will not see Deirdre during your stay in the tents.” Robb saw the genuine disappointment in Tytos’ eyes before he schooled his features into a mask of indifference and Robb felt slightly more trusting of the man. Remembering the fact Tytos had just lost his father he felt guilty and added, “At least not for now.”

 

Tytos nodded and rose when Smalljon stepped forward. “My father’s body…what will be done with it?”

 

“The Silent Sisters will escort him back to your home, as befitting of his rank,” Robb replied, rising.

 

Lord Tytos studied Robb for a long time, and then said, “They say you favor your mother very much. My father once sought to marry me to your mother or your aunt but they couldn’t agree on some matter or another. I only saw her once from a distance. She was a beauty with fiery hair.”

 

“She’s still beautiful,” Robb replied with a smile. “Her hair matches her personality. Smalljon, see that someone provides Lord Tytos with a bath and a change of clothes. I’m sure that Lord Brax would be most grateful.”

 

“Deirdre said if we were on the same side of this war, I would like you. I imagine that could be true,” Tytos said as Smalljon led him to the guards outside.

 

After Smalljon had sent him off with some guards with Robb’s orders, he returned, sitting down across from Ned. The two men were silent, waiting for Robb to say something but he wasn’t sure what to do right now.

 

“I want to set up a meeting with Lord Umber, Lady Mormont, Lord Glover, Ser Brynden, Dacey, and the two of you tomorrow. We need to keep this information to a small group. If the Freys even suspect that I doubt their loyalty based on one prisoner’s word…I will lose all of them,” Robb said and sighed. He looked at the two men. “Do you believe him?”

 

Without hesitation, Smalljon said, “Yes.”

 

Ned didn’t answer for a few moments before saying, “It seems possible with some of the Freys. Are you going to tell Deirdre?”

 

“Not yet. Tomorrow, I want to hear suggestions on how to proceed from those I trust. If this is true, we have too many Frey sons, bastards, and grandsons to know which one it could be without more facts,” Robb answered with a wave of his hand. “If I throw a stick, I’ll hit one of Lord Frey’s kin. I have to know who before I act.”

 

“What will you do about Olyvar? He goes into your tent often when your wife is there, sometimes alone. None of the guards would ever stop him,” Ned pointed out. “He has too much access to come and go freely around her. And likely one of his sisters that would be Lord Frey’s first choice.”

 

“Lady Roslin, his younger sister,” Robb answered thinking back to Olyvar telling Robb and Deirdre about his family when they first met. He didn’t know about the arrangement between Robb and Lord Frey and had said he hoped that after the war his father would seek a good match for his sister and asked Robb about some of his Northmen as a possible match. He said his sister was a gentle soul and needed a man who would treat her kindly, unlike their father. Although he never said it, Robb knew that Olyvar felt little love for Lord Frey. “I’ll send him on other duties for a day or two until this situation is in hand. I trust him but I agree the risk is too great.”

 

“We should warn the gaolers that the Freys need to more closely watched,” Smalljon added. “Do you intend to inform all of Deirdre’s guards?”

 

“Not yet. Not until after the meeting tomorrow. I had intended to spend time with Deirdre this evening anyway. I need some rest tonight. Increase the guards outside our tent, Ned. My men are weary after the battle so your men need to take over watch,” Robb said, rising. He walked toward the entrance and stopped, turning back around. “Ned, food and wine is easily poisoned…give some of our food to one of the dogs before anyone brings anything to us.”

 

“Yes, Your Grace,” Ned replied with a frown. “I didn’t think we’d have to worry about our own men trying to hurt her. Unfortunately, I’m afraid unless you warn her, Deirdre will continue to trust everyone. You saw how she ran through the crowd today, away from her guards, into your arms. She doesn’t think any of your men would hurt her, out of the love they bear you.”

 

Robb nodded, sadden by the thought that he couldn’t trust his own men now. But he wouldn’t make the same mistake his father made. He wouldn’t allow a man like Walder Frey bring him down or hurt his wife.

 

~*~

 

At first Deirdre thought she had imagined it or was trembling from visiting the wounded. She sat completely still for a few minutes and had almost dismissed it when she felt it again, a lot harder and clearly defined this time. Tears filled her eyes as Robb walked into the tent.

 

“Deidre?” he asked quickly, seeing her face and her hands on her belly.

 

“It kicked me!” she said laughing. “Come, feel it.”

 

Robb rushed to her side, putting his hands on her stomach. Neither felt anything and after awhile Deirdre said, “It might not happen again so soon. I’ve felt flutters before but this is definitely a kick. There! Did you feel it? It’s over here this time.”

 

Robb nodded smiling broadly. “He’s strong.” He led Deirdre to their cot and lay beside her, resting his head and hands on her belly. “Do not kick your mother too hard. I don’t want her hurt.”

 

Grey Wind growled in his sleep, obviously dreaming, and suddenly Deirdre felt a few strong kicks but they seemed to be everywhere in her belly. “Maybe he’s also hitting me with his hands.”

 

“Or he has three legs,” Robb teased, kissing her belly and looking up at her. “He reacted strongly to Grey Wind.”

 

“This is the son of the Young Wolf,” she proclaimed with false arrogance. “Of course his son would respond to his own kind.”

 

“I love you,” he said, with an odd expression. Deirdre sensed he was upset by something. “You’re the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me: you and our child.”

 

“What is it?” she asked and he sat up, leaning forward to kiss her for a long time.

 

“Can I not just tell my wife that I cherish her above all else?” he asked, nuzzling her neck.

 

“You can and you have, but I can see in your eyes that something is troubling you, Robb.” Cupping his chin, she pulled his face up so he was eye level. “Does this have something to do with my uncle? Tell me.”

 

“I can’t yet,” he admitted. “But I will. Until then, you must trust me.” He kissed her quickly then rose to remove his boots and most of his clothes. “I need some sleep. Will you nap with me?” Sliding in beside her again, he wrapped his arm around her. “Naked…naked napping.”

 

She chuckled and scooted off the cot. “Are you sure we won’t have your uncle or your squire running in here to tell you something any moment? I honestly don’t think Olyvar will survive the embarrassment of another incident like the last one.” The poor squire had walked in when Robb was naked as his name day and had Deirdre sprawled half way across the table with her skirts up, his mouth buried between her thighs.

 

“No, I don’t think he will,” Robb admitted with a chuckle. “To be fair, you were mostly dressed.”

 

“Mostly? My dress was wrapped around my waist but nothing was covered! Did it make you jealous that another man has seen me naked?” She teased with a laugh.

 

“No, because as you said, Olyvar would die of embarrassment before seeing you bare again. As to your question, no one will come in unless it’s urgent. My uncle and most of the men are resting as well. It’s been a long few days. Even the Umbers are rumored to not be celebrating, feasting or drinking from what I understand. Your men are guarding us and Ned knows better than to enter without notice when I’m in here.”

 

Sliding in beside him, she let him wrap her up in the furs. “I don’t want to know how he knows that, do I?”

 

“Most likely not,” Robb said with a wicked grin, wrapping his leg over hers. “Now go to sleep so when we wake I can ravish you. If I tried now, I might die. Then the War of Five Kings would end right here…”

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

 

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta!_

**Chapter 26**

 

“Why did you have to be cruel?” Sam asked again. “I promised her you’d help her and that you were nice.”

 

“Sam, I asked her questions and that’s not _cruel_. I don’t like this place or Craster any more than you do, but you cannot steal one of his wives,” Jon whispered back, for what had to be the tenth time.

 

“His daughter!” Sam’s whispered indignation was way too loud for Jon’s comfort.

  
“If you wake any of the others and they hear you, we’re both done for,” Jon whispered and turned his back on Sam hoping to silence him.

 

“If it was Deirdre begging your help, you’d help her. Even if you had to rescue her away from your own brother,” Sam retorted. When Jon sat up quickly and turned to look at Sam, his friend’s face instantly crumpled. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Jon replied and got up, gathering his sword and cloak and leaving the tent. He’s rather sleep in the icy wasteland than talk about Gilly or Deirdre right now. How Sam could even have said that was beyond Jon. The situation was hardly the same. Deirdre was married to his brother, a good and honorable man, and Gilly was married to her father, who seemed to have no redeeming qualities other than the fact he allowed the Night’s Watch to sleep by his fire. Jon had chosen to stay outside in the tents after Craster had taken an instant dislike to him.

 

Jon had been thinking about Deirdre a lot lately. More than was healthy he knew but at night, even when he had the wolf dreams, she seemed to always be there which he didn’t understand. He couldn’t always see her but he felt her presence. The further north they went, the more the wolf dreams came and often he felt his brothers with him. He didn’t know why he didn’t feel Arya or Sansa and it worried him. He’d seen Nymeria in his dreams before, but never felt Arya. It was like a hole in his heart each time he woke.

 

One night, he’d dreamt he had married Deirdre but during the bedding ceremony, a fight broke out between him and Robb. In the end, Robb lay on the ground with a sword in his belly though Jon had no memory of killing him. Deirdre screamed at him that she had never loved him, that it had always been Robb she loved. Before he woke up, she had ordered the other men in the room to ‘kill the bastard’. Jon had woken up sweating despite the numbing cold. The dream had been so real that he had looked at his hands expecting them to be covered in Robb’s blood.

 

Other nights were just memories. He dreamt of her in the Godswood and in the Hot Springs most of all. And he’d wake up aching for her. The longer he went without a woman’s touch the more he thought of her. Like all men, he’d sometimes dream of women since he’d reached the age of maturity. Every time he dreamt of a woman before her, he’d remember the woman’s breasts or her lips or other features of her body but never her face or she’d be some indiscriminate woman around Winterfell. Now every time, it was Deirdre and she filled his senses completely. His hands remembered the way her skin felt, his lips could still taste her mouth on his, her smell would surround him completely, her voice with the sweet lilt to it that was so different from the northern accents, and his cock was always buried in her silken heat. Most of all he remembered her many different smiles: they told of her mood and thoughts.

 

Perhaps if he’d had another woman, he’d stop obsessing over this one. But since he’s a sworn brother, that’s not likely to happen. When he saw Craster’s daughters-wives, he felt nothing despite them being the only women he’d seen in months. He didn’t have to look long to know that none of them were as radiant as Deirdre nor did they have her smile that made him feel warm inside. Sam said Gilly was beautiful and a lot of the brothers had remarked on one or another. Jon merely shrugged at their comments. Grenn had teased that Lord Snow was used to noble women and whores that catered to knights and lords so no wildling woman was good enough for him. Jon then spent the next ten minutes listening to his ‘brothers’ speculating on the women in Winterfell including Lady Stark and Sansa.

 

“So was your father’s wife beautiful? Having five kids, she must have ample teats and hips. Did you ever get to see her naked?” One of the men asked him but he ignored him. All he could really remember about Lady Stark was her hateful glares and disapproving frowns when she looked at him.

 

“I want to hear about his sister, the one that’s fit to marry the king,” another man said. “I bet she’s a ripe piece of…”

 

He didn’t finish because Jon had jerked him up by the collar and slammed him against the wagon. “Do _not_ talk about my sisters. Do not talk about my father’s wife. Do not talk about my family _at all_ ,” Jon said, seething.

 

Grenn and Sam pulled Jon back and he’d stormed off for a few hours.  Then Sam had tried to convince him to help Gilly. After that, Jon spent hours hearing about her. Sam spoke to her for less than ten minutes. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like if he’d spent the night with her.

 

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t tried forgetting Deirdre or even tried ‘handling’ his needs himself. But it was never the same and out here, even if he was _ever_ alone for very long, he’d probably lose his member to the cold if he took it out for longer than it took to piss. So he sat down on the snow hardened ground and leaned back against the tree. Closing his eyes, he tried to think warm thoughts.

 

_“No, I’ve never swam naked in the ocean,” Jon laughed. “It’s a little too cold to do that in the Northern towns along the coast. I assume you have or you wouldn’t have asked.”_

_“Yes, when I was about Arya’s age I did. My cousins Lancel, Tyrek, Myrielle, and Cerenna would swim in the summer and the girls take off our dresses and swim in our small clothes. Then we’d lie on the rocks under the hot sun to dry off.” Running her hand over his chest, she said, “I’ll take you swimming one day, a hot summer day when the only way to stay cool is to jump into the water. We’ll swim and make love on the rocks.”_

_Jon knew that day would never come. She’d never be able to take him to Casterly Rock with her but for now, he’d pretend it would happen, just as she pretended that her family would allow her to be with a bastard._

_“One time the boys dared us to take everything off so we did and so did they.” Deirdre grinned wickedly. “That was the first time I saw a naked man…well, a naked boy. Lancel got a little excited because he had reached that age where things started to rise when they’d see a naked woman’s breasts.”_

_“You had breasts at such a young age?” Jon asked, leaning forward to suck one of her nipples into his mouth, distracting her for a moment or two._

_“No, I didn’t,” she said then gasped as Jon’s teeth grazed her lightly. When he released her, she continued, “My older cousins did though. Lancel was mortified and grabbed his clothes, running inside. I was terrified because I didn’t know what we’d done to Lancel to make that happen to him! But Tyrek jumped in to swim with us. Until Lancel’s mother came out screaming at us about how proper high born ladies did **not** swim without clothing. That night we all were sat down, the girls separated from the boys of course, and told about what happens in the marriage bed. I couldn’t look at Tyrek or Lancel for a year without blushing. Years later, Lancel gave me my first kiss and Tyrek gave me my second. When I first came to court, Lancel and Tyrek both teased me that I finally had breasts until the Jaime overheard Tyrek and slapped him on the back of the head, threatening to cut his tongue out if he didn’t stop.” She chuckled at the memory. At one time, when she was much younger, she had fondness for her family. _

_“Just the one kiss I hope.” Jon teased. “And how many men have kissed these lips?”_

_“Just those two, my husband, and one other,” she said blushing. “So five counting you.”_

_Jon rose up on his elbow and watched her face. “Who? Who was this other?”_

_“His name was Ser Gerold Dayne of Dorne, but he is called Darkstar. He came to the tourney for Robert’s last name day soon after I came to court. At the feast on the second night, he danced with me. Then Lord Renly asked me to dance which seemed to anger Ser Gerold and he left the feast. Renly warned me of Darkstar’s temper and said the Dornish had no love for the Lannisters. I told Renly if I only spoke to those who loved the Lannisters I wouldn’t speak to many outside the family,” she said with a smirk._

_“Did he kiss you when you were dancing?” Jon asked, a spark of jealousy in his gut._

_“No. He continued to drink with his friends, but when I left the hall he followed me. He was drunk and told me if he won the tourney he’d crown me Queen of Love and Beauty, then he kissed me. I was caught off-guard for only a moment before I stopped him. He walked away without another word,” she replied. “He was handsome, but he seemed cruel. Even when we danced he seemed unaware, or uncaring, of his own strength and nearly bruised me. And his kiss was the same. When he first asked me to dance, he was so handsome and I was curious because of the legendary Ser Arthur Dayne, so naturally I said yes. But Darkstar is nothing like Ser Arthur must have been.”_

_“Ser Arthur Dayne almost killed my father but even so, my father said he was the truest knight he’s known,” Jon said. “If this Darkstar had been like the Sword of the Morning, you might have lost your heart to him and you would never have come here.”_

_“But he wasn’t. And I **am** here,” she replied with a smile. Her fingers trailed up his arm until they reached his hand. Pressing her hand against his, she asked, “And how many women have you kissed?”_

_“Four…counting you,” he admitted. “Three girls from the Wintertown and then Theon tried to get Robb and I to go to the brothel in Wintertown by having a couple of the women there kiss us.”_

_“Three ‘girls’ and a whore,” Deirdre said raising her eyebrow. “Yet you were still innocent when I met you?”_

_“The whore kissed Robb, then Theon, then kissed me,” Jon said, his eyes lowering to her lips. “But I realized she had kissed many more before either of them. She was one of Theon’s favorites so…it just seemed wrong.”_

_“That’s what whores do, Jon. They lay with many men.”_

_“I know. And they’re paid to please men, but they fake their own pleasure. I would never know if she was being honest with me, most likely she never would be.” He intertwined his fingers with hers. “But tell me, did any of these men and boys kiss you like this?” Jon asked, kissing her deeply, his tongue thrusting inside and licking at her tongue._

_“No,” she replied, out of breath, when he released her lips. “No one has kissed me like that but you. My old husband’s kisses were dry and his lips felt papery. And his tongue sort of stabbed at me. My cousins were clumsy and Darkstar’s was sloppy and hard. Your kisses make my body tingle all over and make me hot and dizzy.”_

_“Like the sun on the rocks back home?” he asked, his body moving over hers._

_“The sun could not heat the rocks enough to compare to the way you make me feel inside,” she whispered, wrapping her legs around his waist and pulling him closer. “It’s like liquid fire coursing in my veins.” As Jon buried himself inside her, he felt the fire the two of them had stirred to life._

_“I cannot imagine anyone else making me feel this way,” Jon whispered, kissing her eyes, then her cheeks, before her lips. “We are immortal fire.” And for once in his life, Jon felt he was exactly where he belonged._

 

A noise startled Jon back to the present. Alert now he saw movement through the camp and waited to see who it was. When he saw Craster carrying a baby, he rose to quietly follow, curious to see where he went with the child. Gilly’s pleas for help if her baby was a boy were in the back of his mind so he followed at a distance until Craster left the child in the woods and turned back. Jon hid behind a tree until the man had passed.

 

Torn between doing what was right and what the Lord Commander had said about not interfering, he stayed there debating internally. But the sound of the baby crying ripped away any decision and forced Jon to run toward the child, withdrawing Long Claw as he did. He wasn’t far from the baby when he saw something come for it. It was more shadow and ice than man, but the blue eyes were bright even in the gloomy night. Jon stopped and crouched down, stunned as he watched the creature take the baby. Before he could act, he felt someone grab his shoulder and when he turned Craster hit him, the blow knocking him out.

 

~*~

 

Robb woke up to Deirdre’s screams, almost jumping out of his skin as he shot up in the bed beside her. Ned and Patrek tore into the tent as Grey Wind reached her side.

 

“What is it?” Robb said grabbing her. Before he got her to stop screaming, Robert and Daryn had joined her other guards, all with drawn weapons. “Deirdre, stop!” As soon as she realized it was him, she threw her arms around him and started sobbing hysterically. He tried to pull her away enough to look at her and finally was able to get her to release her grip enough that he held her face, looking in her eyes. Calmly as he could, he said, “Listen to me. Are you hurt?”

 

Biting her lip, she shook her head and Robb finally took a breath. “Ned, please have the men wait outside. Would you light the lantern before you go?” He covered Deirdre in furs and held her until she calmed down enough to release her death grip on him.

 

The wolf dreams had happened three or four other times after the first time about Ghost. Once she dreamed about Bran and Rickon and the other times was when Robb wasn’t in camp and she dreamed about Grey Wind hunting. Whatever connection Robb had to Grey Wind in his dreams, his child seemed to have as well but since it was the baby that was the link, and not Deirdre herself, usually she woke up afraid. This was the worst time though.

 

“What was it?” he said holding her face gently.

 

“Jon,” she whispered, tears falling on her face. “He’s someplace in the woods. It was a camp of some kind. But there was lots of snow and ice, more than I’ve ever seen at Winterfell. He was cold but he didn’t want to go inside for some reason. He was lonely but didn’t want the company of the people he’s with. Then there was a man and a baby.”

 

“Our baby?” Robb asked confused. His dreams weren’t like hers at all. He was always part of Grey Wind and he saw things from his wolf’s eyes. He felt and saw his brother in their wolf, never saw them as people, only their wolves. Deirdre wasn’t one of them so she saw like she was watching from a distance but strongly felt all of the feelings of the person who she was dreaming about. When she dreamed about Bran and Rickon, they were both lonely and scared.

 

“No, this was happening now not in the future. Jon was trying to save the boy but the man left him in the woods and this…this… _creature_ …Robb it was horrible. It took the baby!” she sobbed into his shoulder. “I could feel how terrified Jon was. Then everything went black and I could hear Jon’s thoughts. He was thinking how he wished he could see you and your father again but he knew he never would.” Saying it aloud brought a fresh round of tears and Robb held her tightly as she sobbed.

 

“It was just a dream,” he whispered over and over again. “You’re safe. Our baby is safe. I’m sure Jon is fine.”

 

“No, Robb,” she said, wiping her eyes. “He’s thinking he’s never going to see _you_ again. He didn’t think of anyone, but you and your father. Your father is dead. I think this dream was about your death.”

 

“My love, I’m here with you. Jon and I will see each other again. When the war ends, he’ll come see us at Winterfell,” he tried to reassure her but he could tell she didn’t feel comforted.

 

“You didn’t feel his fear and his sorrow. We were so connected, like I could feel his feelings as strong as him and hear his thoughts. This time it wasn’t _Ghost_ , it was _Jon_ ,” she insisted. “And he doesn’t expect to ever see you again.”

 

Robb ignored the flare of jealousy that even pregnant with his child, Jon still had a strong hold of his wife. It wasn’t Jon’s fault nor was it Deirdre’s, but it was still there. It bothered Robb more than he’d admit to her. She was so terrified that this dream was about Robb’s death, he knew she wasn’t _longing_ to be with Jon. But he was part of her in a way that Robb wasn’t right now. When she had these dreams she sensed Grey Wind, but not Robb. She sensed Jon and now she shared his emotions. If he didn’t know the timing of the baby, he’d worry that it was his brother’s due to the fact she was feeling such a connection to Jon. Trying to be fair, she’d dreamt of Bran and Rickon as well.

 

She had curled up as small as she could get with her swollen belly. Robb held her, kissing her gently and whispering words of comfort. He could feel her exhaustion even though she was fighting sleep. Robb could barely hold his head up so he lay down beside her, wrapping her into his arms tightly. “I know you’re afraid but you should sleep, for the baby if not for yourself. I’m here now so there is no reason to worry about me.”

 

“Promise me Robb. Promise me that you won’t leave me,” she pleaded. “I don’t want to wake up and find you gone.”

 

“I’ll wake you before I leave,” he promised. He knew in the morning there would be more questions about what her uncle had said but until Robb determined how to resolve this, he’d keep it from her.

 

He knew it only made sense to send her to Riverrun but he also knew she wouldn’t feel safe with them apart. Nor would he.

 

His next battles would take him closer to Lannister lands and he’d have to worry about her even more then: Freys in his own camp and lions circling him constantly and now his brother haunting her sleep. He lay there watching her finally succumb to sleep and hoped it was a dreamless sleep this time.

 

The dreams had disturbed him at first too but he thought it seemed more natural to him because of his own connection to Grey Wind. His direwolf would protect Deirdre from all harm but their bond was more superficial than Robb’s was with the wolf. There were times when Robb slipped away from himself and felt like he was part of the wolf but he always pulled himself back.

 

His enemies liked to say he warged into a direwolf but no one knew the truth, except himself. Robb had warged into Grey Wind more than once. It happened when he felt weak, tired, or vulnerable. He lost a little control over himself and then it came naturally to go into the wolf. But as soon as it happened, Robb would panic and force himself away. The first time it happened was at Winterfell but it’s happened more recently. He wondered if Jon and his little brothers could do the same. Perhaps if Arya and Sansa had their wolves with them, they wouldn’t be hostages.

 

Putting his hand on Deidre’s stomach, he felt the slight movement from her belly. Although he teased her that the child couldn’t be everywhere at once, Robb suspected that there was a reason he had felt the baby’s kicks were so frequent and in so many different areas.

 

There were two.

 

He’d debated telling Deirdre this. He knew she feared losing the child and there were more risks involved with twins. Plus there was the reminder of the other twins in her family line that would upset Deirdre. Robb would send for the Maester from Riverrun in the morning and ask his thoughts.

 

Grey Wind whined and Robb glanced up to look at the direwolf who leaned forward to lick his fingers. “You want to hunt, don’t you?” Robb asked, scratching behind the wolf’s ears. Getting out of bed, he pulled on breeches and a tunic, grabbing a cloak. He walked to the entrance of the tent and pulled up the flap, exiting.

 

Ned glanced over and asked, “Is all well, Your Grace?”

 

“Grey Wind wants to hunt. I didn’t think you’d appreciate it if he ran out of here with no warning,” Robb said with a chuckle. Holding back the tent flap, he let the wolf out.

 

Grey Wind stood before the tent smelling the air for a few minutes before skulking away. Robb watched him until he disappeared from sight then turned to Ned. “What do you know about wargs?”

  
“Wargs, Your Grace?” Ned studied him quizzically.

 

“Ned, we’re practically alone in the middle of the night.  You don’t have to use my title,” Robb replied with a sigh. He grew tired of the titles and formality from friends but knew in public it must persist. “What’s your knowledge on wargs?”

 

“Just stories the old ones told us when we were children. I know that my father believed that my mother was a warg because he had a temperamental old cat that started hating my father after my mother died. And the cat lived forever. I used to catch him talking to the cat, even arguing with it,” Ned answered with a chuckle.

 

“But you believe it’s possible.” Robb trusted Ned more than any of his men other than Smalljon. He knew he could tell him anything and it would go no further. Glancing around to make sure they were completely alone, Robb added, “These nightmares that Deirdre’s having aren’t just normal nightmares.”

 

“You believe she’s a warg?”

 

“No…not exactly,” Robb began then realized Ned might think he was crazy. “This will sound mad. Ever since we found the direwolves, I’ve had this bond with Grey Wind. Sometimes in dreams it’s as if I’m him, not myself.”

 

“It doesn’t sound mad. My father _argued to a cat._ That’s mad,” Ned replied. “I’ve seen the way Grey Wind is with you and, if wargs are possible, I’d believe it of you and that wolf. He takes on your moods too. I’ve watched that. The only time I fear Grey Wind is when you’re angry and then I remember he’s not a pet, that he could rip my throat out without much effort. Dacey and the men have mentioned it to me as well – how in battle the two of you fight together in perfect sync with each other even if you’re not close to each other. He always knows when you’re in danger. And how does Grey Wind know which men to kill? He’s never killed one of our own and he only wounded Lord Umber when he threatened you. He’s not a normal wolf.”

 

Robb knew that already. But the idea of being able to warg worried him. How would his people feel if it was known their king could warg into a huge direwolf? “Then I am not a normal man I suppose.”

 

“I mean no disrespect by that,” Ned explained in a rush. “He’s special and unique but if you’re able to warg into him, I do not think that makes you strange. It makes you unique as well. What about your brothers and sisters? Or Lord Eddard – did he ever mention it?”

 

“I know my father thought the stories Nan told us were mostly myths, but he said there was always some truth in most myths. He believed a lot of things existed that died with the dragons.  I remember how disturbed he and Ser Rodrick were that there was a direwolf south of the wall, saying it was a bad omen. Perhaps it was, considering what has happened since then. The only reason he let us keep the pups was Jon pointing out there were five direwolf pups for five Starks so we were supposed to have them. Also, Bran pleaded with him. Bran wouldn’t be alive today if Father hadn’t agreed.”

 

“I thought there were six pups,” Ned said.

 

“We only found the five at first. When we were leaving, Jon heard the cries of the sixth one who was away from the others. He was solid white with red eyes, completely unlike the others, and Theon teased Jon that it was the runt so it was his. But it is strange: two female and three male pups for me and my two brothers and two sisters plus another who was a littermate of the others but was completely different from them.” Robb glanced over at Ned. “I started having the dreams soon after I bonded with Grey Wind and they’ve come more frequently of late. The first time I saw all of the other wolves but now I never see Lady and rarely see Nymeria. I don’t think Sansa or Arya have the dreams.”

 

“Didn’t you say that Lady had been killed and Nymeria set loose in the Riverlands? That would explain why you don’t see them. But how does this relate to Deirdre?” Ned’s voice was muted with the winds hollowing in between the tents.

 

“She’s carrying my child and now she’s having similar dreams. But hers are unlike mine so I’m not sure. In my dreams, I’m the wolf. In hers, she sees the wolves or my brothers and senses the emotions of my brothers, but never myself. She has dreamed of Grey Wind. Tonight she dreamed of Jon. Not Ghost but Jon himself and she could feel his emotions,” Robb admitted. “Something happened to my brother tonight that terrified him. And she woke up screaming.”

 

Ned appeared to be mulling over what Robb had said before he commented, “I didn’t realize she knew Jon that well.”

 

Robb swallowed hard and looked away. He did not know how much he should tell Ned. Even though he trusted him completely, this secret was too much. Now that his father had died, it was only Jon, Deirdre and himself that knew. Theon knew part of it but not that his father had been aware. There were times when Robb still grew angry with Jon about everything but then he always felt guilty because Jon had lost Deirdre and in the end, she loved Robb. He would always wonder if she had never been caught by his father, if she’d ever have loved Robb. She said their friendship turning into something more had been the cause of hers and Jon’s argument that night. But if she had been _allowed_ to be with Jon, would she have ever found love with him? The doubt was always there.

 

“They were once close,” Robb said at last. Vagueness was enough of an explanation, but when Ned turned to study Robb, he sensed the other man knew there was more.

 

“Forgive me for saying, but warging is not just dreaming. Have you warged into Grey Wind?”

 

Robb nodded slowly. “Only a few times and for a few minutes before I realized what I had done and pulled away. But there are times when I feel the yearning to do it. I’m afraid what will happen if I do, especially if it happened while I was in battle.” Looking at his friend he said, “Every time Grey Wind killed in battle was when I was at a disadvantage or had seen someone close to me killed. Every time he tore a man to pieces, I was angry or threatened. I didn’t warg into him but I worry that I’m the more vicious animal than he is. Sometimes I worry that I’m the monster.”

 

“Robb?” Turning quickly, he saw Deirdre standing behind him. He didn’t know how long she had been there but it was obvious she had overheard some of what he said by the way she was looking at him.

 

“I’ll be inside in a moment,” Robb replied, needing a few moments before he braved the questions he knew would come. A hurt, disappointed expression on her face, she nodded and turned back inside.

 

“She didn’t know?” Ned asked quietly and Robb shook his head. “Robb, I don’t think what you’re describing makes you a monster. If you were to stay completely calm in battle, I’d worry for your senses. And you’re not commanding the wolf to kill for you. It’s not in your control.”

 

“What if I get angry with someone I care about…someone I love?” Robb could barely get the words out, could barely imagine what could happen. “What if Deirdre makes me angry or our child cries too much and it frustrates me…”

 

“There is a difference between anger at a person you love and murderous rage at someone trying to kill you or killing someone you care about. Grey Wind wouldn’t hurt Deirdre or any child of yours. I know this as much as I know you wouldn’t hurt them,” Ned insisted firmly. “The strength and depth of love you feel for your wife is obvious to everyone. I don’t think any anger at her could overpower that with Grey Wind.”

 

“I could not live with myself if it did. And I couldn’t let Grey Wind live either.”

 

“It won’t happen. I assure you.” Ned put his hand on Robb’s shoulder. “You trust me with Deirdre’s life. Trust my word.”

 

Robb smiled slightly then nodded. After a few more moments, he said, “I suppose I can’t hide out here forever.”

 

“Good luck. If you feel threatened, do not hesitate to call out.” Ned chuckled under his breath.

 


	27. Chapter 27

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! I'd love some reviews *bats lashes*_

**Chapter 27**

Robb entered the tent slowly and found Deirdre sitting on the cot with furs wrapped around her. She watched him walk in but said nothing. Robb walked to the table and poured himself some ale. Taking a slow sip, he turned and faced her. “Don’t be angry.”

 

“I’m not angry. I’m confused why you would keep this from me. I’m concerned what this means; but angry? No, I’m not angry,” she replied quietly, her eyes studying him thoughtfully.

 

Robb opened his mouth to answer, but stopped. How could he explain his reasons? She was not of the North. She knew nothing of the myths and legends of the magic beyond the Wall. Nan’s stories weren’t a part of her childhood. If he said he’d kept it from her because she was a foreigner, she’d be hurt. And that wasn’t the only reason. There were so many reasons. “I was scared,” he said aloud, lowering his eyes.

 

“Scared of what?”

 

He raised his eyes to hers and the truth came pouring out of him. “I _need_ you to have faith in me, to trust in me completely, you more than anyone in this world. You’re the only one that has loved me, all parts of me including the sides that my family never sees. You’ve seen me weak when I can’t be weak in front of anyone else. You’ve seen me doubtful and afraid, and every time you’ve made me feel that I was worthy of your love and capable of being a good king and a good husband.  I was afraid to risk your faith in me, afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

 

She watched him silently, confusion in her eyes because she didn’t see that the level of openness he had with her, the amount of vulnerability he’d shown, was _only_ with her. Perhaps Deirdre had no idea the power she had, that she could destroy him so easily by taking her love away. He couldn’t survive it.

 

“Gods, you could think I was a madman or a monster and leave me…or be frightened of me,” he stammered. “I couldn’t bear that.”

 

“I _don’t_ understand,” she admitted, rising and walking to him. Placing her hands on both of his cheeks, she caressed him gently. “But I’d never leave you or think of you as a monster or a madman. There is nothing you could say or do that would make me believe that of you.”

 

“Nothing? Going into the mind of a wolf and killing someone - that _is_ a monster.”

 

“But that’s not what happened. You were angry and Grey Wind reacted to it. Dogs do that all the time with their masters. How many times have you been told not to act scared around a dog or a horse because they sense fear? Grey Wind is more intelligent and intuitive than a dog. Of course he senses your moods more. When Summer ripped out that man’s throat to save Bran and when he and Shaggy Dog killed another man to rescue me, I knew these wolves were different,” she explained with a slight smile. “I love the fact that Grey Wind protects you.”

 

“Protecting me isn’t all of it. Do you understand what a warg is?” He asked and she shook her head. “When you first came to Winterfell, I told you stories about the Wall and you thought they were all old wives tales. Most of them are myths based on the truth. The White Walkers once lived. There were giants and Children of the Forest. And there are people who can warg into an animal.”

 

“Do you mean you become the animal?”

 

“My mind and spirit goes into Grey Wind’s. It’s only happened a few times, but I think that’s the reason for the wolf dreams. None of this happened before we found the direwolves,” he explained hesitantly.

 

She was quiet for a long time before asking, “What happens if you’re killed or hurt and your mind is connected to Grey Winds? Of if he was killed, would you die?”

 

“I don’t know. If Old Nan was here I could ask but none of my family before has had this happen that I know of. The fact that I feel my brothers in the dreams makes me feel like they have the dreams as well. Then tonight when you felt and saw Jon so strongly, I knew he must.” Putting his hand on her stomach, he added, “Our child is the same. He’s the connection. That’s why you sense Grey Wind stronger in your dreams, but awake your bond to him isn’t as strong, I think. Maybe your waking mind just has too much control for the baby to have that connection with the wolf.”

 

Tears formed in her eyes and she nodded. “I was so afraid you’d grow angry with me for dreaming about Jon. _I_ don’t. It’s not me then. Because I don’t think about him much when I’m awake except after the dreams then I wonder if he’s all right.”

 

Robb kissed her lightly and shook his head. “Your past bond with Jon might be a reason why you felt him so strongly but I’ve always been so close to Jon too and I miss him greatly. It’s hard to say why it happens. But I’m worried about the affect it will have on you if it continues. If Jon or I are in danger, I’m scared what this connection will do to you.”

 

“If you’re in danger, it won’t be the connection through the wolf dreams that will hurt me. It will be the fact that my beloved husband could be hurt,” she insisted with a kiss. “Don’t worry about the dreams. Nightmares go away when I wake up. I’m just sorry I keep you from sleeping.” Putting her arms around him, she pulled him into her embrace. “I don’t care that you’re a warg. You’re the furthest thing from a monster that I know.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Robb relaxed in her arms. The soothing effect she had always amazed him. He could almost forget everything in her arms. Feeling a slight thumping on his stomach, he stepped back and looked down. He chuckled, resting his hand on her belly. “I think my sons are awake.”

 

“ _Sons?_ ” she exclaimed, putting her hands over his. “Bite your tongue, Robb Stark. We are not having twins.”

 

“We are!” He laughed, ducking from her attempt to smack him. “Would it be so horrible to have two?”

 

“Robb, I’m barely ready for one. We’re in the middle of a war and living in a tent. It’s too dangerous. What if it’s a girl and boy? It could…”

 

“Our twins would never end up being like Cersei and Jaime,” he interjected. “That won’t happen. Our children will be beautiful, smart, and loyal. And sweet natured, like their mother.”

 

“If I have a son, I want him to be honorable and brave like his father.” She stepped back into his arms. “This world needs more men like you.”

 

Robb reached down and picked her up, carrying her to the cot and lying down with her beside him. “You should sleep, my love. The babies need your strength.”

 

“ _Baby_. Stop saying _babies_ or you will _jinx_ me with two,” she muttered under her breath. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

 

~*~

 

The council tent was quiet after Lord Brax finished speaking. Robb studied the faces surrounding the table.  Lord Umber looked angry while Lady Mormont couldn’t hide her concern. His great uncle and Lord Glover both studied Lord Brax suspiciously. And Dacey looked wound too tight, like she was ready to spring out of her chair.

 

“Why should we believe you?” Lord Glover asked, taking a sip of his ale. “You have everything to gain by lying.”

 

“What have I gained?” Lord Brax asked. “A couple of hot meals, a bath, and a change of clothes? If you all believe I’m lying, I could end up back in the cage or dead, depending on the king’s state of mind. I hardly think it’s worth it. But my niece’s life is.”

 

“The Lannisters would kill her too if given the chance,” Lord Umber snorted.

 

“Lord Tywin would hardly damage the family legacy by adding kinslaying to it. This Frey doesn’t care if she lives, as long as the child dies,” Lord Brax insisted. “I’m not asking anything in return for this information.” He looked at Robb for a long time before saying, “I just don’t want Deirdre hurt anymore.”

 

Everyone was quiet for a few moments and Robb called in Robin Flint to escort Lord Brax back to the other tent so he could confer with his advisors.

 

“If your wife loses the child, she would likely lose her life, Your Grace. She is far enough along that she’d most probably bleed to death with the baby,” Dacey pointed out. “A prisoner desperate to be released and get away to safety isn’t going to take the time to just hurt her enough to kill the baby alone. And I doubt they would risk her surviving and getting pregnant again before the year is over.”

 

“We cannot let anyone hurt Deirdre _or_ my child,” Robb stated. “This must be stopped.”

 

“Am I the only one who doubts his story?” Lord Glover asked.

 

“If he said it about anyone other than the Freys, I’d never have believed him but Lord Frey is the type of man to want _insure_ without a doubt that Robb follows through on their agreement to Lord Frey’s benefit, not Robb’s,” Ser Bryndenreplied. “I’ve known this man all my life. I’d say we’re lucky he didn’t have someone attempt to kill her _before_ she was with child.”

 

“There are too many of the Freys in the camp to know who it is. And if the king were to falsely accuse one of them, they’d all be offended,” Lady Mormont pointed out. “We can’t lose them all.”

 

“No, and I don’t think most of them would do it,” Robb replied. “She’s very well guarded but I’m not willing to gamble with Deirdre’s life.”

 

“Your Grace, I mean no offense but your wife isn’t as guarded as I would like. We try our best and I feel responsible for where we are lacking, but she’s reckless in camp because she trusts your men. You saw how she ran to you after the battle yesterday. And there was the incident with the wounded men yesterday,” Ned added regretfully. “I didn’t know until this morning when I spoke with Patrek about this meeting.”

 

“I know nothing of this.” Robb looked at him quickly, angry that Deirdre was being so careless.

 

“The Maester had thought to put the injured knights and highborn men from the Lannister army with the Northmen. They were restrained, but one of them began shouting at her, calling her the Traitor Queen. She reacted poorly and angrily when he insulted you. Before long, Patrek removed her from the tent and she ordered some of our men to move the Lannister soldiers back with the rest of their wounded. She gave the Maester quite a tongue thrashing as well. In fairness, she was right to be upset that he had given special treatment to those men at the expense of our own. But that doesn’t help the fact she could have been hurt.”

 

“I’d say she had the right of it,” Lord Umber declared. “If anyone still doubts where her loyalties lie, that should silence them.”

 

Despite being proud of her for speaking up for his men, Robb worried about her lack of caution. He would speak to her about being reckless but refused to confine her to their tent unless he had no other option. She was being supportive and kind and the men in camp seemed to genuinely appreciate that from her. She wasn’t as standoffish as his mother was and that had earned their respect. He wouldn’t punish her by practically imprisoning her. At one time, she was an outsider, but now the Northmen had grown fond of her.

 

“It’s not her loyalty that’s the concern now. It’s the Freys.” Lady Mormont sat forward, resting her elbows on the table, silent for a moment.  Finally she said, “If you trust this Lord Brax, it might be best to put him back in his cell and hope he can discover which Frey it is. But there are many risks there. He could be perceived as suspicious just because he spent time free. Especially if anyone knows he is her uncle. If his cellmates don’t trust him, he might have an ‘accident’ and then his death would be on us.”

 

“And Deirdre would still be in danger,” Robb muttered to himself. If Tytos was killed, Deirdre would be angry that Robb put him in there knowing the danger. On the other hand, Tytos fought for Tywin so his life had already been in danger.

 

“There is another alternative, although not a pleasant one.” Despite his size, Smalljon’s voice was quiet compared to his father and usually disarmed people. “We could keep Lord Brax imprisoned here and put one of our own men in his cell as a spy. But it would be horribly risky.”

 

“Why would any of the enemies believe we’d lock up one of our own?” Lord Glover asked, furrowing his brow and shaking his head. Robb could tell by looking at him he still doubted Tytos’ story. “I would suspect a spy immediately if I were them.”

 

“We would need to make his crime known, perhaps something to do with offending or hurting Deirdre so the Freys would feel more inclined to commiserate with the man. We’d send him in armed, of course, but he’d have to be intensely loyal to Deirdre and Robb since we would be calling him a traitor publicly. If we put in someone who could even think to betray her, they might do so,” Smalljon replied.

 

“I’ll do it,” Ned offered quickly.

 

“No,” Robb answered, glancing over at him. “I need you to watch over her and her other guards. They follow you and she trusts you. _If_ we do this, it should be one of her guards though. I chose them for their loyalty to us.  And one of her guards would have intimate information to trade for their trust. We would have to change all of the security measures you have in place, Ned, but…”

 

“Robb, this is very risky,” Ser Brynden interjected. “The man would be labeled a traitor. You couldn’t simply pull him out of the cell in a few weeks and take back what you said about him without losing respect from others among the men.”

 

“Then what do you suggest I do? Wait to find out who is threatening her _after_ they actually attempt to kill her?” Robb exclaimed in frustration. He wanted to go shake Ser Stevron, Ser Ryman, Black Walder, Ser Perwyn, and Martyn Rivers until one of them confessed.

 

“You have to risk Lord Brax’s life over one of our own. Put him back in the cells on the promise that if he finds out a legitimate name to go with his accusations, we’ll negotiate an exchange of him for one of our own men from the Lannisters. We have to make the payoff significant or he could betray us.” Ser Brynden watched Robb closely.

 

Of all the men and women, in the room, Brynden was the only one that didn’t call Robb by his title during council meetings although Robb knew he was his biggest ally. He had an incredible mind for strategy. He knew the Riverlands better than anyone and saw weaknesses in the enemy’s movements quickly. Never once had he pressured Robb to send Deirdre away, unlike most of his bannermen outside this tent. Ser Brynden’s only comment about her presence was to remind Lord Bolton that her support of Robb had been unwavering and unlike everyone else she didn’t question his every move. The fact that his great uncle had seen that without Robb explaining it made him feel that Brynden did approve of her being with Robb. It amused Robb that an infamous bachelor would be more supportive of Robb keeping his wife close by. And if he gave him advice, Robb always listened even if he didn’t always follow it.

 

Everyone silently waited for Robb’s decision so he went with his gut and prayed he didn’t regret it. “Ned, you and I will talk to all of her guards and explain the danger. My guards will be aware as well since often times they are on duty outside our tent. Smalljon, please see to making them aware. Olyvar Frey has shown tremendous loyalty to me and I do not wish to punish that loyalty with doubt. _However_ , if I am not in my tent, he is not to come and go when Deirdre is there alone. Use the excuse that she’s not well, she’s resting, whatever but do not make it obvious that he’s purposely being blocked from being near her.”

 

Smalljon, Ned, and Dacey all agreed. Robb paused for a moment then took a deep breath before saying, “I will put Lord Brax back where he was prior to his father’s deaths. The gaolers will be made aware that he is to be discretely watched. And I do not want any of the gaolers to be from House Frey any longer. If Lord Brax can give us a name then we will arrange an exchange for him. We need to work out logistics on how he is alert us he has more information. Ned, Deirdre is not allowed to walk into areas that you know are mostly men from The Twins. I will talk to her and explain why she needs to be more careful. I cannot assure that she will listen but if I cannot get my own wife to listen to me, I’m not sure I should be king.”

 

The group chuckled quietly in response. But Robb wondered if they all suspected he had a harder time enforcing his rule with Deirdre than anyone else. He supposed it was natural. His father could never force his mother to be kinder to Jon. It was the one thing that Robb had a hard time forgiving his mother for even now. In truth it was the reason why he promised Jon he’d raise his bastard as his own if Deirdre had been with child: a repayment in kind for sins his mother had committed, not Robb. But Ned had also failed in that regard. He never should have allowed her to punish Jon for his unfaithfulness.

 

Robb resolved to himself now that he wouldn’t allow Deirdre to put herself at risk, even if it meant hurting her feelings in the process.

 

As the others left, he asked Ned to stay behind. They sat in silence for a few moments before Robb spoke. “If anything were to happen to me, if I fall in battle, you must give me your word that you will take her to my brother Jon at the Wall.”

 

“Not Winterfell, Your Grace?”

 

“No. If I fall, Winterfell will need its men and my bannermen to protect it. My mother will go to Bran and Rickon there. My enemies will suspect my wife and heir will be there as well. So you must take her to Jon. I’ll have a will written to state that. My heir and wife will be returned to Winterfell by my brother when _he_ feels it’s safe.”

 

Ned watched him quietly and Robb knew he could never explain why he felt so strongly that it must be Jon to protect Deirdre. “Isn’t Jon in the Night’s Watch?”

 

“I’ll give the Night’s Watch men, weapons, gold, whatever I need to have him released from his vows. Jon…” Robb looked down and studied his hands for a few moments before facing Ned again. “He once loved her. I suspect he still does. He’s the most honorable man I know now that my father is dead, but he risked everything because of the love he felt for Deirdre.” When Ned said nothing, Robb added, “And he lost her. If I fall, I trust no one more than him to protect her and my heir.”

 

“Excuse me, Your Grace, for asking but…” Ned squirmed uncomfortably for a moment before he blurted out, “If he loved her and lost her to you, why would you trust him with your heir?”

 

Robb smiled sadly. “I didn’t take her away from him intentionally. Our marriage was arranged by my father and the king under the assumption she and I were in love. I _was_ in love, I always have been. But she loved Jon then. Father and I didn’t know but to protect Jon I had to marry her anyway. She cared for me then but, in time, she has grown to love me. It hurt Jon but he knew I was doing it to protect him. And if she had a child, I promised to raise it as my own so it would never suffer as Jon had growing up. I know that Jon would raise and protect any child of mine.”

 

Ned nodded thoughtfully but said nothing. Robb could sense his unease so he said, “As my friend, not your king, speak freely and without formality.”

 

He thought for a moment that Ned would still refuse to speak but at last he said, “I will do as you wish, but how will Deirdre feel about this decision? How will your mother feel if Jon returns to Winterfell without Lord Eddard there as a buffer between the two of them?”

 

“My mother will be furious,” Robb agreed. “I suspect Jon will have quite a struggle on his hands with her so my will must be worded strongly that he _must_ return, whether she wishes it or not.”

 

“Deirdre wouldn’t ever let your mother force Jon out. She’d be the Queen in the North and Winterfell is hers until your heir is old enough,” Ned pointed out.

 

“My mother, despite her good intentions, would keep Deirdre from assuming control at Winterfell, by keeping her feeling doubtful of her own abilities. Mother still questions _my_ authority. Jon will guide Deirdre in maintaining control over the north and my bannermen until my child is old enough to rule. I don’t want my wife leading men into battle but she has to be prepared to defend Winterfell and understand how things are in the North. Winter is coming and she will need help to understand what that means. Jon will assure that happens. Also, he’ll make sure that Deirdre is safe and we both know she rarely thinks of her safety.”

 

Ned smiled silently. Robb hoped his will would be enough if anything should happen to him. The Lannisters would never stop attempting to manipulate Deirdre if he were dead. Jon would at least be able to protect her and not give the Northmen any reason to worry that she’ll end up being like Cersei: using her child to kill her enemies. His mother would never forgive him but he couldn’t worry about that with his wife and child’s best interest was served by Jon’s presence.

 

“You’re a better man than I to give your brother back the woman others took from him,” Ned said quietly, studying him like he’d seen straight into Robb’s heart.

 

Standing, Robb walked over and poured himself a cup of strong wine. After drinking it, he said, “The thought of my wife, _my_ Deirdre, with my brother is like a dagger in my heart. It always has been. But I won’t be there to witness it. I’d rather she be with him than with anyone else. At least, I won’t die worrying about her being mistreated.”

 

“Do you intend to tell Deirdre about the will?”

 

“Eventually. After we resolve the situation with Lord Brax and the Freys,” Robb replied with a nod. “But the will must be written today. I can’t put it off any longer.”

 

“I’ll arrange the Maester to come tonight before supper. Do you wish to have specific witnesses?” Ned said as he rose.

 

“All that were in here earlier are the ones I trust most. I don’t want anyone to know about Deirdre and Jon…”

 

“Of course not, Your Grace,” Ned interjected. “I would never speak of it to another.” He excused himself leaving Robb to prepare for his conversation with Deirdre.

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

 

 

 

**Chapter 28**

 

Deirdre stared at Robb for a few moments before speaking. “They’d truly try to kill me just to make his daughter a queen? It means that much to him?”

 

Robb was always surprised when she seemed shocked at the greed for power people had shown. But then again, she’d grown up around ones who held the power all her life. She didn’t know what it was to scrape and claw for it. And she was unequivocally unimpressed with what she’d seen of power. “Unless your uncle is lying,” he finally answered, with a nod. “Do you think he would lie?”

 

She shook her head slowly, resting her hands on her stomach. She seemed to always do that when she needed comfort, as if protecting their child from whatever she was hearing. Unfortunately, her tiny hands were not enough to protect her from the likes of Walder Frey. Robb put his hand over hers.

 

“Deirdre, your guards and my own know. You’ll be protected as long as you listen to your guards. No more wandering off alone, even in the camp,” he said gently. “And Grey Wind and I will watch you at night.”

 

A shadow passed over her face for a moment. There were times when he saw a wall come up between them that he wondered if he’d ever wholly know what she thought or felt. There were some things she didn’t give voice to, a darkness in her past that she hid. He found himself wondering if Jon knew that side of her or if anyone did. “I’ve never been very loved by most of my family. But I’ve never been so _hated_ by so many people I don’t even know,” she said. “Despite my suspicions, I didn’t even know my mother truly hated me until I married you. Now people want me dead.”

 

She looked like a lost child. Pulling her close, Robb kissed her and said, “They want the Queen in the North dead because she represents power they want, not because of who _you_ are. Men want to kill me as well. It’s not something anyone can prepare you for.”

 

“I never thought marrying you would end up like this,” she admitted. “I never expected to be a queen. I was happy just being your wife and someday becoming the Lady of Winterfell but I was in no rush for that to happen either.”

 

“There was a time when you cried knowing you even had to marry me,” he teased. “But I understand how you feel. I never expected any of this.” He brushed her hair back and pulled her onto his lap. “Do you regret it? Marrying me?”

 

“No, of course not. I just wish we had our simple life back at Winterfell.” Resting her head on his chest, she sighed. “But I’d rather be a queen with you than a wife to another man.”

 

“Most women would love to be a queen. Some would and have killed for it. You’re truly indifferent to it all, aren’t you?”

 

“What good has it brought me? What good is this power if I cannot have the few things I want: peace, home, and my husband and baby safe?” Trailing her fingers down his doublet, she asked, “When do we ride again?”

 

“Tomorrow. We will go to certain areas of the Westerlands but then we’ll go back to Riverrun. You’ll be able to remain there until the baby is born. Hopefully, Theon will send word of our ships soon and Mother should have returned from meeting with Renly. You’ll be safely out of the Westerlands within a fortnight or so,” Robb reassured her. He knew she feared going near Casterly Rock but he had to keep her with him until he knew what would happen with Renly Baratheon.

 

“I don’t want to be away from you waiting for news. I’m afraid that for my child’s safety without you to protect us. But now I’m afraid something will happen to the baby if I stay with you.” Tears filled her eyes. “I just want both of you safe and I feel like something horrible is going to happen to you or the baby. I couldn’t bear it, Robb.”

 

Robb held her tightly soothing her as best as he could. He knew that she was overly emotional due to the baby, but at times he worried about the affect this war, the traveling and living in tents were having on her well-being. She wanted to stay with him but it might not be the best decision. She didn’t sleep well, waking up easily due to outside noises in the camp and then taking a long time to fall asleep again. Other than her belly, she seemed to be losing weight and she was tired often. He knew she forced a smile more often than she felt it. He missed her easy smiles and happiness in Winterfell. She gave him strength here but at what cost to her?

 

“I know I’ll feel better with you in Riverrun,” he said at last. “I’m worried about you and the baby. This camp is no place for a woman with child. I can see the strain its having on you despite you attempting to hide it.”

 

“I’m fine, just tired,” she said with a placating smile. She ran her hand through his hair then wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “You cannot worry about me. You have a kingdom and an army that demand your attention.”

 

Robb sighed, resting his forehead on her shoulder. “You and our baby are important to me. I miss our days at Winterfell as well. I wish we were back there with my sisters and brothers all home. I feel like I’m failing as a husband because I’m too busy to take care of you.”

 

“You’re _not_ failing me Robb. Most husbands wouldn’t give their wives as much attention as you give me. I’m not complaining,” she replied. Her fingers trailed along his jaw then she kissed him tenderly.

 

“That’s because most husbands don’t bring their wives to war with them. If we weren’t here, I wouldn’t have to worry about you.”

 

She was quiet for a few moments before she sat back and looked at him with a gentle smile. “We’re in this together, my love. I don’t want to be a burden. I’ll stop spending so much time in the camp and rest more so perhaps I won’t look so tired and causing you to worry.”

 

Robb took her face in between his palms and kissed her for a long time. “You’re beautiful and I love you dearly. The fact that you’re more concerned about worrying me than you are concerned about yourself is so typical. You have a good heart, my sweet.”

 

“I don’t really.” Looking down, she sighed. “I truly want to beg you to take me home to Winterfell and let your men fight the rest of the war for you. I want to plead with you to rule from a throne and not from the field. I know it’s wrong and that you’ll never do it but that doesn’t stop me from wanting that. I’d rather be anything else than Queen of the North and you could be a lord or a stable boy. I just want us to be able to live our lives together without worrying about the Lannisters or the Freys or anyone but ourselves. Then I think of Sansa and Arya or what happened to your father and I realize how selfish I am being.”

 

“It’s not selfish to wish for our lives to be simple. And you’ve rarely complained. I often wish I could abandon this war then I remember that they killed my father and I know I can’t.” 

 

“Robb.” Placing her hands on his face, she said softly, “I know you’re doing the right thing but nothing will bring your father back or take away that pain. Not even Joffrey’s death. I just don’t want you to think avenging him will ease the pain of losing him.”

 

“Your Grace?” Smalljon called from outside the tent. Rising, Robb told him to enter.

 

Smalljon nodded to Deirdre before turning to Robb. “The scouts have returned. There is a Lannister camp in Oxcross that is training an army of new recruits. They’re not sending out scouts and are lightly guarded. The council wants to meet with you.”

 

“I’ll be there in a few moments,” Robb said and the other man left.

 

“Another battle so soon?” Deirdre asked quietly. She was pale and still except for a slight trembling of her hands. “I hadn’t thought we’d go that far into the Westerlands, so close to Casterly Rock.”

 

Robb studied her and wondered what caused the sudden change in her mood. Was her fear because of her husband’s risk in battle or did she fear what he’d do to her family more? She said over and over again she understood that he must fight the Lannisters but surely there were some that she felt affection for, even if only a little.

 

Her mother: of course, he’d been so blind. No matter how horribly Mina Lannister had treated her, it wasn’t in Deirdre to wish her own mother dead.

 

“If we march on Casterly Rock,” he began and her gaze flew to his, tears filling her eyes. “I will order that your mother is not to be harmed.” She nodded and looked away, taking a deep shaky breath.

 

“I do not want you to risk your life marching on Casterly Rock,” she replied quietly. “It’s never fallen. King’s Landing has. The war with the Lannisters should be in King’s Landing, not Casterly Rock. Joffrey and Cersei must pay. Tywin will meet you in the field or on the sea. Please don’t attempt to take Casterly Rock to hurt his pride and bloody his nose.”

 

“I cannot say what will happen now. But I don’t _intend_ to march on Casterly Rock. We must weaken Tywin’s forces as best as we can, even if that means going deep into the Westerlands,” Robb explained. He kissed her gently, lingering over her soft lips as his hand rested on her swollen belly. “While I am gone, why don’t you call for a warm bath and rest some?”

 

“I will.”

 

He rose then remembered the incident with the wounded men. “One more thing: I heard about the incident at the tent with the wounded. Although I was proud to hear how you stood up for my men, you cannot put yourself in a situation as risky as that again. As soon as you saw the Lannister soldiers you should have left the tent and dealt with the Maester later, not allow them to goad you into an altercation.”

 

“I know,” she said with a sigh. “I didn’t mean to lose my temper…”

 

“What you did was honorable and brave,” Robb insisted. “As I said, I’m proud that you stood up for my men and reminded everyone that the matter of their birth is not important to you. I’m certain that many will respect you even more for what you did. But right now, I need you to be more careful and less reckless. I feel horrible even mentioning it to you with anything over than praise but knowing about the Freys, I cannot have you hurt, even if standing up for what’s right.”

 

She gave a bitter laugh before saying, “Now you know how I feel every time you go into battle. Imagine your feelings multiplied by one hundred times and you’ll understand what it’s like to wait for your return.”

 

~*~

 

The plan to take Oxcross came together quickly and their attack was to take place the following night. Robb spent hours strategizing with his council before he insisted on writing his will with the smaller group of close bannermen and friends from the morning. He could see the confusion and concern some of them had about sending Robb’s heir and wife to the Wall, but no one voiced their opinions too vocally. He noted his uncle’s sour expression and knew he was thinking of Robb’s mother.

 

“We should get some rest. Dawn is close,” Robb said, rising. Everything finalized, he walked tiredly to his tent sending off his guards to rest.

 

His tent was warm and dimly lit inside and he could still smell the subtle scent of Deirdre’s bath oil in the air. She was curled up in the furs, her hair in one long thick braid draped over her shoulder, and a gown that covered almost every inch of skin. He grinned at his southern wife’s inability to tolerate the cold. As much as she seemed to have adapted to the northern ways of life, even here in the Riverlands she had little tolerance for the cold. The tent bordered on too hot for him. Grey Wind sat as far away from the fire brazier as he could get. As if she heard his thoughts, Deirdre kicked off a layer of furs with a sleepy sigh. One bare leg peeked out at him and was too tempting for Robb to resist.

 

Removing his clothing quickly, he walked to their cot and began placing gentle kisses on the soft skin on the inside of her knee. He slowly dragged his mouth up her thigh, savoring the unique taste of her. He felt fingers in his hair and raised his gaze to meet her still sleepy one.

 

“Robb,” she whispered with a smile. “What a way to wake me.”

 

“My sweet wife, I couldn’t resist the allure of your bare skin,” Robb murmured before moving his hand over her hip. “But if you wish to sleep, I will leave you to your dreams.”

 

“Who am I to refuse my king whatever he desires?”

 

“Tonight I am not the king. I am just a husband who wants to make love to his beautiful wife.” Moving up, he licked at the crease of her leg, inhaling her scent. Robb sat up, taking both her hands. “Come here.”

 

Deirdre sat up, kissing him, her tongue moving in slow circles against his.  His hands roamed her body as he returned her kiss hungrily, exploring her mouth aggressively with deep plunges of his tongue and light nibbles on her lip. Lifting her to his lap, he wrapped his arms around her.

 

“You look so weary,” she said, concerned, tracing his face with her fingers. “If you’re not the king tonight, can you leave your worries behind as well?”

 

“If I close my eyes, I will think of maps and battle plans. I will recreate the path to Oxcross. I will mentally try to remember all the landmarks in between here and there. I will think of the men I’ve lost and who I still have to protect…”

 

Deirdre kissed him mid-sentence. When she finally let his lips go, she shushed him. "Tonight it’s not enough to not be the king. Don’t be a soldier. Can you just be a man with a woman?”

 

Slipping the gown over her head, he then pulled the tie that held her braid together and began running his fingers through her hair. She truly was a vision, more so like this, relaxed with no sense of pretense, than when others saw her. “You glow,” he said with a smile. “The baby makes you glow. I thought that was an old wives tale.”

 

“I don’t _feel_ like I glow. I feel awkward and fat. Every part of me is getting bigger. I blame you for it all.” Despite her comment and the covering of her stomach with her hands, she smiled gently. She did seem to be getting bigger each day but he thought she looked beautiful.

 

“I will take all the blame, but you are radiant, my sweet. When I look at you, it’s easier to forget what I’ve lost because I see all that I’ve gained. The thought of our child, or our children if it is twins, makes me happy and makes me realize how much I need this war to end so we can go home. I want to walk with my son in the Godswood. I want to see him running in the halls of Winterfell. I feel like he’ll be much like Bran was as a child. I think Bran was always my mother’s favorite son.”

 

“I’m sure that’s not true. She loves you all so much,” Deirdre said. “Your parents seem to have affection for each of you differently but just as strong.”

 

“I don’t begrudge Bran. He was just especially close to Mother. Rickon will grow up without Father,” Robb said quietly. “He’s really too young to remember him for long, I suppose. Not as much as the rest of us at least. My mother should return to Winterfell after she’s done meeting with Renly, but I fear she’ll want to stay with her father for awhile since he’s dying. By the time we all return home, Rickon will have been on his own for a long time. Bran’s just a child himself, although he’d hate me for saying that. He can’t teach Rickon how to be a man. He doesn’t know himself yet.”

 

“They have Maester Luwin and Ser Rodrick for now. And your mother will return to Winterfell soon. She’ll want to see her sons as well. But you cannot blame yourself for not being there, Robb. You had to come south whether to war or to bend the knee to Joffrey. Bran will learn many lessons about leading from your actions. And you’re his brother, not his father. As much they look up to you, Bran is old enough to know the difference even if Rickon might not.”

 

Robb knew he had to tell her about the will but he couldn’t seem to find the words to explain his reasons. Part of him was afraid she’d be angry. A small part was equally afraid she’d be relieved to go to Jon, which would make him jealous and angry. He knew he was being unfair to put her in an impossible position.

 

“We should talk,” he said at last, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. Her eyes filled with concern, so he dove right in without hesitation. “Tonight, I made a will to arrange for your protection if anything should happen to me.”

 

Her eyes widened and she slid from his lap onto the cot, her leg still draped over his. After a moment of silence, she said quietly, “I thought this battle at Oxcross was against green warriors with little training. Why are you so concerned?”

 

“It’s not just this battle that I worry about. I should have had a will a long time ago, as soon as my father was killed.” He stroked the skin on her leg and tried not to think about a future where she was raising his child alone, without him, but it was a very real possibility he knew. “If I fall in battle, your guards will take you to the Wall, to Jon.” He raised his gaze to hers and once again saw her surprise but she said nothing, just took a deep breath and waited for him to continue. “I do not want you or my heir in Winterfell without Jon being there. My enemies will assume that’s where you are and it’s too dangerous.”

 

“They’ll assume I’m there because that’s where I should be. How can the Wall be safer?” she asked simply. “Robb, didn’t you tell me that a lot of the men there were rapists and murderers? There are wildlings all around and how are the guards going to get me from the Riverlands to the Wall safely? Winterfell is much easier to defend than…”

 

“I need you to listen to me and don’t argue,” he said sharply. “I trust Jon more than anyone else to protect you. You and I both know how much he loved you and he’s my brother. He will protect you more than any man, other than myself, would.”

 

Tears filled her eyes and he instantly regretted his tone with her. Reaching out he caressed her cheek. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. It’s hard to imagine that we could ever be parted or that a time may come where Jon is raising my child, not I. But I made him a promise when I married you that if you were to have his child, I’d raise it and love it as my own. I know he’d do the same for me. Jon will help you rule until our child is old enough. My mother is too strong willed and will have difficulty accepting your authority in Winterfell. That’s why Jon has to come back with you and our child when he thinks it’s safe. He’ll teach you all you need to know about ruling the north, he’ll teach my son. And he’ll make sure that my mother doesn’t interfere.”

 

“Your mother _hates_ Jon. She won’t allow him to come back to Winterfell…”

 

“She won’t have a choice. I’m the heir to Winterfell and then it passes to my child. I expect she’ll remain there with my brothers and my sisters, if we do get them back, but she will not be the Lady of Winterfell any longer. I’m doing what’s best for my wife, child, and the north. I cannot worry about my mother’s feelings towards Jon. If he feels the Wall is too unsafe, there are places he can go other than Winterfell. You know the Umbers would protect you all as well.”

 

She rose and wrapping the blanket around her walked to the table, keeping her back to him. After a moment she turned around, tears running down her face, and said, “Don’t do this Robb. The Northmen trust and respect your mother more than me. She’s been the Lady of Winterfell as long as I’ve been alive. You’re going to divide the Starks: your mother on one side and me and Jon on the other with your children and your siblings in the middle. Then you expect your bannermen and their men to be loyal to a bastard and a Lannister?”

 

“My mother won’t _like_ Jon being there, but she won’t show any dissention in front of others. She’ll give the pretense of a united front even if that’s not what it is. And Jon won’t be a bastard then, I’ve legitimized him in my will. He’ll be a Stark and he’s always been Ned Stark’s son, so the Northmen will respect him,” Robb explained but he began to feel a little doubt himself about the war that would go on in the household. “I have to do this. It’s the best for everyone.”

 

“It’s best for the north, but is it best for me? I’m going to have to fight a battle of wills against your mother and how is she going to feel about Jon being by _my_ side? Theon knows about Jon and I. If he tells anyone, they could suspect that this isn’t your child. And what if it’s a girl? Is she still your heir or does Jon become your heir? What does that mean for me and your daughter? Do we just hope that your mother allows us to live in Winterfell?” Deirdre’s voice was quiet but he could tell she was getting very upset.

 

“There is no way our baby could be Jon’s. He was at the Wall for months before it was conceived. So even if people knew about you and Jon, they wouldn’t suspect that. Theon wouldn’t tell either. He wouldn’t betray me like that. And son or daughter, that child is my heir. Bran would be next in line after my child, not Jon. Jon wouldn’t attempt to take anything away from our brothers and sisters.”

 

She looked at him incredulously for a moment. “You’re giving him the name Stark, but no benefits to go along with it except that he has to fight my battles for me with your mother. You’re telling him he cannot inherit anything, despite being the oldest son of Eddard Stark. Your daughter would be your heir, but if your child dies, your sisters are skipped over and everything goes to Bran. This is madness. Did you ever stop and think that maybe Jon won’t want this?”

 

“He’ll want this, no matter what the conditions are,” Robb said with certainty. “He’ll want it because of _you_.”

 

After looking at him for a few minutes, she walked to the trunk and began pulling out clothes. Robb watched her get dressed quickly feeling the anger radiating from her. He knew he should say something but he wasn’t sure what to say.

 

“You know, I’m going to say something that will probably be thrown in my face when you doubt me again, but you’re acting like an entitled ass. You assume Jon will want this because he’s always had nothing, so he should be grateful for the scraps you’re throwing him. ‘Here Jon, here’s the name you weren’t good enough to have until now, but you won’t be a _real_ Stark because you can’t inherit Winterfell or rule, _ever_ , unless every other Stark, male and female, dies. Oh, and I want you to teach my child to rule, fight my mother for her own home, and teach my wife to keep the Northmen in line. Meanwhile, walk away from your life that you’ve built in the Night’s Watch and any honor or glory you have there just so you can be with the woman I took from you because you weren’t good enough to marry her. I want you to take care of her and fight her battles for her. In return for this, you get nothing.’ He’ll still be a bastard in every sense of the word except for a name change. Or did you also tell him to bed me once in awhile as the reward for everything else? Perhaps you told him _not_ to bed me ever or he’d lose his name.” she snapped, as she tied her dress. 

 

“I didn’t include anything in my will about him bedding you at all! I’m not _giving_ him **_you_**. I just know he’ll do this out of love for you. I know this all seems…”

 

“Cruel? Yes it does. It seems cruel and _wrong_. How do you think Jon and I are going to feel with you dead? How is your mother going to feel, especially when she finds out what you’ve done? It’s a complete slap in the face that you didn’t trust her enough to let me assume my role. This is about more than who rules after you. This is about my future and once again, I have no choice in the matter.” She pulled on a cloak and said, “I’m going for a walk because I don’t want to talk to you right now. You should get some sleep since you have a battle tomorrow and gods help us if you lose since you’ve made quite a mess of our future.”

 

Before he could answer her, she left the tent in a huff. Grey Wind lifted his head for a moment, his eyes narrowing as he studied Robb then he lay back down. It’s as if even his wolf was judging him now. Robb dropped his head in his hands and rubbed his temples. This could have gone a lot smoother. He let out a bitter laugh. Jon would do all that he asked but maybe Deirdre was right; he was being an entitled ass. Everything he was giving Jon was a responsibility but yet he was giving him no reason to _want_ any of it, unless Robb had subconsciously considered Deirdre as Jon’s reward despite the fact that the thought pained him. Lying down he grabbed a fur to cover the lower half of his body. He didn’t plan on sleeping though. He would try to talk to Deirdre again when she returned.

 


	29. Chapter 29

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! I'd love some reviews *bats lashes*_

**Chapter 29**

 

“Are you having troubles sleeping, Your Grace?” Lady Mormont said as she came up beside Deirdre and Adair walking in between the tents. “Is the baby affecting your sleep already?”

 

“No. It’s just been a difficult night, I suppose. How are you? Shouldn’t you be sleeping as well?” Deirdre looked to the older woman who watched her with concern.

 

“Sometimes before a battle, I have a hard time sleeping. The anticipation is too much.”

 

At times, Deirdre forgot that Maege Mormont was a warrior as much as she was a mother and a woman. She admired her courage and wisdom but often wondered if Maege enjoyed all that she did or if it was only by necessity.

 

“I suppose you’re not happy with the will,” Lady Mormont said, eyeing her closely.

 

Deirdre’s mouth opened in surprise that the woman had known immediately what was wrong. She started to deny it, but realized there was no point so she nodded. “I know he’s the king and it’s his decision, but he’s being so…impossible, difficult, thoughtless, and just...such a _man_! He doesn’t seem to think about what this will mean for those he leaves behind.”

 

“Do you know how often I hear from my daughters about the evils of ‘men’ and their madness?” Lady Mormont chuckled. She walked silent for a moment before turning to study Deirdre. “Excuse me for being blunt, Your Grace, but are you mad about the decisions he’s made or are you mad because you’re having to face the real possibility you might lose him?” She watched her long enough that Deirdre felt the need to look away. “If it is the former, then you should talk to him and make him see reason. If it’s the latter, then you should go to him and not waste time arguing over things you cannot change.”

 

Deirdre rested her hands on her stomach silently for a few moments because answering quietly, “I’m not you or Dacey. I cannot fight by his side or command men. I have to wait for word of his survival and each time, it’s harder than the last time. Each time we lose someone in a battle, I wonder what if it had been Robb.”

 

“Since your mother is not here to say this, I will pretend you are one of my daughters and I hope you will forgive my familiarity for a moment and forget that you are my queen,” Lady Mormont said with a smile. “Look around you. He has twenty thousand men to fight by his side. He has one wife. He needs your support and love. He needs to take comfort in your bed and in your arms after the battles to forget the smells, sounds, and sights he has suffered that day. Your smiles will remind him of home. And your touch reminds him that he is a man first, before he is a king and a soldier.”

 

“My mother would never say such things. She would tell me to sit there _quietly_ and look pretty. That’s all she thought I was worth,” Deirdre muttered.

 

Deirdre realized how childish and whiny she sounded and frowned. When did she become this person? She complained about everything and nagged Robb too much. It wasn’t his fault that the Freys wanted her dead or that they were in the midst of a war. He didn’t blame her for her family yet she complained about everything he couldn’t control.

 

“Forgive me,” she uttered to Lady Mormont, reaching out to put her hand on the other woman’s arm. “I don’t feel much like myself lately. It’s like another woman is in my head half the time and she’s a shrew when she’s not being a spoilt child.” She laughed quietly.

 

“It’s natural to feel that way when you’re with child. Your body is going through so many changes. And considering all that you and Robb are going through each day, it’s not surprising that you feel completely unlike yourself,” Maege said. “You need to be kinder to your body during these times. Are you eating and sleeping well?”

 

Deirdre laughed again, shaking her head. “I’m lucky if I sleep more than a few hours a night. Robb isn’t much better though.”

 

“Robb isn’t growing another life in his belly. After the battle at Oxcross, I will talk to the midwife with you. You shouldn’t be alone in this and since Lady Stark isn’t here, I can help you if you feel a bit overwhelmed. I imagine you miss your mother a great deal.”

 

Deirdre’s eyes filled with tears and she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m so easy to tears. But no, I don’t miss my mother. We weren’t close. In fact, other than a few of my cousins, I’m not close to anyone from home. My family isn’t very much like your family or the Starks. Some of the men are close, I suppose but the women aren’t very valued as anything but to barter. My mother disowned me when I married Robb, because my marrying for love doesn’t benefit her or the Lannisters.”

 

Lady Mormont’s look of pity was enough to make her tears fall even harder. Deirdre turned away, wiping her eyes quickly. She didn’t want pity and she was tired of feeling weak. She was the Queen in the North, she was supposed to be brave and capable, not a fragile child. But she wasn’t any of those things. Lady Stark was noble and respectable. She was sure that everyone compared the two of them and saw how much Deirdre was lacking. Lady Mormont was brave and strong yet so kind. She could ride into battle with the men, yet her daughters all went to her for advice and comfort. Even Cersei was capable and respected. She was a queen, a cruel and heartless one, but still she commanded respect and even fear. Deirdre was just a pretender. There was very little Lannister in her. In some ways, she was glad but other times she wished she could be brave and strong no matter the circumstances.

 

“Why don’t you join me in my tent for a cup of warm cider?” Lady Mormont suggested and began walking in the direction of her tent, leaving Deirdre little option of declining without being rude. So she followed the other woman to the tent, leaving Adair outside. Dacey and her sisters were sleeping so Lady Mormont gestured to a spot on the bench before a table while she warmed some cider.

 

When she joined her, Lady Mormont held out a handkerchief, saying quietly, “You need not be so hard on yourself, Your Grace. It’s not your fault your family is the way they are. Nor is it your fault that you’re unprepared for what you’re facing now.”

 

“Please, call me Deirdre,” she insisted as she dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief. “I do feel very alone at times, but I should be used to that. I have more people I’m close to now than ever before and I’m never truly alone.” Taking a sip of cider, she looked at her hands as she spoke. “I didn’t grow up with brothers and sisters. My father died when I was young and my mother never spent much time with me, nor was she fond of me. There were a few different septas that came and went throughout my childhood, but none stayed long enough for me to get attached. Other than that there were servants and handmaidens.”

 

“It’s hard to imagine you in that family,” Maege admitted. “I’ve never met any of them, but just based on the things I’ve heard, you seem to have little in common with them.”

 

“Not all of them were bad. I was rather fond of Tyrion. I suppose there was bound to be tension between Cersei and I. She’s always been very territorial. My mother and I had been moved into her childhood home with her father. Then when I came to King’s Landing, she was often told that I looked like a younger version of herself. As a vain woman, that couldn’t have helped,” Deirdre admitted. “King Robert frequently told her in mixed company that I was the younger, sweeter version of her. It embarrassed me, but I’m sure it was a humiliating for her.”

 

Maege was watching her with a smile before she said, “I’ve noticed, you always defend people’s mistreatment of you. You won’t forgive the Lannisters for any slight to the Starks, but to yourself you justify it all away. Do you think the Starks are more worthy of kindness than you are?”

 

“The Lannisters are _my_ family.”

 

“Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you should allow anyone to make you feel small,” Maege insisted reaching out and grasping her hand. “Your husband, your husband’s family, your friends, your own family: no one should be allowed to look down on you. You’re a smart, beautiful, kind and very brave woman…”

 

Deirdre laughed softly. “I’ve never been more afraid in all my life than I have been lately. I’m not like you or your daughters. I’m _not_ brave.”

 

“Lord Eddard Stark used to tell his sons the only time a man can be brave is when he’s afraid. I will not have anyone, including you, say the Queen of the North is not brave. You have something the Lannister queen never had apparently. You’re kind, compassionate, and gentle, but you’re still strong. Your husband sees it, he adores you. His men admire you and not because you’re the queen or the Young Wolf’s wife. They all doubted you from the beginning because of your family name. So for them to admire you now says a lot. I do not know if you are close to Lady Stark, but until she has returned, I will see that you have the guidance you need for your pregnancy, because it would not suit for the Young Wolf to be afraid of his own wife due to her moods.”

 

Deirdre laughed with tears rolling down her face. She had never had a woman attempt to mother her before. She was jealous of the relationship Robb had with his parents, but she and Lady Stark had started out rocky because of Catelyn’s mistrust in her family and the problem it had caused with Robb. When she returned, Deirdre would attempt to bridge the gap between them again. But she had Lady Mormont’s help now. Overwhelmed with her relief, she jumped up and hugged the other woman.

 

Maege laughed quietly and patted her back. “Now no one needs to see me acting soft, Your Grace. I do have my name and reputation as the fierce She-Bear to protect.”

 

“You have no idea how much your kindness means to me,” Deirdre said through her tears. “I’m truly grateful.”

 

“It is no trouble, I assure you. Daughters I know how to handle. But might I suggest you return to your tent now to ease the king’s mind and so you can attempt to get some sleep now?”

 

~*~

 

Robb watched her enter the tent through half closed eyes. He’d dozed off a few times but always woke when he felt the emptiness beside him. She seemed to have calmed now. She removed her cloak, draping it over a chair back and came to sit beside him on the bed. Leaning down, she kissed him tenderly.

 

When she pulled back, she stroked his cheek with a smile. “Lady Mormont said it’s natural for a woman with child to act a bit mad at times. I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to do the right thing for me and our child. I became so angry because I don’t want to think about what will happen when you’re gone.” Tears filled her eyes and she looked away taking a shaky breath. When her gaze returned to him, he saw the grief and heartbreak there. “I don’t want to lose you and that will is a glaring reminder that there is a good chance I could.”

 

“I don’t plan on leaving you,” he assured her, wiping the tears from her cheek. “Every fight, I keep you and our child in my mind. It gives me strength and the stronger desire to live. I cannot promise you I won’t die but I will promise you that it will take them a lot to kill me. They’ll have to get through Grey Wind first and _then_ defeat me.”

 

“If you want me to go to Jon at the Wall if you…if the worst happens, then I will. But I hope that Jon is willing to give up what he has there for what you want him to do.”

 

“Jon was willing to give up everything for you once,” Robb said quietly. “I saw his eyes when he realized he had lost you. He’ll never stop wanting you. Wolves mate for life. You are my mate now but you were his first. He won’t have forgotten that. And he’s my brother. He’ll protect my child with his life.”

 

She looked away, perhaps worried what her face would betray on that knowledge. He had never told her the extent of hurt Jon felt losing her. It had been hard enough for him to marry her knowing it. He didn’t want her to suffer the same guilt that he did, but he suspected Jon had made her aware of his own pain the night of the wedding when he caught them outside and Deirdre was in tears.

 

“If you feel I am wronging Jon, tell me what you feel is more fair,” he said at last.

 

“Treat him as if he were a second son,” she replied, looking into his eyes. “If you ruled in Winterfell when Bran and Rickon reached maturity then our children after that, Bran and Rickon would be given holdfasts of their own. Do the same for Jon. If you want to make him a Stark and give him the same rights as your brothers, then give him what your brothers are entitled to as well.”

 

Robb thought for a moment then nodded. “I will give him Ramsgate. We haven’t even visited it with the war happening but Father assured me that the castellan is very capable and it’s a well taken care of stronghold, just waiting for us to take up residence when he returned to the North. And it is yours as well as mine to give. Perhaps that will give you some comfort for what you feel he is giving up. I never intended for him to feel like a bastard or give him ‘scraps’. I felt like since he gave up everything for the Night’s Watch, this was still better than what he has. But I see your point as well.”

 

“He grew up in your shadow, Robb,” she whispered. “I know you loved him like a brother and he loved you all so much, but he was constantly reminded he was not a Stark. I don’t want him to feel like your last words to him in your will, is a further reminder than he is not a Stark and he never will be, no matter his name. And you have to tell your mother when she returns. I don’t want her finding out upon your death because you won’t be able to apologize for hurting her then. Neither one of them would take my word that you meant no offense.”

 

“I’m just trying to watch over my family if I’m not there to do so. The thought that I might not be there is horrifying. I don’t want Jon raising my child. I want to do it myself,” Robb replied, his eyes reflecting his anguish at the thought. “But if it’s not me, I’d trust no one else as much as him.”

 

Deirdre kisses him for a long time before saying, “No matter what, your child will be raised knowing what a great father he or she had. But I think you’ll raise this child and many others. Remember, you wanted to fill the halls of Winterfell with children.” Robb smiled with a nod. “The will has been made and those who need to know have been told. If you make the changes I asked for, I will not complain anymore I promise. But please, let’s just forget it now. I don’t want to think about a day I pray will never come. It’s hard enough to watch you ride into battle already.” She rose and walked to the trunk of clothes, unlacing her dress as she went.

 

When she pulled it over her head, she picked up the sleeping gown but Robb had already gotten off the bed and come up behind her. He moved her hair out of his way as he kissed her neck. “No, stay this way. I want to make love to my wife,” he murmured, his hands sliding down her bare sides and pulling her to him. Wrapping his arms around her, her back pressed against his chest, his hands lowered to her belly. “You might feel strange due to the child but it does nothing to dampen my desire for you. If anything it only makes it worse. I look at you and I feel more love as I think, ‘that’s my wife, my mate, my love and she and I have created this wonderful child’. Or children.”

 

She tensed up and slapped his hand. “Stop saying that. I’ll never forgive you if I have twins because you have said it so often it’s as if you’re willing it to happen. Just remember if there are two, that is two small, needy children you have to compete with for my attention.”

  
Robb began walking backwards, pulling her with him. He sat on the bed with her on his lap. “Then I should make certain that I get extra attention now.”

 

Deirdre turned sideways, wrapping her arm around his neck. “You get plenty of attention. Everyone snaps to your commands; they fall all over themselves to make sure you’re happy…”

 

“That’s not the kind of attention I need,” he said with a deep chuckle. “Nor the ones I want the attention from. I want _you_.” He buried his hand in her hair and pulled her lips to his. She teased him with quick kisses before he captured her mouth hungrily, his teeth nipping at her lip lightly.

 

He loved the way she smelled and the heat of her skin against his. Her skin was like flawless porcelain, but it flushed so easily if she was either cold or embarrassed. During their love making her cheeks flushed with desire or her skin would redden from his beard brushing against it or his hand lingering too long.  After only a few kisses, it seemed to make her lips swollen enough that they looked even more tempting to him. When they made love, there was no use trying to hide it afterwards, she always looked like she had just been ravished. He wondered briefly how she hid it when she had been with Jon at night. But then no one ever saw them together until his father caught her. No wonder his father had suspected they’d made love. Robb was so grateful for that mistake now.

 

Deirdre turned on his lap and straddled him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I fear I’m getting too big. It’s going to limit us…”

 

“No, we’ll just have to be more creative. Besides, I like it with you on top,” he said with a smile. “You do ride so beautifully. And the way your breasts bounce…you obviously have no idea the affect that has on me.”

 

She reached between them grasping his manhood and stroking it with a wicked smile. “I believe I have some idea.”

 

Robb lowered his gaze to watch her line up his shaft at her entrance before mounting him. He groaned, biting his lip at the sight of his cock sliding into her combined with the feeling of her wet heat surrounding his rigid staff. She took him in fully and remained still for a few moments, the two of them breathing heavily. Wrapping his arm around her waist, he brought his mouth to capture one of her nipples in his mouth, sucking hard on it. His other hand gripped her bottom, tilting her slightly so he could slide in a little more. Sometimes he wished he could remain inside her or take this feeling with him everywhere he went. She rose up slowly, the friction making his breath hitch as she shuddered in his arms. Riding him slowly, she drew out every stroke until the both of them were panting, their hands roaming each other’s bodies, as their mouths danced on one another’s skin.

 

She sucked bruises on his neck in her passion, which he knew his men would see and snicker at tomorrow. It wasn’t the first time she had marked him as hers, he couldn’t imagine it would be the last. He dragged his lips up her neck before sinking his teeth into the tender flesh, drawing a sharp gasp from her. He moved down lower and did it again. If he was to be marked then she would be as well. The marks she’d leave on his back and arms were more reminiscent of the lioness in her, but his teeth marks on her neck was all the wolf in him.

  
Deirdre’s movements sped up and she writhed on his lap now as well. Robb had to restrain his natural instincts and desire of being more aggressive because he feared he’d hurt her or the baby so he focused more on the sight of her and the sensations of her movements. He loved watching her come undone with him. The way her lips would part and her head would fall backwards, her hair covering her back like thick waves of gold silk. The skin on her upper chest and neck would flush as her moans and gasps mixed with her breath. The way she gasped out his name as she tightened around him, her nails digging into his shoulders and back, was enough to make him lose control. He caught her face in between his hands, forcing her to look at him, reveling in the sight of her desire filled eyes as he spilled deep inside her.

 

“I love you,” he said afterwards, holding her tightly pressed against him. “I’m sorry we fought earlier.”

 

She wrapped her legs around his waist and sighed. “I am too. I love you Robb Stark. More than I thought was possible to love anyone.”

 

He smiled into her shoulder as he shifted their position to lie back on the bed on their sides. He covered up her sweat soaked skin so she wouldn’t get sick but he needed a few moments to cool off. She giggled and pressed her hands on her stomach. Robb rested his head on her belly and spoke to his sons for awhile. He told them a story. He always told them the stories he’d learned from old Nan that weren’t the scary ones. Eventually they settled and when Robb raised his head, Deirdre was sleeping peacefully.

 

They slept until Smalljon woke them the next morning for the march to Oxcross. Despite him suggesting her stay in bed, Deirdre insisted on seeing him and the men off each time they went into battle. They quickly broke their fast before he joined his men outside.

 

He hated for her to say goodbye in front of others because he could always see the worry and fear in her eyes despite her smile and attempt to look brave. It cut him to the quick to think it might be the last time he saw her though so at the edge of the camp, he always turned back to her for one more look. Grey Wind frequently stayed by her side until seeing Robb stop then he’d give chase after his master. So Robb would wait for him to catch up. Neither Deirdre nor Robb wanted to be the first one to turn away but he always had to, when Grey Wind reached his side and he could no longer delay. He’d give her a slight bow of his head and she’d give him a bright smile and put her hand over her heart, then he’d turn away. And he’d ride the rest of the way with the vision of her in his mind: her hair blowing in the wind and her beautiful warm smile against the backdrop of the tent they shared.

 


	30. Chapter 30

 

 

 

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! I'd love some feedback!  
_

**Chapter 30**

Talisa had ridden to the northern camp after Oxcross to help with the wounded, despite her terse words with their king. She couldn’t help but notice the way the king, this ‘Young Wolf’, was welcomed back as a hero and watched the young woman with the golden hair run into his arms, ignoring blood and grime on him to kiss him repeatedly as he held her tightly. His men seemed used to this occurrence, watching it with a little amusement, before the woman, who must be their queen, turned to speak to some of those standing closest to them. King Robb never let her go far from his side even as they walked through the men, his hand resting around her shoulders, waist, or at times even on her obviously pregnant belly. Talisa was intrigued, because most nobles prefer to keep their emotions for their husband and wives more subdued and private. She had heard the Northmen were ‘cold’ but these two seemed the opposite of that. The woman gave easy, kind smiles and seemed genuinely fond of her husband’s men.

 

“That’s the Traitor Queen,” said the young man she was helping.

  
Not meaning to be seen watching the royal couple, Talisa looked down at the man, her brows knitted in disapproval. “She’s considered a traitor but he is not? She’s not the one leading the soldiers…”

 

“No, but she _is_ a Lannister. Well, she _was_ I suppose. She turned on her family for that Northman. I’d heard she looked like Queen Cersei but I hadn’t expected it to be so glaringly obvious. I wonder how she feels knowing her husband has been either killed or imprisoned her own kin. Traitorous bitch,” the man said, then spat to the side.

 

“Were they married before the war began? If so, I imagine she was put in a difficult place and had to do what she thought was right. There are families fighting their own because they married into other families. This is war. It always ends up dividing families.” Talisa finished bandaging the man’s leg and moved on to the small wound on his arm.

 

“She’s standing by her husband, not her blood.”

 

“Do you not see her belly? She’s carrying his child. That child is both hers and his blood. I imagine that means more to her now than anything else. Men see everything as black and white. And women have to suffer when you can’t see the shades of gray. War is never easy on anyone.”

 

After Talisa finished bandaging his arm, she left him not wanting to discuss the queen anymore. It angered her that men saw war as the answer to everything and never seemed to see that they put women and children in such difficult positions. Based on what the king had said about the Lannisters and what’s she’d heard and seen herself, they weren’t a very kind family so perhaps that is why his queen had made the choice but she suspected it had more to do with the babe in her belly. She was surprised that this king had married a Lannister to begin with.

 

Talisa was still angry that she had let her conversation with King Robb bother her so much. He seemed just and honorable so she hadn’t hesitated to speak her mind yet when she did, she treated him with disrespect and was harsher on him than he perhaps deserved. He seemed to be kind, despite it being a battle field, when he tried to help her by holding the boy from the Lannister army down. And when the king talked about his father, she saw the pain in his eyes. Some men would have struck her for her bold words and reprimands, but not him. He seemed determined to convince her that he wasn’t a bad person rather than not even caring what some foreign woman thought. This war didn’t seem to be about glory for him. It was about justice and honor. But she had seen too much horror at the hands of his army to just wave it off without speaking her mind.

 

One day, perhaps Talisa would learn to restrain herself from saying the first thing that came into her mind.

 

It was later that night when she saw the young queen again, visiting each of the wounded Northmen and speaking with the maester. The woman was beautiful, Talisa acknowledged, and the men seemed to welcome the sight of her. She was clearly high born and wealthy, but her clothing was simple and she wore very few jewels, only a bracelet, ring, and necklace that were all very subtle and small. Nothing about this woman seemed to be glaringly obvious that she was a queen, as if she didn’t want to flaunt her status or her riches in the faces of the Northmen. She’d seen Lannister soldiers with more obvious wealth on display than her.

 

In the short time she’d been in the camp Talisa had heard much and more about the king and queen. The Northmen of all rank seem to be very loyal to the Stark family and adored the ‘Young Wolf’s little queen’ as she was referred to by some who seem to have had some previous interaction with her, while others just spoke of their queen and king with quiet reverence. She also heard about Lord Eddard Stark and his wife Catelyn. It was very different how the Northmen felt about the Starks and the Westerners felt about the Lannisters. The Starks were loved and respected. The Lannister soldiers seemed to have loyalty through fear and lack of options.

 

The Lannister army hated the Queen in the North almost more than their king though, considering her a traitor to her whole family and angry that she hadn’t persuaded her husband to trade Jaime Lannister for the Stark daughters King Joffrey still held. Talisa had heard about Ser Jaime from all of the Lannister men. He was a fighter of legend and they spoke of him in awe. But Talisa knew his other history, that of being the Kingslayer of Aerys Targaryen. Even in Volantis, she had learned of the Mad King and the fall of the Targaryen dynasty. The fact that this northern queen didn’t trade her own cousin, the beloved warrior and renowned knight, made her worse than Robb Stark to the Lannister army. Talisa thought it was ridiculous that they held her responsible for the holding of Jaime when it was the king’s decision to arrange the trading of hostages.

 

Perhaps feeling she was being observed, the queen looked up and her eyes fell on Talisa. She rose and walked towards her with graceful femininity, her guards following discreetly. Glancing down at her bloody hands and gown, Talisa felt instantly uncomfortable and humbled as she quickly rose to her feet.

 

“You must be the healer that Robb spoke of,” the queen said as Talisa curtsied. “He told me of your bravery after the battle. I can’t even imagine the horror of having to amputate a limb, much less to do so while the man is awake. You’re very strong indeed.” The queen reached out to grasp her hand but Talisa quickly jerked hers away.

 

“Your Grace, I apologize. My hands are covered in blood and…other things,” she quickly said as she lowered her head, looking around subtly for a clean cloth to wipe off some of the blood.

 

The queen studied her with a smile. “I’m Deirdre by the way. I’ll ask one of our men to arrange a tent where you can bathe and rest. I’ll also ask someone to bring you hot water and food. I’m sure you’re exhausted after today. The maester seems to think the injured are stable for now so I think it’s safe for you to go rest. And perhaps you’d join Robb and me for supper tomorrow night. There will be others there, most likely, but I’m sure he would not mind.”

 

 “Does Your Grace not hold a grudge for the way I spoke to him earlier? I must admit I was rather rude.” Talisa laughed. “But thank you very much for your kindness. I find it impossible to refuse a hot bath.”

 

“Robb was grateful for the help you’re providing,” Deirdre said, her gaze leaving Talisa’s for a moment. With the queen clearly avoiding denying Talisa’s statement, she felt certain that King Robb had mentioned her rudeness. Perhaps she should join them for dinner to apologize and show she was capable of being respectful. When the queen’s attention returned to her, she continued, “I’ll send someone to your tent tomorrow and you can let us know then if you wish to join us for supper.”

 

“Thank you, Your Grace,” Talisa said with a quick curtsy. The queen smiled as she walked out of the tent with her men.

 

As promised, a man came to her shortly after, offering to lead her to a tent where she was provided food and a bath. Other women, healers and Silent Sisters joined her later so at least she didn’t feel like she was being given special treatment. She wondered if the king even knew his wife had done this for her or if he truly wanted her at their table. Talisa found herself unable to shake the king’s intense blue-eyed gaze from her thoughts, despite admonishing herself about the fact he was married to a woman who he obviously adored and who carried his child.

 

She had sensed a spark of interest between them before but clearly she’d been mistaken. And if he was just interested in bedding her, Talisa wouldn’t allow that to happen anyway. It had seemed like more though and something told her that he was not the type to be unfaithful to his wife. Perhaps _she_ wanted it to be more. He was extremely handsome and had a strange magnetism to him that she couldn’t help but be drawn to. His passionate defense of his cause to her had made his eyes that much more intense and appealing. She stretched out on her cot and sighed. Whatever had drawn her to him, she needed to ignore it. Talisa hardly thought the queen would continue being nice to her if she found out Talisa’s attraction to her husband.

 

~*~

 

Robb watched Talisa through lowered lashes as she spoke with Lyra Mormont and Ned at the other end of the table. He was surprised Deirdre had invited her to sup with them, even more surprised that Talisa had agreed. Perhaps she felt she had no choice to refuse the queen. Deirdre knew he was angry about some of the implications Talisa had made during their discussion. When Talisa arrived tonight, Deirdre welcomed her with a smile then when Robb said nothing, she dug her fingers into his hand until he greeted her as well. He’d have to ask her later why she had been invited.

 

Normally, unless he invited his bannermen to dine with them in the larger tent, they kept the group at their table small and mostly informal. Smalljon, Ned, and Dacey were there almost every night with usually one or more of Dacey’s sisters, and a couple of their guards. Tonight it was Patrek Mallister, Ned, Smalljon, Dacey, Adair, Lyra, and Marq Piper.So for Deirdre to invite a stranger was unusual to say the least.

 

Something about Talisa frustrated Robb. He found himself wanting to show her that he wasn’t this war-loving, power-mad king that she had essentially accused him of being. With her there, he was tense, feeling as if he was being judged. At one point, Deirdre leaned over to whisper, “Is something wrong?”

 

“No. Just tired,” he said with a smile. He listened to the conversations around the table and noticed that Talisa didn’t talk much even though the other men tried to engage her in conversions.

 

“Talisa, you said you’re from Volantis. How did you end up so far from home?” Robb asked, pouring himself another glass of wine. Talisa looked up, startled when he called her name. Less bold here at his table then in the battlefield he noted with a sense of satisfaction.

 

“I came to Westeros a few years ago, Your Grace, and traveled mostly, stopping to live in a few different places, just trying to find a place that I felt connected to. I had medical training so I was able to be a healer or a midwife in most places. I ended up traveling through the Riverlands with some septas, septons, and Silent Sisters during the raids. We stopped and helped where we could. Our original plan was to go from Fairmarket to Oldtown. But I decided to remain with the Silent Sisters when the septas and septons went on to Oldtown.”

 

“Isn’t it dangerous for a woman to travel alone?” Deirdre asked. “Even during times of peace I would have thought it would be.”

 

“I was usually with holy people when I traveled from town to town. It’s rare that men will interfere with them during peacetime. However, this war has made men more desperate. There are outlaws everywhere and some of the soldiers…” she trailed off realizing that she was sitting at a table full of soldiers. “I didn’t mean to imply that any of…”

 

“My men are commanded not to rape,” Robb said simply.

 

“I apologize, Your Grace. But surely you must know that soldiers often do things they are told not to do. You’re not on every battlefield or skirmish. You cannot possibly watch them all,” Talisa replied, watching him casually.

 

Deirdre glanced at Robb sideways and put her hand on Robb’s arm. “No, Robb is not watching his men every moment, but his bannermen and the lords under his command are aware of his feelings on the matter. His men do not rape or pillage. If they take food or supplies from those they defeat, it’s from their armies and the castles they win, not the small folk. The Northmen have more honor than that.”

 

“If that is the way the Northmen are, then they are very honorable and _rare_. Honor is in short supply these days, Your Grace,” Talisa stated quietly. “I’ve seen things in other camps that would mortify you. And not just to the small folk, but the high lords and ladies. There is a force of men at Harrenhal that is known to torture and kill someone each day, mounting their heads on stakes outside the castle. It makes no matter if it is a man or a woman or a child even.”

 

“Those were Lannister men,” Robb replied, angrily. “Under the orders of the Mountain that Rides. You’re probably heard of him. He’s the one that burned through the Riverlands before I ever left the North.”

 

The table had grown very quiet as everyone watched the two of them. Robb knew he was allowing himself to become angry when he shouldn’t. He didn’t have to justify his actions to Talisa or anyone else but her implications just made him so angry and he felt the uncontrollable need to set her straight when it came to her misconceptions about him _and_ about the Northmen.

 

It was then that Grey Wind decided to make an appearance, having just returned from hunting. He must have sensed the tension in the tent because he was alert and uneasy. Naturally, he roamed to the one person he did not know: Talisa. With her seated the direwolf was shoulder height and when he stalked toward her, he raised his head to smell the air. Robb noticed that Marq, who happened to be seated by her, seemed uneasy too due to his lack of interaction with the wolf.

 

To her credit, Talisa was calm and just watched the wolf. After a moment, she turned to Robb again, “He is a direwolf, correct?”

 

“Yes. His name is Grey Wind. He won’t hurt you unless he feels you are a threat to me or my family.”

 

Grey Wind prowled around her a few times before she reached out her hand slowly, upturned, to the wolf. He smelled it and, after a moment, sat down.

 

Ned chuckled. “Now Lady Talisa, I suggest if you want to _keep_ that hand, you fill it with something from your plate. He’s expecting a scrap of food now that you’ve offered him your hand.”

 

“Oh!” Talisa replied and quickly grabbed a large piece of venison from her plate. She attempted to tear off a piece but Grey Wind stepped forward, taking the whole thing. He then turned away, stalking toward Robb and laying on the ground between him and Deirdre while he ate his new treat.

 

“Do you wish for more since Grey Wind made off with half of your supper?” Dacey offered a platter with a smile. “Never offer him more than you’re willing to give. He’ll take your whole meal if you were to hold it out to him.”

 

“To be fair, he’d spit out the metal plate when he was done,” Smalljon said with a smile.

 

“It’s quite alright. I was full anyway,” Talisa said politely. “I’ve never seen a direwolf before. He’s beautiful in a terrifying sort of way.”

 

“He’s quite tame once he knows you and doesn’t consider you a threat. If the king is around he can easily be restrained by just his command,” Adair explained. “All of the Stark children and Jon Snow had a direwolf from when they were pups. I remember when they got them. It was the talk of Winterfell because direwolves aren’t normally south of the Wall. The old folks said it was an ill omen.”

 

“Perhaps it was, considering what happened to Bran and my Father, not to mention my sisters,” Robb replied quietly.

 

“Do not worry Lady Talisa. It must be a northern trait to feel comfortable with Grey Wind because he still makes me and the other Riverlords nervous,” Marq said with a chuckle.

 

“Northmen are normally braver than the Riverland soldiers, anyway,” Smalljon grinned.

 

That led to a spirited debate that poor Marq, being the only one from the Riverlands at the table, was bound to lose. Deirdre was giving Robb a look that he could not read so he remained quiet. Talisa made excuses to leave soon after.

 

“Thank you for your gracious invitation, Your Grace,” Talisa said to Deirdre. She bowed her head to Robb.

 

“Adair, can walk you to your tent?” Deirdre said as she rose.

 

“No, there is no need. As Your Grace has assured me, the Northmen are not likely to accost me,” Talisa said with a smile.

 

“I’ll escort you to your tent,” Robb said and Deirdre looked at him in surprise. “I need some air and I wish to go speak to Lord Umber anyway.”

 

~*~

 

Talisa walked in silence beside Robb for a long time before she said, “Your Grace, I feel I should apologize for our conversation at Oxcross. I’ve seen quite a number of battles and it’s hard to see so many men die for what appears to be a war that no one can win.”

 

“What do you mean by that?” Robb asked, stopping short.

 

Talisa stopped and hesitated before speaking. “Your father’s death seems to be your main motivation and this war will not bring him back.”

 

“You know nothing of my motivations, Lady Talisa. I’m not a green boy who thinks that war is a game or the answer to everything. The North cannot be loyal to the Lannisters’ rule. If I had bent the knee to Joffrey, they would have kept my sisters as hostages and likely killed me and my mother. Perhaps they would have taken Winterfell and made one of the lords loyal to the Lannisters the Warden of the North. Starks have ruled in the north for eight thousand years. There must always be a Stark in Winterfell.”

 

“And the rest of the Seven Kingdoms?” she asked. “You said not Joffrey but what of Lords Stannis and Renly? What of Joffrey’s little brother?”

 

“Tommen is only a child. His mother would still rule. Either Baratheon would be better than the Lannisters. They came into my home as guests and tried to murder my little brother, a mere boy. They succeeded in making him a cripple. Jaime Lannister killed a lot of my father’s men in King’s Landing before debilitating him. When they imprisoned him, they slaughtered all of his household from his guards to my sister’s septa, only sparing my two little sisters to use as hostages. They began burning and slaughtering the villages in Riverlands, because it was my mother’s childhood home. This was all _before_ the war began so I ask you, what choice did I have? They began this war when they pushed my brother out of a tower window!” Robb demanded, anger and frustration coursing through his body.

 

Talisa took a deep breath and looked at the ground for a moment. Finally, she faced him and said, “I did not know all of this, Your Grace. I should never have assumed anything about your motivations. Please accept my deepest apologies.”

 

Robb looked at her quietly for a long time then nodded, beginning to walk to her tent again. She followed him in silence. Every once in awhile they’d see men who’d bow to the king and Talisa couldn’t help but notice how he seemed ill at ease with the formality of it all. She couldn’t help but think that he’d not fully come to grips with being a king yet. She knew that the Northmen had declared him king, unlike the two Baratheon brothers who declared themselves king.

 

Finally the silence was too much for her and she asked, “When do you and the queen expect your child to arrive, Your Grace?”

 

“Deirdre has a three more moons to go according to the midwife and four according to the maester. They really cannot agree on much about the baby,” Robb said in amusement. “The maester agrees with me that it is twins and the midwife swears it is not. I suppose our baby, or babies, will arrive when they’re ready and we’ll see how many there are.”

 

“Do you wish to have twins?”

 

“I want to have my children in Winterfell, no matter how many there are this time.” Robb said forlornly. “I’m a bit homesick and tired of camp life.”

 

“I’d love to hear about Winterfell someday,” Talisa said as they arrived at her tent. “Thank you for escorting me. I feel quite bad for how judgmental and discourteous I must appear to you. I cannot apologize enough, Your Grace, especially after the queen was kind enough to invite me to supper and make sure I was well cared for last night.”

 

Robb smiled and she once again couldn’t help thinking how handsome he was when he did. “Perhaps in time, you will realize that the Northmen aren’t so dreadful, Lady Talisa.” With a nod of his head, he walked off before she could answer.

 

~*~

 

“Why did you invite her to supper?” Dacey asked Deirdre pointedly when they were alone with just Ned. “You knew she had offended Robb by her comments at Oxcross.”

 

“She asked him hard questions and made him think. I don’t think he was offended but rather admired her spirit,” Deirdre explained, sipping her wine. “Besides, she’s traveling with Silent Sisters, I thought she’d enjoy a meal with a conversation.”

 

Dacey looked at her like she had grown a second head, then she glanced at Ned for a moment before returning her gaze to Deirdre. “Why in seven hells would you encourage him being around a young beautiful woman who he admired her spirit?”

 

“He admires your spirit too,” Deirdre pointed out.

 

“Yes, but he, Theon, and his siblings admired my spirit when I was a gawky girl of ten and two that used to ride horses like I was being chased by the Others too. You don’t have to worry about me wanting to become his lover after all this time of knowing him,” Dacey snorted.

 

“Dacey, that’s enough!” Ned growled and she glared at him.

 

Deirdre looked back and forth between the two of them before saying, “Did I miss something? I don’t recall her acting inappropriately toward my husband nor do I recall my husband looking for a lover.”

 

“He’s not looking for a lover, but surely you realize that as the king, Robb Stark would be a very good choice for a woman to have as a lover. He’s handsome, rich, young and very powerful. Many women wouldn’t care if he wasn’t looking for more than one night. Surely you’re not naïve enough to think Robert Baratheon had so many lovers because of his personality or his looks.” Dacey was watching her with a mix of sympathy and frustration.

 

“Robert had whores because he paid them and yes, because he was the king, he was able to get servants, probably some high born women as well. Robb has given me no reason to believe he’s interested in other women. Talisa seemed lonely so I was trying to be kind. I’m certain she’s not plotting how she can get seduce my husband into her bed,” Deirdre replied, crossing her hands over her belly.

 

“Besides, Robb Stark is an honorable man who wouldn’t bed another woman,” Ned said, shooting Dacey a glare.

 

“All I am saying is everyone probably thought the same about his father until Jon Snow came to Winterfell. Deirdre shouldn’t worry about it but neither should she _encourage_ women to develop friendships with the king.”

 

Although Ned changed the subject, Deirdre couldn’t help finding herself dwelling on it after they left. Robb had seemed unreasonably irritated whenever Talisa criticized his methods or questioned him and if anyone else had said anything, Robb wouldn’t have dwelled on it once he corrected them. And Talisa was beautiful and exotic looking. She saw it in Ned, Marq, and Smalljon’s faces when she’d been introduced. And she wasn’t so swollen with child she couldn’t see her feet. Did her husband have some attraction to her? Had Deirdre encouraged it by inviting her here tonight?

 

Deirdre realized that for the first time she had taken it for granted that there was no competition for Robb since they got married, because there hadn’t been other women around him except the Mormonts and the servants in Winterfell. Dacey was beautiful as well, but she was so headstrong and outspoken, Deirdre felt like she was closer to being like a brother to him than anything else. Robb talked to her the same way he’d talk to Ned or Smalljon. He’d refer to her mother as Lady Mormont but never called Dacey ‘my lady’.

 

It wasn’t a case of arrogance but Deirdre had little experience with jealousy. She’d never had to compete for anything since most of her choices hadn’t been her own. She was told who to marry and her first husband wasn’t attractive and, therefore, unlikely to have another woman’s interest. Even if he had, she’d not compete for him. She’d willingly allow the woman to have him if she wanted him. Jon had fallen immediately for Deirdre and once again it wasn’t a case of him having many options either. She remembered the bitter sting the night of her wedding when she saw him with those two other women though. The thought of Robb in that position, with women draped on each arm made her torn between being livid and being sick. And Deirdre had just invited this woman to her table and said nothing when Robb volunteered to walk her to her tent _alone_ in the dark. He’d been gone a long time but he’d told her he had intended to go visit Lord Umber as well.

 

As if sensing he was being thought of, Robb walked into the tent a few minutes later. He smiled at her before sitting on the ground to play with Grey Wind.

 

Trying to decide how to approach the topic, Deirdre watched him in silence. Eventually he glanced up at her curiously. “What’s wrong?”

 

She blushed and looked away, feeling ridiculous. Her husband loved her. He wasn’t going to bed another just because she was beautiful. He had barely spoken to Talisa, certainly not enough to have fallen in love with her so she couldn’t imagine her husband risking his so-important honor just for a night with a beautiful, exotic woman. He wasn’t Robert Baratheon and it wasn’t like he wasn’t actively making love to his own wife. No, Dacey was just being ridiculous and pessimistic which is something Deirdre should be used to. Dacey and Ned were arguing a lot lately as well. Adair had mentioned something about she and Marq, which made her wonder if Ned had ended their relationship and Dacey was getting revenge with Marq. As much as she adored Dacey, Deirdre knew that her friend’s treatment of men was frequently destructive to them and herself.

 

Robb was still waiting for an answer so she shook her head with a smile. “Nothing.”

 

He stood up and walked to where she sat. His fingers trailing through her hair, he whispered, “Are you ready for bed?” Placing a gentle kiss behind her ear, he pulled her to her feet. He bent down and scooped her into his arms.

 

“Robb! You’re going to hurt yourself picking me up now,” she laughed.

 

“You’re still light as a feather,” he replied but she could see the surprise on his face when he lifted her.

 

“And you are a horrible liar,” she whispered with a kiss.

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

 

 

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! I'd love some feedback!  
_

 

**Chapter 31**

 

Deirdre was tired but the walking around helped her sleep according to the midwife. So each day she insisted on walking around the camp as much as possible. Today John and Robert were her guards and John was telling her about Karhold. Out of the corner of her eye, Deirdre saw Black Walder Frey only a short distance away, walking straight toward her. She grasped Robert’s sleeve as she stopped. It was too late to walk away without being obvious so she forced a smile.

 

“My queen,” Black Walder gave her a bow that seemed to be more of a mockery than a real one. “It’s good to see you out and about. I haven’t seen you with the king in quite some time.”

 

“I’m with my husband each night, my lord. Trust me,” she said, with a forced chuckle.

 

“I just saw him with that foreign healer and worried for you, my dear,” he continued, holding out his arm for her. At first she hesitated but knew if she didn’t take it, he might be suspicious which could prove more dangerous for her uncle. “It seems Lady Stark has returned today as well. Perhaps she’ll speak to her son about his behavior.”

 

“And which behavior is this? Speaking with a healer?”

 

“Perhaps if the healer spent more time healing, my grandfather would still be alive,” Black Walder said, a hateful look in his eyes.

 

Deirdre remembered suddenly that Ser Stevron Frey had died three days after Oxcross, from a wound he’d suffered during the battle. Robb had been surprised that the Frey heir had died since no one suspected it was a fatal wound.

 

“I’m very sorry for your loss, Walder,” she said gently. “I saw your father when he was brought back from the battle and the maester didn’t think it was so serious. The maester took care of his wounds personally, if I recall. Robb said your father fought bravely and he mourned his loss.”

 

“He said the same thing to my father when he came to our tent. But I was surprised he didn’t bring his queen with him. Perhaps this healer was distracting him.”

 

“I wasn’t feeling well that night. Forgive my lack of courtesy.” Whether he was the one attempting to have her killed or not, she didn’t like this man. He made her afraid but more than that, he was making her angry.

 

“Did you know Lord Stark came back from the war with a bastard? For some women that’s unforgivable. Perhaps you’re more tolerant than Lady Stark.” He patted her hand and smiled one of his smiles that was pure malice and designed to mock.

 

Deirdre forced herself to laugh again, despite the fact she wanted to claw his eyes out. “Oh, dear Walder, I doubt Robb has time for other women. Between his duties, me, and this little war we have going on here, he’s kept quite busy. Besides he’s not foolish enough to endure more than one pregnant woman at a time.”

 

He stopped and leaned closer to her ear, saying, “As a pregnant woman lose their pleasing shape, her husband often strays. Not that I find you any less lovely, my queen. But would you like some advice?” She could smell the alcohol on him. He’d obviously drunk quite a bit since the odor seemed to be coming out of his pores.

 

When Black Walder reached for her wrists, Robert stepped in and said quickly, “My lord, I think you’re not yourself today. You need to release the queen and step away from her.” She noticed Robert’s hand rested on the pommel of his sword. John pulled Deirdre from him, putting himself in between Walder and Deirdre.

 

Black Walder looked like he wanted to strike Robert. “Apparently your guard dogs think they are allowed to tell me how to behave. Tell me, have you forgotten who I am?”

 

Not willing to tolerate this further, Deirdre said, “Walder, your grief is causing you to act unsuitable. Perhaps you should get some rest. Robert, John, I must go see Lady Stark now that she’s returned.” Before she walked away, she said, “Thank you for your concern for my well being. But there is no need.”

 

Without a backwards look, she turned and walked away from him followed closely by John and Robert. They remained silent until she was certain they wouldn’t be overheard before she said, “That man is almost as cold and evil as Lord Bolton appears to be. And perhaps more foul than his grandfather.”

 

“ _Great_ Grandfather, Your Grace,” John corrected her.

 

“There are too many of them and I can’t keep them straight,” Deirdre snorted. “They’re all the same so far except for Olyvar. Thank you for stepping in, Robert.”

 

“You do intend to tell His Grace about this, don’t you? That man’s behavior was improper if you had been any high born woman but as you are his queen, it was so much more so. Considering what we know…”

 

“Yes, I’ll tell him. Perhaps you should relay it on to Ned if you see him before I do. I know Robb will have much to discuss with his mother so I don’t want to intrude on that. Hopefully she has news from Renly as well; I don’t want to forget to tell him. I don’t think Black Walder would have actually hurt me publicly but then again, people frequently surprise me.” Deirdre prayed that Lady Stark had good news from Renly. She certainly didn’t want to spoil their reunion either.

 

When she walked into the council tent, Robb was with his mother and Lord Bolton. He looked stunned and devastated. She wondered what had happened when she saw he was clutching a raven’s message. “This cannot be true,” he said quietly, looking pained.

 

“We’ve had ravens from White Harbor by return of the Dreadfort. I’m afraid it is true.” Lord Bolton spoke quietly, as he always did. Deirdre looked between the men and Lady Stark. Finally, when no one thought to explain to her what happened, she walked to Robb’s side and took the paper from him. Her hands shook after reading about Winterfell.

 

“Why? Why would Theon…” Robb murmured.

 

“Because the Greyjoys are treasonous whores,” Lord Bolton interjected.

 

“My brothers?” Robb asked.

 

“We’ve heard nothing of them,” Lord Bolton answered and Catelyn looked as if she had been struck. But Ser _Rodrik Cassel_ is dead.” Deirdre gasped, putting her hand over her mouth and feeling sick. She knew how long he’d been with the Starks and had trained Robb, Jon, and Bran how to fight.

 

Catelyn swung around and looked at Robb, her eyes full of pain and anger. “I told you to never trust a Greyjoy!”

 

“I must go north at once.” Robb rose so suddenly that he startled Deirdre. She wanted to reach out to him to comfort him but he was too angry now.

 

“There’s still a war to win, Your Grace,” Roose insisted, intercepting Robb from leaving the tent.

 

Robb exploded, “How can I call myself king if I cannot hold my own castle? How can I ask men to follow me if I can’t…”

 

Roose remained calm in the face of Robb’s anger and interrupted, reminding him, “You _are_ a king. And that means you don’t have to do everything yourself.”

 

“Let me go talk to Theon,” Catelyn suggested, stepping forward.

 

Robb cut a glare in her direction, saying, “There will be no talking. He will die for this.”  Catelyn looked at Deirdre helplessly as if she wanted her to persuade Robb to allow her to go. But Deirdre knew that look in his eyes. There would be no changing his mind this time. And she wasn’t sure she didn’t agree. Theon betraying Robb was unforgivable and endangering Bran and Rickon was despicable but risking his own mother too made no sense.  

 

Roose continued calmly, “Theon holds the castle with a skeleton crew. Let me send word to my bastard at the Dreadfort. He can raise a few hundred men and retake Winterfell before the new moon. We have the Lannisters on the run.” Robb looked back at him and Deirdre could see the doubt in his eyes. He wanted to go after Theon personally. And everyone knew the rumors about Ramsey’s cruelty. “If you march all the way back north now you’ll lose what you’ve gained. My boy would be honored to bring you Prince Theon’s head.”

 

Despite his conflicting emotions, Robb finally said, “Tell your son Bran and Rickon’s safety is paramount. And Theon - I want him brought to me alive.” When Roose looked surprised, he added, “I want to look him in the eye and ask him why and then I’ll take his head myself.”

 

Lord Bolton nodded and left the tent. The three of them were quiet for a long time. Deirdre watched Robb trying to comprehend what had just happened. Her heart ached for him. She reached out to take his hand but he moved away before she could.

 

“I need to go…somewhere… I can’t remain here, doing nothing but waiting,” Robb said at last. “I need to burn off some of this…”

 

“Robb, there is other important news we need to discuss,” Catelyn said quietly. “Renly Baratheon agreed to our terms but now, he is dead. I saw him murdered myself. It was a creature of shadow…I don’t know _what_ I saw…but he is dead.” She recounted what happened between Renly and Stannis, then what happened later in Renly’s tent.

 

Robb spoke numbly, “I don’t have the ships I need from Theon because he betrayed me. I lost our potential alliance with Renly, because he was murdered. Stannis will never support our cause because he considers it stealing half of _his_ kingdom. And the Freys are plotting against me to kill my wife…”

 

“What?” Lady Stark looked at Deirdre with concern. “What has happened?”

 

Before Deirdre could answer, Robb got up and left the tent, Grey Wind following him not far behind. Deirdre rose but realizing he needed time alone, sat back down slowly with a sigh. After a moment she reached out and took Catelyn’s hand. “I’m certain Theon won’t harm the boys. He knows that Bran and Rickon are far too valuable. If he doesn’t have enough men to hold Winterfell, then surely Lord Bolton’s son can take it back from him.”

  
“I’ve heard horror stories about Ramsey Snow. I’m not certain which is worse,” Catelyn muttered.

 

Deirdre saw the tears in her eyes and squeezed her hand. “I know you never trusted this alliance with the Greyjoys and I had my own feelings of mistrust for Theon, but he loved Robb like a brother. That is why Robb trusted him. Robb did what he thought was best. He’s punishing himself for this misjudgment. This betrayal makes no sense to me. Perhaps I am still too naïve. After all this time with my own family, I shouldn’t be surprised anymore.”

 

“It’s not a character flaw to believe in people’s goodness, but it’s often the source of more pain for yourself. My dear husband had the same flaw. I do not wish for my son to end up like he did,” Catelyn replied. “Some people consider me cold and unforgiving but I think of the ones I trusted who betrayed me; like Petyr.” Anger flashed in her eyes. “I didn’t tell Robb because he was angry enough but Petyr Baelish came to see me in Renly’s camp. He brought me Ned’s remains.”

 

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Deirdre exclaimed a bit shocked at his gall. “At least, Lord Stark’s remains can be buried with his brother and sister now.”

 

“Perhaps if we held Winterfell.”

 

“We will. We’ll get it back. We must. Until then, the residents will not let any harm come to Bran and Rickon. They also have their wolves to protect them,” Deirdre tried to sound as optimistic as possible.

 

Catelyn nodded then visibly tried to compose herself. “Tell me about the babe. How are you feeling? Has the maester seen you lately?”

 

They spent the next hour talking before Deirdre insisted Catelyn get some supper and rest. Since Robb hadn’t returned, she went to find him. He was in their tent drinking alone. Coming up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek.

 

“How are you?” she whispered, massaging the muscles in his neck.

 

“How do you think? I’m a fool to think there is anyone here who is loyal to me if it interferes in their best interests,” he retorted, moving away from her hands.

 

Deirdre watched him for a moment before sitting down across from him. On one hand she thought maybe he should just be allowed to brood for a time but at the same time she didn’t want to see him acting like a fool. “That’s not fair, Robb, and you know it. There are people who are willing to die for you. And willing to kill for you.”

 

“Theon was one of those people at one time, until he went home to his real family.”

 

She remained silent, because in her mind Theon had never inspired much respect or faith in him but he had seemed to love Robb like a brother.

 

“If you go home to your family, you might turn on me as well.”

 

His words felt like a slap and she inhaled sharply, speechless for a few moments. When she did speak, she tried to tone down her anger because she knew he was hurting. “I’m not the one who betrayed you. I’ve turned from my family many times. In fact, I consider your family as my own.”

 

Robb let out a snort then a chuckle. “Words are wind. You haven’t been with your family in ages. If you saw your mother, perhaps your loyalty would change. If I were to start losing battles to Tywin, you might just as easily change your allegiance for your own safety.” He studied her through narrow, red rimmed eyes. “I can’t trust my own judgment when it comes to you because I’ve loved you since I first saw you. And you carry my child. If I lose everything, will you still stand by me or will you save yourself?”

 

Deirdre grabbed the flask of wine from him angrily. “You’re drunk. I will not put up with absurd drunken accusations. I’ve made it no secret that even if I end up dying by your side, I would stay there because I love you. You can’t compare me and Theon. He was taken from his family when he was a child. He never had a choice.”

 

“My father raised him beside us, like one of his own. He was never treated like a hostage! And he repaid my father’s kindness and my friendship with treachery.”

 

“I’m not saying that Theon had a right to do what he did or that your family treated him badly. I’m saying my circumstances were different than Theon. He didn’t choose to be with you. I _did_. So don’t you dare turn your anger at him against me. I’m not Theon and I won’t betray you.”

 

“Let’s be honest. You didn’t choose _me_. You chose Jon. Well as long as you’re carrying my heir, I won’t risk it,” Robb replied sullenly.

 

“I’m sick to death of you using Jon against me. You’ve thrown accusations in my face more times than he and I were even together!” Deirdre’s temper was close to boiling over so she decided it was best they didn’t speak. “I’m going to bed. Perhaps when you’ve sobered up, we’ll talk.”

 

When she rose, Robb grabbed her arm, pulling her into his lap. He kissed her hard, his hand tangling in her hair as he pulled her to him. When he moved his hand to her shoulder to pull her dress off, he ended up ripping some of the laces in his roughness. He was so angry and, in the process, perhaps unknowingly, he was hurting her. She feared he would take out his fury at Theon on her so she pushed his hands away.

 

“Stop,” she demanded, pulling away. “Not like this, Robb.”

 

He looked at her with cold fury that made her sick. She attempted to caress his face to perhaps soothe him enough so she could talk to him, but he jerked away. “Go to bed,” he ordered, lifting her off his lap roughly.

 

Tears burned her eyes. She was reminded of the night Jon sent her running from his room. Robb frightened her now so she said nothing. Within a few minutes, he left the tent, his steps faltering as he went. She understood why he was hurt and angry at Theon. She could even forgive his doubt. After all, Theon betrayed him in the worst possible way and Deirdre could do the same with her own family. But she thought after all this time he would know she would never do that. And she was tired of her affair with Jon being used against her.

 

Perhaps Robb didn’t know her at all. The thought made her both hurt and angry. Eventually she changed clothes and went to bed. Angry tears fell hot on her cheeks. She had dreams of Grey Wind running wild in the Wolfswood, violently tearing into rabbits and a deer. There was so much anger in him and he was so dangerous that she woke up gasping. Robb was snoring softly beside her, still mostly dressed. She got up and drank some water then began to remove his boots and tunic at least.

 

Robb woke up and took her wrist, pulling her to sit beside him. Guilt was in his eyes as he whispered, “Forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

“I know,” she answered quietly. “But don’t promise you won’t do it again because you said the same thing a few days ago.” Anger flared in his eyes and he tightened his jaw, letting her wrist fall from his grasp. Deirdre shook her head and said, “Go back to sleep. We’ll talk when you’re not so angry. I’m tired of paying the price for everyone who has wronged you. It’s exhausting.”

 

She went to the other side of the cot and lay down, facing away from him. Wrapping her arms around her belly, she bit back the tears that burned her eyes. She knew Theon’s betrayal was going to leave such a mark on Robb but if he kept punishing her for it, they wouldn’t survive it.

 

~*~

 

Ygritte’s words from the other day burned in Jon’s mind as the Wildlings marched. Each night she’d lay her furs near him and try to press against him for warmth, or so she claimed. But he was no fool. Eventually, if she couldn’t seduce him, they’d never believed he had turned against the Night’s Watch.

 

It wasn’t as if she wasn’t attractive with her fire-red hair, but he had taken a vow and he meant to keep it. He wondered if it would have been easier if he was innocent. Then he wouldn’t know what he was missing. Deirdre still haunted his dreams and sometimes Ygritte would drift through as well. He’d wake up hard with her pressed against him. He couldn’t even relieve himself with his hand because she never left him alone.

 

“Who is she?” She asked him one night by the fire. “Deirdre. Who is she?”

 

“None of your concern,” he scowled, wondering how she knew that name.

 

“Maybe you have been with a girl, boy, the way you moan her name in your sleep. Or maybe you just wanted to and weren’t. Were you as scared of her as you are of me?”

 

He wanted to yell at her that she was the one who knew nothing,  that Deirdre and him had made love so many times he knew exactly how to make her whimper or beg for more. He knew how every inch of her body felt against his own and how sweet her mouth tasted or the smell of her hair. And the smiles she gave him that were nothing like the ones she shared with others. Her courtly manners forced her to smile politely even when she didn’t mean it but with him she’d give wicked smiles before nipping him with her teeth and joyful smiles when she first saw him each night. The way she’d smile with unguarded happiness when she was with him. Or even the secret smiles she’d give him when he saw her in the Great Hall and they had to pretend they barely knew each other, that they wouldn’t spend the later hours of the night pleasuring each other until they collapsed in exhaustion onto the bed and slept in each other’s arms.

 

But Jon didn’t answer, just rose and walked away with Ghost trailing after him. His memories of Deirdre were his own and he wouldn’t share them with Ygritte. He’d once told Tyrion about the woman he’d loved after Tyrion had supplied him with much wine to loosen his tongue. But he didn’t mention her name or many details. No one knew about them other than Sam; except Father and Robb and they had no details. He didn’t know he called out for her in his sleep, but how could he ever explain that it was his brother’s wife that he wanted? Ygritte would never understand why she married Robb even though she loved Jon.

 

If she loved him, that is. When he came to the Wall, Jon had begun to wonder if Deirdre had ever really loved him. She’d never said the words though he had told her many times. And each day it became harder to believe that she had loved him. Why would she love him over Robb? Like Theon had said when he even suspected Jon was interested in her, a high born lady could do better than a bastard.

 

Jon wished he’d said the right things the last times they spoke. If she had any love for him, he destroyed it the night of her wedding to Robb with his drunken comments. She probably believed them more than his apologies and his leaving with the two women was damning evidence against him. But he hadn’t make love to either of those women. He had hoped to lose himself in one of them but neither woman’s kisses had driven Deirdre from his mind and he couldn’t bring himself to lie with them if he thought of her. So he spent the night trying not to think of Deirdre making love to Robb in their marriage bed. The next morning, he knew he’d truly lost her by the way she looked at Robb and smiled at him in a way once reserved only for Jon.

 

~*~

 

Deirdre woke up horribly afraid. She was alone in the tent thankfully because she suspected she’d cried out Jon’s name again which would only serve to make Robb even more hostile to her.  But she’d dreamed about Ghost getting attacked by an eagle and it had ripped up Ghost’s muzzle with its claws. Deirdre felt like her own cheek was on fire and she cried out. She knew she was still dreaming but she couldn’t seem to pull herself from it this time. Suddenly she felt the cold winds blowing as snow swirled around her, more snow than she had ever seen before. But there was a trail of blood drops in the snow. She reached up to her cheek but there was no blood on her.

 

She felt Jon’s presence, but she didn’t see him. She also felt Bran, Rickon, and for the first time Robb. Or maybe it was Grey Wind, she wasn’t sure anymore. Bran and Rickon were afraid, Jon was hurt, and Robb was angry. Deirdre just felt trapped, like she couldn’t move. She heard Rickon crying for his mother and Bran telling him to be brave, even though she felt Bran’s fear and helplessness. At least she sensed they were not alone, someone was protecting them. Jon wasn’t alone either. He was surrounded by people he didn’t trust but someone, a woman, was trying to comfort him and take care of him. Robb was just snapping and snarling, raging at the world all alone and he felt so dangerous. Her baby started kicking her in time to his father’s growls it seemed. Deirdre felt like she was losing her mind with all the voices and emotions. She closed her eyes, covered her ears and sank to her knees, not even caring about the frozen ground.

 

Suddenly, there was silence. She cautiously opened her eyes and Jon stood before her, holding out his hands. “You cannot stay here. It’s not safe for you. They will kill you if they get the chance,” he urged her. Finally when she didn’t move, he moved to her side, pulling her to her feet.  “Go! You will die if you stay here.”

 

Deirdre didn’t answer him because she knew it was a dream and there was no point. Suddenly an eagle dropped down and ripped into Jon’s cheek, the force of the blow knocking him off his feet. Jon screamed in pain and surprise, and Deirdre reached to help him then she felt like she was plunging a great distance.

  
It was then that she woke up, shivering. Her skin felt as cold as ice despite the warmth in the tent. It was as if she had been with Jon in the snow, not just in the dream but in real life. She felt so exhausted and just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. The worst part is that she couldn’t even talk to Robb about it now with him already feeling angry and doubtful. Perhaps she would talk to Ned about it later since Robb had told him about the dreams already.

 

Dragging her hands through her hair, she remembered she hadn’t told Robb about her encounter with Black Walder either. Now he was likely to get angry with her for forgetting to tell him. She was damned either way. Rolling back on her side, she decided to sleep a little longer since she hadn’t slept much the night before with the dreams and Robb’s fitful sleep. Part of her just wanted to hide out in the tent for the rest of the day anyway.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dialog between Robb and Roose Bolton is from the TV show.


	32. Chapter 32

 

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! I'd love some feedback!  
_

**Chapter 32**

 

It was after the eagle had ripped open his face and Mance confronted him once again, questioning his loyalty that Ygritte lied and claimed they were lovers. She did it to prove he’d turned against the Night’s Watch and soon she’d expect him to prove it to her as well. She tended his face more gently than he’d expected and assured him he was still ‘pretty’. She teased him when he blushed.

 

Jon wasn’t so blind that he didn’t know when women were attracted to him. Sometimes he’d even see high born ladies look at him but as soon as they’d heard he was a bastard, they’d turn away in disappointment. Some of the bolder serving girls and women from the winter town had made offers. The whores from the brothels would love him well enough because he’d have paid them and they didn’t care about a man’s status.  But he didn’t want just a tumble in between the sheets even though Theon claimed he’d change his mind if he tried it. He wanted a woman who wanted more than just his coin or his cock.

  
Then Deirdre had ridden into Winterfell and he knew why he waited. He wanted someone to look at him and want him the way she had, the way she’d burned for him. It had been overwhelming at first that anyone like her, who could easily chose any man she wished to have, would want someone like him. But then she was gone, giving Robb all that she had once given Jon. And more than that, she was Robb’s _wife_ , something she could never be for Jon. He tried not to think of her beneath his brother but at times he grew angry that Robb once again had something Jon did not. It wasn’t enough that Robb had been the heir and the legitimate brother and son. Now he even had Deirdre. He was the King in the North and had made Deirdre a queen. But Jon missed his brother so much; any anger toward Robb would make him feel guilty.

 

Ygritte was here and she wanted him, it was clear. He’d come to desire her as well, even if he didn’t want to. She didn’t care if he was a bastard or a Stark. He just had to prove to her he wasn’t a loyal man of the Night’s Watch. One more layer he had to be willing to strip away to lay with a woman. He’d act the part and prayed the relief his body would have with her would hold the guilt at bay.

 

So when she climbed into his furs that night and kissed him, he’d kissed her back hungrily. She tasted and felt so different. But there was no sweetness to her seduction, just abrupt and demanding need. And he reminded himself that it was fine, he was only playing a part and looking for relief in the process. But afterwards, even though he’d felt physical release, he also felt emptiness so sharply it was painful, more painful than the physical need he’d had before.

 

“What’s the matter, crow? Are you used to women who just lie there until you’re finished and never expect pleasure from you? I know how you kneelers are.” Her voice was bitter and he turned to look at her.

 

“How do you know how us ‘kneelers’ are? Have you bedded a lot of southerners?” he retorted and she glared at him. “You don’t…it isn’t…that was like two animals rutting in the dirt. Anyone can do _that_. For someone with so much experience, it appears _you_ don’t know how to do it.”

 

She attempted to knee him in between the legs but he deflected her knee and jerked her underneath him. “You say you’re not a savage, but you act more like an animal than a woman and I don’t mean that as a compliment!”

 

“It’s a hard world up here, Jon Snow.  Woman or man: if you’re soft, you die,” she answered, her jaw tightening as she looked away.

 

Jon sighed. He hadn’t meant to hurt her feelings but she’s likely to cut his eyes out if he apologized. “I’m not saying you should be _soft_. But there are times where you can be _softer_. Everything doesn’t have to be a battle.” He kissed her and each time she tried to be too aggressive or demanding, he’d pull away and then begin kissing her gently again. Eventually, she seemed to catch on and allowed him to lead her. He kissed her until they were both out of breath and when he pulled away, he brushed the hair out of her face. “See? Was that so terrible?”

 

“No,” she admitted and he smiled.

 

They continued to kiss until Ygritte’s hands started wandering across his chest and lower. Jon explored as well, forcing himself to take everything slow so perhaps she would see that it could be just as nice if they took their time. Despite the cold, they eventually ended up completely nude to fully explore each other. Every once in awhile, she’d look at him with hesitation and he’d smile at her encouragingly. It almost made him sad that she feared being vulnerable the least little bit. Despite her hard exterior, he wondered if she was hiding a tender heart.

 

Jon made love to her gently and she seemed surprised when she peaked. Her nails ripped into his shoulders and she tugged hard on his hair but she yielded to him. Afterwards, she kissed him while she clung to him like he was all that anchored her to this world. Jon at last allowed himself his release with a shudder and a moan.

 

Ygritte curled up against him after and Jon had to admit it was nice having a soft, warm body beside him. Once she stopped treating their coupling like a war, he had enjoyed it. Just like the woman herself, Jon had to learn to navigate her emotions. They came from different worlds and it affected things in ways he would never have suspected.

 

Sometimes he forgot that even though he was a bastard, Jon had lived a life unlike most people since his father was a high lord and raised Jon amongst his other children. He had the same food, clothing, education, and training as his brothers and sisters. Like all the Stark children, he had a nice warm room with a soft feather mattress in his own bed. He just didn’t have a mother.

 

Deirdre’s world was not so different from his own, so he never had to worry about the differences creating such huge communication problems. A simple comment from him that came naturally, like his instinct to apologize when he hurt Ygritte’s feelings, could cause an unexpected and unwelcomed reaction from the wildling woman. She thought Jon’s courtesy and honor were ridiculous practices. They were from two different worlds.

 

“Did you love her?” Ygritte said suddenly. “Deirdre. Did you love her?”

 

Jon felt a pang of regret that he felt compelled to answer. “Yes.”

 

“Is that why you didn’t want to…” She left the question hanging in the air and Jon thought about it. He knew he could explain away his hesitation to make love to Ygritte by blaming it on Deirdre and it might buy him more understanding from the wildlings. But he felt like it cheapened what they had so he remained silent.

 

Ygritte raised her head and looked at him. “It was like those songs that Mance sings, wasn’t it? She was probably beautiful with fancy dresses and jewels and she knew all your proper behaviors and courtesies. I’m not like her so you…”

 

“No, you’re not. But I never expected you to be,” Jon interjected quickly.

 

“Don’t lie with me pretending I’m someone else, Jon Snow,” she declared, her eyes narrowing. “Or I’ll make you remember every time how I’m not like her and you ought not try to turn me into her.”

 

“I wasn’t! I just wanted you to stop battling me on everything for once,” Jon exclaimed, exasperated. “You’re so _difficult_. It wasn’t anything to do with Deirdre. I never pretended you were her. I just wanted you to be less…combative. And don’t lie. I saw you enjoyed it somewhat.”

 

Ygritte studied him for a moment before putting her head down again. “Might be that you know something about that, Jon Snow, but you need to realize that not all women are the same. I’m not like the ladies in Mance’s songs. I don’t want you to serenade me or bring me flowers. I’d rather you bring me a bear’s pelt.”

 

Jon chuckled, tightening his hold on her. “If I see a bear, I’ll consider it, but don’t worry; I’ll never serenade you or anyone else.” It was hard to imagine having a normal courtship as he’d never had one before but the thought of wooing Ygritte was entirely laughable. He closed his eyes and for the first time in awhile, he fell asleep without worrying about waking up with her spear in his throat.

 

~*~

 

Robb had sought Deirdre out after lunch when Ned had told him about the incident with Black Walder. It was all he could do not to go after the bastard now, but Smalljon and Ned both calmed him down into exercising caution.

 

She was alone in the tent, reading when he came in. He walked to her, crouching down and taking the book away from her. Her eyes followed him warily and he regretted that his actions last night probably caused her wariness. He kissed her hands and said, “If I could take back what I said and did last night I would. I never want you to feel scared of me.”

 

“I knew you were hurting. But yes, you did scare me. And then once again, you had to bring up my past with Jon. I’m so tired of that conversation, over and over again. Sometimes I feel like I need to commit another horrible sin to get you to stop focusing on my last one.”

 

“No, you don’t. I didn’t mean to upset you or scare you,” he said, rising and sitting down across from her. He pulled her into his lap and made a soft ‘umpf’ sound before grinning.

 

“Is this your way of apologizing?” She glared at him. “Reminding me that I’m the size of an auroch?” She attempted to get off his lap but he held her there in his arms.

 

“You are my wife, my queen, and I don’t care what size you are because you carry my baby inside you. Now, tell me what happened with Black Walder,” he said. “I’ve heard from Ned but I’d rather hear it first-hand from you.”

 

Deirdre repeated the story and it made Robb so furious that he could do nothing more seriously than confronting the man. “Next time you tell me as soon as things happen so I can deal with it straight away.”

 

“When I saw you, you had just found out about Winterfell and I didn’t want you to behead Black Walder out of your anger at The…”

 

“Don’t say his name.” Robb was doing his best to not think about ‘him’ today. If he heard his name, he lost his temper and focus. “I’ll deal with Black Walder today. He cannot speak to my wife or about me that way without consequences.” Reaching over to the table, he picked up and handed her a package from Riverrun. “I have a gift for you as a token of the affections from the riverlords to the Queen of the North.”

 

She took the velvet wrapped package careful with a hint of surprise. “What is it?”

 

“Open it and see.” He smiled.

 

Deirdre slowly un-wrapped the velvet to find a delicate silver crown with two intertwined wolves that had blue sapphires as eyes and lay on gold leaves. She looked at it for a long time before saying, “It’s beautiful.”

 

“You seem surprised…or somehow disappointed…” he said, taking it from her and looking at it. It seemed pleasing enough, like something he would chose for her. “Do you not like it?”

 

“I’m honored by it but…I don’t like what it represents,” she admitted. She slid off his lap, turning away from him as she paced restlessly. “You’ve warned me that our child is in danger because I’m the queen. Each day you’re in more danger because you’re the king. I know it sounds ungrateful…”

 

“Even if I wasn’t the king, I’d be here now, as a soldier of the northern army. I just have more to lose.” He watched her for a long time before saying, “I don’t know how to make this easier for you, Deirdre.”

 

She walked to the cot and sat down, tucking her feet underneath her. She looked so miserable and it made him irrationally angry. Robb picked up the crown, wrapping it back in the velvet and threw it angrily across the tent towards an opened trunk. He grabbed his sword belt and fastened it on.

 

“Where are you going?” she asked.

 

“Does it matter?” he snapped. His head ached and he was frustrated and angry with her. “I’ve tried everything to make you happy and you insist on reminding me how much you don’t want to be here, you don’t want to be the queen, you don’t want this war or me in battles. You don’t want _any_ of this. What _do_ you want? Do you want me to abandon my sisters and just go home? Do you want me to grovel at Joffrey’s feet so perhaps he’ll allow us to live? And where would we go? We don’t even have Winterfell anymore!”

 

“No!” she exclaimed, tears falling from her eyes as she rose. “I just want one day of peace to not have to worry that you’re going to die. One day that I don’t have to think of we’re one step away from losing _everything_. From morning until night, I have to worry what will happen to you. I have to watch the weight of the north crushing you. I’m _trying_ to be a queen but I don’t know _how_. I just want to protect you, protect our child and that means more than being queen to me. I’m not a warrior, I can’t protect you! And lately, with you I also can’t do anything right.”

 

Robb grabbed her arms and pulled her to him. “Stop this. I have men out there to protect me. I have _one_ wife to remind me that I am a man, not just a king. Stop trying to be a queen. Just be the woman I married, the woman I fell in love with. That’s all that I want from you.”

 

She looked at him for a long time before asking softly, “Is it? I know I haven’t always been myself, but lately it seems like _you’re_ the stranger, not me. You act the king with me more times than you act like a husband. If you want me to stop being a queen, then try stopping being the king sometimes.”

 

Robb released her and walked to the entrance of the tent. Turning to look at her, he said, “When I get my castle back, my brothers are safe, and Theon Greyjoy’s head is separated from his body, then I will be myself again. Perhaps you’ll still want that or maybe you’ll realize you liked me better as the king.” He left before she could answer.

 

Despite what he said and his anger at her, he knew she was right. He didn’t know himself anymore. She was right – the north felt like it was crushing him or more accurately, this damn crown was crushing him. But for now, he intended to take out some of his anger on someone who truly deserved it. Smalljon and Robin walked behind him to his left and right as he strode to the Frey tents. As soon as he walked by, men and squires were bowing to him. Grey Wind slowly prowled beside him and Robb secretly enjoyed the fact that people feared the wolf so much.

 

“Take me to Black Walder Frey’s tent,” he commanded a young man, most likely a squire, who bowed to him so quickly he almost fell over. Robb followed the boy through the maze of tents until he reached a large one.

 

“Perhaps I should announce His Grace,” the boy said and started to step to the tent.

 

“There is no need,” Robb said passing the squire and walking inside.

 

Black Walder was seated on his cot with a half naked camp follower on her knees between his legs. His hand was roughly fisted in her hair as she bobbed up and down. At first, Walder didn’t seem to notice the intrusion. A low growl behind Robb was all the announcement he needed. Black Walder opened his eyes, pushed the woman away and began attempting to shove his cock back inside his breeches. The camp follower looked at Robb wide-eyed for a moment as she covered her breasts.

 

“Your Grace,” Black Walder said, tossing clothing in the woman’s direction as he stood up. “I didn’t know…”

 

“Leave us,” Robb told the woman as soon as she had pulled her dress over her head. When she was gone, Robb looked at Walder coldly. “Do you have something you wish to say to me?”

 

Confusion flashed in his cold eyes for a few moments. “I apologize for the woman but I was unaware you and I had a meeting.”

 

“This isn’t about that woman. It’s about the way you spoke to my wife, your queen. And it’s about your assassination of my character and honor. So I will ask you again, Walder Frey, is there something you wish to say to me?” Robb’s gaze remained steady on Black Walder but he noticed that the man was now watching Grey Wind, who was prowling around to stand in front of Robb.

 

Black Walder gritted his teeth and his jaw tightened angrily. “Your Grace, there must be some misunderstanding. I was merely concerned that I hadn’t seen the queen lately and asked about her health. We all know women with child often feel unwell and I knew you’d spent a lot of time with the healer so I worried that it was due to the queen’s pregnancy.”

 

“I was unaware that you were monitoring the amount of time I spent with each person. Would you be so ‘concerned’ if the healer was an old man?” Robb asked, stroking Grey Wind’s fur with a gloved hand.

 

Black Walder was silent for a few moments, his eyes drifting from Robb to Grey Wind and back. “I meant no disrespect. As I said, the queen must have misunderstood my comments.”

 

“Considering she wasn’t the first person to tell me, I can’t imagine all three people misunderstood your implications. So let me make it perfectly clear for you,” Robb stepped closer so that he was barely a foot away from the other man. “I do not appreciate you speaking to my wife in that manner nor do I appreciate your insinuations about my honor.  It _disappoints_ me that one of my own men would do such a thing. If I ever hear of you speaking to my wife with anything less than with the utmost courtesy and grace, you will see how I deal with _disappointments_. It might be best, for your own sake, if you do not risk my ire and stay _far_ away from the queen.”

 

Black Walden nodded slightly and Robb continued. “As for my own conduct or time spent with Lady Talisa, I have done nothing inappropriate but how I spend my time is not your concern. I do not have to answer to you or any man in this camp. I think you’ve forgotten who I am. I am Robb Stark, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North and you are merely the great-grandson of Lord Frey, one of the lords sworn to me. You have _no_ right to question me.”

 

Bold eyes met his and Black Walder replied, “Lord of Winterfell? Is that entirely accurate now?”

 

Fury filled Robb and, without thinking, he pulled back his arm and punched Black Walder in the face with a vicious right hook. Grey Wind jumped forward knocking the man to the ground, then stepped onto his chest with one paw holding him down. His muzzle lowered close to his face as he growled. Blood streamed from Black Walder’s nose, which appeared broken. Remembering himself, Robb stepped away and took a deep breath.

 

After a few minutes of tense silence, Robb said, “Due to your grandfather’s loyal service, I will excuse your words. Do not test me again, Black Walder. You will not be so lucky the next time.”

 

Turning before he changed his mind and locked the bastard in a cell, Robb said, “Grey Wind, to me,” and stormed out of the tent. The direwolf came out after Smalljon and Robin. Outside he almost ran into Black Walder’s father, Ser Ryman.

 

“Your Grace,” Ser Ryman said quickly with a nervous bow of his head.

 

Robb could smell the wine on his breath and his clothing was hastily thrown on, completely in disarray. Disgusted Robb said, “Ser Ryman, perhaps the Freys think it’s acceptable to be so deep in his cups this soon in the day but in my army, men do not act this way especially the heir of a lord. Nor would a Northmen allow his son to be drunk and discourteous to his queen or belligerent to his king. While I understand that everyone handles grief differently, I suggest you resolve the problems within your family sooner rather than later or you will be mourning your father _and_ your son.”

 

Storming away before the man could answer, Robb had to take a few deep breaths to clear his mind. He wanted to rip Black Walder’s head off and knew if he hadn’t left his tent immediately Grey Wind might have sensed his anger and done just that. Smalljon and Robin remained silent as Robb walked back to the council tent. In the back of his mind, Robb worried he had pushed the boundary of what was appropriate behavior but he pushed the thought deep down.

 

“Your Grace?” he heard a woman’s voice and turned to see Lady Talisa watching him curiously.

 

“Yes?” He stopped in his tracks and noticed both of his guards looked at him strangely as well.

 

“I called out a few times but I guess you…didn’t hear me?” Talisa said after a moment.

 

Robb wondered how long she’d been calling his name and he hadn’t heard her. Judging by the way everyone was looking at him, it must have been awhile and he clearly was deep in thought. “My apologies: my mind was elsewhere.”

 

“I’m certain you have much going on right now. I just heard about Winterfell and your brothers. I wanted to see how you were,” she said quietly.

 

Robb glanced away for a moment then suggested, “I could use a cup of wine. Would you care to join me?”

 

She looked surprised before she nodded. “Yes, of course, Your Grace.”

 

They walked in silence to the council tent which was empty. Robin remained outside but Robb sent Smalljon to see his mother to see if she would join him and Deirdre for supper that night. Perhaps he could ease the tension with both women at the same time.

 

He poured both of them a cup of wine before he sat down at the table across from her. After a few sips, she asked, “How are you?”

 

“Angry,” he said, simply. “The last time I felt this angry was when my father was murdered. Although Bran would be angry to hear me say it, my brothers are just little boys and the thought of them being in danger…it sickens me. And my sisters are hostages in King’s Landing. I have three brothers and two sisters and only one of them has his freedom. Actually, Jon is in the Night’s Watch so he doesn’t have ‘freedom’ either. He couldn’t leave if he chose to. But that, at least, was his choice and he’s a man grown, not children whose lives are at risk because of who they are and who their brother is.”

 

“You must miss them. You all sound very close from everything I’ve heard.”

 

“We were until my father went south. Jon left to join the Night’s Watch while Sansa and Arya went with Father. I saw all of them every day from their birth until one day they were all gone except Rickon. At the time, Bran hadn’t woken from his fall and we didn’t know if he _would_ wake. I wish Father had remembered what happens to Starks when they go south.” Robb shook his head and took another sip of his wine.

 

“What do you mean?” Talisa asked and he remembered she wasn’t from Westeros.

 

“Before I was born, Rhaegar Targaryen kidnapped my aunt, Lyanna, Father’s little sister. His older brother, Brandon went to King’s Landing to demand his head and the mad king threw him in a black cell. He demanded my grandfather come to the capital to answer for it. He burned my grandfather alive and murdered my uncle. Then he called for my father’s head. That was the beginning of Robert’s Rebellion. In the end, my aunt died anyway, leaving only Father and his younger brother, Benjen. That war cost Father almost his whole family, not to mention how many friends he lost in battle.”

 

Talisa reached out and touched his hand gently. “That’s horrible. I can’t imagine how your father grieved. But that doesn’t mean that history will repeat itself, Your Grace.”

 

Looking at her hand on his own for a moment, he said, “I pray you are right. I could not forgive myself if…”

 

“It’s not your fault,” she interrupted then looked embarrassed. “Forgive me, Your Grace. I just see how you blame yourself for everything. You were betrayed through no fault of your own.”

 

“You’re very kind,” Robb said then smiled. “There was a time when you weren’t so kind about my actions.” She laughed quietly and the two of them talked for some time as she told him about her own family.

 

Robb heard someone walk into the tent and looked up to see Dacey enter. Dacey’s gaze turned angry as she looked at Talisa for a moment before saying, “Smalljon asked me to tell you that according to your _wife_ that both of you had been invited to sup with your mother, her uncle, and the knight, Lady Brienne, in her service.”

                                                       

“I should be going,” Lady Talisa said as she stood. “Thank you for the wine, Your Grace.”

 

Robb nodded and rose as she left. Dacey wouldn’t look him in the eyes so he said, “Is there something else?”

 

“Would you like me to tell the queen?”

 

“That I had a cup of wine…?” Robb looked at her in confusion.

 

Her gaze shot to his and she said, “Would you like me to tell her your answer about supper?”

 

Robb instantly felt guilty but he wasn’t certain why. He hadn’t done anything to feel guilty for. “Yes, we will join my mother for supper. I’ll be along in a few hours. I need to send some ravens. Send for the maester please.”

 

Typical of Dacey, who would never disrespect Robb outright, she kept her silence but he could see the coldness in her eyes as she nodded and left. Pouring himself another cup of wine, Robb wondered if he’d manage to make all the women in the camp angry with him before the end of the day.

 


	33. Chapter 33

 

 

 

 

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! I'd love some feedback!  
_

**Chapter 33**

The dinner that night with his mother also had the Mormonts in attendance. His mother thought that having the Mormonts there would make Lady Brienne feel more at ease. Robb wasn’t sure what the woman from Tarth was normally like, but nothing gave him the impression that she was ‘at ease’ in the least. She was awkward and quiet, but at least he managed to make it through the meal without making her angry with him by his limited attempts at conversation, which Robb considered a success compared to his record today. His mother was still clearly upset about the situation in Winterfell, but she seemed less angry Robb than yesterday. Deirdre answered his questions if asked but mostly was quiet and distant to him. Everyone at the table seemed to notice as well. He couldn’t help but see them all stealing glances at the couple. Deirdre seemed to care less.

 

Halfway through the meal, Ser Brynden glanced at him with amusement. “It seems Black Walder suffered a broken nose this afternoon, Your Grace.”

 

“Indeed,” Robb answered boldly.

 

“You broke his nose?” Deirdre asked, in surprise. “But I thought…nevermind.”

 

“He’s lucky he only suffered a broken nose. Grey Wind intended to do more than that before I called him off.”

 

“Robb, I know most of the Freys are rude and difficult, but is it wise to _assault_ a man in your service?” his mother asked hesitantly. “With what we know about them, it could only make matters worse.”

 

“Considering what he said not only to me, but to my wife, as I said: he’s lucky I only broke his nose. I would have locked him in a cell if it hadn’t been for the fact his grandfather, a loyal man who I considered _worthy_ of respect, died a few days ago,” Robb retorted. “If he had spoken to the good king Joffrey that way, he’d suffer far worse.”

 

“But you’re not Joffrey and it does not suit you well to excuse your temper by saying it would be worse if it were Joffrey,” Deirdre shot back quickly, watching him with a sense of disappointment.

 

Robb was surprised that she would oppose what he’d done in front of others.  He watched her for a moment before she looked away but he saw both displeasure and a tiny hint of something else; possibly fear, in her eyes. Perhaps she regretted voicing her opinion aloud with others present but she had nothing to fear from him. He thought she would know that.

 

“Based on what he said,” Ser Brynden interjected. “I do believe that His Grace is right. He deserved what he received and more. No one should ever talk to their king that way. Lord Frey speaks disrespectfully to his betters all of the time and apparently his sons and grandsons are similar.”

 

“I do not think all of the Freys are that way. Olyvar is so respectful, he falls all over himself to be polite,” Deirdre replied. “But if you say that Black Walder deserved it, then I will not doubt you. He certainly tried to goad me the other day enough that my guards asked him to stop. I just worry about provoking the Freys.”

 

“The Freys should worry more about provoking you and me,” Robb replied, looking at her directly. After a moment, she nodded and looked away. “I would not have struck him if he had not been impertinent to both of us so blatantly.  If I allow him to speak to us that way, he will think that is acceptable behavior.”

 

The table had grown quiet during the conversation but after a few moments, Catelyn asked Lady Mormont a question to ease the tension and everyone went back to talking about other things. Dacey sat to Deirdre’s right and they were talking quietly about something but Robb found himself drinking more and talking less as the night continued. He was aware he was drinking more than was probably suitable when he reached for the flask of wine and Deirdre shot him a look. He hesitated, considering drinking water to appease her, but after a moment he poured himself the wine. She tensed and he could feel her anger but something made him provoke her. Perhaps it was the feeling that if she was angry at him, at least she wouldn’t be cold and indifferent anymore. He noticed his mother watching the exchange.

 

After supper, he stayed to talk to his mother but Deirdre went back to the tent, claiming to be tired. Brienne was sharing his mother’s tent so she went for a walk to give them some privacy.

 

His mother observed him silently as he poured another cup of wine. Finally, he said, “Yes? What is it?”

 

“I don’t remember seeing you drink so much before,” she said quietly. “And I couldn’t help noticing Deirdre didn’t seem too happy about it either.”

 

“I don’t appreciate being treated like a child: by you or my wife,” he said, standing up. “I thought you wanted to talk.”

 

“I do. But I want you in a mind to listen,” she said.

 

“My mind is fine. Speak yours.”

 

“We need to trade the Kingslayer for Sansa and Arya before it is too late. We’ve lost Winterfell…”

 

“For which you blame me,” he pointed out, raising a brow as if daring her to deny it.

 

Catelyn sighed and rose to come and rest her hands on his shoulders. “Robb, I warned you not to trust a Greyjoy. Theon was your friend as long as we held him as our ward but once the threat of…”

 

“Threat of what? Theon wasn’t foolish enough to believe that Father would _actually_ hurt him no matter what his father did,” Robb scoffed, taking another swig.

 

“Your father would have done his duty to his king even if he did not wish to do it. His honor would have allowed nothing else,” Catelyn replied shortly. “Theon knew that and I thought you would have seen that clearly.”

 

“Honor…duty…they’re not always the same thing are they?” Robb asked with a sideways look at her. “Which caused him to bring Jon to Winterfell? Honor or duty?” As soon as the words left his mouth, Robb regretted them. She was still standing behind him but he heard the sharp intake of breath. He hadn’t meant to hurt his mother but he had bristled at the fact she implied he didn’t have as much honor or sense of duty that his father did.

 

“With your leave _, Your Grace_ , I wish to retire,” she said quietly after a moment of silence.

 

“Mother,” he rose and grabbed her hand. “Forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I seem to be striking out at everyone lately.”

 

Catelyn sighed and he could see unshed tears in her eyes but she wouldn’t face his gaze. “Perhaps you should avoid your wife until you get these impulses under control. She seemed less forgiving tonight than normal.”

 

Robb ran his hands through his hair. “I cannot hurt the one who deserves it so I’ve hurt the ones closest to me.”

 

“May I give you some advice as your mother because I am concerned and not because I think you’re a child?” she asked, finally looking at him. He nodded and she said, “Stop drinking so much wine. We all saw what it did to King Robert. I don’t want you to end up like him and I cannot imagine Deirdre would appreciate it much either.”

 

“I know,” he admitted, turning away. “I hurt her last night with things I never would have said while sober. And now I am doing it once again with you. I’m ashamed of what I said Mother; both to you and to her. Neither of you deserved my anger.”

 

“No, and what you said was beyond spiteful, it was _cruel_. I cannot imagine what you said to Deirdre. That was not my son speaking to me. That was the King in the North drunk on too much wine. I’ll forgive my son but if you expect people to forgive a king so easily…”

 

“Deirdre said something similar to me last night. Did she mention our argument?” Robb asked in surprise.

 

“No, she rarely confides in me. We haven’t recovered from the incident with Tyrion Lannister I’m afraid. I intended to make amends but today she seemed rather at odds. Lady Mormont said she’d helped her some with the midwife and some questions about her pregnancy. I hate that she was alone in this,” Catelyn replied. “As I said, I’ll make a stronger effort with her but I cannot build a relationship with her if you’ve got her so at odds. You need to remember, Robb, she is carrying your child and that is a huge burden on her well-being, in addition to the fact she is suffering from this war too. When I was pregnant with you, it was exhausting and frightening to me, plus I had to worry about my father and my new husband, even though I was safe in Riverrun.”

 

“She hasn’t been alone. I’m there…”

 

“You’re her husband. There are things you cannot help her with. She needs another woman to talk to. At least Maege has been helpful while I was gone. But when we regain Winterfell and I return home, I do hope you’ll let me take her north with me.” His mother looked at him.

 

“We’ve discussed this before. She will remain with me until I feel it’s safe and then she will remain somewhere other than where Bran and Rickon are. I’m not risking both my brothers _and_ my wife and child being in the same place. If she had been at Winterfell when Theon took it, Balon Greyjoy would have my heir before I could ever regain Winterfell. I don’t even want to think what Theon or the other ironborn would do to Deirdre…” Feeling rage in the pit of his stomach, Robb said, “Don’t bring up taking her north again. She will stay with me.”

 

“At all costs?” his mother retorted.

 

Robb glared at her for a moment before he stormed out of the tent. He couldn’t reason with her and he was growing angrier by the moment. Now with the thought of what more Theon could have done in his mind, he felt like he needed to hurt someone.

 

Suddenly, Grey Wind came charging towards a squire that had been walking in between the tents. The direwolf had almost reached the boy when Robb noticed and called him back. Even then it took him actually coming and grabbing the wolf. The squire was backed up against a tent with Grey Wind growling and snarling at him. The boy was a Frey; he noticed when he saw the Twins sigil on his clothing. Robb called felt a bit dizzy for a moment then realized what had happened. As soon as Robb had pulled Grey Wind away, the boy scurried the other direction.

 

“Your Grace!” the boy exclaimed.

 

“It’s all right, boy. Go on your way. He won’t hurt you now,” he said quickly. The boy looked like he was too unsure to walk away. “Go on.”

 

Robb’s heart was pounding as soon as the boy left. If Grey Wind had killed an unarmed squire in his own camp…he could not even imagine. He must have been so angry that he warged into his wolf without realizing it. But while he was panicked now, Grey Wind still seemed angry.

 

“What was that squire doing near the cells?” Smalljon asked, startling Robb out of his thoughts. He’d been so focused on what he’d feared had happened, he hadn’t noticed where the boy had come from. Glancing back at his guard, he followed his gaze, directly to the cells where the Lannister soldiers were kept. The boy was walking away from them back to where the Frey tents were located.

 

“Did you both get a clear view of his face?” he asked. When they nodded, he asked, “Do you know who’s squire he is?”

 

“No, but he’s a Frey relative not just one of their men. I think he’s a great-great grandson of Lord Frey. He doesn’t look like one of them though,” Smalljon said.

 

“Odds are: his name is Walder,” Lucas Blackwood muttered.

 

“Lucas, see if you can find out _who_ he is. Smalljon is too recognizable and he was with me earlier when I saw Black Walder. I’ll send Tristan or Gellion to ask the guards on duty if they saw him at the cells talking to anyone. I’d send Ned or Dacey but they’re seen too often with Deirdre. None of my own guards can ask or someone might wonder why my guards are at the cells,” Robb said to the two men. “Lucas, you must find out who this boy is but subtly. If we lose him now…”

 

“Yes, Your Grace,” Lucas bowed his head and walked off quickly.

 

“It can’t be a coincidence, Your Grace,” Smalljon said watching Grey Wind. “And Grey Wind didn’t like something about the boy.”

 

Robb said nothing about his concerns that he had caused the direwolf to attack the squire. Reaching out he stroked Grey Wind’s fur but he sensed the wolf wanted to follow Lucas and find his prey. Robb couldn’t allow that since they had no proof that the boy had been at the cells until Deirdre’s guards talked to the gaolers.

 

He and Smalljon walked to Ned’s tent to tell him what had happened. Smalljon was sent to bring Tristan or Gellion back. Robb glanced at Ned for a moment and said quietly, “I thought it was my fault.” When Ned looked confused, he explained, “I was angry with my mother because she brought up sending Deirdre north again once we reclaimed Winterfell. After I left her tent, I was thinking what the ironborn would have done if Deirdre had been there at the time and I wanted to _hurt_ someone, something at the thought. Then Grey Wind chased after the squire. If Smalljon hadn’t noticed where he’d been…”

 

Ned watched him with sympathy. “I do not think your anger alone would cause Grey Wind to attack someone in camp unless that person specifically threatened you. I’m very sorry about Winterfell and about Theon.”

 

Nodding slowly, Robb felt overwhelmed for a few moments. The part of him that wasn’t angry felt raw and bleeding. Perhaps that was why he continued to hold onto his anger. It was the only thing that kept him from utterly losing his senses.

 

“Perhaps you should go be with Deirdre,” Ned suggested. “It might soothe you to see that she is safe and unharmed.”

 

“I cannot be around her now,” Robb admitted. “Ever since Theon betrayed me, I take out all of my anger on her or my mother. Gods, Ned, if you knew some of things I’ve said to her in the last two days, you’d likely throttle me.”

 

Ned chuckled for a moment then seeing how serious Robb was, he stopped and said quietly, “If I thought you had actually _hurt_ her, I might. But I don’t think you’ve done anything she cannot recover from given time.”

 

“Did you just threaten me?” Robb asked, a little stunned.

 

“You are my king, but you told me my task was to protect Her Grace. I vowed to do so. If I didn’t defend her from everything and _everyone_ , I’d be breaking my vow to you, Your Grace.”

 

Robb just stared at him for a moment before finally chuckling. “I suppose I picked the right man for the job if you’d threaten _me_ , if I hurt her.” Sighing, he sat back in the chair. “No, it was merely words but Deirdre has a tender heart and sometimes cruel words spoken in anger do worse than if I ever was to strike her.”

 

“She knows you are suffering. She suffers too because she loves you.” Ned reached forward and grabbed a flask of wine. When he began to pour some for him, Robb quickly requested water instead.

 

“I can’t trust her anymore,” Robb declared and Ned’s gaze flew to his own. “It’s not her fault but I look at her and think about Theon. And she watches me with eyes so like Cersei or Jaime Lannister’s. So like King Joffrey’s. The woman I love, the woman who carries my heir, is cousin to the boy who murdered my father and the man who crippled my brother.”

 

“She’s the same woman she was two days ago, Your Grace. What Theon did, doesn’t change who _she_ is…”

 

Robb was quiet for a few moments before he answered, “No, but I think it’s changed who _I_ am.”

 

~*~

 

Deirdre wasn’t a fool. She saw the way Robb’s interest in Talisa seemed to be increasing each day since he’d heard about Winterfell. But she felt like if she did anything to stop it, it would only make things worse. He was already coping with Theon’s betrayal, the loss of his home, and his mother’s anger at him about it. His temper was short with Deirdre as if he blamed her for everything. When they weren’t fighting, they were cold and tense between each other.

 

She also understood that he had trusted Theon completely and ultimately Theon’s relationship with his family had been stronger than his loyalty and friendship to Robb. So why shouldn’t Robb have doubts that she’d do the same if she was put in that situation? It hurt her that he doubted her, but she understood.

 

This didn’t make his attention to Talisa any less painful. It didn’t make it any less obvious that he hadn’t even touched her since Theon took over Winterfell. He spent as much time away from her as he could. But she had seen him talking to Talisa a few times and when pushed, Dacey admitted she had seen it as well. So when Robb told her that Talisa was riding with him to the Ashemark for more medical supplies, Deirdre slammed down her cup on the table and said, “Enough, Robb!”

 

“What are you talking about?” he asked loudly, attempting to avoid her gaze. His face showed the depth of his guilt.

 

“Do you think I’m _blind_?” she asked, rising from the table. “I see the way you look at her. The way your face lights up when you see her. But then again she wasn’t cursed with being a Lannister so I guess it makes sense that you desire her.”

 

“I’ve done nothing wrong,” he snapped. “She’s helping the wounded and I’m trying to win a war so I can take you home. Although since we have no home anymore, there really isn’t a point in rushing.”

 

Deirdre sighed. “If I weren’t here, you could do whatever you wanted with her, so perhaps its best you send me away.”

 

“Don’t act like a suspicious old woman. You know I can’t send you away,” he said, rising and belting his sword.

 

“There was a time not long ago when you would have said you didn’t _want_ to send me away. Now you only say you _can’t_ and I’m just being suspicious?”

 

Robb was silent for a long time, his back to her, before he said, softly, “I don’t have time for this. My men are waiting.”

 

“Just go,” she whispered, tears burning her eyes.

 

He hesitated at the flaps of the tent, and then turned to walk back to her. Bending down, he kissed her gently. It was the first time he’d touched her in a week. “I’m sorry. If I seem to be paying her too much attention, I will ask her to leave the camp.”

 

“No,” she shook her head, her gaze not meeting his. “I don’t want you to send her away so you can resist temptation. I want you to not be tempted.” Her eyes met his and she said, “If it were me and she were Jon, you’d accuse me of betraying you, you’d demand I stay far away from him and nothing I said could have made you believe that I was innocent of any wrong doing. But I’m not going to do that because I don’t want to _force_ you into being faithful. I want you to want no other.”

 

“You _fucked_ Jon,” he replied through gritted teeth. “That makes a difference. I have not touched this woman in any way.”

 

His words were like a slap across the face and, despite her flinch and hurt feelings, her anger flared. “I fucked Jon before I was ever with you. I wouldn’t do it now, _not_ because I’m married to you but because I love you and only want to be with you. But I’ve seen the way you look at her. I know your expressions better than you know them yourself, Robb Stark. I’ve seen your look of hunger and desire so many times. But now, I only see it when you look at _her_ , not at me.”

 

Before she broke down into tears, she rose and left the tent, walking quickly to Dacey’s tent. She knew her friend, her mother and her sisters were leaving with Robb anyway, so Deirdre could be alone for awhile. Adair followed her at a discreet distance. She knew he and the other men had to have observed the tension between her and Robb since the day he found out about Theon. It was humiliating for her but she didn’t care as much about that as the fact that her husband wanted another woman and was distancing himself from her. Perhaps Black Walder had been right all along.

 

Dacey encouraged her to stand up for herself when she wasn’t reminding Deirdre that men rarely stay faithful and it didn’t mean he didn’t love her. The other night, Ned had finally told Dacey to shut up and leave Deirdre alone about it. Later, when Deirdre pushed him into talking about it, he confided in her that he had discussed the topic of marriage with Dacey and she had laughed. The next night, she had come to his tent expecting him to continue as her lover. She explained she didn’t realize his offer had been serious since she thought they were just friends who shared each other’s bed. He’d fallen in love and she’d just found a lover and a friend.

 

Talisa was a beautiful woman. She was well-spoken, intelligent, compassionate, brave, and feisty. In truth, Deirdre admired her. Under any other circumstances, Deirdre might have easily been friends with her. But Robb’s glances of desire were often met with looks of longing from Talisa. Deirdre was more generous than most people when it came to sharing Robb’s time and energy. But she wouldn’t share her husband or his love with another woman. He’d told her many months ago that he refused to share her love with Jon. Yet he expected her to do that? Bitterly, Deirdre thought that Jon was less likely to desire another woman if he had been married to her. Jon knew that people thought bastards were lusty and he’d be faithful just to prove everyone wrong.

 

If she could go back to Winterfell now, she might ask Robb to send her there. _Watching_ him desiring Talisa was worse than wondering if he did. And now they would be together at Ashemark overnight, away from camp, so she really didn’t know what he was doing with her. Lying down on Dacey’s cot, she began to cry. It seemed like the more she cried, the more the baby kicked, as if it sensed her loneliness.

 

It was hours later when she heard the uproar through the camp. Rising, she quickly wiped her face and walked outside. Night had fallen but the whole camp was alive with activity.

 

“What’s happened?” she asked Adair who shook his head. She noticed John had joined him at some point. A mob of men with torches were walking toward her and she felt, rather than saw a few more of her guards moving in her direction as well.

 

“He’s escaped,” a man exclaimed angrily.  She glanced at his sigil quickly and saw he was one of Lord Karstark’s men. “He killed Torrhen and the Lannister boy in his cage and escaped.”

 

Deirdre didn’t have to be told who ‘ _he’_ was. “Where is Lord Karstark now?”

 

“He’s gathering men to bring him back,” the man answered.

 

“No!” Deirdre exclaimed and turned to find Robert. “Robert, Jace, bring Lord Karstark to me in the council tent immediately. Patrek, Adair, go find Lords Umber and Glover. Have them assemble twenty-five or thirty men each and _find Jaime Lannister_. And he is to be brought back _alive_.” As her guards rushed off, she turned back to the crowd of men.

 

“You’re not allowing Lord Karstark to go after the man that killed both of his sons?” One of the Karhold men shouted at her. She felt Ned, Gellion, and Tristan edging closer to her but John seemed unsure. He was a member of House Karstark, related distantly to their lord and his murdered sons, so she was sure he felt torn.

 

“No. Jaime Lannister will be found and brought back here alive,” she said calmly. “Lord Karstark lost his son. I fear for his _own_ safety if he were to catch Jaime. We don’t know if Jaime is armed or not, do we? I won’t stand by while a bereaved father fights the Kingslayer. Torrhen’s justice would not be served by the death of his father,” The men still watched her angrily and she knew they thought she was sparing Jaime’s life out of her love for him. “Jaime Lannister is _extremely_ _dangerous_ and a valuable prisoner. His corpse is worth nothing.”

 

A man stepped forward and spat, “You’re saving your cousin…”

 

“I’m enforcing the king’s wishes. _Your_ king, as well as my own, wants Jaime Lannister alive and until he determines that he is to die, Jaime will remain alive,” Deirdre replied, trying to keep her voice steady. “I know you love Lord Karstark and we will all mourn Torrhen greatly. All I am asking is that everyone remain calm and not do something rashly that cannot be undone when cooler heads prevail.” She heard some grumbling but no one seemed openly hostile for now. “We need to know if anyone else is missing or dead. Each tent and the grounds of the camp need to be searched. Attempt to determine if Jaime was able to take a sword with him.”

 

When the men began to move away, Deirdre felt her heart pounding in her chest. Damnit Jaime! She never would have thought her cousin would kill his own kin. She had, in fact, swore to Robb many times he’d never hurt her for that reason. Why did Robb have to be gone tonight of all nights?

 

“Your Grace, you need to go to the council tent and wait for Lord Karstark there. With Jaime Lannister loose, we don’t know if any of the Freys got out of their cells as well. I’ll sending ten Winterfell men to guard Lady Stark and I’ll send twenty to guard you until we know about the Freys. There is also the possibility that Jaime would risk taking you as well,” Ned said quickly as he rushed her through the crowd. “Lord Karstark is going to be unreceptive to remaining calm. Are you certain it is wise to talk to him by yourself?”

 

“What choice do I have? Allowing him to get possibly murdered by Jaime?” Deirdre replied sharply. “Robb isn’t here. Lord Karstark has grown fonder of me since his son Eddard died and I went to see him.”

 

“Perhaps Lady Stark can speak to him,” Ned suggested.

 

Deirdre shook her head as they arrived at the council tent. “If nothing else, I am his queen. I don’t think even in his grief he’d hurt me. Besides, I’ll have guards. Just don’t allow all of his men to congregate together until this situation has been calmed down.”

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

 

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! I'd love some feedback!  
_

**Chapter 34**

 

It took many hours for them to bring Lord Karstark to the council tent. By the time he entered the tent with Lord Umber, Deirdre had exhausted herself with her pacing. She breathed a sigh of relief when he was unharmed, as she had spent the whole time imagining the worst things that Jaime could have done to the man.

 

“Lord Karstark,” she said, relieved, and paused. Too late she realized that in the time she spent pacing, she should have planned what she would have said to him. She looked at the Greatjon in confusion and asked, “Lord Umber? I thought you were leading the search parties.”

 

“Lord Karstark would have preferred to lead the search parties himself,” Lord Umber explained simply. “After some time, I convinced him otherwise. But I sent my men on.” His pointed look at Deirdre said that it had not been a simple matter. She learned later Lord Umber had to calm him down quite a bit before getting him to agree to even come see Deirdre. Lord Karstark had punched Robert when he’d tried to take his horse from him then pulled a sword on both him and Jace before Lord Umber came to their aid, sending his men ahead to search for Jaime.

 

“I want that man’s head,” Lord Rickard demanded.

 

“I know you do, but that will not bring back your sons. That is why I couldn’t allow you to go after him. I feared in your grief, you’d be reckless which would give Jaime an advantage. Once Robb returns, assuming we find Jaime, he can discuss what he intends to do but for now, I’d rather know that _you’re_ safe, Lord Karstark,” Deirdre said as calmly and soothing as she could. “Please my lord; calm, _rational_ action is required now to prevent Jaime from hurting or killing someone else.”

 

“My son is dead. _Both_ of my sons were murdered by that man. You’re not a father, not yet a mother. You can’t begin to understand what it is to lose your sons.” Even though his tone was full of rage, she heard the catch in his voice.

 

“No, I don’t. I can’t _even_ imagine that horror. But I _do_ know what it’s like to lose a father. I don’t think you want your daughter, Alys, to suffer that. She’s lost her future husband and two brothers. Don’t let your daughter mourn all of you to one man’s blade.” Reaching out, she rested her hands on his arm. “I know it seems impossible, but I did this because I cared about you and your family. Harrion is a prisoner of the Lannisters. Perhaps Robb will be able to arrange an exchange for him to get him safely back here. We have a few high lords that Tywin would be interested in getting back.”

 

“Lords like your uncle, Lord Brax.” Karstark looked at her suspiciously.

 

Deirdre reminded herself the man was grieving and didn’t respond to the accusation in his tone. “He and many others, men that Lord Tywin values and would be eager to have returned. I have never sought to have any of my kin released, my lord, nor am I doing so now. I knew when this war began that I would lose family members both to death and imprisonment. It was their choice to fight for the Lannisters, just as it was my choice to stand by Robb’s side.”

 

After a moment of him studying her, he finally seemed to believe her. Deirdre walked to the table and poured him a small cup of strong wine. When she handed it to him, she took his arm and led him to table, saying, “I’m very sorry about Torrhen. He was brave and very loyal to the Starks. But more than that, I considered him my friend and will mourn him dearly.”

 

“The Kingslayer killed your kin in there as well. The one we sent to King’s Landing with the king’s terms.” Lord Karstark looked at her. “He is a kinslayer as well as a Kingslayer. He has no honor.”

 

“I did not know Ser Alton well as he was a distant cousin, but he seemed to be a decent boy. He was young…it’s very sad. I didn’t think Jaime capable of kinslaying,” she admitted. “I’m stunned but then again, I never thought he’d throw Bran Stark out of a window either. And I certainly never suspected him capable of incest and passing off his own children as the king’s…” She lowered her head for a moment before she gave him a weak smile. “It appears I did not know my cousin at all. He’s desperate now, but that doesn’t justify his actions nor does it explain away anything he’s done before.”

 

“He choked my son to death with his chains, not on a battle field. The Kingslayer even took away a valiant death,” Lord Karstark replied in disgust.

 

“I don’t agree. Torrhen was always valiant, one of our fiercest warriors, and Robb trusted him with our most valuable prisoner. He was doing his duty. How can that not be valiant?”

 

“You’re a woman, Your Grace. I mean no disrespect but you don’t understand. A man should die with a bloody sword in hand,” he said, forlornly. “But Jaime Lannister doesn’t deserve a hero’s death. The king should let me take his head, the way of the north.”

 

Deirdre felt a deep pain in her heart at the thought of Jaime’s death and grew angry for feeling so. Even after all he’d done, she loved him still. Well, she loved the man she thought he was. Now she wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t. Had his affection and kindness to her been an act? He’d been acting for so long; did _he_ even know the truth anymore? She could think of Tywin, Joff, and Cersei with nothing but hatred. Tyrion would always hold a spot in her heart and, even throughout the war, he had done nothing to change her feelings. In fact, she felt like if he could get Cersei and Joffrey under control while he was Hand of the King, things would improve for everyone. Her soft spot for Jaime was less understandable.

 

Lord Umber left them to go check on the search parties. Deirdre allowed Lord Karstark to speak when he wanted but remain quiet when he needed it as well. He looked he’d aged ten years since she last saw him. Whenever he seemed to be getting agitated at all, she’d calmly speak to him and force his focus on her.

 

Someone brought them food but he just stared at it. Every once in awhile, Deirdre would look to Ned with a silent look signaling for an update. He’d go outside for awhile and return shaking his head. Deirdre was exhausted and attempting to refrain from yawning when she heard uproar in the camp again. Ned quickly went outside to check what happened. Before she could stop him, Lord Karstark followed Ned out as well.

 

When Deirdre came out of the tent, Ned grabbed her arm. “I don’t think you should be outside. This could get dangerous.”

 

“I have to resolve this problem, Ned. Robb isn’t here. None of the lords here would deny Lord Karstark, if he tries to kill Jaime. I have to prevent it,” she said, shrugging off his grasp and following the crowd of people. She knew he would follow and protect her.

 

Before she got to where Jaime was, she heard the yelling and threats being called out to him. The crowd had him on his knees in chains when she reached him. He raised his head and gazed up at her. They seemed to hesitate in silence for a few moments and she knew they waited for her to speak or act.

 

“Your Grace,” Jaime said with a smirk. “You’re looking radiant.”

 

“Ser Jaime, you are not,” she replied. “You killed your guard. And you also killed our own blood, Ser Alton.”

 

“They were in my way,” he said, with a shrug and she heard some yelling. Glancing back, she saw Lord Karstark watched her.

 

Deirdre looked to Jaime again. Her hands were shaking as she saw eyes like hers looking back her boldly, daring her to do… _anything_. “You were already a Kingslayer and your incest with the queen was enough to damn you if nothing else, Jaime. Now you are a kinslayer as well.”

 

He flinched at her calling him a kinslayer and she hoped he felt _some_ regret about Ser Alton, but he calmly said so only she could hear, “Cuz, a lion still has claws.”

 

She swallowed hard. That he would act proud now and quote the words from Rains of Castamere, the song written about the destruction of House Reyne by Lord Tywin, was so typical Jaime. He was testing her so she stepped closer and calmly replied with a cold glare, “And mine are long and sharp, my lord, as long and sharp as yours.”

 

Jaime smirked and Deirdre looked to the men holding him, speaking louder. “Take him to his cells. He is to have two guards at all times. When His Grace returns, he will decide what to do with him.”

 

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Lady Stark had come outside as well. Jaime seemed to notice at the same time because he turned to her but Lord Karstark yelled at Deirdre, distracting her attention from Catelyn.

 

“You’re not allowing me justice for my son?” he yelled walking towards her and Jaime.

 

“My lord, I have promised you that His Grace would discuss this with you. I will _not_ kill Jaime Lannister, unless the _king_ has decreed it,” she said calmly.

 

“I want his head,” Lord Karstark declared with a steel gaze on her. Ned pulled her away from Jaime, stepping in between her and Lord Karstark.

 

Some of the Karhold men came towards Jaime and other Northmen blocked their path, drawing swords. Lord Karstark drew his own sword, saying, “Any man that stands between a father and his vengeance asks for death.”

 

“Your Grace,” Ned said, preventing her from moving towards the men. Her guards gathered around her, but Deirdre still wanted to sooth the situation if possible.

 

“Lord Karstark,” Lady Stark said rushing towards him. “This man is our prisoner.”

 

“This monster killed my son.”

 

“And crippled mine,” Catelyn replied. “He will answer for his crimes I promise you but not here.”

 

“I want to have his head and if you try and stop me…”

 

“You will strike me down?” Lady Stark demanded, growing angry. Deirdre once again stepped toward the two of them. “Have you forgotten me sir? I am the widow of your liege lord Eddard Stark. I am the mother of your king.”

 

“Lord Karstark, please listen to reason,” Deirdre said, seeing the anger in him growing worse each moment. “I will send word to Robb immediately. Once he returns…”

 

“I understand your grief my lord, better than most. I understand it,” Lady Stark interrupted her. “But in the name of my son, The King in the North: stand down.”

 

Deirdre waited anxiously while Lord Karstark seemed to consider it. At last he relented but said, “When your son returns, I will demand this murderer’s head.”

 

“Wise men do not make demands of kings,” Catelyn answered.

 

“Fathers who love their sons do,” he replied. With another look to Jaime, he said, “I will have his head.”

 

“Thank you for fighting on my behalf Lady Stark. I would have come to your defense but…” Jaime called out as men were dragging him to his feet again.

 

Catelyn glared at him then commanded, “Take him to the stockades. Bind him with every chain you can find.”

 

“You’ve become a real she-wolf in your later years. Not much fish left in you,” Jaime shouted out as he was being dragged away.

 

“And gag him!” Lady Stark stormed off to her tent.

 

After Jaime had been taken away, Deirdre looked to Lord Karstark and his men. His angry gaze in her direction proved her suspicion that now there was no talking to him, no calming him now. Catelyn had provoked his anger more than anything. When he turned away, she followed Catelyn to her tent, entering after her and replying angrily, “Lady Stark, I had him calmed down enough to hear reason once tonight. If you had not interfered, I could possibly have done it again…”

 

“He threatened me,” Catelyn said, turning.

 

“No, he didn’t. He questioned you, questioned your authority, and you were insulted that he dared,” Deirdre retorted. “His sons are dead because of Jaime. His grief made him say things he wouldn’t normally say and he didn’t stop to think about the way he said it. If you had just allowed me to handle it…”

 

“You’re a Lannister and that’s all he saw.”

 

Finally Deirdre had enough. “No, that’s all _you_ see when you look at me. And thanks to Theon, lately that’s all Robb sees. But tonight I calmed Lord Karstark and he remembered that I was there to comfort him when his son Eddard died, I’ve been in this camp for every battle: providing support beforehand and comforting the wounded and grieving afterwards. You haven’t been here to see that these men have come to accept me. Not that you ever will.”

 

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Deirdre felt rebellious and proud of herself. She knew that she’d earned a place by Robb’s side despite what Catelyn thought. “ _They_ accept me. _You_ don’t. But no matter. Whether you like it or not, I am the queen and carry the Stark heir. I am not Cersei. I didn’t marry Robb knowing I’d be queen, nor did I want the role or any power. But seven hells, I’ve _earned_ respect from the Northmen and the men of the Riverlands.”

 

Catelyn looked almost contrite and started to open her mouth to say something but Deirdre held up her hand and said, “Unless Robb tells you otherwise, you will not meddle when I am in charge. Robb’s mother or not, if I am forced to suffer the troubles that come with this damned title, then you need to learn to show me the respect you should show a queen.”

 

Deirdre then turned away and stormed out of the tent. She was too overtired and heartsick to handle another battle with Lady Stark. Walking to her tent, she ignored the looks of the people around her, just eager to be alone. She sent for a bath, asked Ned to have some men, including her guards Robert and Adair, to take Robb a message at Ashemark, and left a couple of her guards outside. Once inside, she allowed angry tears to fall. Her body ached from the long sleepless night and the baby was restlessly kicking away. After the women brought in the tub and hot water, she excused them, undressing quickly and sinking into the bath with a weary sigh. She felt so huge that she might be able to get out of the tub without help but she intended to enjoy the relaxation of a hot bath while she could.

 

Lord Karstark would never calm down now, but there was no way she could have allowed him to kill Jaime. Robb would be livid. But she was angrier at Lady Stark than anything. As queen, Deirdre could have commanded Lord Karstark to remain in his tent, putting guards on him to prevent him from leaving, but she had tried to be compassionate and just. She knew that he had disrespected her and Catelyn both in his mannerism, but the camp was on the verge of a riot between the Karstark men wanting to kill Jaime and the other men protecting him, due to the fact Robb wanted him alive. And she did not blame Lord Karstark for his disrespect since he was mourning his son. Deirdre was just trying to settle things down.

 

The water cooled off too soon and she struggled to get out of the tub, feeling ungainly. Dressing in warm clothing, she fixed her hair in single braid then crawled under the furs on their cot. The baby wouldn’t stop kicking so she rolled onto her back, humming softly to him. She tried to think of soothing thoughts and not about Robb, Talisa, Jaime, or Lord Karstark. Eventually the baby stopped kicking so much and Deirdre drifted off shortly after.

 

When she woke up to the sound of Ned calling her name, she had no idea how long she’d slept but by her hair being nearly dry, she assumed it had been quite a few hours. She told Ned to come in as she sat up.

 

“I thought you’d be sleeping as well,” she said with a yawn.

 

“I was, until two men came and woke me up with news,” he replied with a frown. “Apparently, Lady Stark set Jaime Lannister free.”

 

Deirdre stared at him expecting him to laugh, like this was some cruel jape. When he only frowned further, she stammered out, “What? Why? How long…”

 

“I don’t know why. She sent him off with Lady Brienne a few hours ago. She ordered the guards to remain silent. The guards were from Winterfell and felt torn about following her order but she convinced them that she was acting on Robb’s behalf. Once the new guards came to relieve them, they discovered him gone. Lady Stark refuses to answer my questions,” Ned answered.

 

“Seven hells!” Deirdre exclaimed. “Wait for me outside and send someone to find Lord Umber. Ask him to meet me at Lady Stark’s tent.”

 

When she reached Catelyn’s tent, she walked in without announcing herself. Lady Stark glanced up then away, looking straight ahead. “Why? _Why_ would you do this?” Deirdre demanded of her good-mother.

 

Catelyn still would not meet her eyes. “Petyr Balish said that Tyrion Lannister would trade Jaime for Arya and Sansa.”

 

Deirdre’s mouth hung open in shock for a moment before asking, “Petyr? Petyr Balish: the same man who betrayed you and Lord Stark, to his _death_? And how can you assure that your daughters will be returned to us safely?”

 

“Brienne will guarantee that the Kingslayer is brought to Kingslanding and that my girls are brought home,” Lady Stark said softly.

 

“And you discussed this with Robb and he was willing to let Jaime go?” There was a long silence between the two before Deirdre realized and said, “You didn’t tell Robb.”

 

“He wouldn’t have listened in his current state of mind, but after tonight, if I waited, there was a chance that Lord Karstark would have killed Jaime before I could convince Robb. I did what I had to do as a mother to protect my children.”

 

“Protecting two of your children by putting one, not to mention the rest of his army, at risk! I wish I could believe trading Jaime would result in getting Sansa and Arya back but it’s just going to result in more deaths!” Deirdre was so angry she didn’t even know what to say anymore. She shook her head in amazement. After Catelyn offered nothing more as an explanation or in her defense, Deirdre knew there was nothing more she could do. From outside she heard Lord Umber’s voice and told him to enter.

 

“Lord Umber, Jaime Lannister is free again,” she said and the man looked baffled. “He is with Lady Brienne. Send men to find them and bring them back here, unharmed.”

 

“No, you can’t!” Catelyn exclaimed, grabbing her arm, her eyes desperate. “Please Deirdre. For my daughters…”

 

“You’ve given me no choice!” Deirdre shot back. “Lord Umber, please do as I asked. And keep this as quiet as possible.”

 

“Greatjon, do not…” Catelyn pleaded but Deirdre gave her a look to silence her. Lord Umber gave Lady Stark a similar look that made clear he didn’t appreciate having to chase after Jaime after his men had caught him earlier that day. He nodded to Deirdre and stormed out of the tent.

 

“Lady Stark, you will remain in your tent until Robb comes back,” Deirdre said, swallowing the lump in her throat. She hated this. Robb will feel betrayed again and nothing she’d done so far had helped. Catelyn’s eyes were full of tears but she stiffened as she glared at Deirdre, her nod almost imperceptible. Deirdre left the tent quickly, finding Ned outside waiting for her.

 

“By now, the messengers should have reached Robb, telling him we’ve caught Jaime again, and they will be on their way back to camp,” Ned said as they walked back to her tent.

 

“Send more messengers to meet them. We can’t have Robb walking into chaos if Lord Karstark or his men find out what Lady Stark has done. Plus I wouldn’t put it past Jaime to ambush Robb on the way. Lady Stark wouldn’t tell me much about the manner of his departure.” Deirdre glanced up at him. “Ned, did I do the right thing or should I have sent for Robb straight away last night?”

 

“I think you did what you thought was right and if Lady Stark hadn’t interfered and let the Kingslayer go, Robb would be proud of your behavior.  After all, you got Jaime back without Lord Karstark killing him,” Ned answered. “His Grace will be angry but it’s because of Lady Stark’s actions, not yours.”

 

“Should I risk Lord Karstark finding out or should I tell him myself?” she asked, glancing over at him. “Were the guards who discovered him missing Karstarks’ men?”

 

“No, we thought it was best to not allow any of his men to watch over the Kingslayer until after Robb returned. The men were from White Harbor. It would probably be best for you to return to your tent and stay there for now. If Lord Karstark finds out, he’ll go to confront Lady Stark who is being guarded. Perhaps Lord Umber’s men will find him or His Grace will return before Lord Karstark finds out.” Ned gave her a reassuring look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The exchange between Catelyn, Jaime, and Karstark is quoted from the show minus a few lines.


	35. Chapter 35

 

 

_A/N Thank you to CalliopeGalaxy for the beta! I'd love some feedback!  
_

**Chapter 35**

 

Robb sat in the council tent alone staring at the map before him. He’d been back for a few hours and had spent the whole time trying to calm and stall Lord Karstark while he decided what to do about Jaime. They’d had no luck finding the damn Kingslayer. Lord Umber and Ned updated him about what had happened while he’d been gone. He hadn’t had time to see Deirdre yet, assuming she’d even want to see him. She’d done well with the situation with Jaime, he had to admit. His mother’s actions shocked him to the core. He’d never thought his mother would betray him. But then, he’d made so many mistakes lately, he wasn’t sure he could criticize her.

 

After a few moments, he rose and wiped everything off the table angrily, ignoring the clatter of everything crashing to the ground. He didn’t need a map to see: he was losing everything he had fought for. He’d lost Winterfell to his best friend, he’d lost the Northern coastal towns to the Ironborn and now he’d lost the Kingslayer. His own mother had betrayed him, just like Theon. People he’d trusted completely had stabbed him in the back. His sisters were gone, his little brothers were hostages, even Jon hadn’t sent a raven since their father had died. He felt utterly alone. He wanted to go to Deirdre for comfort but even she was most likely lost to him now.

 

Deirdre had seen right through him and the situation with Talisa. Without a word from him, she’d known that he sought out Talisa’s company because she couldn’t betray him with her family, as Theon had done. As he feared Deirdre might do if the Lannisters ever got her back. When he first heard the Kingslayer had been released, he’d worried it had been her. He learned the truth before he uttered the mistake aloud but he’d thought it, despite the fact that Deirdre had shown complete loyalty to him. He didn’t trust his own judgment now.

 

“Your Grace, how are you?”

 

Robb looked up to find Talisa watching him from the entrance to the tent. He paused for a few moments looking at her, before smiling sardonically. “How am I? I’ve had to arrest my mother, the Lannisters have my sisters, the man I considered my closest friend has seized my home and my brothers. Then I look at my wife and wonder if she would betray me for her own family, just like Theon did. And she looks at me like I’m no longer the man she married. I’m fighting a war and I don’t know if I should march south or north.”

 

“I’m sorry. It was a stupid question. I’m sorry.”

 

He walked around the table to stand before her. “No, forgive me. You were being kind and I have no right…”

 

“You have every right, you are a king.”

 

“That’s not the kind of king I want to be,” Robb interrupted.

 

She smiled slightly and asked, “What kind do you want to be?”

 

“I don’t know. The good kind?” Robb was quiet for a long time, trying to remember _why_ he wanted to be king. In his silence, Talisa moved closer and when he raised his gaze to hers, she watched him, standing close enough to touch him.

 

“I’m surprised you’re not spending time with your wife,” she said softly. He could see the longing in her eyes and sensed her desire for him. He swallowed back the guilt he felt. Nothing had happened between them in Ashemark, but they’d talked more intimately than before, more intimately than he probably should have considering. Dacey had watched him like a hawk and he knew that she suspected he would sleep with Talisa, if they were left alone. He was embarrassed that he’d acted in a way that even his closest friends doubted his faithfulness to his wife.

 

“She probably doesn’t want to see me. Our last words were…tense.”

 

“Forgive my bluntness, Your Grace, but you two are very different people from what I’ve seen. I hear nothing but lovely things about her, of course, and she has been very kind to me, but she seems rather different from you. From everything you’ve said about the Lannisters, they’re manipulative and can’t be trusted. It seems even you don’t trust her,” she said quietly. She reached out to touch his arm and Robb caught her hand mid-air.

 

“She’s not like her family. She’s gentle and compassionate, sweet natured and kind to everyone, whether they are noblemen or stable hands. She’s genuinely _good_. You don’t know her,” Robb said, stepping away and turning his back on her.

 

“But you just said you wondered how long before she betrayed you. I’m sorry, Your Grace, if I misunderstood.”

 

Robb was silent for a long time as the realization came over him what an ass he’d been to his wife. He deserved all of her anger. She’d chosen his family over her own time and time again, yet because of Theon, he doubted everything she’d done. She’d supported him each time, even when she first heard about Theon she tried to be compassionate, despite her own hatred for Theon; unlike his mother who was furious with Robb and blamed him for trusting the Greyjoys. Deirdre’s first concern had been his pain and worry for his brothers. She’d never assigned blame. Yet Robb had turned on her, punished her because she was there to take it from him and Theon wasn’t.

 

“She’s the best thing that has happened to me. I’m punishing her for everything Theon did, everything her family has done, yet she stood by my side despite how wrongly I treated her. _I’m_ the one who betrayed her by doubting her. I’ve been a halfwit.” Robb sighed and rested his hands on the table. “If I lose her, it’s because I was a fool to doubt her when she’s proven her loyalty and her love for me time and time again. She thought I had feelings for you and instead of denying it, I accused her of being suspicious.”

 

Talisa was quiet as she watched him. When he faced her, she asked, “So these feelings for me…you don’t have them? You truly love your wife?”

 

“More than I thought possible. The fact that I have risked everything beautiful I have with her for something with you just because you seemed safe, someone who couldn’t hurt me, who had nothing to hurt me with: it fills me with shame. I dishonored my wife and worse than that, I hurt her deeply. Whatever… _feelings_ …I thought existed between you and I were based on me being too craven to trust someone who has earned my trust and more,” Robb replied.

 

He walked to stand before her. “I cannot give you anything but my courtesy and gratitude, Lady Talisa. I appreciate all that you’ve done for our wounded and allowing me to confide in you, for being a friend to me in my despair, but that must be the extent of our dealings going forward. I do not wish to hurt my wife further by continuing our friendship.”

 

After a moment, Talisa nodded with a sad smile. “Then I wish you well, Your Grace.”

 

When she left the tent, Robb took a deep breath. How was he going to repair the damage he’d done to his marriage? He took a long drink of wine before leaving in search of his wife. Walking into their tent, he found her surrounded by Dacey, her sister, Ned, and Smalljon in quiet conversation. Everyone rose quickly when he entered, except Deirdre, who watched him silently.

 

“Excuse us,” he commanded everyone, his eyes never leaving hers. He saw a flicker of concern, then anger, before she glanced away. The tent emptied quickly but Robb remained silent for a moment, trying to put his thoughts into words. She glanced over, her brow furrowed in confusion. 

  
“From the moment I first saw you, I thought you were too good to be true,” he said at last. “I foolishly continued to think that way, always testing you, looking for flaws, pushing your limits. And every time, you proved yourself. But soon enough, I’d just do it again.”

 

He walked to where she sat, removing his sword and sitting down beside her. He pulled her chair to face his and continued, “I didn’t win your love in the beginning: Jon did. A part of me has always felt that you _settled_ for me. Jon has more honor than I. He’s so much like my father…”

 

Robb swallowed hard, his eyes lowered, unable to meet hers yet. “Jon has his own flaws, but I cannot help thinking he would not have made the mistakes I’ve made. He would never have trusted Theon. He never would have lost the north to the Ironborn. He wouldn’t have lost the Kingslayer either. He was always more cautious than that, which is why both Father and I were stunned that he abandoned his caution and honor completely to be with you. Deep down, I knew that Jon risked everything for you and he lost it all in the end. Once again, he was deprived something that was given to me just because the manner of my birth, not because of my worth.”

 

“Are we really talking about Jon again? How many times will I pay for that?” Deirdre replied angrily and started to rise but Robb grabbed her arm.

 

“Please, just let me finish,” he said quietly, his eyes imploring her. After a moment of hesitation, she returned to her seat.

 

“I know you fell in love with me eventually, but I’ve never felt I _deserved_ that love, or you. Jon would never have betrayed you as I have. So, I punished and tested you. I accuse you and shut you out. I failed you as a husband, because I’m waiting for _you_ to come to your senses and realize you deserve better than me. Tonight, I almost betrayed our vows with Lady Talisa. I did not act, because I realized that no matter what drew me to her, I didn’t want _her_. I want _you_. I’ve only ever wanted you. But gods, I don’t know why you continue to still want me,” he finished with a hoarse voice and it was a moment before he could face her.

 

She was studying her hands and asked quietly, “Did you kiss her? Make love to her?” 

 

“ _No_ , but I know my thoughts were still a betrayal.” He nodded reluctantly. Silence filled the tent for so long, Robb thought he would scream. He felt the urge to sink to his knees and beg her forgiveness and he still might if he would if he thought that would help.

 

“You’ve punished me for loving Jon, for _‘fucking’_ Jon as you put it so eloquently yesterday, for my family name, for Theon…and every time I forgive you,” Her voice was so soft he could barely hear her. He thought she was near tears so he reached out for her hand. She faced him and he saw the anger in her eyes, so he didn’t take her hand.

 

“You will no longer punish me for things I have no control over, for the deeds of others. And don’t you dare _ever_ chastise me like a child for doubting _you_ when you’ve admitted I had good reason to do so.  I have forgiven you every time because I love you. I do love you Robb Stark. Not Jon Snow. So stop being such a spoiled child who cannot stand that Jon had _one_ thing before you did and realize that I’m here with you now. I’ve been here all along.” A sob came out of her but she choked it back angrily. “This is the last time I will pay for sins **_I_** didn’t commit. And the _only_ time, I will forgive you for the sin you almost _did_ commit.”

 

He reached for her and she slapped his hands away viciously, the sound seeming to echo in the tent. Her eyes narrowed as she said, “Just because I might come to forgive you, doesn’t mean that I do right this moment or that I’ll welcome your touch. You can’t just kiss this away. Right now I don’t even want to _see_ you so I suggest you find another tent to sleep in until I’m willing to share your bed again, _Your Grace;_ a tent that is not shared by Lady Talisa. If I ever see you with her again…”

 

“You won’t. I’ve made my feelings, my love for you, perfectly clear to her and I never intend to seek out her company for any reason again,” Robb insisted. He felt horrible, guilty, and sickened by his behavior. “Deirdre, I’ve lost so much, I can’t lose you too.”

 

“Perhaps you should have thought about that when you were considering bedding Lady Talisa,” she replied coldly. “Now go.” She rose and turned her back on him. He’d seen the tears in her eyes though. Her anger only barely masked the pain.

 

He nodded slowly, rising. He hesitated for a moment before saying, “I love you.”

 

“ _Just go_ ,” she whispered in reply, not raising her face.

 

Robb left slowly, hoping she’d call him back. As soon as he was outside he realized he had no place to go. If people knew they slept apart, they would gossip about the reasons. He had enough problems without that. He went to the only place he could: the council tent. Smalljon walked with him and, when they reached the tent and saw it guarded by Patrek Mallister, Smalljon cleared his throat.

 

“Would you like me to get you some blankets and furs?” he asked casually. “In case it’s cold while you work through the night.”

 

Robb nodded, grateful Smalljon was aware of the situation but didn’t attempt to discuss it with him.  Sleeping on the cold ground a few nights was the least amount of suffering he deserved.

 

~*~

 

Tension was high in the camp for days due to the Kingslayer being loose, the Karstarks furious at Lady Stark and waiting for Robb to do something about it, and Lady Stark being under arrest. Despite the fact that they didn’t speak to each other, Deirdre and Robb both worked to restore some peace within the camp. Robb had meetings with his bannermen and, at night, would drink amongst the men. Deirdre would spend her days visiting the soldiers or supping with them. She visited Lady Stark as well, not wanting her to feel abandoned completely. Even though she didn’t agree with Catelyn’s actions and was angry for the way she had treated her that night, she understood why she had let Jaime go. Robb’s mood grew worse each day but he forced himself to smile and nod when needed, looking perfectly calm.  Smalljon and Lucas Blackwood continued to investigate the Frey squire they’d seen the other night, as Robb needed to resolve the threat to his wife.

 

It was at three days later that Deirdre and Robb ended up being forced to spend supper together. Dacey and Ned had determined that it was time for the two to make amends and had Dacey’s mother, Lady Maege invite them to sup with her, Lord Umber, and Ser Brynden, none of them knowing of the problems between the couple. Dacey had delivered the message to Robb.  She knew that Robb was less likely to be angry about her interference than Deirdre so she let the unwitting Adair deliver the invite to the queen.

 

By the time Deirdre saw Robb in Lady Mormont’s tent, it was too late for her to make excuses or leave without their problems being obvious. Throughout the meal, she sat beside him tensely, mostly quiet and shooting glares in Dacey’s and Ned’s direction. Robb used every excuse to touch her, brushing her hand or her leg often. At one point, he even took her hand in his while he laughed at a joke from the Greatjon.

 

When they left hours later, Robb walked with her back to their tent and followed her inside. Deirdre turned on him slowly. “Did you plan this or was this Dacey’s doing?”

 

“I did not plan this and if Dacey did, I’m certain it was with good intentions,” he answered quietly. After a moment, he said, “I don’t sleep. I smile and nod or drink and eat at the right time like a puppet on a string. I can’t bear the nights, where I once looked forward to them. Because I know I will lay there all night thinking of all the things I’d do differently or count the reasons why you should never forgive me.”

 

She rested her hands on her stomach and looked down. Her belly seemed to have swelled a lot in the last few days alone or maybe Robb had just not paid attention like he should have in the previous days.

 

“Scream at me, hit me if you must, _do_ _something_ but…” Stepping closer, he continued, “I want my wife back. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I swear to you, I will _earn_ it. Just let me be with you now. I cannot bear being apart any longer.”

 

“I don’t sleep much either,” she replied. Her gaze rose and his heart pounded. Her green eyes were filled with hurt but the anger seemed to have faded. Reaching out slowly, so she could stop him if she wished, Robb caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes but a few tears rolled down her face as she whispered, “I miss you.”

 

Closing the distance between them, Robb gathered her in his arms tightly. She molded her body to his and wrapped her arms around his waist. They stood there for what seemed like a lifetime and Robb reveled in her scent, her warmth, and her soft curves. Eventually, she stepped away, sitting down on their cot. “I’m sorry, I have to sit down. The babe tires me out so much and today my back aches.”

 

Robb sank to his knees in front of her, kissing her belly and resting his hands on it. Soon the baby was kicking at his hands. “I’d forgotten how amazing it was to realize my child, _our_ child, is inside you.” Tears burned his eyes as he took her hands in his, placing both of them on her belly. “I’d forgotten so many things. I took everything for granted until I almost lost it all. I love you so much, Deirdre. It hurts me that I caused you any pain.”

 

Deirdre watched him for a few minutes then nodded. “I know you’re not normally that man. This war has turned your life upside down. But I cannot do this again, Robb. I know that every marriage has complications and we have so many additional troubles as well.” Tears began falling quickly. “But I don’t want us to end up like Cersei and Robert, hating each other, with you drinking and whoring and me hating the sight of you. If that’s what it means to be king and queen, then once we get your brothers and sisters back and kill Joffrey, you should tell your bannermen to tell The Others to take that crown!”

 

Robb smiled and nodded, “We won’t ever be Cersei and Robert. And I would give up my crown easily if I was forced to choose between it and you. I just want my family back: my sisters, my brothers, you…I want everyone home in Winterfell. I will never, _ever_ , treat you as I have treated you in the past weeks. The possibility that I might lose you scared me more than I can ever explain.”

 

“I feared I lost you when you went to Ashemark because I refused to fight for you. Dacey said…”

 

Robb interjected quickly, “Dacey doesn’t believe in true and lasting love, so her advice on marriage probably isn’t the best. And you were right to not fight for me. I wasn’t acting in a manner that was worthy of the effort. I am the one who should have fought for you, even if the fight was only my own doubts.”

 

They both grew quiet as Robb raised his hand to her cheek. “May I stay with you tonight? I’m not asking to make love to you. I know it might be too soon for that. I just want to hold you all night long. Tomorrow I leave for the Crag, and then we’ll be going to Riverrun. This might be the last time we’re together for a few nights.”

 

Deirdre nodded, leaning forward and kissing him gently. Robb wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight against him. She whispered, “I’m glad Dacey and Ned did this. I don’t want you to ever march into battle while we are angry at each other.”

 

Standing, Robb pulled her to her feet. “I’ll help you prepare for bed.”

 

“A king for a handmaiden?” she replied with a smile. “That’s a welcome change.”

 

After he’d loosened her braid, he ran his fingers through the curls, and then began helping her undress. Every once in awhile he’d press a kiss against her ear, her cheek, her shoulder, or any other bare skin he revealed. She slid into the furs quickly when goose bumps rose on her bare skin. Robb undressed as he watched her, watching him. He slid in beside her, pulling her into his arms.

 

“Each night we were apart, I dreamed of holding you. My arms have never felt so empty without you in them,” he said with a sigh, his fingers trailing up and down her arm.

 

She giggled and when he looked down, he saw her pressing her hand against her belly. “He apparently approves of you being here. He’s doing somersaults right now.”

 

Robb shook his head and murmured, “Those babies are going to be just like Arya, I fear. They’ll have the blood of the wolf, as she and Lyanna did. We’re going to have our hands full with both of them.” She groaned and pinched his arm, causing him to chuckle. “You know there are two! I do not know why you insist on denying it! The alternative is that our child has four feet. He kicks you in too many different places at once to just be one child.”

 

She sighed and shook her head. “He’s just hitting and kicking at the same time. I’m not _that_ big that I’m carrying twins.”

 

“Perhaps it will be two girls, both like Arya,” Robb answered, suddenly scared what their future held if they didn’t regain Winterfell. He couldn’t imagine their children having no home. He refused to travel much with them, if at all, but then he worried what would happen if they were in a castle that was invaded. He didn’t want his children to end up like his brothers and sisters. It was heart-wrenching enough as a brother: he couldn’t imagine it as a father.

 

Deirdre was falling asleep so he kissed her gently, telling her he loved her. Then he rested his head on her belly and listened to the babies. He noticed when he spoke they reacted, so he talked to them softly as he watched his wife sleeping. For the first time in weeks, he felt at peace. He couldn’t bear to lose her or their children now. He’d sacrifice his crown any day for a peaceful life with his family. Deep down, he wanted what his father had had before the fateful day that King Robert rode into Winterfell. Strange that the day that made the most destructive change to his father’s life is the same day that Deirdre came into his life. His old life ended and his new life began that day.

 

He’d give everything to go back to the naïve days of the summer. But now, Winter _is_ Coming and he must be ready to protect his wife and children, as much as his kingdom, from whatever was on the horizon.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“A lord’s one thing, a king’s another.” He offered the raven a handful of corn from his pocket. “They will garb your brother Robb in silks, satins, and velvets of a hundred different colors, while you live and die in black ringmail. He will wed some beautiful princess and father sons on her. You’ll have no wife, nor will you ever hold a child of your own blood in your arms. Robb will rule, you will serve. Men will call you a crow. Him they’ll call Your Grace. Singers will praise every little thing he does, while your greatest deeds all go unsung. Tell me that none of this troubles you, Jon... and I’ll name you a liar, and know I have the truth of it.”_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Jon drew himself up, taut as a bowstring. “And if it did trouble me, what might I do, bastard as I am?”_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _“What will you do?” Mormont asked. “Bastard as you are?”_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _“Be troubled,” said Jon, “and keep my vows.”_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> __  
> **A Clash of Kings**  
> 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: This is the end of Part 1. I know it seems like a strange place to end (and it really is, I admit!) but I HAD to cut this story into two parts, because Part 2 includes a lot of book spoilers for A Storm of Swords (Season 3-4 in Game of Thrones) which hasn't aired yet. I didn't want to spoil any of those of you who haven't read the books. This part was in TV!Show verse but Part 2 will be book!verse even though both are AU.
> 
> The name of part 2 is: **"Nothing Burns Like the Cold"** Part 2 is going to really shake things up and tie up all the loose ends that I haven't forgotten (like the Freys) so I hope everyone will stick around or at least come back after season 3 airs! It should be posted in a couple of days so please subscribe to me!


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